I realise full well that this topic has probably already been discussed but what do people think about the question?

Is being in love a chemical reaction in your brain, is it merely a convenience of person, time and place or is it some mystical element and if so where does it come from? It seems to be something that a lot of people are scared to allow into their lives.

I personally feel that love grows over time with someone who you have a physical attraction with and who you respect and get on well with and is not instant.

I think love is a an evolutionary quirk that has developed through natural selection as it helps the continuation of the human race, as people in 'love' will want to reproduce. This is a chemical reaction in the brain. Am I a cynic?

I think being in love means having an unquenchable thirst to bone your julie 3 times a day!!

doing the pots without them telling you ..... thats love :)

Originally posted by Internetowl
doing the pots without them telling you ..... thats love :)


That's TRUE love. Also, love is when you can hang around without doing your hair / putting make-up on / wearing scabby clothes and they still think you're great. :D

Originally posted by Duffer
I think love is a an evolutionary quirk that has developed through natural selection as it helps the continuation of the human race, as people in 'love' will want to reproduce. This is a chemical reaction in the brain. Am I a cynic?

But animals reproduce and move on, usually leaving the female to do the nurturing.
People seem to form a deeper longer lasting relationship, if it was just for reproduction would it not be better to have a wide genetic choice and find multiple partners.

Originally posted by 40summat
...But animals reproduce and move on...

Not all animals - there are plenty (besides humans) that also mate for life. Of course, in the case of black widow spiders its a pretty short and miserable life...but hey...there are some humans like that too :P :hihi:

Lobsters mate for life. It was in "friends" once so it must be true...


Did anybody see that wierd programme that was on channel 4 about 11pm not long back about the mating rituals of insects and animals? It had people dressed up and singing and dancing and some wierdy woman called tatiana i think presenting it. They were discussing which creatures fell in "love" as opposed to mating.

That was surreal.

Being in love is a number of things in my opinion.

Firstly I believe it is an evolutionally survival mechanism. If people are firmly bonded together they are better prepared to look after one another and raise a family. And if the aim is for the pair to stay together and continue reproducing and see their young through to adulthood, then love seems like a pretty powerful bond to ensure this happens.

But moslty I think love is about smell, pheremones that start a whole process going. Don't know much about it but when there's a good match the chemistry in the head is making the person feel on cloud nine.

I've experienced love at first sight, which was all about attraction and smell. But I've also experienced falling in love a lot more slowly, as you really get to know the person and their little quirks.

I reckon Ambrose Bierce sums this up perfectly in 'The Devils Dictionary'


LOVE, n.
A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.


:thumbsup:

But why would people be scared to 'fall in love' and to take that risk. Surely like the old saying goes it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

Or is saying you are scared to let your emotions go simply an excuse because you don't want to be with the person in question?!

Originally posted by 40summat
But animals reproduce and move on, usually leaving the female to do the nurturing.
People seem to form a deeper longer lasting relationship, if it was just for reproduction would it not be better to have a wide genetic choice and find multiple partners.

Zenmaster put it better than I did. I think it is about being able to raise a family better if there are two people - which will make the children more likely to survive the challenges of the big bad world.

Originally posted by intooblivion
But why would people be scared to 'fall in love' and to take that risk. Surely like the old saying goes it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

Or is saying you are scared to let your emotions go simply an excuse because you don't want to be with the person in question?!

Maybe people arent scared, maybe the idea of being in love isnt appealing to them. Not all emotions need to be 'unleased' on yourself, for example fear or hate. I suppose it just how you think that detemines wether or not love is something that you want to cultivate or not.

Interesting question Intooblivion.

I wish I knew the answer. I know I'm not scared to go after love, I will do everything to make it blossom, I expect everyone to be the same. But we ain't. I will never understand those too scared to pursue love. Is it the fear of being hurt? I find the distance from the one you love a greater pain, (what am I saying) its worth the risk. Cos love is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

I'm inclined to think those too scared to fall in love, don't know what they're missing, have been hurt too often, or simply are not in love in the first place. I go along with the latter.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve as regards to emotions (which doesn't imply I fall in love easily, just don't get scared of emotion) so I find it strange when others hide emotions for a fear of...what? Yes perhaps rejection, ridicule etc but I just can't see how opening up your heart to someone can be so bad.

Or is there no point opening your heart to someone if ultimately it won't end with 'falling in love'. Does that somehow hurt more?

I think some people are not very good at expressing their feelings, or take a long time to get round to doing it. Also with something as complicated as love they may not understand what they are feeling this can take a bit of time.

The phrase nothing ventured nothing gained comes to mind. I can't see how expressing your feelings and it not ending up with falling in love can be so bad. The only problem arises when one person is in love and the other isn't. Now thats something to be scared of.

