Morning Glory. At some time you must have suffered this embarrassing .... occurance, and needed to take a leak. Question - when you are full mast - how do you manage to hit the target?

Toilet roll just dissolves too quick under the jet stream. Leaning over can be really difficult.

Have you tried starting and slowly retreating from the target and found it stops and starts with each step - thus making a bigger mess than ever?

Dragon

Vertical inversion method ... A.K.A. 'handstand' (note: close your mouth).

ROFLMAO at this thread already! :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

Once every so often a man has to learn patience... If your still no better after your patience has run out it's a brute force sitation :wink:

Every morning,

I just wait until I get droopy and then go... ^_^

Or just do it in the shower :blush:

Think about Cherie Blair dancing with no clothes on...


Well that's done it! Time to peeeeee!

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A snip at only £99.99

Keep it on your bedside table and never suffer the indignities described above ever again

Testimonials from those who have already received a copy can be supplied

Gentlemen.....help is only cash or a cheque away

I've always heard they had a mind of their own...I guess it's true!

:) Sierra

Well the best way to cure morning glory....
















Would be removed by the mods :suspect: :hihi:

My imagination has just gone in to over drive. Time for some shut eye me thinks :wink:

Originally posted by vidster
Time for some shut eye me thinks :wink:
Just the one? ;)

Well theres the sit down lean forward technique. Do it in the shower or wait - sometimes the waiting can take a while.

Morning glory = pre luncheon truncheon, pre brekky errekky.

Originally posted by Hook
do it in the shower :blush:

same here

I was listening to somthing on the radio the otherday about doing a wee in the shower, apprently the ammonia in the urine turns to steam really quickly, and if much of this is inhaled it could cause the person to pass out... :gag:

set the alarm thirty minutes too early and wait,wait,wait a minute ive got half an hour to spare.........hmmmm:D

Can't you suspend a harness from the bathroom ceiling?

Wake up, salute the Purple Pope, dash to the bathroom, climb into harness (don't forget the goggles and ahem, 'helmet') but make sure you've put a big X of toilet rolls into the water in the loo.

Hum the Dambusters March, place hands on the throttle and aim. Should take ten seconds to blast the loo-roll into bits. Good stress buster.

Don't be too loud and wake the kids though if it's too early; they might start asking questions....,

It should also save on Toilet Duck.:thumbsup:

Originally posted by Dragon
Morning Glory. At some time you must have suffered this embarrassing .... occurance, and needed to take a leak. Question - when you are full mast - how do you manage to hit the target?



Indulge in a bit of "relaxing in a gentleman's fashion" and then urinate. Simple :D

I find that aiming from the hallway is a good way to improve your hand/eye co-ordination and also gets the brain working in the morning :D

Originally posted by nick2
same here

That's really foul Nick & Hook.

Originally posted by nick2
same here

And you told me off for the Pearl Necklace posting, how dare you....

Originally posted by JonJParr
That's really foul Nick & Hook.

it's not, it's just filtered water and some salts/impurities, it's not "dirty", doing a No 2 in shower would be foul.

Originally posted by JonJParr
That's really foul Nick & Hook.

why?? as long as you aim directly into the plughole it's washed away pretty much immediately..

anyway, urine is sterile.. lots of (admittedly weird) people drink it, a few drops in your shower won't do you a button of harm..

Originally posted by dirtybobby
why?? as long as you aim directly into the plughole it's washed away pretty much immediately..



If you can aim at a plughole i'm sure you can aim at the toilet! :D

And Ousetunes & ScottF - LMAO

Otherwise wait for the brewers droop (can take a while!) or wait for a little placidness (?) sit on the toilet as far back as you can go and try to aim down. Be careful not to get the gap between the toilet and the seat otherwise you'll get a fountain effect! lol :hihi:

MADONNA

MADGE believes urine is the key to healthy toes.

"Did you know it's good to pee in the shower?" she once asked chatshow host David Letterman.

