Has any one else had problems with care homes regarding status of adopted children. My mother is in a home and the reasons the home give for not informing me of any issus concerning the care of my mother is that I am adopted. I have written to the homes head office and the reply was that because I am adopted then the home conclude that my mother is my step-mother to but in future they will refer to my mother as my mother in law. This is beyond belief as the home have me listed as next of kin. Any body else had the same problem.

Has any one else had problems with care homes regarding status of adopted children. My mother is in a home and the reasons the home give for not informing me of any issus concerning the care of my mother is that I am adopted. I have written to the homes head office and the reply was that because I am adopted then the home conclude that my mother is my step-mother to but in future they will refer to my mother as my mother in law. This is beyond belief as the home have me listed as next of kin. Any body else had the same problem.

I'm really shocked! I too am adopted, and have never personally encountered anything like this. I would be outraged beyond belief, and you have my complete support and sympathy. In law, the status of an adopted child is exactly the same as a biological child. My parents are my parents - simple as that.

Unless you get this fixed, AND an apology, I would go to the press. I've seen similar stories in the national papers.

I'm really shocked! I too am adopted, and have never personally encountered anything like this. I would be outraged beyond belief, and you have my complete support and sympathy. In law, the status of an adopted child is exactly the same as a biological child. My parents are my parents - simple as that.

Unless you get this fixed, AND an apology, I would go to the press. I've seen similar stories in the national papers.

Yes I am outraged but as far as the home are concerned I am not a blood relative. I have told the company to ask their solicitors to explain adoption laws to them as they obviously need some educating.

I am going to watch this thread with great interest as I adopted my hubbys two children and I have a biological son who as far as I am aware is classed as their half brother. If I was in a similar situation to Samlad and his mum would a care home treat my biological son differently to my adopted kids?

Classing your mum as your mother-in-law implys that you are married to your sister (if you have one) :loopy:

How did the care home get to know that you are adopted Samlad?

If you do not get satisfaction from the care home name and shame them.

No, that is so not right, not right at all. What on earth are they thinking at that care home?!! This needs to be sorted out!! :rant:

I'd be asking to see their policy relating to this. If they cannot produce one I'd be asking them to put this in writing and then go to the papers with it - what a load of tosh.

It should be one rule throughout - as soon as a child is adopted that should be it. Its a form of discrimination and creating hassle for no reason that I can see.

I'd be quite concerned if people like this, were looking after my relatives.
Their policys must date back to the year of egg.
Name n shame them thats what i say. Stand your ground, fight for your rights, and teach them a lesson good luck x

I am going to watch this thread with great interest as I adopted my hubbys two children and I have a biological son who as far as I am aware is classed as their half brother. If I was in a similar situation to Samlad and his mum would a care home treat my biological son differently to my adopted kids?

Classing your mum as your mother-in-law implys that you are married to your sister (if you have one) :loopy:

How did the care home get to know that you are adopted Samlad?

If you do not get satisfaction from the care home name and shame them.

Ooops sorry, they are classing her as your step-mum not your mum-in-law.

Take it to your MP.

Ooops sorry, they are classing her as your step-mum not your mum-in-law.

Take it to your MP.

No you were right before after I complained about her being referred to as my stepmum they state they will in future refer to her as my mother in law.This would mean I would have to be married to my mothers daughter if she had one which she does not as I am an only child.

Legally YOU ARE her son !!! That is an absolute. They are downright absolutely WRONG.

This is utterly ridiculous, I woud advise you to see a lawyer if your mum suffers from dementia or anything else like that you could have real issues get it sorted now, If you wish to pm me I will give you a good lawyers number

No you were right before after I complained about her being referred to as my stepmum they state they will in future refer to her as my mother in law.This would mean I would have to be married to my mothers daughter if she had one which she does not as I am an only child.

This is beyond a farce. You must be so worried and upset. How is your mum? Does she realise what is going on? Would you consider moving her?

I am adopted an had a problem here in western park hospital but my mum told em straight ! i may have been adopted but I was her daughter ( at the time that was funny as I was with my natural mother) their attitude changed rapidly when my adopted mum told them to listen as I knew her wishes, she wanted no more treatment as it was prolonging her agony , she wanted to come home to die , etc the hospital didn't at first include me in anything but as next of kin I had rights which they had to take into consideration especially as it was her request to.

I cannot believe the attitude of the home. As far as I was aware a child that is adopted is the son/daughter of the person who adopts them and has exactly the same rights as a child born naturally. I think the home needs to look seriously at their policies and I agree Samlad that you should get legal advice on this as I think the home are totally out of order.

It's an outrageous attitude but obviously not confined to independent care homes, as teeny says she had a similar problem with Western Park :confused:

It's hard to believe that even the NHS don't know what's what.

It's an outrageous attitude but obviously not confined to independent care homes, as teeny says she had a similar problem with Western Park :confused:

It's hard to believe that even the NHS don't know what's what.

I agree entirely with you. If you adopt a child, then it becomes your child!

I find it hard to believe how insensitive both the care home and the hospital have been. How dare the care home take it upon themselves to decide that adopted children don't have mums, and that they have stepmums or mums-in-law - especially since neither is technically correct.

When my honorary ma-in-law was in the Hallamshire, they were quite happy to refer to her as that, despite the fact that her daughter and I hadn't had a Civil Partnership. And they were more than happy to talk to me about her care, rather than contacting her nieces in Scotland, who were actually her next of kin.

I agree entirely with you. If you adopt a child, then it becomes your child!

I find it hard to believe how insensitive both the care home and the hospital have been. How dare the care home take it upon themselves to decide that adopted children don't have mums, and that they have stepmums or mums-in-law - especially since neither is technically correct.

When my honorary ma-in-law was in the Hallamshire, they were quite happy to refer to her as that, despite the fact that her daughter and I hadn't had a Civil Partnership. And they were more than happy to talk to me about her care, rather than contacting her nieces in Scotland, who were actually her next of kin.

If your honorary ma-in-law has a daughter how could her nieces be her next of kin? This confuses me:huh:

I'd advise you go and see the Citizens Advice Bureau and try and get a free initial consultation with a solicitor. A letter from them should do the trick

If your honorary ma-in-law has a daughter how could her nieces be her next of kin? This confuses me:huh:

Can you nominate a next-of-kin, legally speaking, or is it automatically the person most closely related to you?

When asked for my next-of-kin, I give my wife's name. Biologically speaking she's no relation to me at all. Maybe I'm inadvertantly lying...

I work for a home and we wouldnt go off like that, you are that persons next of kin and should be infromed of any changes or falls etc. The closest relative (next of kin) is infromed of everything which is usually the husband/wife or children.

Can you nominate a next-of-kin, legally speaking, or is it automatically the person most closely related to you?

When asked for my next-of-kin, I give my wife's name. Biologically speaking she's no relation to me at all. Maybe I'm inadvertantly lying...

I always thought that next of kin was husband/wife then kids. If none of them, parents. If none of them, siblings. If none of them blood aunts or uncles. If none of them, blood cousins. Adoption counts as blood. So a person who was adopted is not next of kin to any birth/biological 'family'.

It is confusing. Watch Heir Hunters on day time BBC

If your honorary ma-in-law has a daughter how could her nieces be her next of kin? This confuses me:huh:

Her daughter, my partner, had died.

As others have said, an adopted child has the same legal standing as any other child. Your adopted mother is legally your mother. It is your birth mother who is viewed by the law to have no relationship to you.

Disgraceful on behalf of the care home. A policy based on attitudes I thought we'd seen the back of in the 60s.

I always thought that next of kin was husband/wife then kids. If none of them, parents. If none of them, siblings. If none of them blood aunts or uncles. If none of them, blood cousins. Adoption counts as blood. So a person who was adopted is not next of kin to any birth/biological 'family'.

It is confusing. Watch Heir Hunters on day time BBC

You are TOTALLY CORRECT here. An adopted son has exactly the same rights as a birth son. As an adopted son however I have NO rights as regards my birth father's estate.

As an

You are TOTALLY wrong here. An adopted son has exactly the same rights as a birth son. As an adopted son however I have NO rights as regards my birth father's estate.

As an

Is that not exactly what he posted? An adopted child has rights regarding hs adopted family, but none regarding his original birth family. (In other words, you could be your adopted parents' next of kin, but not your birth parents'.)

I have heard something similar to this before and it is dodgy....... I will bet that this is a residential home in "private" ownership. Be careful, get this issue resolved ASAP (try CAB before paying out money) as a friend of mine a few years ago went through something similar and the owner of the home then tried to claim her adopted Mothers estate when she died. Good luck.

On a separate note I really hate this half bother / sister business. My first partner and I had a child , but unfortunately did not stay together. Later my husband and I then had 2 children together, and I have left people who have referred to them as half brothers/sisters in no doubt......... I gave birth to all three of them.... there is nothing half about that or any one of them!!!!!

I have heard something similar to this before and it is dodgy....... I will bet that this is a residential home in "private" ownership. Be careful, get this issue resolved ASAP (try CAB before paying out money) as a friend of mine a few years ago went through something similar and the owner of the home then tried to claim her adopted Mothers estate when she died. Good luck.

On a separate note I really hate this half bother / sister business. My first partner and I had a child , but unfortunately did not stay together. Later my husband and I then had 2 children together, and I have left people who have referred to them as half brothers/sisters in no doubt......... I gave birth to all three of them.... there is nothing half about that or any one of them!!!!!

I agree with your attitude towards your children. However unless your husband adopts your first child legally they are only half siblings and your husband is your first child's step-father. Without an adoption your first child cannot be your husband's next of kin. I would advise you to make sure that everything such as future division of any 'estate' is covered in wills.

When I adopted my husbands two children he also had to adopt them otherwise he would have been their step-father even though he was their biological father!!!!!!!

The make up of families nowadays can be very complicated and legally there are lots of differences depended on the 'status' of the people involved :huh:

Has any one else had problems with care homes regarding status of adopted children. My mother is in a home and the reasons the home give for not informing me of any issus concerning the care of my mother is that I am adopted. I have written to the homes head office and the reply was that because I am adopted then the home conclude that my mother is my step-mother to but in future they will refer to my mother as my mother in law. This is beyond belief as the home have me listed as next of kin. Any body else had the same problem.

I think that the people you are dealing with are a bit mental! It might be time to move your mum out of there - your status in law is the same a biological child, to have your own mother referred to you as a 'mother in law' is bizarre - you don't have to put up with this, and I would drag their name through the mud as soon as you get your mum out of there! Get em in the papers etc, really show em up!

When my Uncle was seriously ill in hospital I had to fill in the forms. For Next of Kin i listed myself, but explained to the docs that in Law i wasn't actually NoK, it was my mum, I explained that it was better to contact me etc etc as my Mum would/or maybe get confused...they just said...ohh its fine...as long as we have a contact number for a relative in case of emergency its alright, put down whoever you think best as NoK :rolleyes:

So maybe its only when you get to the nitty gritty that the Law takes over?

I have heard something similar to this before and it is dodgy....... I will bet that this is a residential home in "private" ownership. Be careful, get this issue resolved ASAP (try CAB before paying out money) as a friend of mine a few years ago went through something similar and the owner of the home then tried to claim her adopted Mothers estate when she died. Good luck.

On a separate note I really hate this half bother / sister business. My first partner and I had a child , but unfortunately did not stay together. Later my husband and I then had 2 children together, and I have left people who have referred to them as half brothers/sisters in no doubt......... I gave birth to all three of them.... there is nothing half about that or any one of them!!!!!

Yes you are right it is a home in private ownership.

Have a look on this website http://www.cqc.org.uk/ and try contacting them. This should get you some action.

Welcome to the website for the Care Quality Commission
The Care Quality Commission is the independent regulator of health and social care in England. Our aim is to make sure better care is provided for everyone, whether that’s in hospital, in care homes, in people’s own homes, or elsewhere.
We regulate health and adult social care services, whether provided by the NHS, local authorities, private companies or voluntary organisations. And, we protect the rights of people detained under the Mental Health Act.

Good luck.

PS I too would name and shame, which home is it??

I agree with your attitude towards your children. However unless your husband adopts your first child legally they are only half siblings and your husband is your first child's step-father. Without an adoption your first child cannot be your husband's next of kin. I would advise you to make sure that everything such as future division of any 'estate' is covered in wills.

When I adopted my husbands two children he also had to adopt them otherwise he would have been their step-father even though he was their biological father!!!!!!!

The make up of families nowadays can be very complicated and legally there are lots of differences depended on the 'status' of the people involved :huh:

I have everything sorted legally, my point is more about people who just use the word "half" as if it is significant. In my opinion this can be hurtful to both children and parents

it seems like alot of private care homes bend, break and even make their own rules up, they cannot do this to you at all, contact c sky , their care provider and they will sort it out for you, or if theres a social worker involved with your mums care, which there usually is, have a word with them about how the home are treating you, this is bad management of the care home, in fact i would name and shame them.

If you are down as next of kin I can assure you that you should be notified of any issues regarding your mums wellbeing regardless of whether you are adopted or not! This matter wants addressing urgently within the home which home is it?

It strikes me that a lot of these care homes make their own rules up as they go along!

My husband and his 2 sisters are my mother in laws next of kin.......equally I would imagine, seeing as she gave birth to all three of them!
However, the two sisters decided that they would appoint themselves as powers of attorney to their mother a couple of years or so back. At that point my husband didn't have a problem with this arrangement. We live some distance away from all of them, and it made sense for them to be able to make decisions without having to make arrangements for signitures etc from my husband.
However, their decisions weren't allways thought out properly. They would make them without consulting their brother (my hubby) and as a result not only were we told that we had to cough up a certain amount of money per month but it caused a massive rift between hubby and his sisters. Not surprising really considering that they were demanding money from him for care home fees but weren't willing to show any form of documentation supporting their claims! Anyhow.......that situation still stands to this day but we know that mum is receiving full nursing care which is accordingly met by the NHS......yet still we pay! She hasn't got a penny piece to her name so her full time nursing care is free!

Anyhow, a year or so ago Mum was admitted to hospital. We only found out when we went to visit her and she wasn't there! By the way......we do visit regularly before anybody asks. The care home staff know who we are etc but neither them nor the sisters bothered to let us know that Mum was in hospital!
On her return back to the care home I rang to see if she was allright. I would have expected to be told that as her daughter in law I wasn't entitled to know anything but it went further than that! I was told that the sisters had made it clear to the staff that if their brother rang then he wasn't to be given any information at all!! I went ballistic and demanded to speak to the manager who in turn informed me that because the sisters were the "powers of attorney" then anything they said had to be followed through!
To cut a long story short, it was eventually made clear to the care home that power of attorney does not make these people judge and jury of other family members! My husband was also down as next of kin.....which he is......but the care home staff clearly didn't have any understanding of the law. If my sisters in law wanted to cut their brother out of their mothers life then they should have taken court action in order to prove that he was a danger to his mother. ROFL.......I would have loved to see them try! Stupid thick witches is all they are.......and the care home staff didn't know their a** from their elbow and just went along with it. Not anymore though........they have all been put right now!

Stick to your guns Samlad.........you ARE your Mothers son.

it seems like alot of private care homes bend, break and even make their own rules up, they cannot do this to you at all, contact c sky , their care provider and they will sort it out for you, or if theres a social worker involved with your mums care, which there usually is, have a word with them about how the home are treating you, this is bad management of the care home, in fact i would name and shame them.

I did name them but someone has removed my post. I assume someone who does not share the same view as most of the replies in that the behaviour of the home is wrong.

it seems like alot of private care homes bend, break and even make their own rules up, they cannot do this to you at all, contact c sky , their care provider and they will sort it out for you, or if theres a social worker involved with your mums care, which there usually is, have a word with them about how the home are treating you, this is bad management of the care home, in fact i would name and shame them.

I did but anything I post is now being removed straight away.

surely they cant do this? it seems as though they are making rules up as they go along. ive heard alot of them do this in the private sector.

i think they should promote home care more.

I did name them but someone has removed my post. I assume someone who does not share the same view as most of the replies in that the behaviour of the home is wrong.

Please be aware that we have a policy against naming and shaming here on Sheffield Forum, so please don't let this thread head in that direction.

When my Uncle was seriously ill in hospital I had to fill in the forms. For Next of Kin i listed myself, but explained to the docs that in Law i wasn't actually NoK, it was my mum, I explained that it was better to contact me etc etc as my Mum would/or maybe get confused...they just said...ohh its fine...as long as we have a contact number for a relative in case of emergency its alright, put down whoever you think best as NoK :rolleyes:

So maybe its only when you get to the nitty gritty that the Law takes over?

I think you're right. When someone is admitted into hospital, they are asked for a contact number of someone who can be contacted in an emergency. This can be anyone from their spouse to the next-door-neighbour - totally the patients choice.
Obviously, if the patient is very unwell, it's up to the nearest family to decide who needs to be rung. When my Dad was ill in hospital, I asked that I be rung rather than my Mum since she was on her own and I didn't want her receiving a call in the middle of the night. Sadly, I did receive that call in the early hours of one morning and I had the unenviable job of driving to her house to tell her that Dad had died. That was preferable to the alternative.

Have you actually complained beyond the care home in question yet?

I'm sure if people PM the OP, or even me for that matter, you can be informed who the care home in question is. I saw it before it was removed.

Or check the previous posts of the OP... nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean? :hihi:

Just a thought. Is there any organisation covering the performance of care homes - an equivalent to Ofsted? If so, they may be able to help.

National Care Standards Commission the NCSC. Google it for contacts.
Care Quality Commission (CQC) may be the new name.