Remember Birley School in the 60s? Chunk Davies, Harry Lines, Dickerson [Archive]

zakes

03-03-2010, 08:25

ATHENIAN GIRL, TROJAN BOY.

It befell on a warm summers day in late december 1967 several months before Unhappy Zakes left Birley school to serve his last year and a quarter of education at Hurlfield Boys (what no birds?) school (front two gates Sheff 2, back gates Sheff 12). Mr. Knox and Mr. Phipps had had painful experiences and for this Unhappy Zakes had received a punishment of 100 lines (what no whack?). Now, Unhappy Zakes had always preferred the whack because it was over and done with right away as opposed to lines or detention which robbed Unhappy Zakes of his time and freedom to cause mischief for others. Unhappy Zakes had arranged to meet a girl from his class behind the gym in 25 minutes but the punishment of 100 lines would take an hour. As it happened Unhappy Zakes had in his satchel 3 parker pens that his mother had acquired thanx to 57000 green shield stamps she had saved up. Unhappy Zakes also had a roll of sellotape with him that he had saved for a rainy day. Unhappy Zakes then proceeded to lay his 3 parker pens side by side and tip to tip upon the desk then adroitly taped them together (please DO try this at home). When Unhappy Zakes wrote 1 line he actually wrote 3 lines at the same time ( I MUST NOT PUT DRAWING PINS ON TEACHERS CHAIRS WITH THE POINT FACING UPWARDS). 20 minutes later, Unhappy Zakes unsellotaped the 3 green shield parker pens then wrote the final line with one of them to complete the 100, then handed them in to the lines duty teacher of the week and left the classroom, shot down the corridor in world record time, out of the school building, zipped down the path leading to the back of the gym and there she was, Athena waiting with cherry red lips for Unhappy Zakes. Within seconds Happy Zakes was holding her breath, and she was holding his!! Um......

lynnielass

07-03-2010, 12:15

Oh Zakes, You make me smile with your anecdotes of `the good old days` but, I am puzzled how you remember so much after all this time. Wish my memory was as good

lynnielass

14-03-2010, 12:27

Does anyone remember the rumour going round school that one of the teachers was caught peeking into the windows of the nurses home???

zakes

17-03-2010, 10:41

OCTOPUS JUICE

The day had started well for Zakes. He had leapt out of bed with a smile having thought of his fave girl in class at Birley School. Zakes oppened his curtains with a design of the Bash Street Kids on them and peered out the window to be greeted by a sunny day in April 1967. Zakes was good mooded all day but that was to change. At 13:57 during a fierce but friendly ink fight in class Mr Fidler (vaunting type, played footy for Macclesfield) had been hit by one of Zakes' overladen ink pellets and within seconds the ink was running down his face like blue tears. Mr Fidler was well and truly quinked. The upshot of this was that Zakes was to go to the headmaster and explain to him what he had done. That instantly wiped the smile from Zakes' face and put him in an immediate state of petrification. Zakes with innards churning called in at the boys bogs, after weshing his hands Zakes being a forward thinker plugged the plug in the plughole (where else?) of the third weshbasin from the left and proceeded to fill the ceramic receptacle with cold water. Zakes marched at a snail's pace along the corridor toward the last room on the left. Zakes thumped twice upon the door of the lion's den and the response was a roared demand to enter. As usual Mr 'Harry' Lines was sat with his back to the window which created an intimidating silhouette and with the sun rays pouring through the window from without Zakes was blinded by the light making it impossible to see the face of his arch enemy. After the shouted remonstration had abated 'Harry' arose from his throne and reached to the cupboard where his canes of different lengths and widths were stored. Having chosen the second cane from the right 'Harry' ordered Zakes to bend over the other chair in the room. Six swishes and six ouches later Zakes left the lions den and brushed past the blushing school secretary who had been listening at the door. Zakes sprinted down the corridor also doing a hop, skip and a jump, his poor rear end felt like it was afire! On reaching the Carzey Zakes released his snake belt, unbuttoned and lowered his Marks & Sparks grey coloured trousers then climbed up backwards finally lowering his burning backside into the welcoming cold water in the wesh basin......AAAAAH.

sezlez

20-03-2010, 11:21

Jeez mate I have read most of your stuff.
You are one seriously funny man.....er in doors is playing mardy arses cos I wont get off the PC ARF ARF....................

zakes

29-03-2010, 08:10

ZAKES PAYS HOMAGE

It was Thursday the 33rd day in the month of September 1967 and Zakes had become so very aware of the opposite sex partly due to the fact that he had spent many hours flicking through the pages of his eldest brother's Parade magazine collection. Zakes found himself on this fine overcast day strolling along the main corridor at his place of learning Birley Secondary Modern School, 6 paces behind Miss Moore. Zakes casually but eagerly scanned her from waist downwards over a pert rump, down past curvy thighs, and of course those dimply creases behind the knees, down shapely calves onwards to beautifully well turned ankles and back up again. It occurred to zakes that as regards looking at legs the higher you went the nearer the bottom you got. Zakes with heart also throbbing couldn't resist giving a low, deep hardly audible wolf whistle. Miss Moore half turned her long most snoggable neck and gave Zakes what he thought may have been a salacious smile, well she did twitch her lips. Miss Moore continued her journey along the corridor toward the staff room and Zakes chanced another glance at the body of this goddess and when he got to the hem line noticed a flash of torquoise blue and like a fool immediately blurted out CHARLIE'S DEAD! In a split second Miss Moore half twisted and looked down and to her horror realised her underskirt was showing and in panic promptly disappeared into the face saving staff room. Miss Moore was the fourth babe Zakes had fallen in love with in recent times, the others being Lynn Stacey, Sandie Shaw and Maggie Fitzgibbon who played Vivienne Cooper in the Newcomers on the telly. Miss Ellis, the new sports teacheress who had recently come to Birley School from Hinde House School had also just gone into the staff room. Zakes had observed that she had a fine pair of lungs but her legs let her down in a big way. Zakes made the decision to go for a smoke and turned round and headed toward the lads lav. Having fulfilled his craving for the cork tipped Craven 'A' fag, Zakes exited the boys bogs and just caught sight of Sandra Wallis and Lynn Stacey (yes,her again) going into the lasses loo dressed in white blouses and grey pleated skirts and knee high white virgin socks both of them looking as if butter would melt. Zakes shuffled up to the door and stiffened his ears to listen in on their dialogue, and he heard Sandra ask Lynn, ''What do boys talk about?'' Lynn replied ''I suppose the same as us girls'', Sandra then said ''DIRTY SODS!'' Zakes had to chuckle as he slunk away thinking it was only last week that Sandra had given him a guided tour around the corrugated iron garages behind her home on Newstead Drive!......Oh Ah.

zakes

03-04-2010, 08:35

'KIN 'ELL', PURRIT AAHT!

It was Septober during the year of 1966 that the welterweight whippersnapper also known as Zakes was leaning against the paper towel dispenser in the lads latrine. He was casually staring at the ceiling intrigued by a spider wandering aimlessly along from left to right. Zakes was also casting his mind back to a ditty that had been related to him in class by one of the girls three minutes shy of one hour ago. Smiling to himself Zakes was trying to remember the exact wording of the ditty, then to memorise it because he wanted to tell it to his mum when he got home after school. Zakes eventually got it sorted in his head and it went like:-

THERE WAS A MAN FROM THE MANOR
WHO DID ANYTHING FOR A TANNER
HIS LATEST TRICK
WAS TO STAND ON HIS P-I-K
AND TIGHTEN HIS B-L-S
WITH A SPANNER Naughty girl!

Zakes lost interest in the spider and reached into the top pocket of his maroon coloured blazer and withdrew a Woodbine flip and enkindled it with a matchstick gained from a matchstick box with a motif of Captain Matthew Webb on it's front side. Drawing busily on his dog end and thinking of better days Zakes suddenly stood to attention with a jolt because Mr Shimwell had appeared out of nowhere and caught Zakes red handed and yellow fingered in the act. Mr Shimwell in a loud voice gave Zakes a serious talking to giving Zakes the shakes. Mr Shimwell went on to tell Zakes that smoking can cause lung cancer, and he would also get smelly breath and the girls wouldn't want to kiss him and that Zakes could also develop a bad cough. Zakes interrupted Mr Shimwell by saying:-

IT'S NOT THE COUGH
THAT CARRYS YOU OFF
IT'S THE COFFIN
THEY CARRY YOU OFF IN Sir!

With that, Mr Shimwell already frothing at the mouth grabbed Zakes by the collar and dragged him from the shouse, then along the corridor to the office of Mr 'Harry' Lines. Once inside Mr Shimwell explained to 'Harry' what had been appertaining and Mr Lines thanked him and said he would take over then dismissed him from the office. As Zakes was bending over the punishment chair he noticed a twenty pack of Rothmans king sized ciggies on 'Harry's' polished desk. After the sound thrashing of four thwacks Zakes was sent packing. With burning butt Zakes danced down the corridor in direction of the classroom and thought the world was so unfair because Mr Lines and Mr Shimwell both smoked, and who was to punish them?

lynnielass

05-04-2010, 17:25

How the teachers never smelt the fag smoke on us is beyond me!! Me and Sandra would take it in turns of going to the `little girls room`, we`d take a fag and some sort of lighting equipment (failing that there was always the incinerator (yuk) and some of that lovely soft (not!) toilet roll to light the fags with, have a few drags ,then return to the class all sweetness and light.
Oh, for those days back... only had to worry bout the next fag break lol

lynnielass

08-04-2010, 16:06

has anyone got any photos of these halcyon days?

lynnielass

15-04-2010, 14:16

Does anyone else have any little stories to tell from these happy days?

zakes

06-05-2010, 05:03

LOOKING SO ADORABLE WEARING HER RED SASH.

It's cloudy in the west and looking like rain and my old slickers in the wagon again, singing hi yi yippee yippee yi yippee yay, singing hi yi yippee yay. The ever good mooded Zakes had his duffel bag full of his sports kit slung over his left shoulder as he made his way home from Birley School to the little boxes on the hillside, namely the Victor Hallam houses of Newstead. It had been sports day on this pleasant day in 1967 and Zakes' house team the 'Terrific Trojans' had finished the day second behind the 'Admirable Athenians', the Crummy Corinthians were third and last and least were the Scummy Spartans. The day had started well for Zakes, he had slept well and had had a healthy breakfast of Farleys rusks followed by fried bread, mushrooms, bacon, sossidge, scrambled eggs sunny side up, tomatoes, sprouts, all with brown sauce, weshed down with a pint mug full of Camp coffee. After a nine minute puking session Zakes was ready for some serious athletics and set off school bound. The athletics 'meeting' had been in progress for a guesstimated two hours and Zakes was strolling around with the number 57 attached to his sports vest, he always wore this number because he was in a variety of events. Zakes was gagging for it, yes he was in desperate need of a fag. He lit up using a lucifer he had cadged off one of the lasses, the sapient sometimes sagacious but always wise Zakes was a proud lad and didn't like scrounging matchsticks but unfortunately the lads' loo didn't have the luxury of a Dr. White burner to ignite the Izal bog roll to kindle ciggies. Zakes couldn't use two sticks either to create a spark because he had never been a member of the Baden Powell gang. Zakes had been very uncareful and hadn't seen the bearded and pigeon toed art teacher Mr. (Tinga and ) Tucker approach from the direction that Zakes wasn't looking. Zakes was telled by Mr. Tucker that he was a disgrace to the empire and if he caught him smoking again he would be for the high jump. This confused Zakes causing him to frown making the intelligence crease between his eyebrows more prominent, he ran the 100 yards dash, the 220 yards rush and did the 100 yards hurdles and the egg and spoon race but had never done the high jump because he knew he would be a flop at doing the Fosbury and wouldn't make the cut doing the scissors method and the only western-s he knew were on the telly with Randolph Scott in the lead roll!......Geddit?

lynnielass

06-05-2010, 16:27

o.m.g!!! you are so,so mad Zakes. you really make me chuckle reading your stories

kenny gray

06-05-2010, 17:23

would anyone remember john rodgers?

lynnielass

11-05-2010, 16:42

That name doesn`t ring a bell with me.. any other names?

