This is linked to the "What is Love" thread. Do you consider it abnormal to argue with your partner.? Can you have a happy relationship without any arguing? Is there a time when arguments are guarenteed to break a relationship?

Do you know any couples who have been together for years and not argued? How bad do your arguments get? I am talking arguments here - not abuse.

Dragon

I think a real, proper, civilised argument every now and again is probably essential.

It's something I've had problems with over the years - having arguments with people - but f you tackle them in an adult manner and stick to the rules of engagement - i.e. stick to teh subject, don't dredge up the past, don't scream and shout, don't be deliberately hurtful and don't go to bed on bad words - then you'll probably be OK.

Joe

Acceptable? Unaviodable in my experience (20 years together now...and still very much in love).

men and women are completely different species, we just do not understand each other, each others thoughts, ways of doing things

so arguing is inevitable

the secret is to let the woman win...............or think shes won :P

Absolutely from a personal perspective, but...

In my experience, its absolutely essential to the growth of the relationship to argue or discuss!

We all grow on a day to day basis, and discussions (as arguments are known in my family!) are the only way of getting your point across, letting people know that you have new life experiences and clearing the air.

If you are not 'discussing', you are probably not talking about new experiences and how they fit in with where you are. And if that is not happening, then how do you know where you partner is coming from?

I agree with what everyone has said so far.

Its healthy for the relationship if you have a barny every now & then. Different matter though if you're always at eachother.

Never go to bed on an argument......kiss & make up first.....afterall its the best bit!

Its fine to argue with your partner, just dont resort to fisticuffs or let it get outta control.

A little bit of arguing as many have said is neccesary.
And yes acceptable.

But I'm a very agreeable person and don't like to be in a relationship with lots of arguing. My present partner is also very agreeable and that suits us, cos we have virtually never had an argument in two years. We have discussions that usually result in a compromise.

But I must admit a good argument is healthy, and prevents boredom.

It depends on the people. I don't think I could be in a relationship and never have a cross word, ever, but my Mum & Dad never had an argument in 30 years of marriage. If they disagreed with each other, they would just accept the others point of view, even if it wasn't the same as theirs.... but that was to do with their non-confrontational personalities, I suppose.

a little conflict is good dragon it keeps a little fire in it besides its fun makin up.

Or so ive been told

I have found, being quite an easily to live with person, that if I don't occasiolly object to the the way our liives are going I get swept along with my veiws disregarded.
It's taken for granted that I will go along with what my parrtner has decided
So I have to be fairly forceful at times to be heard so as not taken for a doormat.
As I am the sort of peson that has a long fuse I will let things go by until just one more is the last straw and then all hell lets loose.
Not a good way to be really.

hazel

I need an argument every month! I don't like arguing with my partner but it does spice things up a bit.

My Mum and step Dad were married over 30 years and never argued and were very happy together but I think it depends on the kind of person you are, my parents couldn't make an independant decision and had no friends or social life with out eachother. Now my Mum is widowed, although she misses my Dad she has found a new lease of life and is looking into going Hot Air Ballooning at age 66!!!

Must be that not many folk do actually argue with their partners, or at least do not think arguments important in a relationship.

Just wondered cos my mum and dad argued like no-one I know. When my mum died my dad was not interested in anyone else cos he was devoted to her. I was told by someone that you should not argue with your partner or wife and just wondered if this was a normal thing or if I was abnormal cos I would argue if I disagreed with something my partner said or did, or did not say ... you get the idea.

Dragon

hazel, you sound just like me! im fairly easy going and i can take my husbands 'ways' for so long, then i just have to have a tantrum. we've been married for 30 years and dont really argue as such, but every so often i have to let him know that things arent going right and we have a sort out.
we're learning that we need to talk about our differences at the time and not let things build up.
i recently bought the small versions 'men are from mars' and 'women are from venus' they are on the bathroom table, and get read A LOT. mostly its just misunderstanding each others ways.

Unless one partner is an utter mouse it can't be avoided can it? Lets face it the chances of two people holding the same views on every single issue are very slim. Me and the lad bicker a lot, but it rarely goes beyond bickering and is forgotten as soon as it flares up. We do have the odd row but we always end up making up...because we WANT to. However long you've been together, never forget you are there by choice. And if you choose to stay then you choose to make that relationship work.

I thoroughly enjoy a good debate, but hubby won't enter into one because he percieves it as an argument :(

I miss not being able to air my views and have a good discussion/debate because I find it mentally stimulating.

Me and hubby never argue - not because we never disagree, but we tend to leave things as, I suppose, we both know our relationship may not survive a big argument :(

Personally, I think a good argument is healthy in sound relationships. Of course, in an ideal world partners would be so in tune with each other that arguments would rarely happen.

Sometimes I see couples that look blissfully happy together and I wonder if they argue, do they have heated arguments and then find their relationships stronger after making up?

I think to argue, there has to be some passion ...

Me and Mr_Minx (my new name for Vini) go through stages of bickering. We always make up after about 5 minutes though because neither of us can handle the other one being mad.

I have a need for a good arguement every now and again. I broke up with an ex because he was so calm and would never take the bait. It drove me MAD! Mr_Minx is much much nicer anyway and I get quite a bizz out of our arguements (or at least the making up bit ;) )

yep its good to argue.
clears the air - even councillors advocate a disagreement now and again to stir up emotions.

No one likes to argue and/or fall out but, like everyone seems to have already said, arguements happen. They are part of a relationship, surely.

I guess it also depends on the type of arguement. Just so long as it's not full blown 'war' then an arguement can, daft as it sounds, be good for a relationship.

This is linked to the "What is Love" thread. Do you consider it abnormal to argue with your partner.? Can you have a happy relationship without any arguing? Is there a time when arguments are guarenteed to break a relationship?

Do you know any couples who have been together for years and not argued? How bad do your arguments get? I am talking arguments here - not abuse.

Dragon

It should only be done behind closed doors and out of the reach of offensive weapons (or of household goods which can be used as offensive weapons).

There is a fantastic line in one of the Arctic Monkeys songs about arguing, which is 'when you say I dont care, but of course I do, I clearly do' - sums it up for me really, the only point in arguing is when you have a few ground rules:

a) no name calling
b) as little screaming and ranting as possible
c) only argue about things that are important and need thrashing out.

Theres no point doing the drunken domestic at 3am screaming YOU JUST DONT LOVE ME etc.

Absolutely from a personal perspective, but...

In my experience, its absolutely essential to the growth of the relationship to argue or discuss!

We all grow on a day to day basis, and discussions (as arguments are known in my family!) are the only way of getting your point across, letting people know that you have new life experiences and clearing the air.

If you are not 'discussing', you are probably not talking about new experiences and how they fit in with where you are. And if that is not happening, then how do you know where you partner is coming from?

lol we had this in my family, we are NOT arguing we are DISCUSSING...

LOL @ this thread
Is arguing with your partner acceptable

dunno about acceptable, its inevitable
human beings dont get on living in such proximity for any great length of time.
and the longer your together the more little things the other does, starts to grate and annoy

what isnt acceptable is people who lash out and turn to violence when they have an arguement....or even without an arguement

It depends on the people. I don't think I could be in a relationship and never have a cross word, ever, but my Mum & Dad never had an argument in 30 years of marriage. If they disagreed with each other, they would just accept the others point of view, even if it wasn't the same as theirs.... but that was to do with their non-confrontational personalities, I suppose.
couldnt agree more. im very laid back and tbh, in my marraige, we very rarely argue, by that i mean really argue as in shout and scream, sure we have disagreements as most do, but im more the 'yeah alright then your right im wrong' type.
always have been really and always will so i guess i fit in to the 'non confrontational' type of person?

The other half and I never argue in a loud, yelling violent way, thank god, but we do often have differences of opinion and often spend long hours trying to convince each other of our views.
Actually a good loud scrap might liven us up a bit. We`re well overdue, but Julie is just too patient to lose her temper and I simply dont have a temper to lose.

we have occasional set to's but basically i'm happy to go along with the flow so it doesn't happen often. even when we do its usually over something trivial and not related to the relationship.

i suspect that if we were all to list what we argue about it would be roughly the same things

so arguing is inevitable

the secret is to let the woman win...............or think shes won :P

I concur Mel, :D

Not that I ever argue unless I know I'm going to win ;)

although this sounds terribly anal we have 'rules' about arguing.

the main one is you are not allowed to bring up anything that happened over 6 months ago in an argument.

although this sounds terribly anal we have 'rules' about arguing.

the main one is you are not allowed to bring up anything that happened over 6 months ago in an argument.

And that works? With a female? My other half can bring things up that Ive done wrong before we even met!

Oi.
Who's been listening?:suspect:

Me & my hubby have had a blazing row today!!!!
He wants to buy property in Turkey and i don't.

THAT MEANS I HAVE TO SLEEP IN MY DRESSING GOWN TONIGHT:hihi: (i get too hot)

According to my mother and aunt, they have never heard my grandparents have an argument in their entire marriage.

It will be their 65th anniversary on St Valentines day.

I'm not sure that I could ever aspire to that- I think I'm too opinionated to ever achieve it. I don't see what's wrong with disagreement, provided it's a means to achieving something, and has a resolution from which you both learn.

Rehashing the same subject for the rest of eternity sounds a bit like purgatory.

Arguments are a natural part of a relationship.

Most of ours occur at 'that time of the month' when I get hot headed and argumentative......but if I am mad it doesn't last long cos Ang just smiles when I'm talking and always seems to make me laugh. :)

Any couple who say they have never had a crossed word and never argue are either liars or they haven't got much of a relationship ! Having a good 'discussion' is healthy !

These things happen.

Having been somewhat inconsistent with my ex partner, I had to do a lot of soul searching. We talked a lot on the phone during the week and agreed to try and sort things out next weekend, based on the fact that there were supposedly still strong feelings there.

Earlier this evening I find out she has been getting extremely cosy with one of my "mates".

Suffice to say, I told her to f off.

Arguments are a natural part of social intercourse - human nature almost dictates it!

THAT MEANS I HAVE TO SLEEP IN MY DRESSING GOWN TONIGHT:hihi: (i get too hot)

really?

not round mine you dont :D

errrrrrrrm
*gets coat*

i dont knowif its ok to argue with a partner. i havent plucked up courage yet, but i know im better off that way:) she is so wonderfull:D

Most arguments are caused by the fact that most (edit ALL) women fail to realise that men are ALWAYS right.



















Retires to bunker.
PS my wife always wins

arguments are good to have in relationship i think but its the making up after that i like best:hihi: if me an my fella argue i dnt like to leave it especially if either has to go out we have to make up 1st

And that works? With a female? My other half can bring things up that Ive done wrong before we even met!she does stick to it.

we also follow the rule that asking once is just asking, asking twice on the same day is a reminder. more than that is nagging and not allowed

she does stick to it.

we also follow the rule that asking once is just asking, asking twice on the same day is a reminder. more than that is nagging and not allowed

Im gonna try this with my other half. Sounds like a plan. She doesnt nag, she just... looks at me... know what I mean?

As far as bringing up things from the past though, Im going to try this to stop her doing that!

I've not argued with my OH.......... YET!

We tend to disagree on a few things, that's life! But I have put my foot in it a couple of times, which resulted in her being angry/upset with me, and me being apolagetic (sp?)

I try to think before I speak - and it doesn't always work, I think my brain works a lot slower than my vocal chords, and I do (although not officially) have a slight memory (or concentration problem) that makes me forget stuff most the time, not anything in particular, it could be anything! And of course, if it's that time of the month then I'm in the bad books! :help:

I don't like to argue, but I feel they are part and parcel of a healthy relationship. It wouldn't be normal if you never had a disagreement with her indoors, would it?!

These things happen.

Having been somewhat inconsistent with my ex partner, I had to do a lot of soul searching. We talked a lot on the phone during the week and agreed to try and sort things out next weekend, based on the fact that there were supposedly still strong feelings there.

Earlier this evening I find out she has been getting extremely cosy with one of my "mates".

Suffice to say, I told her to f off.

Arguments are a natural part of social intercourse - human nature almost dictates it!
If I was your friend, I'll slap you round the head. :P

I don't know whether it's the idealistic side of me which thinks that, a relationship is worth saving if both have the same feelings. It's just that, we're (my ex and I) such proud people, and cannot find it within ourselves to admit our wrongs. I really do think it's also a case of Mars Vs Venus sometimes.

I didn't have friends who slap me round the head when I was arguing with my ex, which led to our break up. I was so mad with him for using such strong tones and languages with me, whenever we talked about his ex. I don't know whether I was coming or going. We never ever discussed the issues of his numerous exes either. I was so frustrated. He didn't even try to make an effort in the relationship, when compared with his past relationships either. (I think it was definitely a bad move to be discussing and comparing past relationships. I just didn't know how strongly I felt about it until it hit me one day.) I threw a strop one day on Vday, and that broke us up.

I find it so hard to talk to him without injecting humour into the topic to denote that it is not to offend him, even though it's about "us". Why is it necessary to handle each other with kids gloves?

I grew up as the youngest in a family that was always shouting and arguing about anything - my sister and my dad were particularly confrontational (as neither will ever back down) - and that continues to this day.
It used to upset and frustrate me a lot as the arguments were rarely about anything important, neither did they resolve anything. The result is I avoid confrontations and arguments and try and resolve things slowly through negotiation/discussion etc. this has been made easier by the fact that my partner and I share opinions/ambitions etc. - 5 years and only a handful of 'agitated discussions'. Me and my sister? That's a different story!

If I was your friend, I'll slap you round the head. :P

I don't know whether it's the idealistic side of me which thinks that, a relationship is worth saving if both have the same feelings. It's just that, we're (my ex and I) such proud people, and cannot find it within ourselves to admit our wrongs. I really do think it's also a case of Mars Vs Venus sometimes.

I didn't have friends who slap me round the head when I was arguing with my ex, which led to our break up. I was so mad with him for using such strong tones and languages with me, whenever we talked about his ex. I don't know whether I was coming or going. We never ever discussed the issues of his numerous exes either. I was so frustrated. He didn't even try to make an effort in the relationship, when compared with his past relationships either. (I think it was definitely a bad move to be discussing and comparing past relationships. I just didn't know how strongly I felt about it until it hit me one day.) I threw a strop one day on Vday, and that broke us up.

I find it so hard to talk to him without injecting humour into the topic to denote that it is not to offend him, even though it's about "us". Why is it necessary to handle each other with kids gloves?

It's a bit hard to save a relationship if one of the lovers is getting jiggy with someone else!

It's a bit hard to save a relationship if one of the lovers is getting jiggy with someone else!
Ok, I'll slap her as well. :D

I dunno, maybe I'm just reflecting on human relationships. I'm in one of those 'quiet reflective moment' when I was reading this thread. Thinking back to my own action, I too should've been honest with my ex from day one. Instead, I put him on an assault course to see how well he'll do.

really?

not round mine you dont :D

errrrrrrrm
*gets coat*

:o That's it now our secrets out:D