Some of you may remember the topic I started way back in February about a girl that I desperately fancied and wanted to ask out. This is sort of a follow-up.

I still fancy this girl, and AFAIK she is still single. I have still not asked her out. I know most people will say "what are you messing about at?", but I simply do not know how to go about doing it and even if I have the courage to ever ask her. The main reason I am scared is if she says no I will probably never be able to look at her again and I will feel like I've lost someone who is close to me. Also, it might sound stupid, but I have never had a proper girlfriend before, and if she said yes I would be worried about what other people think.

Now, if she were to ask me out, I would say yes on the spot, and all this fear and worry would dissolve. But of course, she won't ask me out because she is female, and that is not the convention. So I have come to the conclusion that women get an easy ride, they just have to wait for someone to ask them out and don't have all this torment.

So I will throw this open for debate. Open to all, but I'd particularly like to hear from people who are/have been in a similar situation to mine.

I think women find it easer to ask men out than men asking women out.

Originally posted by Zinger549
I think women find it easer to ask men out than men asking women out.
See, they probably do. So why don't more of them do it? :(

Yep, a look in ur direction and a smile...women have it eaaaaasy :thumbsup: Men have more fun tho :P

have you been out with her when shes drunk? i know this sounds daft but when me and my mates are drunk we normally reveal how we truly feel, even if we do regret it the next day! so maybe you should try and talk to her when shes more relaxed!

failing that it sounds like you need more confidence and self belief, talking as a girl its really hard to know when shy guys like you, spesh if iyouve never had a girlfriend, we start to turn you into brotherly figures! start showing an interest in other girls and gage her reaction, then you might be able to guess how she feels bout you!

good luck :)

Originally posted by Sidla
See, they probably do. So why don't more of them do it? :(

I can't answer that.....you'll never speak to me again...:hihi:

most men I know on a night out will say yes to almost any woman who tries to get off with them. They may fancy 1 or 2 other girls more but the fact that they have been asked will turn it in that girl's favour.

I do think women have it easy. Although for every nice bloke who tries it on with them there are probably 50 weirdos :)

To be frank, it's time to put up or shut up.

Either approach this girl and take the situation by the scruff of the neck, or walk away and leave her behind.

If you are too shy to approach her, drop her a note, send her an e-mail. Ask her out for something non-pressured - mid morning coffee, lunch, visit the museum, go watch football, crown green bowls - whatever floats her boat and yours. Coffee is a good one. Fixed duration - 45 minutes to an hour.

You're first of all trying to make a friend. You need to talk to this person to find out whether she's right for you - she can tell you to shove off, or ignore you, or laugh in your face. Alternatively, she may say yes and the pair of you will hit it off.

But, in the words of EM Forster, 'Just Connect'.

Be a Man, show courage and determination, ask her out. There is no shame in being brave enough to put your cards on the table.

Seize the day - you have wasted 7 months in mooning about this girl. Go for it. Now.

Joe

Originally posted by JoeP
To be frank, it's time to put up or shut up.

Either approach this girl and take the situation by the scruff of the neck, or walk away and leave her behind.

If you are too shy to approach her, drop her a note, send her an e-mail. Ask her out for something non-pressured - mid morning coffee, lunch, visit the museum, go watch football, crown green bowls - whatever floats her boat and yours. Coffee is a good one. Fixed duration - 45 minutes to an hour.

You're first of all trying to make a friend. You need to talk to this person to find out whether she's right for you - she can tell you to shove off, or ignore you, or laugh in your face. Alternatively, she may say yes and the pair of you will hit it off.

But, in the words of EM Forster, 'Just Connect'.

Be a Man, show courage and determination, ask her out. There is no shame in being brave enough to put your cards on the table.

Seize the day - you have wasted 7 months in mooning about this girl. Go for it. Now.

Joe

Well said joe

It depends on how much you know her, or if you just fancy her. It always helps to just talk her and then once you have established a decent relationship, let her know you are interested. Depending on how confident you are it can take a little while or be quick, also it depends on how much she likes you. I thought what you did about never being able to look at the girl that rejects you again. Happened to me once but I just carried on as if she were a friend and it isn't as bad as you would think afterwards. I just made a point of speaking to her a lot and spending some time with her. In the later stages, let her know I was interested and got a positive response from her, so I asked again and here I am, happily in a great relationship with her. Trust me the rewards you may recieve far outweigh the consequences you might suffer. They will probably go away before you know it if anything does go wrong, and you can always try again! :thumbsup: :D

Give it a go and keep us all posted, Good Luck :thumbsup:

Originally posted by JoeP
To be frank, it's time to put up or shut up.