zakes

31-05-2010, 07:53

Zakes had never much money for spice and fags to take to school during the week because when he got his weekly spendo from his dad on Friday's he would blow it on comics, fags and spice and at the matinee at the Rex (Zakes was un-barred six months ago, after being barred for twelve months) on Saturday's. By Sunday he would be pink lint and that was it until Friday tea time. Zakes realised this couldn't continue, being skint five days a week wasn't the life for a thirteen year old boy who wanted to be seen as affluent. Whipping his mothers Senior Service tipped and his dads Capstan Full Strength wasn't the answer because he would eventually in the end sooner or later get caught and that would most likely result in a dubbel thick ear(s). Zakes, being a bright spark when he put his mind to it thought up an idea to generate funds for smokes and sweets and also gain the attention of the girls which would and could and should (optimist) result in hot canoodling sessions. House point cards had recently been introduced (similar to stars awarded at Zakes Junior school three years). These cards were folded over to make four sides , front, back and left and right inside (four faces). On the front was written the pupils' name, the left page inside was for minus points, the right side for plus points and it's not remembered what was on the back. The teachers would award points (plus for good behaviour and minus for untowards behaviour) and would write the amount in the card along with his or her initials or mini signature. After some weeks Zakes had managed to amass more house points than anybody else in class but alas these points were on the debit side! Zakes had started to spend his evenings at home practising the forging of initialsof the teachers and after fifty seven hours mastered five to perfection, Mr Shimwell, Mr Fidler, Mr Phipps, Mr Tucker and Miss Moor. Some days later Zakes had equalled his minus tally with plus points and was filling cards of school mates and charging them in some cases money and in most cases fags and spice like koala cubes, sherbet dabs, mint rock, caramac, swizzles etc. Business was thriving and Zakes was affluently loaded and popular. Within weeks the workload was becoming too much so Zakes decided to 'employ' an assistant. A fellow pupil (for legal reasons can not be named) was set on and he learned the ropes pretty quickly and fast too. This fellow pupil became very adroit and he became in a short space of time very 'rich' sweetwise but alas he got greedy and complacent and like a rolling fart on a curtain rail signed Miss Moor's initials in black ink instead of her usual sky blue and this was soon to be discovered. They both received a most serious caning from the smirking headmaster Mr Lines and Zakes returned to his dark days of skintness again......Ugh.

P.S. Mr Fidler signed his initials ADF and Zakes was the person who originally nicknamed him ADolF. Alternatively, A Daft F_cker.

zakes

31-05-2010, 07:55

Zakes Forging Ahead 1967

Zakes had never much money for spice and fags to take to school during the week because when he got his weekly spendo from his dad on Friday's he would blow it on comics, fags and spice and at the matinee at the Rex (Zakes was un-barred six months ago, after being barred for twelve months) on Saturday's. By Sunday he would be pink lint and that was it until Friday tea time. Zakes realised this couldn't continue, being skint five days a week wasn't the life for a thirteen year old boy who wanted to be seen as affluent. Whipping his mothers Senior Service tipped and his dads Capstan Full Strength wasn't the answer because he would eventually in the end sooner or later get caught and that would most likely result in a dubbel thick ear(s). Zakes, being a bright spark when he put his mind to it thought up an idea to generate funds for smokes and sweets and also gain the attention of the girls which would and could and should (optimist) result in hot canoodling sessions. House point cards had recently been introduced (similar to stars awarded at Zakes Junior school three years). These cards were folded over to make four sides , front, back and left and right inside (four faces). On the front was written the pupils' name, the left page inside was for minus points, the right side for plus points and it's not remembered what was on the back. The teachers would award points (plus for good behaviour and minus for untowards behaviour) and would write the amount in the card along with his or her initials or mini signature. After some weeks Zakes had managed to amass more house points than anybody else in class but alas these points were on the debit side! Zakes had started to spend his evenings at home practising the forging of initialsof the teachers and after fifty seven hours mastered five to perfection, Mr Shimwell, Mr Fidler, Mr Phipps, Mr Tucker and Miss Moor. Some days later Zakes had equalled his minus tally with plus points and was filling cards of school mates and charging them in some cases money and in most cases fags and spice like koala cubes, sherbet dabs, mint rock, caramac, swizzles etc. Business was thriving and Zakes was affluently loaded and popular. Within weeks the workload was becoming too much so Zakes decided to 'employ' an assistant. A fellow pupil (for legal reasons can not be named) was set on and he learned the ropes pretty quickly and fast too. This fellow pupil became very adroit and he became in a short space of time very 'rich' sweetwise but alas he got greedy and complacent and like a rolling fart on a curtain rail signed Miss Moor's initials in black ink instead of her usual sky blue and this was soon to be discovered. They both received a most serious caning from the smirking headmaster Mr Lines and Zakes returned to his dark days of skintness again......Ugh.

P.S. Mr Fidler signed his initials ADF and Zakes was the person who originally nicknamed him ADolF. Alternatively, A Daft F_cker.

David Bowler

01-06-2010, 08:06

This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time, when do we get to the punchline, I got up early to catch the next installment, I went to Frecheville School but remember some of the folks from Birley

eastbank

01-06-2010, 09:31

i was at birley school from 1968 in the second year having moved from shirecliffe....then it became thornbridge....asked pop becket if i could make a boardgame in woodwork....made myself a replica of aintree and had gambling sessions every break and dinner time....until one kid from charnock had to pawn his pen set for credit...every pupil brought his own horse...mine was the boot from monopoly...
he then confessed to his mother he was losing his dinner money every day...and i got a call from the headmaster....next minute my work of art is going through the bandsaw......happy days.....working on my new book kid of steel....telling of my childhood growing up in sheffield's 5 and 12....

daddysangel

13-06-2010, 15:47

have just seen this thread, and see eastbank, that you will be goin` t`print. can i say that if your recollections are arf as funny as yer man zakes then i for one will be perchasin` a copy :D

eastbank

15-06-2010, 11:19

have just seen this thread, and see eastbank, that you will be goin` t`print. can i say that if your recollections are arf as funny as yer man zakes then i for one will be perchasin` a copy :D

just recounting the years from 1955-1971...school was funny,playing with the water,paint and sand in nursery..free school milk...getting your head pushed down the toilet when you moved up from infant to junior..playground games..getting the slipper and cane...school dinners and lovely frogspawn and lumpy custard...jublees and icepops..sherbert dabs...saturday morning matinees...hedge hopping and knock and run...shoplifting in woolies...i was 12 when i moved onto the birley...the woods..the mine..scrumping apples..swimming down ford...happy days

karensgood4u

15-06-2010, 11:29

Hi all

I used to go to birly school from 1965 to 1969 when we moved away from sheffield.
I used to live on newstead rise. The peoples names i remember are Diane and Linda Bagshaw, Michelle and Peter Craven. My name used to be Karen Yeomans I dont know if anyone would remember me

daddysangel

15-06-2010, 15:32

Don`t remember your name, remember most of the others that are mentioned on here, who were your classmates Karen?

karensgood4u

15-06-2010, 15:52

I cannot remember anyone elses full name, I know there was a lorraine and a carole and a michelle ( michelle was a bit of a bully) wasnt the headmaster called Mr Bully?

my dad used to be the local postman he was called Tony and my mum used to work in the four seasons cafe in pond street bus station.

daddysangel

15-06-2010, 16:27

did you know mary morley? think she had a sister, or margaret glossop, she also had a sister, it seems a lifetime away since i was at school!

karensgood4u

16-06-2010, 15:20

the name morley doesnt ring any bells. the problem i have is I left sheffield in year six and moved to worksop then from there back to south yorkshire so I didnt keep in touch with anyone from school and you forget, lets face it It was 40 years ago lol

daddysangel

17-06-2010, 18:14

That`s very true, my how time flies once you leave school! I very rarely see any of my old school mates in fact, i don`t think i would recognise them anyway!!!

zakes

19-06-2010, 03:31

A Sad Affair, 1968.

Sad Zakes always had a good recall, in fact he rarely forgot anything that had passed by his eyes, he seldom didn't remember any sounds or words that went through his ears. Sad Zakes thought the reasons for his keen awareness which would continue all through his life was what he ate and imbibed. Wholemeal bread (white bread is bleached flour, yuk), fish is something he always ate aplenty whether it be fresh or tinned, still mineral water (no lead poisoning there), green vegetables (spinach, broccoli etc), Gouda cheese, nicotine (to enliven cells in the brain that usually lie dormant) and loads of intensive reading of books. Sad Zakes was sitting on a bench on Birley Moor Road near to Ripon's newsagent cogitating and contemplating whether to reflect and ponder in a musing way. It was Friday dinner time and Sad Zakes had snuck out of Birley School because he needed to be alone on his own in solitude. It was coming up to the last quarter of 1968 and the heavy rain shower had just ended and the sun had come out to play and Sad Zakes was sat in a hang dog way watching splashing cars zipping past creating delightfully coloured sunbows with their spray. Sitting with a heavy heart Sad Zakes who was in the early days of his youthhood had on Tuesday been told by his parents that the family would in a few days time be leaving Birley and moving to Gleadless Townend and worse still Sad Zakes would be going to another school namely Hurlfield Comp. He was to be leaving the area he knew so well and would have to get to know and get used to a completely new place, bleeding hell! He would have to say ta ta to his mates and make new ones but that wasn't a real problem because Sad Zakes was and always would be a good 'ice breaker'. The big problem was that he wouldn't be seeing his super duper girl at school anymore. He just knew he wouldn't cast eyes upon her or hear her sweet voice again. Sad Zakes was so cut up about not seeing her again he went the evening past to visit his great grandfather to ask his advice and was told that time heals all wounds. Sad Zakes thought if that was the case then why was his heart still bleeding profusely with profuseness seventeen hours later? (and still is two score and more years later)......Big UGH.

David Bowler

19-06-2010, 13:23

Life can be so cruel, you have my sympathy

Proterra

06-07-2010, 20:04

Just come across this thread. Some of the names bring back memorys. In my class apart from some of them was Mick Brown, Ian Bellamy, Edward Parker, Paul Spencer. My first Girlfriend was Kathryn Ibbotson. I also went out Gloria Lowe and married Christine Backhouse. We divorced 25 yrs ago long timew aint it. I also went out for quite a while with Vivian Parker. Oh I'm Dave Goodwin. Our form teacher when we started was a Miss Peat who had also jusrt started, Dusty Springfield lookalike with short skirts!!!.

karensgood4u

06-07-2010, 20:17

eastbank

07-07-2010, 08:30

Eastbank.....reading your post reminded me of my regular saturday outings.

I used to go to the saturday morning matinee at the Rex cinema at Intake and then take the bus into pond street and go to the Top Rank for the afternoon disco. I would only be about 8 but I would go on my own and then meet friends in the top rank.

No mobile phones in them days I would be out all day and my parents wouldnt worry at all..........very different to these days

Bring back the good ole days

i used to live on newstead rise number 31....moved to birley in the summer of 1968....attended birley school in the second year...then it joined with thornbridge until i left school in 1971....
the newstead estate was great...always something going on...the farmers fields,the birley woods and ridgeway and ford...happy days....hoping to get the book finished this year...

karensgood4u

07-07-2010, 12:01

i lived at 65 newstead rise, my dad used to be the postman

zakes

27-08-2010, 05:30

Zakes Goes Walkies 1968.

