My partner and I have lots of speculative conversations on how thing will be once our babies are born. No one else that we know has twins but plenty with singletons so even that is speculation.
However, I'd be interested to read your personal experiences of motherhood and fatherhood, what sacrifices you made, what you did that you shouldn't, what you should have done which you didn't and what you wish you had known before hand.
I work with kids anyway so I sort of have more experience than my fella but we'll be first time parents together.

Your life becomes somone elses until they are mature enough to look after themselves.This may be for many years as they all mature at different rates.

As a mother I put my life on hold to be the stay at home mum for 20 years. I would not change that experience but I would have liked to have remained myself as much as the mum aspect of myself, it becomes so entwined there is just one person.

I gave up buying things for me, it became the children I bought for and I came after them.

I learnt to be more tollerant and have more understanding with each child.

Most of all I didnt enjoy them being children for long enough as housework and other factors enter into your life and before you know it they are in senior school and grown up.

Taking time to appreciate each child for the individual they are and what they bring to your life is the greatest thing I have learnt.

I have 3 children so although not a parent of twins I am kept busy enough with my children!!

I found it particular difficult when my eldest was a curious 2 year old and I was breastfeeding my newest arrival....he was into everything and it was extremely difficult to settle him so I was free to give the newborn an undisturbed feed!

Needless to say the time flew by and before you know it the little people are getting fiercely independent and attending nursery/schools etc

My sacrifices were my figure, and my full time job....prior to childbearing I was a size 12, no stretch marks and my boobs passed the 'pencil test'!! I had a successful career in commercial insurance underwriting but was unable to reduce my hours to part-time and keep my grade (prehistoric 1990's) and therefore ended up resigning and became a full time Mum for 3 years!

I now work part-time but still don't feel fulfilled in my career although I am pleased to say I feel very fulfilled in my parental role and have no regrets!

One day when the children are older I hope to resume full time employment and have enough lodge off my kids to pay for cosmetic surgery to regain some of assets...:hihi:

I have three beautiful little boys.

Unfortunately, I've started my hair has started to fall out. And what little is left is rapidly turning grey :|

I think of them as an investment in my personal pension plan, in that they'll support me when I choose to retire.

No working until my seventies for me :)

My parents sacrificed family holidays for fags n drink, does that count :( ?

Congratulations to the both of you on your impending parenthood! I am always excited for anyone becoming a parent for the first time as I remember it so fondly (it was only 3 yrs ago). It is such a special time as nothing will ever be the same again. Twins, wow, well done! Full of admiration. Always wanted twins.

I have stretch marks on my stomach (some small silvery ones; my friend's look like freezer-burnt meat), and some on my breasts which now look like spaniel's ears, and I have a long scar above my bikini line from my first child's arrival. These are the physical medals I wear with pride as they remind me that I have done the exclusively precious womanly work of bearing and feeding my children.

I have also since had a natural birth that brought me more than could ever be imagined.

Have PM'd you; there's too much to say and it's late and I'm shattered. There are billions of things to say, billions and I would like to share them all with you but I can't type for that long as I too have 2 gorgeous children and time is precious.

Blessings to you both and to your beautiful bump.

The things I didn't know as soon as I became a parent:

* when in the hospital I didn't know my boobs would get so big that I wouldn't be able to wear the bra that I went in wearing, to come home in.

* I didn't know about the Umbilical Cord and that it withered, went black and then dropped off :gag:

* I didn't know that when she had her first injections I would be the one to cry (I couldn't bear anyone hurting my baby)

* I didn't know that the years would fly past so quickly ...

My daughter is all grown up now but whatever age she is, she'll always be my little girl :thumbsup:

What would I do differenlty now? quite a few things, but we can't put back the clock can we. You just have to do what you think is right and in the best interests of your child at the time. The things I did, rightly or wrongly, were what I thought was best for her.

What advice would I give anyone else? Enjoy your babies/children and sometimes as a parent you have to make painful and difficult decisions - some your child will not thank you for - you can't always be your child's best friend, someone else will take that role, you are their parent, it is your role to guide them, educate them, care for them, support them and ultimately encourage them to not rely on you and to have the confidence to go out there in the big wide world and be independent. Bit deep eh :wink:

One tip with twins: (they run in our family :suspect: ) Try to be fair and divide attention equally :thumbsup: (difficult)

Kids test how far they can push you, and know which buttons to push.