Either approach this girl and take the situation by the scruff of the neck, or walk away and leave her behind.

If you are too shy to approach her, drop her a note, send her an e-mail. Ask her out for something non-pressured - mid morning coffee, lunch, visit the museum, go watch football, crown green bowls - whatever floats her boat and yours. Coffee is a good one. Fixed duration - 45 minutes to an hour.

You're first of all trying to make a friend. You need to talk to this person to find out whether she's right for you - she can tell you to shove off, or ignore you, or laugh in your face. Alternatively, she may say yes and the pair of you will hit it off.

But, in the words of EM Forster, 'Just Connect'.

Be a Man, show courage and determination, ask her out. There is no shame in being brave enough to put your cards on the table.

Seize the day - you have wasted 7 months in mooning about this girl. Go for it. Now.

Joe

Well although this was meant for someone else thanks joe, I was going to post something similar to Sidla. I too am in a similar situation and I never thought of anything but "let's go for a drink" I had the idea for something different, football is a good one as she is a blade like me. Just needed a few people to sort of push me along and reading this has.

Sidla, all the best to you I think taking Joes advice will go a long way to discovering of you are right for each other.

Adding to what Joe said, if you don't go for it, then you will never know, but if you do and even if you are then rejected, a shrt while after you will feel better and then you are free to carry on with your life and who knows, you might meet someone later! That is if she says no ofcourse.

Also, courage is a strength that women like, and if you can show it by asking her, it may help to further the cause!

Originally posted by duffman
Sidla, all the best to you I think taking Joes advice will go a long way to discovering of you are right for each other.

Oooh, Duffman, I hope you're not suggesting Sidla and Joe are 'right for each other'?...... :suspect: :o :D

StarSparkle

PS Good luck with asking the girl you like out

Originally posted by StarSparkle
Oooh, Duffman, I hope you're not suggesting Sidla and Joe are 'right for each other'?...... :suspect: :o :D

StarSparkle

PS Good luck with asking the girl you like out

Haha nice one starsparkle, who knows what i'm on about....not me for one anyway :suspect:

While your advice is very much appreciated, it's probably very similar to the advice I would give to someone else in the same position as me. So why can I not follow it?

Part of the trouble is that I never see her on her own, there's always friends or colleagues around, which makes things harder.

Originally posted by Sidla
The main reason I am scared is if she says no I will probably never be able to look at her again and I will feel like I've lost someone who is close to me. Also, it might sound stupid, but I have never had a proper girlfriend before, and if she said yes I would be worried about what other people think.

Write her a letter. Be relatively brief, but honest. It lets you tell her what it is you want to tell her. So you also need to be sure what it is you want to tell her...

Just ask her casually, act like it's no big deal ... if you start writing letters and pouring your heart out ... and she doesn't really fancy you THEN you have a problem.

If you just ask her out somewhere and she says 'No' there's no harm done ... you can carry on being mates without any embarrassment.

btw, Sid, is this the girl from ages ago who came over to dance with you and then came back when she was leaving and kissed you?

If it is - as quite a few women said to you at the time - how much clearer a message could she have given you that she was interested?

Your move next, as they say. Your part was then to ask her out ... can't understand why you didn't do it at the time really ...

The answer is really simple -

Yes

Dragon

What do you think she'll say if you blatantly ask her out on a date? You must have an idea about what her reaction would be. If it's yes, then stop messing and get on with it! If you think she's going to say no, then it's probably best to keep quiet - you'll cause a right storm if you try it on anyway.

Originally posted by rubydazzler
btw, Sid, is this the girl from ages ago who came over to dance with you and then came back when she was leaving and kissed you?

If it is - as quite a few women said to you at the time - how much clearer a message could she have given you that she was interested?
Yes it is. Arggghh, it's so difficult! Why can't I be like normal men? :rolleyes:

Funky Dave - I honestly don't know what she'd say. If I was certain she'd say yes it might not be so hard.

Hell *YES* boy ...

You must *DO* something ... anything ... make a move on her.

Playing it safe and not taking risks is just sooooo freakin' lame it's untrue ... you should'nt give a flying **** what other people think ... the only thing that matters is what you feel ... that feeling and energy in you that wants to get out ... and all you gotta do is open the door ... a tiny little risk that won't kill you.

Let it out baby ... whatever way you feel you want to ... but you gotta let it out ... let it go ... be free.

Originally posted by Sidla
I honestly don't know what she'd say.

It's not important what she says ... don't even think about that.