A question, are you in love if its unrequited? Or are you only in love if it is a two way thing?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by intooblivion
[B]But why would people be scared to 'fall in love' and to take that risk. Surely like the old saying goes it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

I always thought the saying went....It's better to have loved and lost than to have spent your life w***ing, Must have read it wrong.

I always thought that to be in love had to be a two way thing and when someone confessed being in love with me and I didn't feel the same I assumed what they were feeling was false.

But now I find karma has bitten back and I find myself in the same unrequited position. This is someone I have found myself having immense and intense feelings for (whether that be 'in love' or not, it's just how modern society seems to categorise those strong feelings for someone), yet the person in question is unable (or unwilling) to feel the same.
:rant:

Originally posted by 40summat
[QUOTE]Originally posted by intooblivion
[B]But why would people be scared to 'fall in love' and to take that risk. Surely like the old saying goes it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

I always thought the saying went....It's better to have loved and lost than to have spent your life w***ing, Must have read it wrong.

Would that be working or ****ing? Either way probably best to be in love!

Originally posted by intooblivion
Would that be working or ****ing? Either way probably best to be in love!

If you've found love enjoy it while you can, it'll end in tears.
*waits for a deluge of loved up peeps calling me bitter and cynical*

Originally posted by 40summat
If you've found love enjoy it while you can, it'll end in tears.
*waits for a deluge of loved up peeps calling me bitter and cynical*

Quite correct though.....it all ends in tears...or alcohol addiction...or paranoid delusions.......or....well, general sense of worthlessness.....for some

Not me though.....I THRIVE on LOVE! MORE PLEASE

Being in love is.. not eating that tin of curried baked beans before bedtime. :gag:

intooblivion, what a question? I have spent most of today asking myself the same question, so was pleased to see that I am not alone in this quest.

I agree with you about time. I think I have concluded that love is something that develops over time. Your problem seems to be that you have needed less time than the person you are in love with to get to that point. I think I may be in a similar situation to you, in that I think I am in love, the difference is that I daren't declare these feelings to the other person because if they haven't yet had enough time for them to develop the same feelings, maybe they will be scared off by the declaration and the relationship will then be over. It is hard because when you have these feelings you just want to throw caution to the wind and let them be known.

Poets, philosophers and the rest have spent forever trying to come up with an answer to this question, so what do I know? In any event I hope the person you love grows to love you back. Good luck.

We are not to know why
this and that masters us;
real life makes no reply,
only that it enraptures us

Being in love is sharing the wet spot :P

Love is more than a chemical thing. It is something beyond words - a feeling you cannot describe, even to those who have experienced it. What is love is a bit like asking the meaning of life.

I hate people who say they love someone but are not in love with them. What a crock.

Love is - no matter what the other person does - you want to be with them for eternity.

Dragon

Originally posted by intooblivion
I realise full well that this topic has probably already been discussed but what do people think about the question?


it means you dont think twice about picking up his pants from the landing and washing his smelly socks. When you do the little things without thinking. when you always see the good in the stupid things he says or does. when people ask what ur doing or up to, you answer "we".:gag:

I watched a programme the other night, and though it wasn't specifically about being in love it demonstrated some interesting facts.

When two people are in love, they actually see their partner in a better light than reality. This is apparantly due to some chemicals in the brain. However, it showed that the effect of being in love actually wears off after 3-4 years.

This tends to back up recent biological theories that human relationships are programmed to last approx 5 years. Something to do with 'fathering a child' and being around long enough to be able to provide food & shelter until it is sustainable.

Takes all the fun out of it though doesn't it? You can't beat the flippy tummy feeling and warm contentedness of being in love.

Sorry Hels but I think that is a pretty sad program, and find it really difficult to believe you can set a time limit on love or being in love. Love to know how they can state these things as facts. pmsl.

If they know these chemicals that supposedly affect us and bring on this love or break down of love, then some bright spark would have produced a pill or such that we could take to heal a broken heart. Thing is that they are not sure if these chemicals are the result of something physical whilst love itself may not be a physical aspect at all.

Whe you really like chocolate, you can fool your brain into thinking you are eating chocolate when you are actually eating spinach (not easy but it can be done). The brain then releases chemicals as if you was eating chocolate. It relies on the stimulous of the senses, but love goes beyond that - beyond what we see, feel, hear, smell or taste.

No proofs - just beliefs - and they may not be worth much, but as far as I am concerned you can take time limits and chemicals and flush them because they have about as much to do with the feeling of real love as my dog has to do with shrimps in Guatamala bay.

Dragon

Dragon, good to hear that someone can empathise with me! I do feel that my declaration may have been somewhat early and led to an end of the relationship (why would people get scared?! Being told you are loved is amazing!)

