My sons girlfriend has just broken up with him after they have been dating for a year. He was more than a little upset as he has no idea what went wrong.

Tried explaining to him about all the usual things that can go wrong with relationships (LOL - I ought to know) but he has a sticking point he cannot seem to get past.

When he speaks to this lass he asks her what went wrong - why they split up, and apparently all he gets in response is - "It's too painful to talk about".

Any ideas what I say to this? He has no idea what she means. Come to think of it - neither do I.

Dragon

Sounds harsh. How old's your son?

If the lass won't talk about it, I reckon he needs to move on - but this is sooo easier said than done.

Have you no idea what the lass is on about? Do you think she's being a chicken and doesn't want to say what's on her mind?

My son is 15.

The last I knew everything between them was fine. No problems. From what I have gathered from their friends she is not interested in seeing anyone else at the moment so it seems unlikely she left him for another lad - which is usually the case.

It could be a family thing as she comes from a different background to him. I honestly have no idea.

It is not easy trying to console a 15 year old at the best of times but to get the "Its too painful to talk about" from a female just makes him wonder what he did wrong, perhaps so he does not make the same mistake again.

Dragon

sounds like shes using it as a defence so she doesnt have to justify why she left.

Sounds like your son is quite a mature young man. She may not be so mature. If your son doesn't know what he's done, then it's unlikely he's done anything awful.

More likely then that she just doesn't want to be with him anymore, which is very sad but not entirely unusual for young people their age. May she thought it was getting too serious or didn't want to be tied down. Shame she can't communicate with him tho.

I don't think there's much you can say, unfortunately. There's that song by the Streets - plenty more fish in the sea yadda yadda, but it doesn't help much does it?

Oh, my heart goes out to your lad!

Sorry can't be more help, but I am sending many good vibes your way.

a. She's either cheating or cheated on him
b. She's just used him for a bit- and now she's got bored with a BF
c. Something might have happened to her.

I would go with either a. or b. I reckon.
Give it a month or two and see if the lass in question is dating anyone else.

Speaking from personal experience, it is a big wrench emotionally when you get dumped or when a relationship breaks down especially after a year at that age.. its a very big blow for a bloke so tell your son to keep his chin up- there are plenty more fish in the sea after all :thumbsup:

I think he should consider his own self-esteem in all this, and make sure he doesn't allow it to take a bashing from this unfortunate experience.

You can't control what other people do, but what you can do, is to have a degree of control over yourself.

People will come and go, but the one thing that will remain constant in your sons life, is himself. Pain is just resistance to change, and life is all about change, so maybe he should just let the process of change occur, and all the while hold himself in high regard, because he knows he's acted with dignity.

Something like that.

I would say leave him be for a couple of days.

Try and do something unrealted for him that he likes. Take hime out, or buy him a game etc...

I remember being 15. It will take time, you just need to be there for when or if he is ready to talk about it. Don't push him.

Good luck

Originally posted by Lickable
I would say leave him be for a couple of days.

Try and do something unrealted for him that he likes. Take hime out, or buy him a game etc...

I remember being 15. It will take time, you just need to be there for when or if he is ready to talk about it. Don't push him.

Good luck

Yes I basically agree with lickable. Sorry he feels so down right now but he'll move on & feel better in his own time. Sadly, life is hard and relationships end sometimes and I guess in many ways this is something he's going to haveto get used to. Doesn't make it any easier though, does it? Treat him anddo his favourite things with him. Just let him know you're there for him should he want to talk, and still there if he doesn't. Poor thing. :(

I say he should be proud of himself!

A relationship that lasts a year at 15?!?! :o

Buy him an Xbox.

Cures all ill's at 15 im told. :thumbsup:

Ahhhh, I think we all remember our first broken heart. And at 15 break-ups are very difficult to understand.

Do you have any idea whether your son and his ex were having any kind of sexual relationship? Often 'going all the way' or 'getting to third base' and all the problems associated are a major cause of friction in teenage relationships. I don't mean to suggest that your son was pushing his GF. It could have been the other way round, or maybe she's had a pregnacy scare.

It's very hard to expect a 15-year-old to have any kind of perspective on relationships. When you're an adult, you know that however much it hurts, you will get through it eventually. He doesn't know that.

I think you need to give him plenty of distractions so he doesn't mope. Encourage him to go out with his mates and get back in the game. Find ways to boost his self esteem. And keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't turn to alcohol or soft drugs as a way of coping.

It's very hard. Adults can't fix the woes of a 15-year-old. At the end of the day he's got to find his own way through this. You've just got to be as suppportive as you can without stiffeling him or seeming nosey, so he knows he can approach you for help if he needs it.

I think you should be flattered that he's given you as much information as he has done. :thumbsup:

Thanks for all your replies.

Thing is - he is quite a happy lad with very few issues or problems. Sex at his age for him is out of the question as he knows and sticks to the law - does not like the idea that he may get into serious trouble about it. His partner also had no problems with this.

He is getting on with things but still keeps asking the same question over and again. Sort of along the lines -

"I don't really mind that it is over, but the fact she says the reason we split up is too painful to talk about suggests that I hurt her in some way. I do not want to do the same thing again."

So he has effectively shouldered responsability and I suppose he wants to know if he was right in this. Tried all the usual - "It takes two to make or break a relationship" but still keep getting hit with the same thing - "Why too painful to talk about?"

I hope he will eventually get over this, especially as it is possible he will never learn the truth. Such a little sentence to cause so much hurt!

Thanks anyhow.


Dragon

Originally posted by chickmonk
Sounds like your son is quite a mature young man. She may not be so mature. If your son doesn't know what he's done, then it's unlikely he's done anything awful.

More likely then that she just doesn't want to be with him anymore, which is very sad but not entirely unusual for young people their age. May she thought it was getting too serious or didn't want to be tied down. Shame she can't communicate with him tho.

I think Chickmonk's posting makes a lot of sense, and I would second everything she's said.

It sounds to me like she's saying "it's too painful to talk about" in order to avoid having to talk about the relationship. Like Depoix said, so she doesn't have to justify herself. She doesn't sound like she's mature enough to be comfortable discussing the relationship - I think, to be able to talk about your relationship in a meaningful way does require a reasonable level of maturity.

She may not even know herself exactly why she doesn't want to have a BF any more - just that it feels right to be on her own for a while at this point in her life. Perhaps she can't put those feelings into words, and just would rather not talk about it.

At 15, to have had a relationship that's lasted a year is something to be proud of for both your son and his ex - that says a lot for both of them. Sometimes relationships just come to a natural conclusion - no-one's fault, it's just time for both parties to move on.

Best wishes to your son, Dragon.

StarSparkle

As a cynical old b******, I'd suggest you'd give it to him straight. Younger women have their pick, but this diminishes with time. Tell him to get himself a good education, see a bit of the world, and end with getting himself a good, well paid job. He's far too young to be thinking about any LTR's, and, if he plays his cards right, he'll end up with a much better deal further down the line. At the moment, the world's his oyster and he should make the most of it. Pick a major "life challenge", eg passing his driving test, holding down a job, passing his exams etc, and challenge him to make a go of it. He really shouldn't be worried about relationships at his age.