Pick it, lick it, roll it,eat it, Zakes was having a juicy snack whilst sprawled out on the family's seven seater blue plastic coated leather settee wetching a thriller film on their 22 inch screened black and white Ekco televishun. The film was coming to a close and Zakes had been impressed by Clawed Reins in the lead role and the co-star Sherbet Lom seemed also to be a dab hand at acting too. Zakes had made his mind up a short while ago to take a stroll locally, nearby in the area to exercise his poorly foot. A few days ago Zakes had copped a dose of Athletes Foot which was strange because he wasn't an athlete. With the film being over and finished Zakes climbed from the settee to stand on the threadbare yellow and pink coloured arab nomadic made carpet then wiped his beak on his mother's finest green crushed velvet curtains and went to fetch his walking footwear. The shod Zakes then left the family home and slowly but quietly slammed the door behind him and set off on his journey. It was a pleasant late afternoon in the year 1968 and within minutes Zakes was turning into Newstead Road and almost collided into Paul Ward who lived on this road. Paul was going home having spent a full day at the pond next to Birley Wood, he had with him a pair of newts and a jam jar full of tadpoles. Some minutes later Zakes was just passing Ripon's newsagency on Birley Moor Road and moving in the direction of Frecheville and threw a glance over the road and espied the ever gorgeous Lynn Stacey with Tony (bend it) Martin walking side by side, they were not holding hands (thank you God) and Zakes thought that if Lynn ever wanted anything then her wish would be his command. He gave them (her) a wave and a smile, was tempted to cross the road but was overcome with coyidity and shyness and continued on his travels. As Zakes was passing Thornbridge Drive he noticed Lynne (Lill) Womack going up the path of her parents home on the left hand side at the bottom of this road (drive). She didn't see Zakes because it was her unlucky day. Soon Zakes was nearing the two petrol stations on Birley Moor Road but just before is a dentist's surgery next to a jennel and a pair of doors before is the home of a good mate Reg Hudson, Zakes noticed that the windows were in need of a clean and if Reg's mother wasn't up to it, then her husband Mr Hudson should do them, upstairs, downstairs. A handful of minutes later Zakes was standing at the banks of Frecheville pond pondering whether Clarence the LochFreche monster would be showing his face today. Almost eighteen minutes later it seemed to Zakes that Clarence wasn't coming out or just maybe he was already out and about somewhere riding his motor pike and sidecarp. Zakes was treading his way up Stanton Crescent, took the jennel and emerged at the junction of Hopefield Avenue and Thornbridge Drive then onto Nab Lane turned left in the direction of the distant WHite Lane then veered left along a path to enter Hayfield Drive and immediately saw Pete Lax who was anything but. Pete lived here on the left and he was pushing a rusty lawn mower in the garden in a vain attempt to cut the seven foot high pampas grass. After a brief chat Zakes turned to go and he glanced over the road (drive) to see Paul Overhand who lived on that side practising discus-throwing on the grass verge with a pile of heavy duty dinner plates that has been cellotaped together in threes. Zakes ignored this renowned smarty pants and went by in quick tempo and took a short cut through the grounds of his school Birley Secondary and came out on Thornbridge Avenue and directly opposite on Thornbridge Close saw the ever tubby Bob Ward playing cricket with five other lads and they were using a battered oil drum as a wicket, Zakes called a short hello and was on his way. Further up Thornbridge Avenue Zakes met up with David (Steptoe) Stephenson who was about to go in his house which is next door but three to the Junior school, he had been to visit an aunty who lived somewhere. Reaching the junction of Thornbridge Grove and THornbridge Road Zakes had a stroke of luck and blushingly bade the golden haired Anne Hayes a warm hello and she responded with a smile that put the drooling Zakes all at sea. The five minutes they spent rabbiting passed too quickly and Zakes reluctantly said goodbye and he shuffled away along Thornbridge Road and near the end of this road he came across the diminutive Mick Payne and the taller Martin Hatfield and they were busy playing conkers. When their brief chat ended Zakes slung his hook and marched down and marched down Birley Moor Drive and when he was level with Birley Moor Way he observed the alert looking ginger haired David Siddall having a speaking session with the ever keen Owen Sharpe. Zakes was enjoying his tork with these two intelligent lads until he saw the Haywire ‘Hotpot' Hodgson (?) on the horizon coming down the road(way), so he cleared off sharpish. On arrival at Birley Moor Crescent Zakes took a left turn and looked diagonally over to the shops and saw Gary (Sam) Ashton outside Donolans having a tete-a-tete with Sandra Wallis, Zakes knew that three's a crowd and left them to it. Diverting himself into Newstead Avenue Zakes was just in time to see Steven WIggett with his dad getting into their Cortina car and Zakes thought that they were going somewhere and he gave them a hearty nod. Moving further along Newstead Avenue Zakes came across Mary Morley who lived on this road(avenue) in the Vic Hallam pigeon lofts. Yes, Mary Morley a quiet unassuming girl with natural blonde hair with teasing ringlets reaching down to the top of her shoulders. She and Zakes had a friendly chat during which Zakes studied the face of an angel and a figure to be admired. Her voice was as sweet as honey and her strawberry cullered lips were created for kissing among other things. Although Zakes wasn't a sex mechanic he did fancy her like mad however, Mary was number three on his pin-up list just behind second placed Anne Hayes and a country mile behind first placed Lynn Stacey and that's when Zakes suddenly awoke from his Max Romeo dream......Oops.

P.S. At that time Nab Lane ran from the Old Harrow to where Thornbridge Drive came out and the rest was Fox Lane. Now it's all Fox Lane?

zakes

15-09-2010, 10:00

Even More Ditties

Have memoried some more non-sense ditties from three girls in my year at Birley School in the mid and mad 1960's. The three are the usual candidatesses whose names are :- Nancy Style, Tilly Wheeleyes, Lara Landwiss. Unravel these anagrams and send in a post (no stamp required) please to this thread no later than 13th October 2010. The first correct answer to be drawn out of the hat(t) will receive a free drink from Zakes (me) when they next see him (me). The ditties are their words, not mine.

1. Dan Dan the dirty old man,
Kissed a girl and away they ran,
He combed her hair,
With a three legged chair,
Dan Dan the dirty old man.

2. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
All her knickers tattered and torn,
It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her,
But little Boy Blue with his horn.

3. There was an old woman from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour,
Her T-T's were in flower,
And her garden was full of weeds.

4. Yum yum bubbly gum,
Stick it up a copper's bum,
When it's brown, pull it down,
Yum yum bubbly gum.

Dirty Bleederesses!

eastbank

15-09-2010, 10:30

zakes

19-10-2010, 08:30

Hello Eastbank,

Browsing through past posts of yours I see your family moved into 31 Newstead Rise during 1968 which would have been the first or third house on the left as you walk along the path facing in the direction of Birley Lane. Family Zakes moved out of number 29 (second house) also during 1968. As I can't remember anyone moving into 31 in 1968 I presume we must of left before you arrived (I do stand to be corrected). We moved to Crossland Drive at Gleadless Townend and it was decided at the last minute for me to stay at Birley School but an incident involving me, a classmate and another lad from our year led to a court case and my being booted out of Birley School (Mr Lines really enjoyed that). All will be revealed in a later post, plus another court appearance from that time.
Ste(v)phen Wiggett lived on Newstead Avenue and played the guitar quite well for someone so young (Anton Karas' Harry Lime theme). I think he once chipped his front teeth at the swimming baths but I could of got that one wrong. I think he was an only child and he was in the Spartan's house team at school.
Gary (Sam) Ashton lived up Newstead Drive and must of had a great view of the farm and Birley Woods from their front window. I think Gary possessed the first green combat jacket i'd ever seen (or was it Paul Ward?) and he had an elder brother. Wonder if Gary remembers a bloke who lived nearby called Regan who had a head the size of an orange lol. Gary used to loan me his Gola football boots when I played for the school team unless he was playing then he would need them for himself. If we played at the same time it was never a problem for me to play bare of foot lol! Gary was in Athenian's and was popular with the lasses.
Paul Overhand who I find somewhat underhand and I have spoken on three occasions in recent times in a pub in Intake and he catergorically denies any boxing happenings at Birley School. As you have now mentioned this (boxing) twice I tend toward your statement. I wasn't at Birley School at the end of 68 or 69 I was at Hurlfield so I wouldn't know. Paul is still somewhat cagey and also knows everything better than anyone else. Some people never change!

zakes

20-10-2010, 02:37

Paul Overhand has his birthday 30 March and was a Trojan.

eastbank

20-10-2010, 13:44

GCRL

12-11-2010, 00:40

Hello Zakes, I have had much amusement in reading your posts,both in this thread and others, but come on mate give us a clue as to who you are. The names you have used(including mine) and the areas you have described i know well. Are you still wanting to know about Moor Valley? as i know the area well.

zakes

11-12-2010, 01:44

Erlenmeyer Flask 1967

Zakes has spent most of the weekend bed bound in bed with a bad bout of docility and chilled aglets but a treatment of 57 glasses of a mixture of Enos and Andrews stirred together with gnats nadgers, Jusoda and Linctus soon had him back on his sweaty plates. Today was to be the first day back at school after the 6 weeks holiday and Zakes was feeling as fit as a fiddle ready to string a few teachers along. Zakes was a free spirit, like a genie outside of the bottle but he never could understand the attractions of responsibility although he thrived on responsibility but rebelled against all forms of discipline. Zakes was so glad the summer holidays were over so he could get back to school and partake in his latest favourite pastime of frotting. Yea, Zakes loved to frot and he and his three brotherly mates from school were seriously thinking of enrolling in a froternity when they were older. There was a nice cuppla birds in their class and these lasses along with a pair of teacheresses would become their targets in the weeks to come. The froternal friends had always enjoyed it when Miss Moore lifted her hands to check that her hair was in place because it gave them the chance to see if she had shaved under her arms, this they found excitingly axillarating. It was often interesting to see that she had obviously ran out of her supply of Wardonia's.
The first morning back had passed without incident and so had most of the afternoon and the final lesson of the day was upstairs doing science with flipping Mr Phipps who was unfortunately born with a face that reminded Zakes of a Madagascan puff adder. Zakes never did like 'Phippsy' and thought it time to turn the tables (desks) and teach this teacher a lesson. During the lesson the flippant Mr Phipps had a bunsen burner on the go speedily heating up an Erlenmeyer flask with a phlegm green coloured liquid bubbling up within it and then came the EXPLOSION! In a split second Zakes saw his opportunity to cause a ruckus and for 'Phippsy' to panic and be put into a state of flux. ZAkes sprang as quick as quicksilver fro his laboratory stool and lay prostrate on the floor and covered his face with his hands and screamed out ''MY EYES'', ''MY EYES'', ''I CAN'T SEE''! All the class were concerned and Mr Phipps was in an anxious tizzy and very concerned, but Zakes suddenly turned over, uncovered his face and loudly pronounced ''TRICK''! Mr Phipps flaming flipped out flipping heck and didn't recover his composure and pointing to the door ordered Zakes to go and tell the headmaster what he had done. Zakes departed the now silent laboratory and took to the the staircase and slid down the banisters on his way to the office of the headmaster. Zakes was about to rap upon the door of Mr 'Harry' Lines but had a change of heart and promptly turned left and skipped along the corridor to the boy's bogs to smoke a ciggy to calm his nerves. Exiting the lad's lounge with nerves recalmed Zakes made his way back to the science tuition upstairs. A solemn faced Zakes re-entered the laboratory with head and shoulders bowed and at the same time rubbing his buttocks then found his place and gently seated himself. Several of Zakes' classmates glanced over, some of them smiling in sympathy and some of them not smiling in sympathy, even Mr Phipps looked over with a half frown upon his Madagascan dial and it seemed to Zakes that all and sundry were of the opinion that he had gotten a serious caning from the headmaster.
The following morning the bright eyed and bushy tailed Zakes was standing in a row on the left side of assembly singing out loudly the lyrics to the hymn 'All things bright and beautiful' and at the same time admiring a row of girl classmates directly in front of him and wondered if assembly would be a good place for a spot of frotting. The religious song ended and assembly was called to a close. Zakes had taken but a few steps from the assembly hall when he was stopped in his tracks when he came face to face with the hatchet faced Mr 'Harry' Lines who without further ado commanded Zakes to stand outside his office and wait. Four minutes and 57 seconds later the non-smiling Zakes was in the office 'Harry'. Zakes was told to explain his behaviour in the laboratory from the previous day and Zakes gladly obliged and thought he had escaped punishment until 'Harry' cut him short by saying ''Tell the truth and shame the devil'' shortly followed by ''You are boring me with your speeches, lad''. Mr Lines reached , then unclosed his cupboard and withdrew an angry looking cane and the left handed but sinistral adult trunt who stank of stale Rothman's fag smoke proceeded to issue four serious strokes upon Zakes' rear end ...Thwack...Thwack...Thwack...Thwack! Painfully pacing the corridor to his classroom Zakes thought that the cane had been surprisingly still flexible when one considers that it had been stood unused in the cupboard for at least 6 weeks......Ouch!

Barby

06-04-2011, 20:24

Hey - just found this old forum. How about resurecting it? Really enjoyed reading it. You're a funny guy Zakes! I used to live on Birley Moor Way and knew Stewart Crossley, Gary Wood, Chris Mellor, Vicky Jackson. Also remember Cathy Cunningham, Wendy Carey, June Priest, Steptoe and Adelle Stephenson.

zakes

16-05-2011, 12:35

'Hot Pot'

When I was a smart looking lad (unfortunately, the girls didn't notice) at Birley School in the mid 60's, I knew most things that were happening. I used to mix with pupils in my year and also with the older ones too. I also recall lots of names and faces in my mind's eye, and I remember lots of tricks and ruses I and others got up to. Bullying was something I never took part in, I had two or three scraps in my time there, I only ever once stole at school and that was from the staff room which led to my expellation (to be related to you at a later date, folks). It was with great pleasure that I was a bane in the arse for some of the teachers there.
There was one lad at school who was three years older than me and his name was 'Hot Pot' and he lived on Birley Moor Way I think. 'Hot Pot' was a hot 'un and was quite eccentric, and a little simple and not as handsome as my good self. However, these three 'failings' of his were (are) not crimes, so why should a handful of pupils from his year take delight in bullying him summat cruel? I know the names of some of his torturers and the name of the ring leader who also bullied others. They mornt come on SF saying what nice boys they were, because if they do, I waint be slow in giving instances and naming names. I wasn't bullied by them, just by the headmaster. Anyway, these boys used to set upon 'Hot Pot' and give him the Indian burn, they 'treated' him to the cow bite on many occasions. They also used to burn his skin when the weather was sunny with a magnifying glass. What a bunch of twi(a)ts eh?

