hi i am new to this site hoping some one can help me through the pain of loosing my 14yr old yorkshire terrier TRIXIE...she was a beautiful little dog very faithfull and not an agressive bone in her body...over the last 7yrs she has suffered with fits and had to take medication to control them which worked lovely after a while but the last year she has suffered with her heart :'( But again with medication she plodded on and 18 month ago we bought BLADE a collie cross and they got on famously together..... But i knew TRIXIE was getting worse a few weeks ago she started collapsing on to her side so got her to the vet and she was suffering with fluid on her lungs and was giving a tablet to help her along with another heart tablet again she pulled through but continued with her medication....But wednesday last week 14th october she wouldnt take her tablets kept pulling her nose up at them and she normally tuck them no trouble i knew some thing was wrong and in the back of my mind knew this was it,i didnt want to beleive she was leaving me :'( , that night we went to bed as normal put her in bed at side of our bed and said nite lixie love you......Then at 2.10am she woke me being sick i got out of bed and patted her back but she went into a fit i picked her up crying put her in her blanket and held her tight asking her not to leave me yet after a while she was still but breathing she kept looking at me still holding her my poor baby was going i was uncontrolably crying... my hubby and me put her in bed between us hoping she would go to sleep but at 4.30am she was still clinging to life so we rang the vet and got the boys up to say their goodbyes it was very very hard... we tuck her to the vet she was unconcious by the time we arrived the vet examined her and checked her i waited in the waiting room i couldnt go in But then i thought i need to be there for her dont let her down now when she needed me the most...i held her whilst the nurse did what she had to do, I was heart broken i never wanted her to go like that, i always wished she would just slip away in her sleep,and i cant get over doing what i did i feel like i ended her life although i knew she was suffering and couldnt bare to see her like that....ive had plenty of friends saying you did the right thing and have a really good friend to help me but at the same time she not a dog lover and doesnt really understand what i going through, i cant sleep ive not been to bed for 3 nights,cant stop crying and look so misurable. TRIXIE came home yesterday after having her cremated it was very tuff knowing she was in the casket but comforting knowing she was home too.
Has any one been through the same thing as me who can help me through this i would like to hear from you
thanks trixieblade

You poor thing, I know just what you're through. My cat, George, has been ill for a few weeks, been having treatment for kidney failure and anaemia.

He started to go downhill last week. Gradually getting wobblier on his legs, not being interested in his food, wanting to sit on my knee all the time, but not purring or head-butting me for attention.

He had an appointment on Friday, for a check up, but I cancelled it and took him on Saturday, to be put to sleep. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, because he'd been quite poorly before, then picked up and was fine for a while.

On Saturday morning, he'd perked up a bit - but he still didn't want to eat, so I took him up. I explained to the vet that he was a bit brighter, though I knew in my heart it wouldn't last and I really was doing the best thing for him. I don't think he was in any pain, but he wasn't himself and I had to do it before he started to suffer. I cuddled him and told him how beautiful he was while the vet gave him the injections. He died so peacefully, that I didn't even know he'd gone.

I'm now going through the typical grieving process for him - feeling guilty for not having him put down sooner, in case he was suffering and feeling guilty for not seeing if he could last another day or two. Everything I do, I miss him. I automatically go to clean out his cat litter tray and get his food dish out. I expect him to be on the sofa, glaring at me and the dogs.

It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but it is the right thing. In all my years of dog and cat ownership, I've only ever had one cat die peacefully in her sleep, the rest have all had to go to the vet.

Allow yourself to grieve properly - cry when you want to and try not to feel guilty, though I know that's just about impossible. In time, you'll remember the happy memories, in the meantime, try and be gentle with yourself, it will get easier.

hi dozy
thaks for your reply its kinda settling to know i not the only one going through this, im sorry to hear also of your loss i too lost a cat he was only 10 month old and got knocked down by a car awfull!!!! every one keeps telling me i did the right thing and that TRIXIE would still love me so i sure GEORGE will be happier now too, i just cant think of the good times all i keep thinking of is thursday morning in my head it wont go away i feel so guilty for taking her to the vet.... i just wish she had gone in her sleep :'( god i cant stop crying.....my husband does not understand how i feel so cant even talk to him either, i to missing TRIXIE deeply i keep seeing her and i have to do a double take and ofcourse she not there ,god i miss you lix xxxxxxxxxxxx

hi, i know exactly what you are going through we lost our 17 year old dog on 30th September, she died naturally, but was taken from us really quick i dont know whether thats easier or not. we got her to the vets but she passed away on the table. i am just the same as you i cant sleep properly,crying and have had panic attacks because of it. people say "well at least she made the decison to leave us and i didn't have to put her to sleep" but that doesn't help with my grief. i miss her so much she was a big part of my family. its not the same in the house even though i do have another dog max who is a collie cross 3 years old. i am at home all the time and i think its hit me worst of all if she wanted anything it was me she came to i was a mother to her. i know it will get easier as i lost my german shepherd 6 year ago and i did get over it you do have the memories but at the moment my mind sees her on the table at the vets until i can get over that i know one day it will be a distant memory, i cry its good for you to cry i feel that theres an empty space in my heart, remember there are lots of other people just the same as you and me you are not on you're own. i hope this helps. you will have good days and bad you will get stronger and hopefully enjoy remembering the life you had with her but like me you have another dog to keep you going!!

it's upset me to write this to you as i haven't really spoke to anyone about her like this so maybe we can have a smile for them and know that we will get peace in our hearts one day

angie

It's just a year, next week since I had to have my fantastic old dog (15 years old) PTS, and I still miss him terribly.

Even though you know you've done the right thing by them, it's still hard, it still hurts, to have to go through it.

You loved her, and gave her the best of life, and when you think about it, what you did was give her the best exit, by having her PTS.

I really feel for you, I have been through it so many times and it still hurts like hell and never gets easier.
Crying is good and natural, and it does get easier over time, letting them go is the hardest thing to do but it is the last act of love and kindness that we can do for them...I know in my heart of hearts that our animals would thank us for stopping their suffering, wouldn't we want that for ourselves?

Try to be kind to yourself trixieblade you did the right and only thing for the little one xx

Nightmare, I'm sat bawling my eyes out reading these posts. I had to have my darling cat Scribble put to sleep a couple of years ago and I felt exactly the same. The vet gave him an injection while he was in my arms looking into my eyes. It was truly awful. He fought it right to the end and I ended up in the waiting room crying my eyes out while my mum stayed with him.

No matter how many cats come and go from my life, they'll never replace him. I love my three with all my heart except for that one little bit that is his. I'll always feel this way about him, but I'm just really glad I had him in my life for a short time.

All that said, it does get easier. My life is full of cats, both my own and foster cats, and I know that it is because of Scribble that I do that - I started fostering partly to help me get over him, and now I do it because it is the best "job" ever! So hang in there, allow yourself to grieve, and remember that it does get better :thumbsup:

You really have nothing to feel guilty for. The one single advantage animals hold over humans is that they can be freed from drawn-out suffering.

To be blunt and honest, you will never forget, I still remember the cat that as a child I pleaded with my parents to take in, that I gave up part of my pocket money towards his keep as part of the "deal", and, though I had grown up with cats since being born, this one was the first that was really "mine", and so I was the one to hold hm when the time came for that difficult decision to be made.

It's so quick and so painless, it really, really is one kindness that we can do, that we are unlikely to benefit from ourselves.

There is no magic "cure" to make you feel better, but what you will do after time is to put a place for your memories and love for Trixie aside in your heart and you will never forget her. Ignoring Blade8T1's pathetic trolling but addressing the issue of other pets, though it seems a strange thought now, when the time comes eventually when you are again ready to offer a home to another pet, you will know that you are not "replacing" her, but giving your love to another animal with its own unique ways and personality. And when you eventually do feel ready to do so, you will feel that it is with Trixie's blessing.

i have pm'd you
x x

Also PM'd you!!!

Oh Dozy, I didn't realise George had gone. I'm so sorry.

trixieblade, you will find some insensitive people on this forum, but also many more who know exactly what you are going through. We've lost two cats this year. Jeremy, who was my big ginger special boy, and my beloved Ginger who was 18 and a half. It's the hardest thing in the world to put them to sleep-it killed me both times, but months on I ca see it was the right thing to do even though it hurt so badly at the time, and still does. I hope you can soon look back with a smile as opposed to tears, but I know how difficult this is, I still cry about my ginger babies now, and Jerry has been gone 8 months now. Just try and tell yourself that you gav your doggy the best life she could ever have wished for. Hope you feel a bit better soon xe

I am so very sorry for your loss, its one I have also suffered . I am a voluteer for The Blue Cross who have a wonderful helpline for people who need to talk about their loss, maybe it may help you ? Its Pet Bereavement Support Service on 0800 096 6606
Kate x

hiya kate
i might just do that but wouldnt know where to start not very good at talking on a phone but ive got the number and might give it a go
thanks again

Hi, soo sorry to hear this. I lost my dog in July, he was 13 and a half, Like yours he had a heart condition, but the end was sudden, I grieved for him like he was a child, I have 4 of them!! and miss him dreadfully, we got a new puppy last, she is lovely. I struggled with getting one as I felt guilty! but am soo glad I did. Life just isnt the same without a dog. day at a time. keep strong. X

Hi Trixie, sorry to hear about your loss, we lost our dog shannon in may 09, he was 15, and he had leukimia, he had fits, and fell down the stairs too, i went to see him at my mums, and all i did all day was sit with him coz i knew he wasnt goin to last much longer, the next day mum let me know she was goin to have him put to sleep, he wasnt eatin or drinkin and was just hangin on.
your dog was in pain u Did the right thing, just think about all the good times u had with her, thats wat i do when i think bout shan, makin my cry typin this now, u will get through it eventually, i think my mums other dog took it hard as she had been with him all her life, they followed each other everywhere, even tho i didnt live with my mum while shannon was ill, he was still my best friend and always will be. :-(
i also had a pet rat, they dont last very long, but sniffles was 3 when she died, i took her everywhere with me i was gutted when she went, her last few days i was with her nearly every minute, she went blind and cudnt find her food, so i fed her off my hand i hoped she would get better, but she didnt, she was my lil baby till i had my daughter, and kacii loved her too, its awfull losing a pet they are your family,
all the animals we have lost over the years are buried in my mums garden, even fish lol,
i hope you and your family get over this soon, like i said rememberin the good times with them helped me, xx

Hi trixie , if you feel uncomfortable talking , the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service also have an e mail service you can use . They are all trained supporters and can really help, pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk Sometimes, its just that you need to express your feeling and emmotions and writing them down is a really good way to help you to cope . If you need any help , send me a PM with your number but otherwise, please try the e mail service, I wish you all the very best and again , so sorry for your sad loss, Kate xxx

hiya del_n_kacii really sorry to hear of your loss to, shannon sounded a really good dog and sniffles your rat it doesnt matter what your pet is they become one of the family, i love animals and so glad we got BLADE 18 month ago cause i dont think i could of gone and got another dog he also looks for her even tho they had only short time together they were really close always slept in the same bed during the day,
maryjane i hope you have good fun with your new puppy what did you get? and it is like loosing one of the kids (although i never want to experience that) i to have 4 and we all miss her to bits.....
and Kate thanks will deffo do that xxxx

hi kate can you tell me if you got my pm message i sent 2 i dont think i done it right please let me know

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss,but know exactly what you are going through as i've jus lost my little yorkie Holly 4 weeks ago she was only 7. We took her to the vets last November as she started with a little cough,turned out that she had a leaking heart valve, But been great on her meds, a week before she had been to vets and they were happy with her. On the sunday morning my oh said she had been a bit quiet she came running over to me excited to see me as normal she coughed i picked her up and within a few minutes she appeared to have a fit and died in my arms. I was devastated i knew i loved her and she meant the world to me but didn't realise the pain that i felt would have been so intense. I went through all the could i have done anything different, should i have noticed anything the night before,me feeling guilty as i had been out the saturday night. I kept waking up in the night replaying the last moment i had with her. I cried for three days solid and every other day now still. It getting easier but i miss her terribly. I had her cremated and went to see her in the chapel of rest beforehand, some of my friend didn't understand but she was my little girl and needed and deserved a proper sent off. My advice is focus one the good times you shared that what helps me. x

hi misch thankyou for sharing with me your memories off holly,i have been through all those emotions you have spoke about too,its hard and i dont think people do understand unless they have pets them selves thats why i wrote on here and have had a great response and its helped me...i wish thats how trixie had gone though icause i still feel the guilt of taking her to the vet...on the blue cross web site i have put up a memorial for trixie maybe you could do one for holly they are easy to do pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk thats there web site its really helped me....take care and thanks

My heart goes out to all of you. My Maine Coon cat died in August this year, he had reached 17 years old :D He had such an amazing charm and was my best little mate. To cut a long story short, I loved him dearly and when I knew it was time, I took him to the vets and held him as the kind vet put him down. As he drifted away he was looking at me and I said to him, fly away little fella and away he went. I took him back to the house and buried him under an apple tree. I get much comfort knowing where he is and I look at his tree a lot. I miss him as he was a huge part of my life and I'm so happy that I have so many funny memories of him.

hi misch thankyou for sharing with me your memories off holly,i have been through all those emotions you have spoke about too,its hard and i dont think people do understand unless they have pets them selves thats why i wrote on here and have had a great response and its helped me...i wish thats how trixie had gone though icause i still feel the guilt of taking her to the vet...on the blue cross web site i have put up a memorial for trixie maybe you could do one for holly they are easy to do pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk thats there web site its really helped me....take care and thanks My bold

Some non-pet owners can understand, but others totally lack empathy. I can remember having a right go at my boss at work one morning. He was moaning because his children's pet rabbit had died and they were upset - he said he'd told them he'd buy them another one, and couldn't understand why they didn't immediately cheer up! :loopy:

How can people think they are "just" pets, when they leave such paw-prints on our hearts?

I know

I know you want the best for me
I know it from my heart
From when I landed at your door
Until the day we have to part

I know that when you help me go
You'll make the kindest choice
I know it from your gentle touch
And the love strong in your voice

Don't ever feel that you are wrong
Or that you're cheating me some way
Don't ever doubt yourself at all
On the decision you'll make that day

I know that I can't dry your tears
Or stop you from feeling sad
But nothing can break what can't be broken
Or diminish what we've had

hope this helps
seadog

what a comforting poem thankyou xxxxxxx

Is this the same little Trixie as we rescued last summer from the bottom of Woodseats Road? My daughter often still asks about Trixie. Bless little Trixie - she was one pampered pooch! xxxx