"I'm serious. It fights athlete's foot. Urine is like an antiseptic."

If its good enough for Madonna

Originally posted by Jon
MADONNA

MADGE believes urine is the key to healthy toes.

"Did you know it's good to pee in the shower?" she once asked chatshow host David Letterman.

"I'm serious. It fights athlete's foot. Urine is like an antiseptic."

If its good enough for Madonna

Disagree! Wouldn't pee on Madonna if she was in my shower, might as well make use of Morning Glory! :D

Originally posted by youwhatref
Disagree! Wouldn't pee on Madonna if she was in my shower, might as well make use of Morning Glory! :D Don't you want healthy toes ;)

Originally posted by Jon
"I'm serious. It fights athlete's foot. Urine is like an antiseptic."

If its good enough for Madonna

is't it sythetic uria in that Flexitol heel balm ? Why waste the money, use wee instead.

Originally posted by nick2
is't it sythetic uria in that Flexitol heel balm ?

Who would know that???

Originally posted by Deavon
Who would know that???

It was on the advert

Assume the Eddie the Eagle position.

An old fellow solved this one for me with his suggestion when I was a very young man,

Sit down and pee like a woman,

works for me, apart from I have to sit to the back of the seat...

It seems that Amyl Nitrate can be used to get rid of it, which is odd because I thoiught Poppers had the opposite effect.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amyl_nitrate

They say that necessity is the mother of invention. I think someone could invent a toilet that can be used in this tricky situation. For a design Im thinking of a kind of roof for the toilet that could deflet the err stream. Can I patent this?

this is my vote for the funniest and most enteraining thread for a woman so far today!

Nobody's suggested peeing out the bedroom window yet:suspect:

Perhaps other guys on here can confirm or deny this, but in my experience women don't respond well to sexual overtures prompted by MG events. They like to think that our diurnal or nocturnal glories are prompted by the stimulus of their desirable, indeed irresistable, bodies. They therefore don't count MGs as erotic events and are likely to respond accordingly, in the following way:

Him: Honey, 'this will wake you up'

Her: 'only if you poke it in my eye'

The worse thing of course is when it doesn't "go down" and you start panicking that it will have to come to work with you, on the tram/bus, the more you think about it the "worse" it gets, it's the opposite of what normally happens.

Originally posted by mimicraze
this is my vote for the funniest and most enteraining thread for a woman so far today!

The things you learn on Sheffield Forum! :D :P

StarSparkle

Originally posted by nick2
The worse thing of course is when it doesn't "go down" and you start panicking that it will have to come to work with you, on the tram/bus, the more you think about it the "worse" it gets, it's the opposite of what normally happens.

I think Viz did a spoof ad a few years ago called "The spoon of temperance" which one cooled in the fridge and then struck the offending organ over the end in a bid to subdue him to a dormant state.

Originally posted by Hook
Every morning,

I just wait until I get droopy and then go... ^_^



defo.. isn't there some of switch that stops you - like a willy equivalent of drinking and breathing??

Perhaps other guys on here can confirm or deny this, but in my experience women don't respond well to sexual overtures prompted by MG events. They like to think that our diurnal or nocturnal glories are prompted by the stimulus of their desirable, indeed irresistable, bodies. They therefore don't count MGs as erotic events and are likely to respond accordingly, in the following way:

i dont know, i think its great when my other half has MG , like to take advantage but maybe thats just cos im a bit *** ***!

Originally posted by nick2
It seems that Amyl Nitrate can be used to get rid of it, which is odd because I thoiught Poppers had the opposite effect.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amyl_nitrate

from that very same page:

The drug amyl nitrite (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amyl_nitrite) (or poppers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poppers)) is often referred to as amyl nitrate. The two are in fact different substances

i thought someone such as yourself would be clued up on such things ;)

Originally posted by dirtybobby
i thought someone such as yourself would be clued up on such things ;)

You would think so, oh well :(

Originally posted by Duffer
They say that necessity is the mother of invention. I think someone could invent a toilet that can be used in this tricky situation. For a design Im thinking of a kind of roof for the toilet that could deflet the err stream. Can I patent this? sorry duffer the ministry of defence sorted this out years ago mate
they call it a **** tube, not sure if it comes with directions for use though :D

Originally posted by mimicraze
i dont know, i think its great when my other half has MG , like to take advantage but maybe thats just cos im a bit *** ***!

mimi, you shameless hussy!

I know this is aimed at you fellas (no pun intended) but this really made me laugh, you poor fellas LMAO!!

Originally posted by mimicraze
i dont know, i think its great when my other half has MG , like to take advantage but maybe thats just cos im a bit *** ***!

I have to agree with Mimi..............shame it's only a memory now........

Seems like a really interesting topic. I have heard numerous ideas but need to point out that the early morning pee is not hygienic as it is the one that flushes toxins from the body that have built up overnight.

Tried it with those super strong kitchen rolls but all I did was block the toilet. Using something to deflect the jet is not always possible.

Dragon

a friend once told me they: squat 'in reverse' with pump held fiercly at 45 degrees into the pot! not much chance of it going pete from there.

haha shameless hussy indeed. lol just like some good honest fun!

Threads like this brighten up my day...

And Vini, does that explain the wet patch on the floor in front of the loo then? :heyhey:

Someone I knew once woke up and went to the loo half asleep and couldn't figure out why he couldn't hear the wee going in the loo - when he looked down he saw an expanding condom filling up!!!! :gag:

Originally posted by dawny1
when he looked down he saw an expanding condom filling up!!!!

Hey, thats a good idea.

stand in the bath , pee, then get back in bed whilst it's still "up" to the task.

You mean it is supposed to go down after you have taken a leak???? Damn!

Er! I was not sure about this thread cos now people reading it will know what to look for when they go to someone elses bathroom.

A friend of mine can bend his even with MG. Is this normal?

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
A friend of mine can bend his even with MG. Is this normal?

I once met someone who could do all sorts of things while still "up", even point it backwards, he claimed it was due to doing yoga (?)

Here's a life story about Morning Glory.

A guy reaches the age of 70 and decides to go to the doctors for a check up.

How are you?, the Doctor asks.

The guy says 'I've never been fitter and stronger in my life. In fact I'm stronger at 70 than I was at 20'

'How do you know this?', asks the doctor

'Well', says the guy, 'when I was 20, I was so weak I couldn't bend my morniing glories even using two hands. When I was 40, I was stronger and could bend them over with one hand. Now I'm 70, I'm so strong that I can bend my morning glories over with my little finger'.

Originally posted by Dragon
A friend of mine can bend his even with MG. Is this normal?

That's what I do, bend it in the right direction and stand about three feet back... almost always works...

When I was a postman, I woke up at 5, but still didn't get my Morning Glory until about 7... odd.:suspect:

Originally posted by dawny1
Someone I knew once woke up and went to the loo half asleep and couldn't figure out why he couldn't hear the wee going in the loo - when he looked down he saw an expanding condom filling up!!!! :gag:


LOL...:clap:

but on second thoughts.....:gag:

I tend to take a firm grip, squat down a bit and point it at the pan. It takes a bit of controlling though cos it's like a 400bar jetwash.

Either that or indulge in a bit of solo loving first.

Top thread :thumbsup:

Perhaps others can confirm or deny this, but as a guy walks proudly from the bedroom to the bathroom, he will generally turn to show his MG to his partner (who of course may or may not be impressed).

The solution to the MG problem is actually quite simple. Paste a picture of Anne Widdicombe on the underside of the toilet cover. When you lift it up --- aargh...problem solved. Think Anne Widdicombe!

Originally posted by LordChaverly
Perhaps others can confirm or deny this, but as a guy walks proudly from the bedroom to the bathroom, he will generally turn to show his MG to his partner

After first hanging something on it, like a towel or a pair of boxer shorts or a bauble off the christmas tree.