One Friday I happened across 'Hot Pot', and during our conversation he asked me if I would like to go the next day to the Gaumont Pictures in town to wetch James Bond in Goldfinger, free of charge. Due to his eccentriciousness I thought he was having me on but agreed a time and place to meet next day. Well, i've always been a man (boy then) of my word and I was punctually at the meeting point next day which was at the shops on Birley Moor Crescent, he arrived some minutes later.
We arrived at the Gaumont in Barkers Pool and went up a fair few steps. 'Hot Pot' told me to wait for a few minutes and he went off somewhere. A short time later he beckoned me over and we went through a door, and he introduced me to a man who was a relative (?) of his. We were actually in the projector room and that's where we stayed to watch Goldfinger. Try to imagine wetching a James Bond Film from a projector room. We were also well furnished with sweets, popcorn and a choc ice a piece for free, wowee!
It was a wonderful Saturday afternoon had and I was very grateful for 'Hot Pot's' kindness, but I felt somewhat guilty for doubting him the day before.
Two days later I went back to my rebellious, anti authority life, and 'Hot Pot' went back to his life of loneliness, and no doubt to reluctantly face his tormentors.

Zakes.

Barby

17-05-2011, 13:33

I remember Hot pot - he lived at the bottom of our road - the corner house with the big lawn! He used to be a really fast speed skater at silver blades ice rink. I remember we were 'bonfire rivals' and used to nick each other's wood/chairs/mattresses/tyres etc. These used to pass between the 2 bonfires for at least 2 weeks before bonfire night! Me and my brother and friends used to take it in turns to be 'on guard duty'!! Good fun.

cornishblade

01-06-2011, 09:54

cornishblade

01-06-2011, 12:25

eastbank

01-06-2011, 18:42

Whoa!!!! just found this site. some great names from the past, had some fun times. Wonder where they all are now? Reg Hudson Richard brown Lynne Womack Greg Annerson Lynne Craig Susan Brown Ray Dewsbury + all the ones already mentioned.

played football with greg,gary and nigel annerson...also ray dewsbury...remember nights in frecheville, birley and old harrow....happy days

cornishblade

01-06-2011, 19:16

played football with greg,gary and nigel annerson...also ray dewsbury...remember nights in frecheville, birley and old harrow....happy days

you must have played in the same team as me:)

eastbank

02-06-2011, 11:39

you must have played in the same team as me:)

played at school with gary and nigel...birley boys with greg....and the frecheville hotel with ray dewsbury.....good old days.....

zakes

02-06-2011, 21:23

Shabby Butterflies.

Like all the boys at Birley School, Zakes wore black shoes, grey trousers, a white shirt with a grey and maroon diagonally striped tie, and finally a maroon coloured blazer. They also had grey pullovers, but it was optional if they wore them or not. Zakes chose not to.

The girls in his class were not to be seen, and Zakes presumed they were having a free period. Zakes himself was having a period, a bad one indeed, but it was his heart that was bleeding, because he wasn't making much headway regarding the lasses.
The girl he most wanted to impress was Lynn Stacey, but she was allegedly spending her time sniffing around some other boy, possibly Harry Hatt or it could have been Steve Kaye, Gary Bottomley or was it the red haired Bowny. These lads were a year higher than Lynn at school, but none of them were as good as Zakes, thought Zakes. Lynn was like a peach, but so out of reach. This was such a great pity, because together Lynn and Zakes could have reached for the sky, Kenneth More did.

Zakes at a push, could have made a play for two other bits of charver in his class, namely Sandra Wallis and Lesley Whiteley. Sandra had a fine pair of lungs but she wasn't available at the present time, because she was allegedly busy with Hot Pot (didn't know that did you, folks?), a lad three years higher than her at school. Lesley was a reight good snogger and she lived in them there red Hassall homes on the new Weakland Estate, but as far as Zakes knew, she was also fixed up with some bammy jastard somewhere. The rest of the classroom's shabby butterflies weren't of interest to Zakes, although that blonde bit Julie Hurst wasn't three bad, and might be worth having a crack at.

The jackanapes Zakes, was bored to tears listening to the ebullient Mr Fidler and glanced through the classroom window. It was still wazzing it down cats and dogs as it was all day yesterday. Zakes was feeling a little peckish so slowly slid his hand under his desk and peeled last month's Bazooka bubbly gum from the wood, then popped it into his eager gob.
The school bell rang out to indicate it was dinner time, and all the lads in class wildly stampeded out of the door, into the corridor in single file. Dinner was chips, beans that didn't taste like beans, and other stuff. Everybody was quietly and peacefully tucking into the long awaited snap, until Zakes slung a handful of chips over to the next table. The diners at that table were, Mick Payne, Martin Hatfield, Ralph Smalley, Paul White and the left handed Mick Fewkes, and three of them (White, Payne and Smalley) responded by slinging food back at Zakes' table.
Zakes and his fellow eaters threw more chips at them and at another table, and in a short time there was a raging food fight in progress. Some of the girls, who didn't enjoy the tasteless food also joined in by cobbing chips, and surreptitiously flicking their beans under the table. Teachers arrived on the scene and the food battle was soon quelled. Zakes, Payne, Smalley and White each received a pair of lashes from Mr Lines' cane for their troubles. They also missed out on their pudding, perhaps it was their just desserts.

Due to his lack of success with the birds in class, together with the caning at dinner time, Zakes was in a bad mood as he exited the school gates at 4 o'clock. On his journey in the direction of home Zakes collared a pair of green blazered, pencil necked, wop headed trunts from Thornbridge School. Both were forcefully pushed through a thick hedgerow, and Zakes made sure it was a Hawthorn hedge for the extra effect. Their satchels were launched over another hedgerow, later to be found nestling in some nice thorny rose bushes.
Zakes didn't feel like going home yet, and called in at Donolan's shop on Birley Moor Crescent, to buy himself a pack of five Woodbines and a book of matches which advertised Richmond cigarettes. Zakes also managed to whip a walnut whip, when nobody was looking. Back on the street again, Zakes with a look of serious intent plastered across his face, marched towards Birley Lane, then found the path leading to Birley Woods. It had stopped raining, but the pathway to the woods was saturated and also very muddy. A half hour had passed before Zakes re-emerged from the woods with an enormous grin across his cute face. He had slipped his trusty but rusty penknife back into his left-hand side trouser pocket. He was so pleased with himself for doing what he had been promising himself to do for weeks now. Zakes had found a likely tree deep in the woods, and carved into the bark a heart shaped heart with a nice big arrow running through it, he then added the message 'Z luvs L.S. forever'.

Nearing home with his shoes well and truly muddied up, Zakes was finishing his second Woodbine fag, and flicked the tab end into the garden of the Betts family who lived opposite. Directly outside his home, Zakes tilted the dustbin, and slipped the pack of now three Woodbines underneath and let the bin rock back into position. 'Good hiding place' mused Zakes.

Having entered the house, Zakes stood in the hallway and came face to face with his short tempered mother. She saw the state of his caked up in mud shoes, then she twitched her nose, and accusingly asked Zakes if he had been smoking. Zakes declared this to be untrue. Then his mother shouted, "THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT MIRE"......Wallop!

Jim Hardie

02-06-2011, 22:32

What has happened to Lynnielass? Has her hubby taken away her computer? Have Zakes's ever more lovelorn posts silenced her?
:sad:
Keep up the great work Zakes. Gonna nominate you for a Pullitzer now that you've discovered paragraphs!!

Razor54

21-06-2011, 20:25

Asaw

22-06-2011, 09:02

Like to make contact with Martin Lawler if he is still around .I know that his mate Ken Brookes is living in Worksop (after living on the same road as me in Swallownest).pm me.

eastbank

23-06-2011, 13:15

Remember Birley Boys alright Sam Wood was a good player for us, all local lads. Mr Shirley our manager is still going strong and living in Killamarsh. like to know who you are Eastbank must have played football in same team as you. Lynn Craig mentioned in one of the earlier posts brings back memories used to have a soft spot for her.good times be nice to know what we are all up to now

see mr shirley and david,gary and glynn at hillsborough...remember sam wood top footballer....i used to booze in frecheville with pete burke,nigel annerson and clive bown......does tony cronshaw bring back any memories...such a quiet lad at school...

lynnielass

26-06-2011, 12:46

cornishblade

05-07-2011, 09:22

see mr shirley and david,gary and glynn at hillsborough...remember sam wood top footballer....i used to booze in frecheville with pete burke,nigel annerson and clive bown......does tony cronshaw bring back any memories...such a quiet lad at school...

Hi Eastbank. My name is Martin Hatfield you must have played in the same team as me. I remember most of the team still just a few slip my memory

cornishblade

05-07-2011, 09:28

bevowley

09-07-2011, 17:03

Hi all just been reading the list of names of to my hobby Phil Wood, his brothers re Kevin and Steven and his sister is linda, they lived on thornbridge road :)

eastbank

09-07-2011, 18:19

Hi all just been reading the list of names of to my hobby Phil Wood, his brothers re Kevin and Steven and his sister is linda, they lived on thornbridge road :)

used to be in the same class as big phil....re-union in sherwood on the 5th of august....terry loukes, nigel annerson, bryan grayson hoping to attend....good happy days at birley/thornbridge school

cornishblade

09-07-2011, 20:19

Hi all just been reading the list of names of to my hobby Phil Wood, his brothers re Kevin and Steven and his sister is linda, they lived on thornbridge road :)

I remember the wood family. Kevin was in my class. Had some fun. I lived on Thornbridge Ave

cornishblade

09-07-2011, 20:23

Birley Boys F.C. Nigel Annerson, Greg Annerson, Gary Annerson, Dave Walters, Gary Wood, Steve Drury, Dave Shirley, Gary Shirley, Martin Hatfield, Ray Dewsbury. Does anyone know anymore. Great times

bings31

09-07-2011, 20:48

i used to go to birley school in early 70s.we had best junior school football team in sheffield schools history[proven fact].1, robert paul, 2,andrew beckett, 3, john fogg, 4, dave brumitt, 5, andrew shirley, 6, rodger garnett, 7, neil bingley [me], 8, peter crapper, 9, freddie hector, 10, michael scott, 11, derek rogerson, 12, david cryer.

bevowley

09-07-2011, 22:50

used to be in the same class as big phil....re-union in sherwood on the 5th of august....terry loukes, nigel annerson, bryan grayson hoping to attend....good happy days at birley/thornbridge school

do you have a proper name eastbank, you can pm if you want it kept secret

eastbank

10-07-2011, 17:19

do you have a proper name eastbank, you can pm if you want it kept secret

yes.....tony cronshaw.....remember fairway.....many years ago.....how is the big man.....all the best

bevowley

10-07-2011, 18:59

yes.....tony cronshaw.....remember fairway.....many years ago.....how is the big man.....all the best

Fairways were good times, think you may have met our eldest Lee (woody) he was a friend of Daryl used to go out with your daughter, I have seen you at hillsborough me and youngest have season tickets

eastbank

12-07-2011, 11:56

Fairways were good times, think you may have met our eldest Lee (woody) he was a friend of Daryl used to go out with your daughter, I have seen you at hillsborough me and youngest have season tickets

yes...the fairway was great....will be at that re-union in sherwood on 5th of august if phil can make it....should be a laugh...

crookesey

12-07-2011, 13:05

Thornbridge and Frecheville are (I believe) no more, did they extend Birley?

eastbank

12-07-2011, 19:13

Thornbridge and Frecheville are (I believe) no more, did they extend Birley?

if they had demolished thornbridge in 1968...i might have enjoyed my final years at school...who ever brought in the comprehensive system needs a good kicking...birley secondary was great..

blue bunny

14-08-2011, 19:58

:)hi, just found this page,
i was at school with Stewart May,Keith fowler,robert page,linda redmon, june priest,stewart crossley,philip brown and john "ding dong" bell.
Martin hatfield is my brother.there is two other brothers jeoff and paul.
i left school in 1968

zakes

04-09-2011, 02:32

Zakes, coming and going 1965 – 68.

Part 1

http://www.flickr.com/photos/67091376@N07/6110535687/in/photostream

This post is about the Zakes family flits in Sheffield 12 from Carter Lodge Drive in Hackenthorpe, to Newstead Rise at Birley then from there to Crossland Drive in Gleadless Townend. The flit to the Townend coincided with my being debarred from Birley School. The reason will also be given for my expellation, which made the overtrunt headmaster Mr ‘Harry’ Lines so bloody happy. This post is a mixture of Nah Then Folks, During the 60s? and Remember Birley School in the 60’s threads, and I have decided to put this on the latter as you have noticed. My memory of the happenings are a little sketchy in places and I’ve had to improvise, but you can be assured that this post is true, as all of my posts on SF have been. I arrived at Birley School roughly half way through the first year, and reluctantly left towards the latter part of the third year. Carter Lodge was my first senior school and Hurlfield was my last. This post doesn’t mean it’s my last on this thread which belongs to us all, so cast aside the apathetic inertia and get posting……Lol.

When the Zakes’ left Hackenthorpe during 1965 I was heartbroken because I had lived there for 6 years or so and had had so many fantastic adventures that other children could only dream about. I also left behind lots of muckers and some reight nice girls, I was going to miss them all and they were gonna miss me (so they said). We were only moving to Birley which was a stone’s throw away, but at the time it felt like flitting to the other side of the world.

When we arrived at the Vic Hallams on Newstead Rise the estate had only been partly built at that stage, and during the coming days I adventured by marauding about and jumping out of paneless window frames of the incompleted houses. I made friends very quickly at my new school Birley Sec. Mod due to me being a good ‘ice breaker’, and also the classmates being very receptive.

At the top of Newstead Rise was a massive mountain of earth that the builders had made with their bulldozers, diggers and dumper trucks and other machinery. It was getting on winter time and there was mud all over the place and the area was quite treacherous. Coming home from school on Friday of my first week I walked down the first part of Newstead Avenue (old red brick corporation houses) and cut across the land with the earth mountain on it. It was getting dark and I couldn’t see clearly and trod into some mud and began to sink. I was very soon mid thigh deep and I really thought I was going to die but I somehow managed to escape. After thanking my lucky stars I went back to Newstead Avenue, plodded along Birley Moor Crescent to Birley Moor Avenue, down to Newstead Road, then down to Newstead Rise, and finally up to our house on the left. It was by now pitch black outside as I stepped into the house. Me mum went barmy when she saw me covered in mud, and my brand new school uniform was in a reight state. This was bad enough, but when she noticed my new black shoes were missing (still deep in the mud) she gave me such a clout my left ear was still buzzing hours afterwards.

The following day I decided to have a gander around the area and came across some long pipes at the top of Newstead Road on the right piled up and bound together on the grass verge. I spent time there crawling through those pipes to one end then crawling back again. Whilst going through a pipe I attempted to turn around and became stuck. I was in panic and thought if nobody found me I would die, but after what seemed like an age I managed to get out. Like yesterday in the mud I had once again diced with death and on both occasions had well and truly cacked myself. I later went looking for my school shoes in the mud by the earth mountain but without success. When I got home at tea time my mum was back from shopping in town and she had bought me a new pair of shoes from Timpson’s.

1968.
I didn’t know if my parents weren’t paying the rent, or if they were secret gypsies because they had decided to move house again. It was to be another world trip, this time to Crossland Drive at Gleadless Townend in a few weeks time. It had been decided that I would be moving to another school namely Hurlfield Boys. After loads of pleading and loads of good behaviour my parents half relented by saying they would think about me staying at Birley School, but “no promises”. This possible reprieve was soon to become unreprieved because of a serious incident at school.

To be continued.

zakes

08-09-2011, 20:35

Zakes, coming and going 1965 – 68

Part 2

At school one day, me and two other lads decided to relieve the staff room of it’s tuck.. This tuck was sold to pupils on a daily basis, and it consisted of Blue Riband wafer bars, Golden Wonder crisps, Club (or Golf) biscuit bars (and possibly Waggon Wheels and Nibbits). I feel quite sure the other two lads wouldn’t want their names mentioned so I will call them Pal 1 and Pal 2.

The day of the heist came and we put our plan of action into action with military precision. At home time we three met up in the downstairs corridor and fleet of foot we zipped past Mr Lines’ office situated on the left and the library on the right. We then continued and tripped down the steps to the end of the corridor and disappeared into the gym on the right. In the gym we waited about thirty minutes to give the teachers time to buzz off home. I did a recce by leaving the gym and clinging like a limpet to the left hand wall and backtracked to see if the coast was clear, it was. I went back for the other two and we got started.

The only snag would be if the staff room cupboard was locked preventing us from getting our hands on the goodies. We entered the staff room and on reaching the cupboard found the key in the lock. What thickos these teachers are! We took out several cartons and proceeded to lighten their loads, and stuffed our ill gotten gains into our trouser and blazer pockets and also down the inside of our crisp white school shirts. The cartons were then tidily put back into place, and we then closed the cupboard.
We slipped into the empty and quiet corridor, turned right, then around the kink and bypassed the cloak hanging area, went on til the end, then veered left passing the staircase and passed through the door leading to the path outside with the intention of going straight on to the school gate and away. However, as we were going through the door to the path a cleaner came out from the birds bogs and saw us. On Thornbridge Avenue, Pal 2 said the cleaner knew him as she lived a few houses away from his house on Thornbridge Avenue.

Having slept fitfully I was up and about early the next morning. It wasn’t just the overdosing on crisps and chocolate that had kept me awake most of the night but the thought of Pal 2 letting the dog out of the bag having been recognized by the char woman. I had considered writing a fake sicknote pretending it was from my uneducated mother. Then I was going to take it to Paul Ward a good mate of mine at school, who lived at nr. 40 Newstead Road and ask him to deliver it to our form teacher on behalf of me mother.
The note was going to be something like:-

Dear Sir,

Unfortunately my son cannot attend school today
Due to illness and unforscene circumcises
I think he will be much weller tomorrow

Yours Sinseerly
Mrs. Zakes. XX

I decided against writing the note because, although I was freetened to go to school that day, I was more freetened of missing something. Stopping at home could also have been seen as an admission of guilt, so off to school I went.

After dinner, during the mathematics lesson with the barbate Mr Knox who had a problem with dandruff, the classroom door opened and in came the pregnant goldfish, the one and only Mr ‘Harry’ Lines. Mr Knox continued lessoning us pupils as ‘Harry’ began to strut around the classroom. He glanced at the floor then the ceiling, in fact he glanced at everything and everybody except Pal 1, Pal 2 and my good self. Mr Lines made his way back to the door then spun on his heel, then pointed firstly at me then at Pal 1, then Pal 2 and beckoned us to him with a look of determination upon his ugly excuse for a face.
We stiffly followed the headmaster along the corridor in silence.

To be continued.

zakes

09-09-2011, 23:32

Zakes, coming and going 1965 – 68

Part 3

‘Harry’ questioned us one at a time which eventually ended with the three of us each receiving three lashes of the cane, then we were sent back to class. Later in the afternoon each of us received a letter in a sealed envelope from a prissy, perfect prefect to take home to our parents. When my mother opened the letter and read it she uttered a swear word, then thick ear’ed me big style. The letter from Mr Lines was also demanding the attendance of at least one parent from each of the three thiefs two days hence at school.

Next day at school things were back to normal or so it seemed, then out of the blue we were called to the headmaster’s office. We were interviewed individually again, but this time by a policeman. I was beginning to wish we hadn’t swiped the stuff from the staffroom cupboard. Mr Lines was certainly putting us three through the mangle.
The following day my father, Pal 1’s dad and Pal 2’s mother attended school in the afternoon to meet ‘Harry’. At home after school my dad asked me why I hadn’t told him about the police being involved. I explained that I was afraid of getting more thick ears off me mum. Anyway, dad told me that Pal 2’s mum had been crying during the meeting. Pal1’s dad was furious because he had to take a day off work, and had threatened to punch the headmaster. I then made a solemn promise to my parents that I would behave myself in the future.

Things were running okay the following week, and I had knuckled down and showed discipline and even excelled, surprising even myself. The big hammer fell when I got home at Wednesday tea time when my mother, who was surprisingly showing some sympathy for me, told me that a summons had arrived in the post telling that I was to face court at Nursery Street in Sheffield charged with larceny, along with Pals 1 and 2. This I found strange, because I didn’t remember having had my rights read to me……I was stunned.

To be continued.

cornishblade

10-09-2011, 12:15

hahahahahaha I remember this as if it was yesterday as I was pal2 :(

zakes

11-09-2011, 12:46

Zakes, coming and going 1965 – 68

Part 4

I was the only one of us three who made a mini speech in court, apologising and promising to be good from now on, and offering to pay the umpence for the stolen goods. I only made the speech to try to milden my sentence because I knew I would cop it more than the other two because I’d been in court twice before, in Renishaw. Pal 2 received a small fine and some conditions, Pal 1 received a bigger fine and also some conditions because he had faced court before. I the ringleader received the largest fine and given one year’s probation, meaning I had to see the probation officer in Aldine Court on High Street, Sheffield on a regular basis.

Next day at school a smiling Mr Lines collared me and took me to his office. Once inside, the unusually friendly headmaster asked me if I had learned my lesson. “I most certainly have” I told him, and I went on to say I would mend my ways from now on. Lines then gave me another sealed envelope and told me to take it home to my parents and said, “Don’t be late tomorrow, lad”.

Mum opened the letter as soon as I gave it to her. She read it, looked at me and snarled “Son, you are going to Hurlfield after all, you’ve been expelled!”
Mr Lines certainly was a master of psychological games.

I never got the chance to say goodbye to my dear friends at school, and that really hurt me. It was like an arrow through the heart. I also didn’t get to find out if Pal 1 and Pal 2 had been expelled too. I still don’t know.

Some days later the Hogg’s removals lorry rolled up on Newstead Rise.

Not to be continued.

eastbank

12-09-2011, 18:57

Sultana

22-09-2011, 11:01

Have so enjoyed reading this thread, my brother went to Birley, so I heard all about Harry Lines and the other teachers. I was one of the "hated" Grammar School kids - but we inherited quite a few of the Birley teachers when it went comp.

zakes

26-09-2011, 10:42

To save embarrassment I have not named the girl classmate in the story below. Her name has only been mentioned once or twice on this thread. This clears the birds who are usually mentioned on here. Some of you may remember the happening(s). Beware, there is some adult content. Over 57’s only!!

Varmint

Zakes arose late from his pit this Monday morning, and if he didn’t get his skates on he would be tardy at school. He went to the lav for a slash and a quick cat lick. Timmy the tabby was a godsend in such situations Zakes mewsed. Zakes blessed the day when his mum had bought the cat some weeks ago from the milkman, who seemed to be a regular visitor at breakfast time in the household Zakes.
The vibrant Zakes arrived in the kitchen as his mother was buttoning up her housecoat. He greeted Malcolm the milkman, then said to his mum he was in a hurry to get to school, so could he have hasty pudding for breakfast. Zakes liked his semolina and tapioca and wasn’t averse to getting his oats now and again, and again, and again……Just before leaving home to go to school, Zakes asked his mum to say hello to dad when he comes home from his nightshift work as a doorman, at Borlini’s Bordello in Beighton.

Dashing to school, Zakes was going to be on time to beat assembly, but the ruddy roller skates were killing his feet. The only worry that he had, was he was skint again and was penniless until Friday, when he gets his spending money from his dad.
Zakes was spending a quiet incident free day today at school, and in the afternoon made his way upstairs to the maths lesson. Mr Knox the maths teacher greeted the children and told them to sit down. Mr Knox always seemed to smell of Vim, porcupine pee and nicotine, and he was wearing that infernal green and brown tweed sports jacket again. It had often been said that the ultra skinny and bearded Mr Knox used Polo mints to hold up his socks. Knoxy also had a scurf problem, and not forgetting his serious dandruff snag that tended to look like snow on the shoulders of his woolly jacket.

During the lesson Poxy Knoxy wished to look at, and mark the classes’ exercise books from some mathematical problems he had set from the previous lesson. Zakes was always sat during these lessons at the first desk directly in front of Mr Knox’s table, due to Zakes always being up to mischief. Mr Knox had said this was so he could keep a beady eye on him, and they certainly were beady.

Foxy Knoxy suggested that the pupils queue next to his table in groups of six to get their books checked. Zakes was first to have his book marked and stinky Knoxy seemed to be impressed, which made Zakes feel reight good as he returned to his seat. Some moments later whilst sitting at his desk with a proud smirk across his kisser, Zakes felt first a nudge, and then a trio of taps upon his right shoulder. He half turned to his right to see one of his girl classmates stood in the queue with a lavicious 'come and get me' smile around her chops. This surprised Zakes because this bird had never before shown any interest toward him whatsoever. It was only last week in the library downstairs that Zakes had witnessed her and two other girls trying their damnedest to debag the terrified David Stephenson, having already unbuckled his leather look plastic belt.

Zakes wasn’t going to miss this chance, and within seconds had slid his hand up the skirt of this saucy schoolgirl and quickly found the secret place without difficulty. After 57 seconds Zakes glanced over to Mr Knox who was seated just 4 or 5 feet away. Zakes went rigid with shock and promptly stopped his activity, then removed his hand from the moist playground. Mr Knoxs’ beady eyes behind his horn rimmed specs were angrily glaring into the soft blue eyes of Zakes.
Mr Knox arose from his chair and on reaching Zakes grabbed the now worried lad by the hair of his sideboards. Mr Knox took Zakes through the classroom door after opening it, then still grasping the poor lad’s sideboards he proceeded to drag him downstairs, then along the corridors toward the office of the headmaster Mr. Lines.

On entering the headmasters office Mr Knox ordered the shaking Zakes to tell Mr Lines what had happened in the classroom. Zakes told Mr Lines of his (mis)deed and then tried to get off the hook by adding that the girl had started it, and had egged him on. The headmaster looked at Zakes as if to say, “I’m going to cane you lad, and I certainly won’t be sparing the rod, you little varmint.” Mr Knox was sent back to class, and Zakes stayed to face the long loud lecture that always came before the caning. Coincidently, the typewriting in the next room had ceased, making Zakes assume that the nullipara secretary Miss Cayne had her ear to the wall. She would be impatiently waiting for the caning to begin, then she would start to type again, but this time it would be a spot of gusset typing.

Zakes received the usual four lashes with a pause of ten seconds between each stroke. On leaving the heads’ office Zakes jigged along the corridor with his backside feeling as if it had been sat in an acid bath, the pain was bloody excruciating.

Ten minutes later playtime arrived. In the school yard Zakes told his pals from class and others he knew, about the punishment he had received from Mr Lines, who was a lookalike of Nigel Patrick the actor.
Also during playtime the smile was back on Zakes’ face because he had come into some well welcomed money. The princely sum of 1S 9D was reached by charging his mates 3D each for a quick, deep sniff of the fingers on his right hand.

zakes

29-09-2011, 07:50

Trials And Tribulations Part 1.

Nah then CornishBlade,

I am glad that you have joined in on this award winning thread. You are the second person after Razor54 to recognize me from stuff I’ve put on here. Some years ago I spoke with David Siddall in a pub and the first thing he alluded to was the science lab incident with Phippsy lol. I recall you lived at 32, Thornbridge Avenue, and I think you may have been in Corinthians house team but I do stand to be corrected. I remember when anyone was told off in class some of us would make a hissing sound that sounded like a gas leak. The other pupils could hear it but the sound never reached the ears of the teacher amazingly. David Stephenson (Athenian) was right good at it especially when he was hiding behind a book. He also lived on the same road as you, at number 10.

If you have read through this thread you will have noticed that I don’t hold back, and I give as much detail as I can. I have some more stuff in the pipeline to relate so beware! Lol. I vividly remember most of the crazy things I (we) instigated and the times when we found ourselves in a tight spot. Do you remember Paul White (Spartan) who was often my partner in ‘crime’? Sure you do.
Anyway, enough of the small talk. You have mentioned the name Gary Wood. Here is a short interesting but harmless anecdote involving him and me. Some of you may recall it.

Gary Wood.

Gary was in the second year and I was in the third at the time. I believe he lived on Birley Moor Way. He and I didn’t have much to do with each other out of school, but in school we were quite matey. I liked his straight wide eyed, honest attitude and there was certainly no flies on him. There were a few bluebottles on me, but despite this I had the impression that he looked up to me a bit.

One day the P.E teacher Mr Matthews told Gary that he and three other lads from Birley School had been chosen to go for football trials at Frecheville School on a forthcoming Saturday. These trials were to determine which lads were good enough to represent North East Derbyshire…N.E.D. (or was it Sheffield Boys). I think 3 or 4 boys were to be chosen from every school in the N.E.D area. Soon after being told by Mr Matthews, Gary took it upon himself to go round the school to let the other lads know who he was going to take with him.

Gary knocked then entered our classroom looking as unassuming as he always did and quietly spoke with the teacher who nodded his assent to whatever it was that was told to him. Gary came over to my desk to tell me I had been chosen for the trials. I was flabbergasted to put it mildly. I knew I had scored a few goals as an inside left for the school team with the aid of Gary Ashton’s (Athenian) magic football boits, that he had kindly loaned to me. I liked to think I was a bit like Geoff Hurst and a little like Jimmy Greaves but in reality I was more of an Alan Gilzean and scored goals with my knee, arse, hand, shoulder or whatever was handy at the time. I was also the best goal hanging chocolate liner that you ever did see, (perhaps I’m being slightly modest). It was so bloody elated but, my elation wasn’t to last very long.

During afternoon playtime in the school yard Gary came to me looking somewhat nervous and I knew summat was up. He broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be going to the trials because there had been a mix up. I was dumbstruck and felt that my world had come to an end. Seeing the look of anguish on Gary’s face I realized that it wasn’t easy for him too.

What had happened was, Gary had originally when talking with Mr Matthews thought he had been invited to choose the other players for the trials, but had misunderstood the teacher who had meant , that Gary had been chosen by him (Matthews), and that he had chosen 3 others (which didn’t include me). Gary had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, and that had caused all the confusion.
I soon perked up because I’d just had a brainwa(i)ve that might just work in my favour. There was no way that anybody was going to stop Zakesey going to them damned trials!

2nd and final part next time.

zakes

26-10-2011, 22:36

Trials and Tribulations Part 2.

Next day at school I decided to confront Mr Matthews. He was taking a P.E. lesson in the gym and I waited outside the doors ‘til the lesson ended (wagging my own lesson). When the lesson was almost over I started to rub my eyes really hard making them red raw. A few minutes later when the lesson was over and just before Mr Matthews came out, I gozzed a dollop of saliva into my hand then smeared it around my eyes to make it look as if I was ro’orin. Moments later Mr Matthews and I were stood face to face in the corridor and I told him that when Gary Wood had told me I would be going to the trials I was so delighted, but later when he told me it wasn’t to be it made me feel horrible. I also told him I hadn’t slept last night and I also couldn’t concentrate in class because I felt so low. I then turned on my heel and walked off holding my face.

During afternoon lessons Mr Matthews came into our class and I quickly put on the sad face, he beckoned me over to follow him into the corridor where he told me he had spoken with ‘someone’ and it had been decided I COULD go to the trials afterall. I was so happy and felt like the cuckiest lunt in the world. After all if the girls can get their way by turning on the water works, then Zakes can do it too! Whats good for the goose, is another man’s poison, so they say!...

On the morning of the trials I got my kit and loaned boots (mine were crap) together and temporarily ‘swiped’ my eldest brother’s sports bag and ran full tilt from home in Newstead Rise to the playing fields at Frecheville School. On arrival I saw the fields were a hive of activity and soon found the man with the clipboard and list of participants. There it was, my name at the bottom of the sheet.

There was several games in progress and the teachers in charge were substituting players at 15-20 minute intervals which gave every lad the chance to show off his skills. Whilst waiting to ‘go on’, I was thinking I would be playing in my favourite position and scoring a hattrick. At last it was my turn and one of the teachers took me to the touchline, then said to me, “You’re a big lad, I want you to play at centre half, enjoy it.” That was the end of that then! Lol.

I didn’t see Gary so I don’t know (or can’t remember) how he faired. He was a very good player and a nice lad so I hope he had impressed.

P.S. Frecheville School playing fields was where George Best played some years later for a t.v. programme……Remember?

2. Does anyone remember when Mr. Matthews procured a batch of brand new caseballs in 1967ish. These casey’s were smaller than the previous ones we had used and were as hard as granite. They were bright orange in colour? It would have been far easier playing with a medicine ball. Huh!......

3. I think the Yorkshire/ Derbyshire border changed shortly after this, but I’m not sure?

cornishblade

06-12-2011, 19:25

yep you got the address spot on. Although I was in Spartans. The Chemistry Lab incident was a major episode in our lives at Birley, Along with the staff room nicking incident.

Nah then CornishBlade,

I am glad that you have joined in on this award winning thread. You are the second person after Razor54 to recognize me from stuff I’ve put on here. Some years ago I spoke with David Siddall in a pub and the first thing he alluded to was the science lab incident with Phippsy lol. I recall you lived at 32, Thornbridge Avenue, and I think you may have been in Corinthians house team but I do stand to be corrected. I remember when anyone was told off in class some of us would make a hissing sound that sounded like a gas leak. The other pupils could hear it but the sound never reached the ears of the teacher amazingly. David Stephenson (Athenian) was right good at it especially when he was hiding behind a book. He also lived on the same road as you, at number 10.

If you have read through this thread you will have noticed that I don’t hold back, and I give as much detail as I can. I have some more stuff in the pipeline to relate so beware! Lol. I vividly remember most of the crazy things I (we) instigated and the times when we found ourselves in a tight spot. Do you remember Paul White (Spartan) who was often my partner in ‘crime’? Sure you do.
Anyway, enough of the small talk. You have mentioned the name Gary Wood. Here is a short interesting but harmless anecdote involving him and me. Some of you may recall it.

Gary Wood.

Gary was in the second year and I was in the third at the time. I believe he lived on Birley Moor Way. He and I didn’t have much to do with each other out of school, but in school we were quite matey. I liked his straight wide eyed, honest attitude and there was certainly no flies on him. There were a few bluebottles on me, but despite this I had the impression that he looked up to me a bit.

One day the P.E teacher Mr Matthews told Gary that he and three other lads from Birley School had been chosen to go for football trials at Frecheville School on a forthcoming Saturday. These trials were to determine which lads were good enough to represent North East Derbyshire…N.E.D. (or was it Sheffield Boys). I think 3 or 4 boys were to be chosen from every school in the N.E.D area. Soon after being told by Mr Matthews, Gary took it upon himself to go round the school to let the other lads know who he was going to take with him.

Gary knocked then entered our classroom looking as unassuming as he always did and quietly spoke with the teacher who nodded his assent to whatever it was that was told to him. Gary came over to my desk to tell me I had been chosen for the trials. I was flabbergasted to put it mildly. I knew I had scored a few goals as an inside left for the school team with the aid of Gary Ashton’s (Athenian) magic football boits, that he had kindly loaned to me. I liked to think I was a bit like Geoff Hurst and a little like Jimmy Greaves but in reality I was more of an Alan Gilzean and scored goals with my knee, arse, hand, shoulder or whatever was handy at the time. I was also the best goal hanging chocolate liner that you ever did see, (perhaps I’m being slightly modest). It was so bloody elated but, my elation wasn’t to last very long.

During afternoon playtime in the school yard Gary came to me looking somewhat nervous and I knew summat was up. He broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be going to the trials because there had been a mix up. I was dumbstruck and felt that my world had come to an end. Seeing the look of anguish on Gary’s face I realized that it wasn’t easy for him too.

What had happened was, Gary had originally when talking with Mr Matthews thought he had been invited to choose the other players for the trials, but had misunderstood the teacher who had meant , that Gary had been chosen by him (Matthews), and that he had chosen 3 others (which didn’t include me). Gary had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, and that had caused all the confusion.
I soon perked up because I’d just had a brainwa(i)ve that might just work in my favour. There was no way that anybody was going to stop Zakesey going to them damned trials!

2nd and final part next time.[/QUOTE]

zakes

25-02-2012, 05:47

Please God, Please love them.

