Come then
getting married next saturday and finishing me speech off. i gotta get a cheap shot in my speech before the best man rips me to pieces in his.
I need a "about as useful as" line to smack him down with.
The front runner so far is as useful as Tits on a snake or mint-flavored suppository
a fart in a lift
a chocolate fireguard
or you could say he does the work of two men.................laurel and hardy
A concrete parachute.
Tits on Tarzan.
A prick in a nunnery.
Plain Talker
31-05-2010, 10:24
a fart in a lift
a chocolate fireguard
or you could say he does the work of two men.................laurel and hardy
a fart in a colander...?
Chocolate kettle?
I say "Does the work of three men...Larry, Curly and Moe!"
I say "about as much use as a pork pie in a mosque". (which I suppose is a litthe irreverent)
Plain Talker
31-05-2010, 10:25
when I describe my idiot sister-in-law, I say "She makes two short planks look like an astrophysicist...!"
dyslexic pimp....went out and bought himself a warehouse.
Anne Frank's drum kit?
winner!!!!
stevesheff08
31-05-2010, 10:54
pen with no ink.
have a look on here.
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081229172649AA9c1nR :hihi::hihi: some good ones on there.
As useful as a Coalition Treasury Secretary.
Bit of political satire a la Ben Elton (especially as you'll probably be wearing an ill fitting shiny suit) - always a winner
matt1889
31-05-2010, 11:08
As useful as.............................
"A chocolate cock ring"
"A grave robber in a crematorium"
"A wooden frying pan"
"A 1 armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse"
"An inflatable dartboard"
Steptoad
31-05-2010, 11:39
A Lib/Lab/Con/Coalition (delete inapplicable) government.
As useful as a glass hammer.
crookesey
31-05-2010, 12:22
Try this one.
He was doing the Sun crossword in the car, on the way here.
He asked, "four letters ending in unt, relating to a woman, any ideas?"
"Aunt" I replied, "got any Tippex", he asked?
A bit different, but it works. ;)
One of the best speeches i heard was the best man got up saying I am going to give my speech and then we will take about sex. he then went on
It gives me great pleasure to be here as best man
It gives me great pleasure to welcome you all to the marriage of .... and ..... thank you all for attending I hope you all have a good day.
It gives me great pleasure to tell you a few things about my mate ..... and what he is like and he went on about things they had done and that how he loved his future wife.
Then he finished the speech and then said " Now I am going to talk about sex"
It gives me great pleasure
cheers chaps some good un's there