The dynamics are far more complex with twins. They push each other's buttons and yours all at once.

It's all too easy to get caught in the trap created, and inadvertently treat them differently.

My cousin has his 3yr old girls at weekends. The more confident one talks more, and is therefore easier to understand, so when they both vie for attention, it's too easy to listen to her. This causes her sister to wail (for attention) because my harrassed cousin will drop everything and pick her up.

It's now a cycle that is hard to break.

Take photos of the kids regularly, at least at every birthday time. You'll be surprised how quickly they grow up, and you will want something to remember them by when you're older.

I've now looked up one of my favourite threads about kids. May I quote msbehavin posting about her children..........

"I want them to live life by the seat of their pants, laugh in the face of danger, abseil down high buildings, ride on motorbikes, fly on a rope in the air behind a speedboat, swim with dolphins and do as many crazy, fun things in life as they can get away with - just like their mum does!"

Fantastic advice! :thumbsup:

Congratulations Zebra, twins will be hard work but it will be so worth it (you will have heard many times before!)

The stuff i will say is the obvious stuiff which i didn't really take in (as a father) until it happened.

First thing is sleep, i used to hate not getting my 8 hours. Now after the little one was born i had to adjust to 3 to 4 hours but at 7 months i can now get in over 6 hours!

We were never were ones for going out all the time, but you really do now look at times to go out so you can be back home at a certain time. You can take things with you but it's never easy

One of my biggest pleasures was watching films. This toatlly goes down the pan as you rarely get two hours on your own! Small things like watching TV will also be changed as well as meal times and eating habits.

However it is very rewarding, she is my little girl and i feel it gets more rewarding as threy get older (others may back it up or disgaree). Very much hard work at first (twins will be) but it gets easier (always remember that!). Good luck :thumbsup:

Why do people use the word "sacrifice" when referring to bringing up their own children. There is no sacrifice involved, just choice.

I personally have very strong views on this subject, but putting them onto a public forum is very difficult because there is a lot of personal stuff involved.

What I will say is, always be grateful for your children and love them unconditionally, because you never know what the future may hold.

One of the things most give up a great deal on is sex ;)
Privacy eventually goes out the window.

I do not think you sacrifice anything per se but what you do find is that your child comes before everything - work, partner, hobbies, chores, the whole lot. You want to do what you think is best for them, and that may not actually always be the best.

But no matter what it is you are supposedly sacrificing, having a child you can hold and love is worth it.

Dragon

as a father of 1 things may be a bit different & could even be me looking thru rose coloured specs. i had a gr8 pregnancy although i don't have stretchmarks i still haven'y got my figure back & my ass looks big in everything.

joking aside we chose for only one to work at the worst time in uk history,my daughter is 20 now & i think i have just finished repaying everythinh mentally & physically.
always try to do as much as possible together, my daughter went everywhere possible with us -( although we weren't drinkers so the pub wasn't a problem) until she reached about 7 or 8.
try not to be sexist - most parents are without knowing it.if one is a girl buy them a tool kit if one is a boy let them play with dolls - encourage them as they grow older to try & experience as much of life as possible.
congratulations,dont worry & try to ignore the in laws - they do mean well honestly.!!

Well first of all congratulations!

Having children is wonderful. They're loving, cute, funny and sweet - and VERY hard work!

I don't have twins though they dorunin both families. I hae 2 who are quite close together in age. I have a 2 and half year old boy and a girl who will be turning 1 at the end of the month. So I am a busy Mum indeed.

There are many things in all honesty that change or have to wait. I think the mistake I made was to not even try and keep a little bit of freedom for myself. 2 weeks ago was the first night out I had in 3 years & going out with my partner looks like some kind of fantasy right now. Now my kids are so clingy it's bordering on very weird! There are many reasons why this is thecase though, and for one we don't really have anyone close by to pop in and look after them. I daresay you will have more help in that department anyway hopefully. Do try and get out & do your own thing occasionally or you'll end going stir crazy.

So far, the terrible 2's are the most difficult stage for me personally. My Son has some truly amazing public tantrums! But then he'll give me a cuddle and say "I love you Mamma" and it's instantly forgotten.

So all in all, very trying sometimes but worth ALL of it. Though I do dream of getting my figure back too........

:)

if i had my time again !!!!!

i would make sure my NO meant NO and not ....maybe or perhaps

i would listen to my husband more...not as emotionally involved

keep some time for myself


Congratulations and All the Best

Yes the terrible 2's were the worst for me.. my 10 year old never grew out of them ! and my toddler is now in the stages of perfecting a window shattering scream, and I cant turn my back on him for a second, last week he flushed his brothers pants down the toilet.
But its things like that that you look back on in years to come and smile. Enjoy every second because they grow up so fast.
I think the one thing I would change is sticking to a routine, mind it's difficult when your so tierd that one day melts into the next. But when they do have routine I see much better results in thier sleeping paterns and behavior.

I am the mother of a 15 year old boy. He was born 7 weeks premature and spent the first month of his life in hospital wired-up to various machines. It was a hard time for us. I daren't love him too much at first for the fear of him dying.

When we did bring him home I suffered from post natal depression for well over a year. It took its toll on my marraige and I don't think to this day I got the support I desparately needed. Eventually the depression subsided ( after some medication which I stopped ) and I became a 'normal' loving mother.

My son has been my life. I stayed at home with him until he started school then I enrolled at college and got a part-time job to fit in with his schooling. I/we have given him lots of different experiences in life. He's been with us in restaurants, pubs and never ever misbehaved. We have shown him the delights of nature and the countryside, travelled to foreign climes, walked in the woods and over hills and dales. We have always made sure he understands that there are people less fortunate than ourselves and made him a kind, caring, sensitive soul.

My life has been my son and now he's grown up and has his first real girlfriend I feel that I've lost part of him. My husband always came second and as a result he found solace with another woman.

The morale of this story is, love and care for your children but don't forget your partner. Try and spend some quality time together at least once a month. You aren't being selfish. :thumbsup:

You don't make sacrifices - life as you know it changes. You become a family and it's amazing.

And because you'll love your bundles of joy to pieces it will all come together. Though I think the first 4 months are the worst with new babies. Then you build up your confidence have started making new baby friends, getting out and about and it all clicks.

Ensure you get out nearly everyday. Pram pushing is the best stress release ever and most babies love it. Get lists of mums and tots groups/NCT etc... I would have gone crazy without these groups.

And like alot of the others say ensure that you and your guy do get out without the kids. Try to get one night out a fortnight with your friends at least. Even if you can't go out together due to babysitting probs make sure you (if at home all day with the babies) get out. Even if totally knackered as adult conversation is not available with babies and you do get a mushy brain. Well that's my excuse.

Have fun and remember they do stop crying... eventually.

Congratualtions. I have twin girls and having them has been a right roller-coaster of a ride. I sacrificed my body, sleep and my career but regret nothing. My advice to you is to get all the help you can for the first 6 months and turn to www.twinsclub.co.uk for advice: they have a great forum and whatever the problem someone will know the answer. Good luck and make sure you do your pelvic floor exercises. ;)

When I was pregnant with my first, a friend said to me that having children changes your life and I thought 'yeah yeah, I know-obviously!'. But it does so much, I cannot begin to say. It's not just the lifestyle changes but it's the changes in the way I think about things- I don't miss not being able to get wasted for days on end like I used to, cos I don't want/need to anymore. I have become a much more responsible person, I know it sounds boring, but it's great - I needed to!

One of the best things I had to deal with ( but one of the hardest sometimes) is the maternal love I feel for my children- it really surprised me!

Parenthood is scary ( the worry when they get ill, or when something's not quite right), but I feel I didn't become and adult until my first son was born (I was 29).

Try to keep things fun- it's easy to get stressed about housework, or who's doing their fair share around the house. A routine is good, but make sure it doesn't become so inflexible that there's no room for spontinaiety.

Most of all --- enjoy:clap: (and congratulations!)