Well she's aware that you're alive, that's a start.
Imagine though if you keep on fudging it sooner or later some-one else is going to step in and then how are you going to feel?
I know it's terrifying, I remember my first faltering attempt to ask a girl out .boy did i feel stupid. Felt even more stupid when she declined but at least I had an answer and could stop dreaming.
Why don't you think of a nice coffee shop and then say in general that you are thinking of going to see what it's like and then more directly to her [girl's name]..... Do you fancy coming for a coffee as I'd prefer to have some company.
Girl's do have it a lot easier apart from having to ward off all the weirdo's but they are also usually very good at noticing which guys like them but you have to do something to let her know.
I have in the past 'just happened to be in a pub that i knew a girl was going to be in'
I've offered to walk them to the bus stop
I've discovered something the girl is interested in and surprise surprise I'm interested in the same thing [be careful with this one as if you lie they'll know]
Asked them for a pic of themselves because they look great
As you can see i got round the asking the girl out as I never did like doing it and ffelt so 'like a fish out of water'

Originally posted by adaline
...Men have more fun tho :P


When you have an itchy ear and you scratch it, what feels better? The finger or the ear? :heyhey:

Originally posted by Sidla
Yes it is. Arggghh, it's so difficult! Why can't I be like normal men? :rolleyes:

Funky Dave - I honestly don't know what she'd say. If I was certain she'd say yes it might not be so hard.

Sidla i was going to go into all sorts of advice but since the girls has made it clear she's keen just go and do it!

It is easier for women, i never understand when women comment that they cant get a bloke (a decent one maybe!). It's a known fact..how do you turn a man on..show up!

Us guys have to work at it, you worry that you haven't the looks and then that you haven't the charm.

I'm coming up to 30 now and although i dont know how old you are, i remember from 16 up to the age of 25 that i couldn't even look at a girl without going to pieces and therefore never took the plunge like you. At my age now i realise i lost out and go through the 'i wish i did' stage. Dont be the same, in todays society with things like text it is much easier.

Just dont make it heavy, dont build it into something massive. Ask her out to the cinema or to something you have two tickets for and simply ask her if she'd like to come as you dont fancy doing this thing with a guy etc. Therefore you're not making it a massive date but kind of a friend thing which can become a date. Also if she does say no again you're unlilkely to lose a friend.

If yo cant do it, send a text! How easy is it to write something and the hit send?? Good luck!

Have some dutch courage (Beer) Not too much though cause you might puke on her

Cheers for the advice folks, keep it coming. I'd still like to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation and how it ended.

Originally posted by Sidla
Cheers for the advice folks, keep it coming. I'd still like to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation and how it ended.

i waited until it was too late.
she worked with me \& was made redundant before i could tell her or ask her out. we were both in relationships & she was younger but we got on really well,went to lunch together etc.
i regret not telling her more than i would have regretted the short term embarassment if she had refused me.

Originally posted by Zinger549
I think women find it easer to ask men out than men asking women out.

both men and women find it just as hard to ask each other out if they know the person as a friend. I think its more than a look in your direction and a smile that it takes for women get the guy. Women go through all sorts of mental turmoil. "Does he like me, does he not, he doesnt know i exist, he looked at me, or was he lookin at her, I can't get him outta my head, I wonder what he's doing rite now, I wonder if hes thinking about me, then again he couldn't possibly be thinking of me he doesnt like me, or does he?, no not in that way, he doesnt even like me as a friend, he smiled at me, or was it at her, yeah shes pretty its her hes smilin at, omg hes coming over, no he cant be, omg hes talking to me!! he just wants to know the time probably" and more! So my conclusion to all the above lol is that its just as hard for women.

And women do ask men out wuite alot of the time its not just a one sided thing.

If you really like her then go for it. Don't miss out on it. Don't worry if you've never had a proper girlfriend as she may like you just as much as you like her.

I recently fell out with the guy I was seriously head over heels for and realised he wasnt all he was cracked up to be but, I know the situation you are in. If you really like her then take a chance, theres always a chance she likes you back.

Girls WANT to ask guys out. Of course they do. But guys i know, take it more as a joke. Alot of guys make fun of girls and they don't care about the girls feelings. But when a guy asks a girl, they're more likely to accept it, or say no. But I don't think they're as harsh as boys. Also, girls are more emotional. If a guy tramples on their feelings, They're gonna have their confidence knocked. Questioning whether or not they are pretty or not! Girls don't want guys to make them feel unpretty. Thats just wrong. I am not saying guys are all like this, this is just how alot of girls feel. And i should know ;)

i totally agree

Originally posted by FilthFan
i totally agree

Why thankyou ;)

Oh, and why we're here. WHO SAYS ITS EASY EITHER WAY? :o

I still think girls have it easier after all if they like a guy but don't have the confidence to approach him themselves they just get their friend to tell him.
I can't think of many blokes taking that line and it working.
I forgot to mention one of the other ways i get to talk to girls that i like is to pay them some harmless insult, this virtually always gets the girls attention and they just have to respond. Be careful though that it is a light hearted jokey insult as you don't want to hit any raw nerves and upset the girl.

Originally posted by FilthFan
Women go through all sorts of mental turmoil. "Does he like me, does he not, he doesnt know i exist, he looked at me, or was he lookin at her, I can't get him outta my head, I wonder what he's doing rite now, I wonder if hes thinking about me, then again he couldn't possibly be thinking of me he doesnt like me, or does he?, no not in that way, he doesnt even like me as a friend, he smiled at me, or was it at her, yeah shes pretty its her hes smilin at, omg hes coming over, no he cant be, omg hes talking to me!! he just wants to know the time probably"
That is exactly how I'm feeling. (Except the he's are all she's and vice-versa)

Originally posted by WallBuilder
I still think girls have it easier after all if they like a guy but don't have the confidence to approach him themselves they just get their friend to tell him.
I can't think of many blokes taking that line and it working.
I forgot to mention one of the other ways i get to talk to girls that i like is to pay them some harmless insult, this virtually always gets the girls attention and they just have to respond. Be careful though that it is a light hearted jokey insult as you don't want to hit any raw nerves and upset the girl.

This really makes me wonder what the worst "insult" is that has backfired?!

Originally posted by Sidla
That is exactly how I'm feeling. (Except the he's are all she's and vice-versa)

do you ever go on group night outs together? I know loads of couples who have got together after a few drinks....

Personally I have asked as many guys out as guys have asked me. I find that men these days seem to be so reluctant to do it that you just have to bite the bullet and take the situation into your own hands if you are ever going to get anywhere! I don't know what other women think to this but I find that the weird blokes are the ones who are most confident about asking a woman out (or maybe this is just the kind of men I attract!).

Anyway, onto a bit of advice. Even if this girl only sees you as a friend she will still find it flattering that you are attracted to her. You are paying someone the highest compliment by telling them that you find them attractive - every woman loves to be told this! What's the worse that can happen? Yes, she can say no, and you might be embarrassed for a while afterwards. But embarrassment doesn't kill you. At least you will know where you stand and be able to move on. If you're forever sat wondering then you might never get over her. On the other hand you might find that she likes you that way too. You won't find out until you ask her.

Writing a note is a very good idea if you have trouble getting her by herself. Or even an email - this might sound unromantic, but I was asked out by email once and it was actually very sweet. Try to keep it from sounding too serious. Just say you want to go for a drink some time, just the two of you, to get to know her better.

Good luck!

Originally posted by banesmabes
Personally I have asked as many guys out as guys have asked me.
I wish more girls were like you!

Originally posted by WallBuilder
I forgot to mention one of the other ways i get to talk to girls that i like is to pay them some harmless insult, this virtually always gets the girls attention and they just have to respond. Be careful though that it is a light hearted jokey insult as you don't want to hit any raw nerves and upset the girl.

I really don't think this is a good plan at all, Wallbuilder.

Women respond differently to blokes regarding so-called 'jokey insults'. Blokes know they're not meant to be taken seriously, and are essentially meant to be friendly - a way to kick off a conversation/keep a conversation going, but most women don't understand this. Many women will think you're just being plain rude - more sensitive ones could take what you say deeply to heart, thinking you must really dislike them to want to hurt them.

There are better ways to start a conversation - like a compliment, or just talking to a woman like a fellow human being?

StarSparkle

Have to agree with StarSparkle here - it sounds just a little childish to try and get a woman's attention by insulting her - even if you do mean it jokingly. I know I would certainly take it the wrong way and assume that that person just didn't like me. It reminds of a boy at school (this is going back a bit now!)who used to slap me on the forehead every time I walked past him in the corridor - I later found out that he was just trying to get my attention because he wanted to go out with me. Needless to say I didn't give in to his - erm - 'approaches'!

StarSparkle is right on the button with this one. It could be a minefield ... generally females don't like "jokey" insults ... unless the guy happens to be their little brother ... and even then, it could prove dangerous :D

The joke approach is okay if you have a good idea of what the girl would find amusing and what she'd find insulting or hurtful, so for example i would never ever call a girl 'fatty'or 'slapper' or 'scarecrow' that's completely wrong. I have in the past though called a girl 'paddington' because of the coat she was wearing. Then there are two sets of twins who I call 'twinnie' I clained that it is because i can't recognise who is who. Another one always answered when calling her 'big blue eyes'.

hi

i have been through a VERY similar problem!

i sent the girl flowers?

and guess what?? she called me about a week later, wanted to know who i am! so i told her! then she said i'll call you back!

never called again, now i can't bear to see her again, i wouldn't know what to say!

me and sidla both need advise?

Originally posted by Sidla
That is exactly how I'm feeling. (Except the he's are all she's and vice-versa)

Yeah i was just putting in the point for women too, meaning its all the same thing

Originally posted by formetoknow
hi

i have been through a VERY similar problem!

i sent the girl flowers?

and guess what?? she called me about a week later, wanted to know who i am! so i told her! then she said i'll call you back!

never called again, now i can't bear to see her again, i wouldn't know what to say!

me and sidla both need advise?
See that seems a bit stalkerish to me. I'm honestly not surprised she didn't call you back.

I think the advice here is good, but it's the carrying out which is the difficult part. I think I am going to start talking to her a bit more, maybe pay her a few compliments, then see how things progress.

Originally posted by Sidla
See that seems a bit stalkerish to me. I'm honestly not surprised she didn't call you back.

I think the advice here is good, but it's the carrying out which is the difficult part. I think I am going to start talking to her a bit more, maybe pay her a few compliments, then see how things progress.

thats a gud idea, its always hard doing the asking out and believe me I know, the amount of people iv asked and they've laughed in my face you'd think i wouldnt bother but you henestly cant let the thought of that put you off

Good on you, Sidla! :thumbsup:

Good Luck

StarSparkle

good luck sidla

Originally posted by FilthFan
thats a gud idea, its always hard doing the asking out and believe me I know, the amount of people iv asked and they've laughed in my face you'd think i wouldnt bother but you henestly cant let the thought of that put you off

I applaud you FF ... I'm not sure if you're female or male, but ... good on you. And those people that laughed in your face ... pffffffffftttttt (as Sony might post :D)


ps Wallbuilder, I don't think the examples you give of "jokey insults" could be classed as insults ... I wouldn't mind at all being called 'big blue eyes' :cool:

Originally posted by rubydazzler
.

btw, Sid, is this the girl from ages ago who came over to dance with you and then came back when she was leaving and kissed you?


Originally posted by Sidla
Yes it is. Arggghh, it's so difficult! Why can't I be like normal men? :rolleyes:


Right, my two penneth.

First of all....

You Flacid Willy!!!

She obviously likes you or she wouldn't have come BACK to you TWICE when she has seen you out of work!

She probably made that attempt to come back a second time because she was waiting for you to ask her out, or at least say something and see if you were interested! Now she probably thinks you arent keen, because you had a perfect chance to interact but didnt!

I have been turned down many times by ladies, but as mother always said "If you dont ask, you dont get"....

Just ask her out, stop ****-balling about, cus at the end of the day women never have to ask men out because there will always be some guy who will!

If you dont do it mate someone else will, and then you'll be kicking yourself about it and turn into a stalker!

You've got 4 outcomes to this one dude when you ask her out

1, You ask her out, she says yeah... and you end up going out and get on... the rest is up to you!

2, You ask her out, she says yeah... and you end up going out and dont get on... You haven't lost anything, you dont regret it and you still have a friend.

3, You ask her out, she says no.... at least you tried and you have no regrets of what might have been and you keep her as a friend

4, You ask her out, she says no.... you tried and she then shuns you from then-onwards. In this case she wasnt worth asking out in the first place!

The choice is yours, just ask her out then you know where you stand...

Women DO ask men out, we'd never get the guys we want otherwise hehe

Men can be VERY slow on the uptake sometimes!!!!!!

I asked someone out for a drink a few weeks ago and haven't looked back since - hes lovely and we are havin a fab time. I'm so glad I did it.

x

Saying that my g/f asked me out...

So i guess they do make a move

I think that on the whole it is far less of a disadvantage for a woman to lack dating skills than for a man. This is simply because it is expected (although I have never known why) that the man is supposed to make the first move. Saying that it is also mmuch easier for some men than for others. Those who have good dating skills and the benefit of a peer group in their mid teens are at a considerable advantage.

I think many men would welcome it if women were prepared to make the first move.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
... lack dating skills ...

While I'm no expert on the dating scene ... I'd have thought 'dating skills' equate to 'just being genuine'.

(and dating guru's please correct me if I'm wrong here).

What I mean is that if you just put yourself in the line of fire and are just your genuine self in any situation ... you don't need to do much more than that.

Infact if you're too flash ... the girl will prob think you're an idiot (unless she's young and impressionable) ... and any flashness will be counter productive.

Sidla:

Just talking to her and being natural and relaxed around her sounds like a fine idea to me ... take your time.

Originally posted by rubydazzler
I applaud you FF ... I'm not sure if you're female or male, but ... good on you. And those people that laughed in your face ... pffffffffftttttt (as Sony might post :D)


ps Wallbuilder, I don't think the examples you give of "jokey insults" could be classed as insults ... I wouldn't mind at all being called 'big blue eyes' :cool:

im female :)

why is sending a girl flowers stalky?????

Sending a girl flowers isn't stalky. I for one would be flattered if I recieved flowers though me being a little butch I might think it was a little corny. No, I think what was meant by this is that the girl had to ask who you were. So sending them annoymously I personally would be terrifyed if someone sent me flowers and I didn't know who it was. That's the stalky aspect I think.

Originally posted by FilthFan
So sending them annoymously I personally would be terrifyed if someone sent me flowers and I didn't know who it was. That's the stalky aspect I think.
Yeah, that's what I meant.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I think that on the whole it is far less of a disadvantage for a woman to lack dating skills than for a man. This is simply because it is expected (although I have never known why) that the man is supposed to make the first move. Saying that it is also mmuch easier for some men than for others. Those who have good dating skills and the benefit of a peer group in their mid teens are at a considerable advantage.

I think many men would welcome it if women were prepared to make the first move.
Thankyou Sid - I was anticipating your input. I do agree with you about the mid-teen peer-group. I was never really part of any sort of peer group when I was young. I'm not saying I didn't have any friends, just that my friends at school lived in a different village, so I didn't get to socialise with them out of school. I think it has affected my confidence as an adult, especially around females. Maybe I should get some counselling or something.

Anyway, slight update for you. Saw her in the pub last night. I was standing at the bar and she came to buy a drink. I said hello, how are you, all that sort of stuff. As she stood next to me I could see she was acting slightly nervous around me. Anyway, I couldn't think of anything else to say, so just bottled. :mad:

Bloody hell man, you're probably in there, just do somethin about it or you'll never know!

Personally I think that if you act nervously around one another then there must be something. I may be wrong but me and my boyfriend used to be like that and now we are dating

This is starting to sound like War and Peace................Sidla...................JFDI. .......................

Originally posted by FilthFan
Personally I think that if you act nervously around one another then there must be something.
Well obviously! I know that! I know she likes me, and I like her, so what is holding me back? I'm so annoyed with myself :mad:

Originally posted by cloudybay
This is starting to sound like War and Peace
I'm not into literature. What happens in W&P? I honestly would like to know.

Originally posted by Sidla
Well obviously! I know that! I know she likes me, and I like her, so what is holding me back? I'm so annoyed with myself :mad:

In experience the answer to that is fear. The fear of rejection holds me back I know that one. Maybe you are just scared incase she says no or laughs in your face. Which I am pretty sure she won't.

Originally posted by Sidla
Well obviously! I know that! I know she likes me, and I like her, so what is holding me back? I'm so annoyed with myself :mad:

Not half as annoyed as some of us are with you!!

ggggggggrrrrrr! :rolleyes:


edit to say - War and Peace ... the longest, most boring book ever written :D

I've never read war and peace......what does happen because I have no interest in acctually reading it :D

Sidla, if she's in a pub then I don't think it's going to be very long before some-one makes a move and then you'll of missed out.
It sounds as though she is aware of you and obviously doesn't think you are a creep or a weirdo or any of the other things that girls can think about guys.
You are going to have to do something before your fellow forumers come round and duff you up.
So in the very near future go and say to her,
'It was nice seeing you in the pub last night, would you like to meet up there for a drink one night'.
These don't have to be the exact words but you get the idea?
Whatever response you get at least it'll put us all out of our misery, so think about how it's winding us up in knots and do something!!

Originally posted by WallBuilder
Sidla, if she's in a pub then I don't think it's going to be very long before some-one makes a move and then you'll of missed out.
It sounds as though she is aware of you and obviously doesn't think you are a creep or a weirdo or any of the other things that girls can think about guys.
You are going to have to do something before your fellow forumers come round and duff you up.
So in the very near future go and say to her,
'It was nice seeing you in the pub last night, would you like to meet up there for a drink one night'.
These don't have to be the exact words but you get the idea?
Whatever response you get at least it'll put us all out of our misery, so think about how it's winding us up in knots and do something!!
Well it's been 7 months hasn't it? And don't worry, I live far enough away from Sheffield to not have any threat of any of you 'duffing me up'.

Seriously though, it is nice that you guys care about me, but I wouldn't hold out for a happy ending.

Sidla do you really really want this? Because if you want it bad enough to believe in yourself then anything is possible.

Well not anything but you know what I mean

Stop being negative and defeatist.
I've got a road atlas by the way and could if needed find St Ives.
Now that's an idea you should invite a few forumers over for a bit of a holiday and then they could possibly initiate something for you, after all if it was a big enough group you'd have to talk to her for longer than thirty seconds as it would take longer than that for you to introduce everybody to her.

What an idea! hehe

Originally posted by FilthFan
I've never read war and peace......what does happen because I have no interest in acctually reading it :D

Here u go....quick summary of 15 books and 2 epilogues !

Epic historical novel by Leo Tolstoy, originally published as Voyna i mir in 1865-69. This panoramic study of early 19th-century Russian society, noted for its mastery of realistic detail and variety of psychological analysis, is generally regarded as one of the world's greatest novels. War and Peace is primarily concerned with the histories of five aristocratic families--particularly the Bezukhovs, the Bolkonskys, and the Rostovs--the members of which are portrayed against a vivid background of Russian social life during the war against Napoleon (1805-14). The theme of war, however, is subordinate to the story of family existence, which involves Tolstoy's optimistic belief in the life-asserting pattern of human existence. The heroine, Natasha Rostova, for example, reaches her greatest fulfillment through her marriage to Pierre Bezukhov and her motherhood. The novel also sets forth a theory of history, concluding that there is a minimum of free choice; all is ruled by an inexorable historical determinism

and you can read it here :

http://www.online-literature.com/tolstoy/war_and_peace/

oooooo, may just do that.....if I can be bothered

It's only 1,000 pages or so :)

I'm prepared to bet on it that Sidla never asks this, or any other, girl out ... he'll just witter on about it for ever, revelling in all the attention that he's getting from the Forum :D and never actually getting anywhere ... :rolleyes:

any takers?

Slimsid and Sidla should go out on the pull together :thumbsup:

Originally posted by rubydazzler
I'm prepared to bet on it that Sidla never asks this, or any other, girl out ... he'll just witter on about it for ever, revelling in all the attention that he's getting from the Forum :D and never actually getting anywhere ... :rolleyes:

any takers?

If he ever does Ruby........I'll stop smoking, drinking AND join a Convent..........................:thumbsup:

Originally posted by Sidla
Well obviously! I know that! I know she likes me, and I like her, so what is holding me back? I'm so annoyed with myself :mad:

look - you dont need to do anything except talk to her. It sounds like you dont really talk to her. If you dont someone else will.

Reading Sidla's excuses the term W****r comes to mind.:loopy:

Just because you'r an adult male it does'nt mean that you'r a man.

Bit harsh pete! :D

When you are younag and shy it is very difficult and i'm going to go along the lines Sidla that you will never ask her out. not beacuse you dont want to but simply like i was you dont have the guts.

The opportunity will arise agin to ask her out but you find she's either got another guy or another guy pulls her. Fact of life i'm afraid and guess what she may have wanted you in the first place. Who shoudl we feel sorry for? You or the girl? Most will select the girl!

Dont be like i was many years ago just ask her out. Do you have her number? Text her

BTW when she bought the drink, why didn't you buy it and mention that she can buy you one back sometime :wink:

Originally posted by peterdo
Reading Sidla's excuses the term W****r comes to mind.:loopy:

Just because you'r an adult male it does'nt mean that you'r a man.
Sorry, don't understand.

Originally posted by youwhatref
BTW when she bought the drink, why didn't you buy it and mention that she can buy you one back sometime :wink:
Never thought of that.

Originally posted by peterdo
Just because you'r an adult male it does'nt mean that you'r a man.

I wonder, what's your definanition of a 'man' then Peter?

Originally posted by Jamie
I wonder, what's your definanition of a 'man' then Peter?

he is an Aussie :D

Originally posted by robbie
he is an Aussie :D

Oh yeah!

Did you enjoy the cricket then PeterDo? :clap:

Originally posted by rubydazzler
Not half as annoyed as some of us are with you!!

ggggggggrrrrrr! :rolleyes:


edit to say - War and Peace ... the longest, most boring book ever written :D

not nearly as boring as the New Testiment. At least the Old testiment had hell fire and brimstone

The old testament is totally contradicted by the new testament

Originally posted by FilthFan
The old testament is totally contradicted by the new testament

no you are just plain wrong lady. The New Testiment (even though never dictated/spoken/whatever by God is merely God changing his mind. Times change and God likes to keep up with the times.

anyway, aren't you one of Satan's?:D

No..I'm not........

Originally posted by FilthFan
No..I'm not........

I thought that was what the friendly wino said? Or is my memory getting worse?

It was what the friendly wino said....then again....he was a friendly wino who doesn't know us....

Originally posted by FilthFan
It was what the friendly wino said....then again....he was a friendly wino who doesn't know us....

didn't mean to cause offence. Only meant as a joke.

ok, its just theres somebody winding me up calling me everything under the sun for being a "goth" and apparently im a satanist so i'm a tad tetchy sorry if i am or have been mean to anyone cause of it its just this guy doesnt know when to stop.

Why do people think it is that in this day and age it is still unusual for women to make the first move?

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why do people think it is that in this day and age it is still unusual for women to make the first move?

I'm sure its the only thing that is stopping you get that supermodel girlfriend, Sid!

It is a serious point though. How do I if some girls are interested in me if convention prevents them from saying so.

Girls do make the first move alot of the time. You'd be surprised how many have laughed in our faces though. And getting hurt kinda puts us off.

Does anyone think that if I make it obvious enough that I like her, she will ask me eventually?

I think you should just ask her or you'll never know. Go for it. :thumbsup:

Originally posted by slimsid2000
It is a serious point though. How do I if some girls are interested in me if convention prevents them from saying so.

Sid,if a girls interested,believe you me,she will let you know:) Hate to break this to you sport,but women arent the shy,retiring wall flowers you seem to think they are-and few of 'em are likely to be put off by something as unimportant as "convention" if they really like someone....

Originally posted by Sidla
Does anyone think that if I make it obvious enough that I like her, she will ask me eventually?

No, not if she is as scared of rejection as you are. She will miss all the signs, and assume that you have no interest in her, unless you actually tell her that you can't stop thinking about her, and would she like to come out for a drink.

Originally posted by Annoni_mouse
Sid,if a girls interested,believe you me,she will let you know:) Hate to break this to you sport,but women arent the shy,retiring wall flowers you seem to think they are-and few of 'em are likely to be put off by something as unimportant as "convention" if they really like someone....

but the issue is are us many too thick to notice when women make signs at us? I mean women have this subtle ideas of eye contact, body language etc etc when most men need to be bashed over the head in order to realise they like them.

I am the stupidest man in the world in this regard :)

Originally posted by robbie
but the issue is are us many too thick to notice when women make signs at us? I mean women have this subtle ideas of eye contact, body language etc etc when most men need to be bashed over the head in order to realise they like them.

I am the stupidest man in the world in this regard :)

Hehe!!! I have met many men like that so just end up either forgetting it completely or if I really like them, just grab the bull by the horns (so to speak ;) ) and tell them.

Surely if it's someone you see (innocently) on a regular basis, there is nothing to stop you from just being friendly with that person and getting to know them, with no pressure, sales pitch or confessions of undying love ...

Just be friendly and get to know her, and maybe interject the odd compliment here and there with a nice smile (a smile can do so much more than words).

Originally posted by robbie
but the issue is are us many too thick to notice when women make signs at us? I mean women have this subtle ideas of eye contact, body language etc etc when most men need to be bashed over the head in order to realise they like them.

I am the stupidest man in the world in this regard :)

Nope sorry I reckon I can beat you on the 'stupid' bit, A few of us go out drinking sometimes and this one girl would sit next to me, ask me to hold her hand so she didn't fall over when going from pub to pub, buy me drinks, tell me she wanted to get to know morre about me, the list goes on and on and I didn't have a clue. One of the other girls got fed up with my utter non-realissation and told me and i still didn't believe it.
Going home in the car that night sitting on the back seat with the young lady in question and I was suddenly aware of her foot rubbing my shin and then she claimed to be cold and cuddled up to me for wamth.
The penny dropped at long last and boy was I annoyed that her older sister and brother in law were sat in the front of the car and they are an exttremely protective family.

On a side note the old and new testament do not contradict one another, I'm not going to go into it now but it's to do with the old and new covenant, you see I've been bible bashed in the past.

is this a free for all or do you mind if i join