Although I also believe in the philosophy of what will be will...everything happens for a reason etc.

Ohhh good question. Life is complicated enough that we don't necessarily need another variable like love to enter into the equation. Yet enter it does and complicates life to the nth degree!!

I think often it does depend on time and place. I saw an ex recently who I was madly in love with at the time (3 years ago and not seen him since) but felt absolutely nothing for him this time round and couldn't understand what had got me so wound up by him before.

Love is over rated. It's not like Hollywood. I'm a bit of a cynic about the whole love thing, I agree it's just a set of words constructed to quickly and adequately describe some possibly undescribable feelings that someone is experiencing.

Yet when it is unrequited it feels yukky!!!

I think the worst thing is when you are in love with someone and they are in love with you - you love each other, and then for some unknown reason those chemicals kick in deluding one of them that they actually feel love for another. All involved get to suffer. And if the first couple split up over this - you can bet your boots no good will come of the chemically induced relationship. Think we used to call this something else other than love when I was a kiddie.

Too many people are too quick to give up on a relationship. There is always an excuse for taking an easy way out. But if that happens - it was not love in the first place.

Love is - feeling the pain when it all goes wrong.

Dragon

Dragon, not giving up on a relationship to me would require persistance and loyalty - which are personality traits. Wheras the feeling of love is an emotion. So if someone with these personality traits feels love for someone other than their long term partner then they are probably less likley to act on them. However someone with 'other' persoanlity traits in the same situation might very well act on them. This doesnt make a difference to what the feeling of love was in either situation, does it?

If the same person goes through falling in love twice with different people, surely it will be the same process in both cases. Whether you believe like me that it is purely chemical or that its a far deeper bond (almost spiritual). And then it is the person that makes a relationship work or not.

You do not have to give up. Your partner may. In that case you have to let them go and do their own thing, but the love you feel allows you to be there for them no matter what.

Past relationship - if my ex got herself another bloke - and I sincerely hope she does if that is her desire, and they need help - I hope I can be there for them, regardless of how I may feel towards her.

Love has no words to describe it in its entirety. We just pick parts of the whole while trying to understand the wmotion. So everytime someone says - "Love is - " they are talking about just one part.

Take all of them - and all you have is a big part of the whole.

Still - back to the question - I think maybe it is possible to be friends with an ex partner as long as you accept they have moved on and need to get on with making themselves happy.

Dragon

I reckon that if two people can sit in the same room quietly reading or watching tv without the need to say anything to each other on a relaxing day then that could be love.

I'm sure the first part, feeling high, stomach flips, distorted view of priorities, can't eat/sleep, anxiously awaiting their phone calls etc, is chemical.
I know someone who is addicted to it, as soon as the feeling wares off they go looking for another fix.
she's not a nasty person but can't see the trail of broken hearts left behind.
She'd openly admit she loves being in love, but it sounds like an ilness to me.

I've just realised I'm in love with salt and vinegar crisps because of the chemical changes they cause in my body and brain...

Just don't roll over and go to sleep when you've finished the bag.

I think you are in love with yourself IntoOblicvion so you should be happy ever after.

I love chocolate, but that is not quite what this topic is about.

I like that one Robbie and have to agree having felt that closeness.

Dragon

Originally posted by Dragon
I think you are in love with yourself IntoOblicvion so you should be happy ever after.

I love chocolate, but that is not quite what this topic is about.

I like that one Robbie and have to agree having felt that closeness.

Dragon

Why would saying that I love crisps mean that I am in love with myself Dragon? Bit mean. And I know that's not what this topic is about, I asked the question in the first place. Was just adding a bit of humour to my own baffling question

Was not intended as a dig per se IntoOblivion. Sorry if it was taken that way. Teach me to take into account the other threads you have posted on. Oops! Very sorry ;)

It was intended as a joke, hence my comment about my loving chocolate - but never mind.

I have a tendancy of building up a personality based around people's posts, which is very presumptious of me.

No doubt you find the question as intersting as I do. Dunno if we will ever have a proper answer. I have been known to add a bit of humour to a thread so ... appologies to you.

Dragon

Most people I know are in co-dependency rather than in love.

Addiction, jealousy, control, have nothing what so ever to do with love.

Source:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0932194400/qid=1123618673/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/026-0608528-0367600

it means, doing whatever, for whoever, whenever, however and together .awwwwww:)

Yes well don't worry Dragon. You shouldn't build up pictures of people. For example, I am sure you are unaware as to if I'm male or female?! :confused:

Originally posted by robbie
I reckon that if two people can sit in the same room quietly reading or watching tv without the need to say anything to each other on a relaxing day then that could be love.
Gosh me and Mr H.P must be endlessly in love every day :hihi: