hi all i need some help my son is 13 and will not go 2 school a few years ago we had this and he ended up seeing a therapist for 6 months down we took him 2 doc about 3 weeks back and they said he was depress and as the weeks went on hes been gettin worst i phone school up and still waitin for them 2 get back 2 me took him 2 doc yestarsday and the doc says hes needs 2 go and c the therapist , this mornin got him up for school and he just went on one which isnt like him he locked is self in the toilet ,band doors said he that we dont care and dont love him ,ive took is phone and is lap top of him and said when u go 2 school u can have them back can anybody help how can i get him 2 go 2 school i was thing of havin him learn at home help please :help:

Did the doctor make the referral for him to go back to see the therapist? If not then keep taking him back to the doctor until he does. Also get back on to the school and see if they can make a referral to CaMHS as well. It's hard but if he is really depressed, taking stuff off him won't make him go to school, he needs to get help and all I can suggest is keep bugging the doctor and school until something is done!

hi thanks finoni9 wot is a camhs thanks xxxxx and yes the doctor as referral him to the therapist

Hi wendy222, I'm so sad to hear your story. My eldest son is a similar age and we are adjusting to the changes that teenage years bring. Its not always easy to know what behaviour may be due to and the children don't always know themselves either. You haven't said much about what your relationship with your son is usually like and whether his current behaviour is very out of the ordinary. But bearing that in mind I would say that on the whole children do not have the same freedom as adults to make choices in their lives, so sometimes have to resort to quite challenging behaviour to get their needs met. Refusing to go to school is taking quite a stand isn't it. Would your son usually take such a strong stand in other situations - in which case it might be a more general issue or is this only happening in relation to school - in which case their might be a more specific problem. One possibility is that there is a situation that he needs help with and he doesn't know how to get this help or believes that he won't get the help he needs or that asking for help will make it worse. Refusing to go to school may then be the only option left to him to keep himself safe or happy. Children are sometimes afraid that if they say what's wrong or ask for help then they will lose control of the situation because others will overreact, or make it worse - so they shut down. I suspect that punishing your son may just alienate him from the very people who may be able to help him most and that's you. I heard a nice saying once, which was "The behaviour is not the problem, its the answer to the problem." - maybe this behaviour is the only answer that you son can find at the moment?
I don't know - these are just some thoughts that may not have anything to do with what is going on for your son, so please discard them if they don't apply to you.
I wish you well and good luck.

hi thanks finoni9 wot is a camhs thanks xxxxx and yes the doctor as referral him to the therapist

Hiya - it's child and adolescent mental health services - it's probably where you saw the therapist last time.

I went through this hell with my oldest boy. Talk to the school. There are a number of strategies they have that might help, such as cutting hours for a while. Also he can download schoolwork to do at home so he doesn't get too far behind as that will make it harder for him to go back. Ask to see his year head and if they don't reply, phone the attendance officer and ask for a meeting of relevant staff to discuss your problem. If he is depressed pushing him will lead to him completely shutting off. I don't know any way you can make a 13 year old go to school if he is determined not to go. Stay calm and when its past school time in the day talk to him and see if you can get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to go. If he has brothers or sisters talk to them as its amazing what siblings may know about whats worrying him.

thanks duckweed well this mornin he got up at 7 went in shower and went 2 school as thou doin had happened the last few days so hes like 2 people its like walkin on egg shells school still not got back 2 me

My son turned 13 last week and I know he has been struggling a bit with the affects of puberty, he has had some mood swings and has had periods of feeling very tired. I looked on internet and printed him out some things on male puberty just so he knows that what's happening to his body is completely normal and will be happening to all his friends as well.
According to the article I printed, puberty can be a very stressful time, could this have anything to do with how he is feeling?
Have you actually sat down with him and tried asking him what is his reasons for not wanting to go to school?
I wish you and your son good luck.

I'm glad he went back to school but if he is depressed he will be up and down I'm afraid. It could be puberty or even migraine causing problems but I do think you need to find how he feels on the days he doesn't want to go.