Zakes had a feeling this day was going to be bitter sweet, and he felt it was going to be a day that he would never ever forget for as long as he lived. As it was the time of year when the mornings became markedly cooler Zakes had requested from his mum a bowl of Scotts porridge oats for breakie. Whilst scoffing and slurping his morning meal Zakes’ two year old sister was tottering about in the kitchen and tripped over her brother’s shiny school satchel, and careered helplessly headlong to stick the nut on the pine wood formica dining table. Zakes’ first thought was that the school football team needed a centre forward who would be prepared to put his head in where it hurt like his sister did. After some minutes of screaming and bawling the little brat eventually shut her cake hoil up when Mum Zakes smeared a knob of butter on her bruised bonce. Zakes then picked up his cereal bowl with both hands and started to lick it clean to help his mum save on the washing up. A short while later Zakes kissed the left chubby cheek of his little sister, said toodle-oo to her and his mum then left for skosh.

At the junction of Newstead Close and Newstead Avenue Zakes espied the mellifluent minx that was Thelma Larkspur. The hip swinging Thelma was also on her way to school but unfortunately for Zakes she attended Frecheville School. Zakes felt sure that his two pals of the season at Frechy School, Geoff Booth and Keith Wilcock would deal with Thelma in the way he had taught them, then all three would be happy.
Striding his way up the right side of Birley Moor Avenue Zakes noticed 57 yards further up the road the blonde Julie Hirst, who was in his class at Birley School. Picking up pace, Zakes got to within 10 yards of her and studied how her short grey skirt tantalizingly swayed to and fro and back and forth with every step she took. Julie possessed a delightful derriere and had several most effeminate creases behind each knee.
Now nearing the top of the road the zealous Zakes caught up with Juicy Julie, and was just about to invite her to allow him to use his tongue to pick out any bits left over from her breakfast cereal from between her teeth, when he heard someone calling his name. The frustrated Zakes glanced over the junction to Thornbridge Road to see three more of his class pals waving and smiling. The red cheeked diminutive Mick Payne, the easy going Margaret Winkley who both lived on that road, along with the blond haired John Wastnidge who lived on Birley Moor Drive were also trudging schoolwards. ‘Why the bleeding hell did they after turn up’, thought Zakes, now he’ll after try to corner Miss Hirst later with his request as to him becoming her own personal toothbrush.

At 9.15 the whole school was in assembly and were loudly singing the hymn ‘Hills of the North Rejoice’. The word ‘hills’ was enough for Zakes to start piking at the crisp white blouses at chest height of classmates, Sandra Wallis, Lynn Stacey, Lesley Whiteley, Lynne Womek and the soon to be dentally checked Julie Hirst. These 5 girls were not necessarily more advanced in mind, but were definitely more advanced in body than the rest of the skinny spotty virgin socked ingénues in class. Sandra lived on Newstead Drive, Lynn lived at Jermyn Crescent, Lesley dwelt at Weakland Drive, Lynne lived on Thornbridge Drive, and Julie lived in Birley Moor Crescent opposite David Siddall who was an angular red haired lad also in Zakes’ class at school.
It was good to know the addresses of these bounteous birds in case Zakes was ever invited at any time for a bout of rumpy pumpy.

The day at school went smoothly for the teachers because Zakes wasn’t in the mood to cause any agitation to them, but would give them double helpings next time. The only incident of note was just after school was done for the day when word got around that there was going to be a feight. Bob Ward was going to be scrapping with some non-descript kid from school. Bob was a nice lad but had two ‘blemishes’, he had an overfed fat gut plus a chipped tooth in front of his gob at the top. The battle took place outside Bob’s house which was the second one on the left on Thornbridge Place. The fisticuffs lasted no more than two minutes when Bob decided to live to fight another day when he ran off and sought refuge in his nearby house. No blood! What a let down.

Zakes arrived at home shortly before five o’clock. His cowbag of a mother always insisted tea would be served at five and if anybody arrived late they would get nothing, not even warmed up later. Having entered the kitchen, the first thing Zakes noticed was his little sister sat contentedly on the floor playing with her one legged rubber dolly. She (the sister, not the dolly) had her head swaddled in vinegar and brown paper, and Zakes now knew for sure that she would one day become a centre forward at Wolverhampton Wanderers. Turning to the head battered dining table, Zakes observed his two elder brothers sat with downcast eyes, and their faces looking as white as newly washed bed sheets. Zakes seated himself and within moments the evening meal was dished up by his mardy mater. Todays tea was mashed potatoes mashed together with mashed turnip, there was also on the plate light green coloured cabbage on one side, and on the other side was a scrawny lean piece of belly pork. As the household Zakes didn’t have ketchup Zakes made do with a splodge of ‘Wilsons Gravy’. Zakes found the roaring silence to be deafening and asked his mother and brothers “S’up wi’your lot?” His mother piped up,”Shurrup, and get thi’ tea eaten”. After polishing off their food the brothers left the table by not taking it with them , for which Zakes was very grateful. Looking at Zakes, Mum Zakes barked,”Ant tha’ finished yet, ah wonna gerron wi’ weshin’ up?” Zakes finished.

Joining his two elder ashen faced brothers in the living room, Zakes asked them what were up wi’ ‘em, they were still silent. Sitting on the arm of the family’s flea bitten purple settee Zakes tuned in to what his brothers were wetching on the telly. On the screen Zakes saw men digging with spades and some with shovels, and most with their bare hands, and all had a look of anguish upon their faces. Listening to the voice of the reporter, Zakes within seconds also became white as if he had seen a ghost. Another three minutes was all Zakes could put up with and he proceeded to quickly leave the room. Zakes zipped upstairs faster than the speed of light then entered his bedroom slamming the door behind him.
Tearing off his clothes then donning his pyjamas Zakes sprang in to his bed and covered himself with the cold sheet and the slightly warmer blankets. Endless amounts of tears were streaming down his 12 years old face as the scenes he had seen on the television went through his mind again and again and again. Zakes bravely tried to console himself with the thought that he and his most wonderful school friends would be safe tonight, then he uncontrollably sobbed ‘til he fell into a deep sleep…

Friday 21 October 1966 – 9.15a.m.

116 children aged 7-10 and

28 adults including 5 teachers perished in the

Aberfan Disaster in South Wales.

Look after them, God.

RichinR'mond

25-02-2012, 22:06

gregconn

26-02-2012, 09:10

As a 'non-attendee' at the School my excellent memories are of both Birley and Frecheville Youth Clubs that were very 'simple' but the 'tops' with Don ----- at Birley and good old Ben Walker at Frecheville in the Nissan Hut(ex-war time Fire Station) on Birley Moor Rd bang opposite Dexel Tyres - prior to the new one being built top of Fox Lane.

I agree with you I went to both Birley & Frechville YC must have been around 1958 to 1962 period. Ben Walker was a great YC leader I most remember his organised Rock cliimbing Sunday's out at Stanage Edge. I also represented the club at table tennis but between both clubs not forgetting Hackenthorpe YC at CarterKnowle school we youngsters could be entertained for at least 5 nights a week. Great days.

RichinR'mond

26-02-2012, 18:20

Hackenthorpe Y.C. also Yeh ! I agree - although my memories of it are always tinged with sadness - as we were there the night news broke of the Man. Utd. Munich air disaster - such tragedies that are unfortunately always printed firmly in our memory - where we were when a notable event took place - as with the Aberfan disaster mentioned earlier.

Youth Clubs 5 nights a week !! - good job we filled the other 2 up by starting the 'ROCK CLUB' at Frecheville Community Centre - every Tues. & Sat. - young 'uns these days don't know what they missed !! Rich.

gregconn

27-02-2012, 15:05

Reading through the many treads on the Sheffield Forum I get the impression that so many of the contributors have very fond memories of those days back in the 50' & 60's and many seem content with their lot. What was it we got from those days, at Birley Secondary School I believe I had a good practical education, I never went to University started an apprenticeship in August 1959 and never had a day out of work up to retiement in 2003. I believe all these things happened because of something we gained from those days long ago. Anyone out there know what it was?

Chris412

27-02-2012, 18:18

zakes

11-03-2012, 12:09

Cachinnate.

Zakes knew that life is but a passing dream. He also knew that sometimes his world was turning the wrong way around, and his world was often so upside down. Zakes being a real realist also knew in reality that the world was flat, and he should know because he had fallen off the edge enough times during his mundane childhood. Birdswise Zakes needed to be released from his terrid torment to put his mind at ease. Manking in the mandrakes and magnolias and occasionally being gammed off by some spotty ferret faced fizgig from the locality wasn’t enough for the fast growing Zakes, who had needs.

Zakes had been awoken by a loud quarrelsome quarrel downstairs between his parents, but it had turned out to be only a tempest in a teapot. His mum had said Dad Zakes was lazy, and his dad had said Mum Zakes was bossy. They were both right and together they had hit the brad on the bonce, thought Zakes.
After eating his breakfast of poached eggs on cream crackers, Zakes busily busied himself bringing up to date his league ladders which had been given free in the past week’s Valiant comic. Being an unneutral lad Zakes had placed his beloved Wolves inside the top rung with Spurs in second place. Mum Zakes was also busily busying herself by ironing her sunny son’s white school for him, and he was hoping she wouldn’t get his plastic shirt collar tabs twisted like she did last week.
It was important to Zakes that he looked just right because a tidy appearance means a tidy mind, and that would impress Lynn Stacey and Zakes’ other admirers in class, Zakes dreamt. Having cherry blossom polished his shoes and satchel Zakes set off to skoil. It had stopped laggin’ it down and the sun was now smiling down upon the world. Also in the blue skies Zakes observed a wide multi coloured crescent reaching over to the far away horizon.
At the untraffic lighted junction of Birley Moor Avenue and Thornbridge Road, Zakes could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the local Aunt Sally stood stock still on the pavement unstrapping his wristwatch then throwing it to the ground, and then starting to violently stamp upon it. With eyebrows raised Zakes demandingly asked Hotpot what the bleeding hell he was doing, and Hotpot with wide face looking as ugly as ever replied that he was just killing time. Moments later Hotpot picked up his squeshed to bits timepiece then hurled it into the air and began to wildly cachinnate. Zakes didn’t have to ask what that was all about because he already knew the answer… Tempus Fugit.

Aged 145 months, the cantomonius Zakes was now in the second year at Birley Secondary Modern School, which happened to be the best school in the Birley area. He found this school to be far better than his previous one which was Carter Lodge down at Hackenthorpe. He now had better class pals, especially the lasses who were seemingly ripening and slowly coming to fruition almost on a daily basis. The dinners were much nicer by a mile, and Zakes also enjoyed the fair sport of giving several of his teachers the run around. The thought of tormenting the life out of Messrs. Lines, Fidler, Knox, Shimwell and Phipps made it so easy for Zakes to jump out of his pit in the mornings, Monday ‘til Friday. After a few years of physical and psychological terror from Mr Williams at Birley Spa Junior School, Zakes was now hardened, and wasn’t going to allow any of these five trusculating trunts make his life a “miserere mei, dues”, miser’s misery!
At the end of the mathematics lesson with Mr Knox, who wore a ginger red coloured ziff making him look like a sporonic sunburnt quim chin, the class piled out into the corridor but not in Indian file, to mingle with the hoards of other relieved children. During the confused durcheinander Zakes came face to face with a girl goddess two years higher than himself at school… KATHRYN IBBOTSON.
Kathryn Ibbotson was unbelievably gorgeous, and Zakes knew if he looked into her eyes for too long he would become entranced, then become her slave for forever and a day. Zakes diverted his gaze toward Kathryn’s long wonderful willowy neck and wished that he could be allowed to place his now quivering lips upon her shiny silky soft skin. Her eyes widened having read Zakes’ mind, then she pouted her most kissable lips , and radiated a radiant full smile to the jellified Zakes who was now prepared to blissfully serve her ‘til the day of his decease. Gracefully, Kathryn floated along the corridor leaving the drooling Zakes in her wake.
Zakes now knew his world was spinning the right way around, and totally smitten he could still see his goddess at the far end of the corridor. Zakes gathered the strength together to think of his third latin term of the day when he loud throatedly called after her……”Cocktus Erectus!”

RichinR'mond

11-03-2012, 18:20

gregconn

14-03-2012, 08:38

Did you ask Nigel P?, I am sure he would know at least some of the answers as he was as much of the good times as we all were. Give him my regards and say I still miss Eric B. as I am sure he does.

RichinR'mond

14-03-2012, 09:23

Had to mark Nigel P. absent I'm afraid !!! no sick note though ?- it'll save !

zakes

18-03-2012, 06:06

Just A Few Things.

Just a few things regarding my time of approx. two and a half years at Birley School. Some of you know who I am, and it would be good if you didn’t mention my name on here because I would then be tempted to do a Rumpelstiltskin, and we all know what happened to him.

I have always been an altruistic and passionate person, and at Birley School I cherished every single schoolmate in the short time I was there. I fell in love with the wonderful L M Stacey who meant a lot to me, although she didn’t know it. She had a heart of gold, and loads of humour along with a glowing personality. I lusted after some other girls, and Miss Moor too. Another girl who was two years older than me at Birley was Kathryn Ibbotson whom I believe lived on Thornbridge Avenue. I had a mad crush on Kathryn who’s actual first name was Elizabeth and Kathryn was her middle name (hope I’ve got this right). On a couple of occasions something happened to make me never forget her but I will spare her blushes by not expounding any further.

The sun though wasn’t always shining for me at Birley, there were some overcast times too. It is true that I thrived on responsibility but I rebelled against all forms of discipline, and remember the what seemed like endless canings, slipperings, lines and detentions. I also clearly recall the two court cases I faced during my time at Birley. One case is on this thread (our thread) and the other case is mentioned on the …Thornbridge Grammar School thread. 30.5.2008 by Limeybeans. My piece is post nr. 25. These 2 cases go with another court appearance from my Hackenthorpe days. 3 court cases and loads of canings makes me sound like a bad lad, but I wasn’t. I was just plain unlucky and the people who knew me could and would vouch for me.
Even though I had a gentle nature and a long fuse I did have my limits and got involved in one or two skirmishes at Birley, but nothing worth writing home about except for two incidents which stick in my mind.

1. During the woodwork lesson Mr Dickerson told us lads he would be back in five minutes. As soon as the door closed some of the lads started throwing bits of wood at each other. After about 2 minutes I was hit on the head by a heavy cube shaped block of wood. I was in pain and felt the back of my head and it was bleeding. I turned around and saw the culprit who was in hysterics. He saw my rage riddled face as I came towards him and he ran for refuge in the wood store room. I followed him in and started to give him the pasting of his life. My classmates couldn’t pull me off, nor could the paunchy Paul Underhand as I continued to pummel away. The day was thankfully saved when Mr Dickerson came back and intervened. I was sent to the head trunt Mr Lines and was duly and deservedly whacked by his cane thrice times.
Years later , I occasionally came across this lad in town and we would chat about our schooldays, but the ‘woodwork incident’ was never mentioned. I also detected he was wary of me, and that made me feel guilty. I still carry the guilt of my reaction with me today, 45 years later. Sorry pal.

2. This incident was at Birley pond next to Birley woods. This involved a lad from my year, another lad a year higher at our school and me. I was coming home having been in Ford to pick some bulrushes for me mum. As I was coming down the field towards Birley pond at the bottom I received a wave from the two lads and I waved back to them. When I reached the pond these two lads who I knew well, greeted me. They were laughing and were so full of themselves thinking they were so clever. I dropped the bulrushes and started to lace the younger one without mercy, and the elder one ran off knowing he was about to get the same treatment. I continued leathering the lad from my year and only stopped when he begged mercy.
Their crime? On the sunbaked edge of the pond lay several newts and frogs that the two lads had impaled with sticks. The sticks had been forced down the throats of these amphibians right through the body, and out at the rear end.
For my actions that day I don’t have a single regret!

Sometimes I took my school friends for granted which I did (and do) regret. When I left Birley School and moved to Hurlfield I was very saddened. It was a case of not knowing what you’ve got until it’s gone, and then it’s too late.

If any of you have any memories of your Birley days then please relate them. It doesn’t matter if you think they are not important. I am not asking for you to type up long stories, something short will suffice. I only have a few stories left to tell and that will be it unless I re-master the back catalogue with more detail. The photos I have put up on the ‘Zakes coming and going 1965 – 68’ post Part 1. I got some of the years and ages wrong, sorry. I will put some more on at a later date.

Your Zakes.

gregconn

18-03-2012, 09:24

Hello Zakes, I enjoy your ramblings of Birley School but I wonder what happened at Birley Secondary in those few years after I left. I walked in to Birley School on 6th September 1955, it was the first day that the school opened and I left in July 1959. The education I received in those 4 years served me well thoughout my working life, I learnt never be afraid of hard work, work together, help others all these things I believed and followed and I was never out of work for the 44 years of my working life. I started at Birley in Form 1e our form teacher was Mr Jenson (Art), other staff members were, Mr Tyson (Science), Miss Gaunt (Maths & English),Mr Hughes (Maths& History),Miss Rippeth (English), Mr Reay (Woodwork), Miss Sherratt (Music), Miss Singleton (Homecraft), Mr Burke (PE) & Mrs Hargreaves (PE). Not sure if any of these were still there in your days, Mr R A Davies was headmaster from that first day.
Remember the school motto: "Knowledge is a treasurer, practice the key to it." still an invaluable piece of advice today. Regards....gregconn

eastbank

18-03-2012, 17:17

i am writing a book called kid of steel which includes my time spent on the newstead estate from 1968 until i left school in 1971...i only had one year at birley school before the country abolished the grammar school system and my final two years were at thornbridge comprehensive....
i have made notes from this thread...so if anyone has memories from their time spent in the area...i would be so grateful....
any school photos would be nice...or pictures of those good old vic hallam houses....
what were the houses called at birley school...

gregconn

19-03-2012, 08:31

Eastbank, houses at Birley School were: Corinthians, Spartans, Trojans & Athenians.

eastbank

19-03-2012, 09:23

Eastbank, houses at Birley School were: Corinthians, Spartans, Trojans & Athenians.

thanks for that...i only enjoyed one year at birley....before we joined up to make thornbridge comprehensive...then it all went down hill from there...

zakes

23-05-2012, 05:17

Satchels - Part 1 of 3.

Zakes often wondered if the dinners at Birley School were created, then cooked on the premises, or if they were delivered, then warmed up. Nonetheless, he really enjoyed and was always truly thankful for what he was about to receive. Todays offering had been shepherds pie with all the trimmings, but he hadn't enjoyed the ever strange tasting cucumber that always reminded him of his cousin Daphne for one reason or another. The dessert had come second, and it was the thick set custardy Manchester Tart, that had been served up by a dinner lady called Colleen who was also a dab hand at Lancashire hot pot. Having quickly digested his meal, Zakes let free a supersonic, thunderful, ripping fart, the type that rolls speedily back and forth along any given curtain rail underneath a pithy pelmet.

Having unseated himself Zakes turned and made to leave the dining room, and wondered why there were at least 14 children on the deck picking up cutlery that had strangely found itself upon the floor. More oddly, why were 12 others scampering in panic to the far left wall where the black gas marks were limply hanging.
Entering the main corridor that led to the bowels of the school, Zakes heard the clacking of the typewriter through the door of the office where Miss Cayne the school secretary sat. She probably spent most of the day filing papers and her red, long, sharp, back raking fingernails, to fill out the time until 4 0'clock. Zakes stood outside her office in his maroon coloured blazer, and with emotions ablaze he gave the innocent door two sharp Terry Downes like straights to it's mid section. Zakes then pelted at full tilt along the corridor and was soon out of sight before the startled Miss Cayne could divorce her pert hind quarters from her chair.
A pair of minutes later in the boys bogs on the first floor, Pete Lax, Paul Ward (no relation to Bob or Stephen) and Zakes were having an after dinner ciggy apiece, and excitedly discussing how many dynamic dynamite sticks it might take placed under the headmaster’s chair to blow him to kingdom come. They came to the conclusion that it would take at a low estimate 58 medium sized 9 inch sticks. These sticks of explosive could be acquired on the sly from a man living locally called Alfie Nober, commonly known as Mr. Nobbler who had a secret stash on wasteland close to the back of Scriven’s Fried Fish, Chandler’s greengrocery, Dorothy Donelan’s Groceries, Brown’s Butchers and Brightside and Carbrook Provisions, shops on Birley Moor Crescent. Zakes knew the explosive sticks to be reliable because he had used some on five occasions whilst fishing at Frecheville Pond, when he had run out of maggots. Pete and Paul became even more excited when Zakes pledged to bestow upon them the honour of becoming his pals of the decade if the plan to obliterate Mr. Lines came to fruition.

During the first lesson of the afternoon session, Zakes had a quick lengthy scan around the formroom looking for a likely candidatess to take to the Rex pictures in intangible Intake in a few days time. The film to be shown was starring Hayley Mills and was called ‘That Darn Cat’. The film was about a feline repairing clothing that had holes, and Zakes was seriously considering taking some of his mum’s needles and cotton with him to that darned cinema in Intake, along with the lucky girl who would be escorting him.

Next time – Zakes’ competitors in class.

zakes

24-05-2012, 06:30

Satchels – Part 2 of 3.

Zakes was financially unembarrassed at the present time and possessed eighteen shillings and seven pence. He had worked very hard to amass his fortune this past weekend. His Aunty Grizzelda had come to visit again, and this time she had brought a heavy chesty cold with her. On three occasions she had asked Zakes if he could oblige by rubbing ‘Fiery Jack’ and ‘Vickrub’ into her 58 inch pectoral, and on three occasions Zakes had obliged like a good boy that he was. Aunty Grizzelda was so generous, Zakes mused. Her two daughters Dilys and Daphne were Zakes’ cousinesses and he loved them all dearly.
Whilst Zakes had been gendering at his girly class matesses he had noticed some of the other lads had been doing the same. He wondered if they were planning to take some of the lasses to the Rex as well. Had they also come into some money? He felt quite certain that none of them knew of or had met Aunty Grizzelda!
Zakes would have to keep a close eye o his competitors who were:-

Mick Fukes – Athenian.

Mick was a lad who liked to take risks without thought as most left handed people tend to do. At times his gimlet eyes showed impish interest, and at other times he puckered his eyes creating three vertical lines atween his brows. He seldom smiled, and when he did his placid features blurred like a pond disturbed by a stone. Mick had a tidy appearance, but his school satchel looked like it had been tormented by rats. Lived on East Glade Way.

David Jackson – Spartan.

David was a lad not noted for his humour. He possessed a face that always looked somewhat wind whipped, and in unhappy moments he had a face that reminded Zakes of a clock at twenty minutes to four. David strutted about in the manner of an egotist, head up, shoulders squared. He was always dressed immaculately and his satchel shone like his shoes. Also lived on East Glade Way.

Trevor Lambert – Athenian.

Trevor had only one imperfection. He was in possession of a ‘tit lip’. His top lip hung down like one of those shapely well formed breast’s that one would see, if they cared to make the journey down to Borlini’s Bordello in Beighton, where Zakes’ dad worked as a bouncing bouncer. Trevor was very athletic and could gallop faster than a horse. He was the fastest 100, 220, 440 yards runner in Zakes’ year, and the best hurdler. Only David ‘Steptoe’ Stephenson and possibly Martin Hatfield (Spartan) could out run him in cross country running. Trevor was a quiet and very modest lad and never had a hint of boast about him. He often had an embarrassed look, and he always worked hard with his school work. Trevor also had a shiny satchel, and his appearance was also presentable if you didn’t look at his cake hole. Lived on Thornbridge Way.

Keith Widdowson – Spartan.

Keith like Trevor, also had summat wrong with him. Keith’s problem was he had a prognathous jaw which meant his lower jaw stuck out like a sore thumb. His nose was quite flat and together with the unfortunate jaw Keith looked like a ringer for the man in the moon. From the profile side of things Keith looked like he was well capable of chopping giant red wood trees down with his hatchet features. Chess was Keith’s game, and bloodly good at it too. Zakes defeated his mate at chess now and again, but Zakes suspected that Keith let him win to keep to the right or left side of him. Keith also had a well polished satchel and was spotlessly dressed. Keith lived on the same road as one of Zakes’ Trojan hero’s, Steve Secker, a lad a couple of years higher at school. They lived on East Glade Road.

David Stephenson – Athenian.

David had a tinge of olive (family Zakes couldn’t afford them) colour to his skin which enhanced his half decent looks. David ran like the wind when it came to cross country running. Zakes preferred to hang back with some others on Birley Lane to have a fag or two in the Hawthorn Bushes. What’s the sense in sweating and having lungs almost at bursting point? ‘Steptoe’ was studious in class, but also enjoyed a giggle or two with his mate Zakes. David and Zakes were the two lads who did the impromptu comedy weather forecasts in class when no teacher was about. David was dressed okayish most of the time and had a dull looking satchel. He lived on Thornbridge Avenue.

Next time - The Candidatesses