View Full Version : Earthquake Hits Sheffield!


Hal9001
12-01-2004, 20:26
A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale hit Sheffield in the early hours of Wednesday 15th October 2003. The epicentre was the Manor. Casualties were seen wandering
aimlessly saying "bang out of order", "mental" and "that did my head in".
The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of momentos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.
Three preserved areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
The Gazette reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered.
They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage and destruction was
caused by something else instead of them. One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15year old mother of four said "it was such a shock,
little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two,Tyler-Brooklyn and Kai-Keanu slept through it all.
My hands were shaking so much I could hardly shoot up when I was watching Trisha the next morning.
Another local resident known as 'Mally' said that the earthquake would not stop him going to work,
after all, the T.W.O.C'ing, burglaries and graffiti would not do themselves.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,
which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Dukes,Bone China from Poundstretcher and a number of Argos catalogues.
However they were unable to save any furniture from Crazy Georges.

How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Most needed are Kappa or other tracksuits (his and hers),
white socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, woolly 'Benny' hats and Reebok trainers.
Primark clothing is most welcome. Food parcels are also needed. They should include McCains Micro-chips,
Aldi beans,Monster munch crisps, Nuttella chocolate spread and Iceland pizzas.
Alcohol is also in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightning cider and Carlsberg Special Brew.
Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on purposes,
£1.50 buys cheese and chips and £26 buys 200 Regal from 'Tommo' who has just got back from Kavos.


(Apologies if this is old)

Sam Miguel
12-01-2004, 21:08
Nice one. LOL. It reminds me of a similar thing I once wrote for a mag.

Fired!

Shop Worker Sacked For Being Too Nice To customers!

Fifty-four year old Elsie Spatchcock is claiming unfair dismissal against her former employers, giant supermarket chain GROTTO who she claims sacked her on her first day for being TOO NICE to customers.

“It’s just not fair,” she told us, “I was just trying to do my job.”

According to Grotto, Elsie was dismissed for ‘failing to comply with company policy’. “We have no complaints about Mrs Spatchcock’s work rate,” said a top Grotto boss, “but she failed to follow simple company regulations. She was told about strict company policy at her interview, but then she decided to ignore it.”

Apparently, Elsie had only been sitting at her till for half an hour when she received her first reprimand. Elsie takes up the story: “I only said good morning to a customer who was struggling to empty a trolley full of baked bean tins.

“I know the standard company greeting in these circumstances is: ‘come on we haven’t got all f***ing day’, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. The poor man looked so frail. I felt so sorry for him.”

Elsie was in further hot water when a fat lady wearing leggings and carpet slippers tried to pay for her brimming trolley with a five-pound note. Foolishly, Elsie gave her change instead of asking if she had anything less.

“I couldn’t believe it when I got my first warning just two hours into my new job!”

Elsie was finally relieved of her position twenty minutes before closing time on her first and last day when an unshaven middle aged man came in for a case of vodka and some dogfood. “Instead of saying ‘haven’t you got a home to go to?’ and telling him to ‘p*** off’, like a fool I served him.

A spokesman for Grotto said yesterday: “We are proud of our reputation and we don’t want it damaged, so go and jump in the bleedin’ lake.

t020
12-01-2004, 22:19
Its just yet another adaptation of the original version written for Dudley when the earthquake happened there a while back.

spook
12-01-2004, 22:46
TO20 why must you seemingly play 'oneupmanship'? I found the stories quite amusing and your post just comes across as sour?!

t020
12-01-2004, 23:03
Originally posted by spook1210
TO20 why must you seemingly play 'oneupmanship'? I found the stories quite amusing and your post just comes across as sour?!

Just pointing it out. I'd rather Dudley was the subject of the jokes too, not Sheffield. :D

spook
12-01-2004, 23:05
heh! good point :thumbsup:

Mike
13-01-2004, 07:19
First one I saw was this one:

http://www.geocities.com/thomasjfletcher/Essex.htm

babygem
21-04-2004, 13:56
Pure genius - it's adapted but who cares, made me laugh!

dinp
21-04-2004, 15:36
Originally posted by t020
Its just yet another adaptation of the original version written for Dudley when the earthquake happened there a while back.

There was an adapted version for Corby as well, which did shake a bit when that Dudley earthquake happened.