Well, I'm relieved to say it all sounds as I expected. Someone once said not to expect to have a life for the first 6 months, and I don't. So, if I actually do have a life it will be a bonus:D
When I say sacrifice I mean as a general terminology. I anticipate my life being enhanced by the arrival of our daughters but this thread was written so that both myself and my partner can benefit from all your experiences.
He recently told me he had signed up to play football and I pointed out that our babies are expected sometime in the next 10 weeks ish, therefore I would rather expect that for a certain time he would not go off to play footie as a new dad to twins. I feel certain I'd feel resentful if he disappeared every Sunday afternoon pleasing himself, I doubt I'll have that luxury for a long time and I feel he should revel in fatherhood while he can for independence will come too soon, I'm sure.
I sort of felt, by saying this, that I was denying him something, but I also recognise that I'll be at home all day while he works until 9pm not wiping bums and feeding babies and so on and has adult conversations etc. The day and a half he gets off per week I feel we should be together, especially him with his daughters.
Once the girls get to a certain age then I'm all for him going off and playing footie.
To his credit he accepted what I felt and will delay his Sunday league career :D but the topic was already there, hence the thread.
That's kinda what I meant by sacrifice.
I worry about how prepared he is for this and I wonder if I'm as clued up as I think I am so this seems a good place to ask for opinions.

Ahhh, now that was interesting ;)

Perhaps you could suggest that you each get Sunday afternoon off on alternate weeks. If he's had first hand experience of managing 2 babies all on his own, he may appreciate your circumstances better :D

Don't let him think 'excapism' is a good idea :(

the only advice i will give you is...
allways listen to any advice that is been given...
but you dont have to take it...
heres a poem i would like to share with you all




If a child lives with criticism. He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility. He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule. He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame. He learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance. He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement. He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise. He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness. He learns justice.

If a child lives with security. He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval. He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship.
He learns to find love in the world.

love that poem!and missb, that was so sad-made me think!!
hi zebra!we have twin boys!aged 6 now!i'm not gonna lie!it's been tough and occasionally still is!
i love them so much and they have such an unbelievable bond but the 1st year was such a haze and so knackering that i look at their baby photos now and the home videos and i just cry!i was so tired,that i didn't really see how beautiful they were!we had no family support as such ,so don't let it get u down!there's always someone on the sheffield forum!even at 3am!
i look at my boys when they play and feel blessed to have them!just took a long time to get to this point!take lots of photos!
good luck to you both!:bigsmile:

Thanks all, good to know there are twin parents out there who don't wear specially made white jackets and are still allowed in public :D
I can't wait to begin maternity leave now, only a few weeks of work left, even though I can leave if I want, but I'll be bored.
I've bought a special feeding pillow thingummy for twins and been given/bought so much paraphenalia, I feel fairly ready, just need to get in the new house.
Keep your comments coming. Cheers
:)

I know this is off the topc of experiences/parenthood etc, but i thought you would like to see this, (IM THE FATHER OF 4 KIDS) a childs view about getting married: KIDS DONT YOU JUST LOVE THEM?
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that
- - Curt, age 7
(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8
(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

(((And the #1 Favourite is)))........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

bless....:hihi:

Originally posted by Zebra
My partner and I have lots of speculative conversations on how thing will be once our babies are born. No one else that we know has twins but plenty with singletons so even that is speculation.
However, I'd be interested to read your personal experiences of motherhood and fatherhood, what sacrifices you made, what you did that you shouldn't, what you should have done which you didn't and what you wish you had known before hand.
I work with kids anyway so I sort of have more experience than my fella but we'll be first time parents together.

When I think back, I think I was far too young when I had my son; I was 23 years old and was totally unprepared for how much having a child changes your life.

My partner at the time was totally unsupportive and this made things a real struggle.

I eventually got rid of the partner and that was one of the best things I ever did, but now I was about to endure life as a single parent and I don’t think anything can prepare you for that.

I felt resentful at the sacrifices I had to make and most of all I felt like a massive failure, as I found myself yet another statistic “A single mother, with no qualifications, no life experience and no friends”.

I remember feeling so down because I felt that I had just ruined my life, there was so much that I realised I wished that I had done, you know, like going to uni, living a student life, travelling, clubbing, meeting people, concerts, party’s, you name it I realised then that I had let myself down big style, and I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt because I felt like if a mother complains these days she would get spat at in the street, a mother isn’t allowed to have a life or wished she’d done things differently.

Don’t get me wrong I love my son more than life itself and he has never suffered at all, as a mother and as a responsible person I have always put my son first and just get on with life.

I was working full time but I reduced my hours to spend more time with my son, I don’t get paid child support because my ex is an arsehole and has never informed the CSA of his whereabouts and they haven’t done much to pursue the matter.

I met a lovely guy 3 years ago and my sons life and mine is better than it’s ever been, my partner is the best thing that ever happened to the both of us, he is supportive, kind, generous, loving and my best friend.

To be able to talk to someone about how I was feeling was refreshing and I realised that I’m only human and not superwoman and I can have regrets, feel disappointed, angry and upset without feeling like I am about to be judged and told I am a bad parent.

Now I’m almost 30 and I’m at ease with parenthood and the sacrifices I have made and however hard, it has been well worth it, I am happy, content and so is my son and I would do it all over again.

I am definitely looking forward to having more children and I never thought I would ever feel that way, I honestly thought the fear of being left on my own again to struggle would of put me off parenthood for life, but it hasn’t.

I firmly believe that having support, physical, emotional & financial is so bloody important, I don’t think you could manage without support in any form, it is of vital importance.

I also think that you have to be totally unselfish to have a child because your life will change in a huge way and when you have somebody else to consider you no longer have the freedom to just walk out that door whenever you want.

Originally posted by marshy
!there's always someone on the sheffield forum!even at 3am!


Someone talking about me? :hihi:

Being serious though, marshy has a very good point. If in the middle of the night, when the babies just won't sleep - don't even think about teething problems for now! - there is always the Sheffield Forum you can turn to for a chat with someone. Don't forget, we have an international following, and 3a.m. in the UK is midday in Australia - Peterdo told me that when we were chatting to each across the globe the other night. So, if (more likely when) you are feeling worn down, log onto SF - and I'm sure you'll find someone to give you support, even in the wee small hours. :thumbsup:

squashie28,

I have kids myself and I know I wouldn't have been able to cope without my hubby. I have a lot of respect for people who bring up kids on their own as I know how demanding a new baby or toddler can be. I'm sure there are many people who can relate to your feelings.

I am pleased to read that you have found happiness with your new partner. Good luck with your future!

Zebra,

I think, especially with the first child, you want everything to be perfect. For example, I know with my first child I serilised everything for the first 6 months. With my third child I didn't bother after 4 weeks! That's not while I just couldn't be bothered it was because I realised that I was probably doing more damage than good in not strengthening the immune system. My kids are healthy and am really lucky that I don't take trips to the doctors as often as some of my friends do.

Just thought you'd like to read this posted from Owdlad (http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46251)

:)

The poem thingy is okay Madblast, but maybe all the things you pointed out are a necessary evil. I know it may sound harsh and in a perfect world of perfect people perhaps it would not be needed.

My son drew a picture and asked what I thought. I decided not to critisize but to to say it was pretty good and then asked what it was a drawing of. But seriously - I think constructive critisism is a good thing. Same goes for all the other negative points made in the poem. It is as much these that makes us what we are as everything else. I would hate to live in a world where they did not exist.

Encourage your child. Don't turn round and say - you just are not trying hard enough. Rephrase it. Everything in moderation.

But I love my children and hope they achieve far more than me. As far as they themselves are concerned, there is nothing I would change about them.

Dragon

Hi Zebra, do you have anyone you can call on for breastfeeding support? The La Leche League have a book written about b/feeding twins; maybe you already have it, but just so you know that it IS possible and it can be enjoyable.

Hi,
Yep, someone's lent me the La Leche book though I haven't a second to read it, it'll save until I'm on maternity leave.
I also got your pm and I've kept it, will come back to it once I have a second, just too much going on right now. :)

ok, i'll look forward to it. :)

hi zebra!just wanted to pass on some useful twinnie info!
if u haven't got any already make sure you do invest in 2 bouncy seats!not the ones you hang from the doorway-just those cloth seats that you can carry around/sit them in!the best things i bought!you can feed one baby and bounce the other one in the seat with your foot at the same time!also when you're spoon feeding you can sit in the middle on the floor between the two babies and shovel in the mush-lol!good luck zebra!
oh yes...i remember it well...xx:wave: