Poor Gus must be ever so sad,
With Acorn treating him bad :mad:,
I thought he'd be lonesome,
And since I do own some,
I brought friends (http://www.flickr.com/photos/merlinamagic), to make him feel glad

I see, these kind of friends, ya ?:hihi:

Our Patty has been every so lucky,
She's spotted I brought round some ducky(s),
So that he's not alone,
Gus has friends of his own,
To swim with in the bath when he's mucky! :hihi:

Our Patty has been every so lucky,
She's spotted I brought round some ducky(s),
So that he's not alone,
Gus has friends of his own,
To swim with in the bath when he's mucky! :hihi:

Merl, I dont know how you do it (the Limericks):hihi:

Have we been snipped again ?

There once was a man called Fred,
Who couldn't get out of his bed,
His wife tried to push,
But he told her to shush,
So now he's a little bit dead.

There once was a man called Fred,
Who couldn't get out of his bed,
His wife tried to push,
But he told her to shush,
So now he's a little bit dead.

Ah now, have you made that up yourself ?

Ah now, have you made that up yourself ?

Yes. But I'm not called Fred.

Yes. But I'm not called Fred.

Its very good,. We expect some more !:D

There once was a tired forummer,
Whose fingers got number and number,
As he typed through the night,
With all of his might,
Well that was a bit of a bummer!


Night night everyone. :wave:

There once was a tired forummer,
Whose fingers got number and number,
As he typed through the night,
With all of his might,
Well that was a bit of a bummer!


Night night everyone. :wave:

With fingers all tattered and torn
He went to bed with a yawn
A good nights rest
So he can feel his best
And start again in the morn

With fingers all tattered and torn
He went to bed with a yawn
A good nights rest
So he can feel his best
And start again in the morn

Youre a natural with the limericks AC

So, Webber has stuck it on pole,
And Bourdais might be on the dole,
But who'll be the winner
Around Sunday dinner.
It's Rubens, says my friendly mole.

Patti has me in a pickle
She keeps trying to give me a tickle
If she makes me giggle
I’ll do nothing but wriggle
And the hairs on my neck would prickle

Sal has more than two ears
Every word she hears
And she has roses
For noses
She probably has perfume for tears

So Red Bull have done it again
They have become the Brawn team's bane
But wait till next time
Brawn might be sublime
And put an end to Red Bull's reign.

GG what is that on top of your head?
I bet that you wear it with dread
Can't you find something fitter
To wear as your tit'fer
And put that back under your bed:D

It changes from day to day J,
Some ones I wear, then put away,
But wait for a bit
And I might permit
You to choose, and have your say.:D:D:D

It changes from day to day J,
Some ones I wear, then put away,
But wait for a bit
And I might permit
You to choose, and have your say.:D:D:D

Can't wait GG,

Our Acorns' all of a strut,
His tag is now 'Brainless Nut'
But that must be an act, :o
It cannot be fact!
Just check the rhymes that he put's :thumbsup:

Our Acorns' all of a strut,
His tag is now 'Brainless Nut'
But that must be an act, :o
It cannot be fact!
Just check the rhymes that he put's :thumbsup:

It was Joan who thought of the name
She knows I’m sometimes quite lame
It can take up to a year
To get my brain into gear
Tragic but true, it’s a shame :D

But Acorn there's no shame in that
Just look at me, wearing this hat
Stand up, be a man
As much as you can
It could be worse, you could be Pat.:D:D:D

GG and Acorn are clever men
With limericks they write in their den
One wears a silly hat
One say's he's as daft as a bat
That his brian is smaller than Thursday's hen

Hello Jane and How do you do?
You have joined it with us too.
Keep having a go
And words start to flow
I find it helps having a brew.

Yes I agree they are clever men :nod:
They're on here ten while ten
Acorn's brain isn't small
Even though he's not so tall
And I think Gorm's hat is really a wen :hihi:

I'm trying to compose like a sage
but each limerick is taking an age
I might be better after a few
Cans of lager (special brew)
And is any one else getting white page?

It was Joan who thought of the name
She knows I’m sometimes quite lame
It can take up to a year
To get my brain into gear
Tragic but true, it’s a shame :D


In that case, dear Acorn don't sneeze !
Your braincells might just crash and freeze :o
Oh, what would we do..... :help:
if you went atishoooh?
And all that was left was your knees? :hihi:

In that case, dear Acorn don't sneeze !
Your braincells might just crash and freeze :o
Oh, what would we do..... :help:
if you went atishoooh?
And all that was left was your knees? :hihi:

Not seen you on for a couple of nights Merl, have I ?

Yes I agree they are clever men :nod:
They're on here ten while ten
Acorn's brain isn't small
Even though he's not so tall
And I think Gorm's hat is really a wen :hihi:

Hi, joto, long time no see.:)

Pat's been on QT during the day
Instead of standing ironing, ole
She's a dedicated decreaser
And also the forum teaser
Me I never iron, ok? :D

Hi, joto, long time no see.:)

Sweet of you to miss me Pat :) I'm housesitting and dog sitting for our daughter, they're on a cruise :roll: chat later:thumbsup:

All wardrobes are now sorted and clean
Of the job, I wasn't too keen
Now I might leave the Dell
And go to Meadowhell
If my OH isn't feeling too mean.

Yes I agree they are clever men :nod:
They're on here ten while ten
Acorn's brain isn't small
Even though he's not so tall
And I think Gorm's hat is really a wen :hihi:

You think that my hat is a wen?
I hope you don't say that again
I could get annoyed
Consult Sigmund Freud
And you will be sorry J then.:P:P:P

Come on all you lads and lasses
You don't have to go to classes
To make the words rhyme
Just takes a short time
To the Limericks let's raise our glasses

My glasses are cloudy just now
It just came on. I don't know how
Let's wait for a while
And just give a smile
Tomorrow I might take a bow.

I'm about to burp
Right after taking a slurp
Of a fizzy green drink
From the sides of the sink
Oops! There goes that burp!

Whilst talking of his burping woes,
Some bubbles our Jess also blows,
For that green fizzy drink,
From the side of the sink,
Was a bottle of wash-up tha' knows!!! :hihi:

Sweet of you to miss me Pat :) I'm housesitting and dog sitting for our daughter, they're on a cruise :roll: chat later:thumbsup:

I hope so joto dont I ?

A butler, a footman a housemaid and a cook
All perfectly normal, in GG's book
What does he do all day?
To while the hours away
Can someone nip round now and take a look?

When "One" is now called 'Earl Of Groan',
One never does things on One's own! :rolleyes:
The privileged few
Have little to do -
But just sit on a (well-padded) throne! :hihi:

One so enjoys seeing you try
To emulate my wife and I
But don't try too hard
Cos you're not a bard
For you it's just pie in the sky.:D:D

Why can't I make a decision
About what to cook from our provisions
I need some good grub
'cus I'm off to the pub
And I'm sure it will bring some derision

You're off to the pub? Why not cook
Me something from out of a book
If you can't do that
Well I'll eat my hat
And you might as well sling your hook:hihi::hihi:

From a book? I cannot read
So the recipe would go to seed
Your hat with some seasoning
By my own reasoning
Would taste nicer, to my advise please heed.

Well most hats these days just taste c**p
Even my nice blue flat cap
I think I might try
A nice apple pie
Or maybe a small chicken wrap.

What about a Strawberry tart?
or a vanilla slice, just a small part,
A Chocolate fudge slice
Would be very nice
Though the cream would go straight to your heart.

I really don't like things with cream
Although it just might be your dream
I much prefer cheese
Preferably three
The other stuff just makes me scream.

I'm afraid I do like a good cake
There will plenty around at my wake
I do enjoy cheese
a hard cheddar if you please
And a nice bit of chutney....my own make

Well I make my own pickles too
So Is this your pickling debut?
I've done it a while
My pickles beguile
But just need a little review.

Yes my chutney is known wide and far
Several pickle fans I have to bar
The plum is a favourite
My friends try to claim it
I'm down to my penultimate jar:o

Fed up of having to iron your clothes?
There's a good secret not many people know:
Add of drop of olay
To your fabric conditioner each day
And the wrinkles will disappear - they'll go!



It's not a bad tip either.

Get pickling h, fast as you can
Using your best pickling pan
Make it quite hot
Make quite a lot
Then send me some, that's if you can.

This talk of food makes me feel sick
On Wednesdays I like something quick
A packet of this, a sliver of that
Anything thats easily pulled out of a hat
Happy to graze, that's the trick!

This talk of food makes me feel sick
On Wednesdays I like something quick
A packet of this, a sliver of that
Anything thats easily pulled out of a hat
Happy to graze, that's the trick!

So Joan can do limericks too
That's something that's really quite new
I'd like to be where
Joan's taking the air
Like OH, I'd enjoy the view.:D:D

The trouble with threads that are culled
We lose posts over which we have mulled.
I had quite a few
Somewhere in part two
But at least, I never had one pulled.

Sorry G I have no pickling pan
I gave it to the charity man
My new induction hob
Of some pans did me rob
I will buy a new one , if i can

You are in a bit of a stew
The charity man cheated you.
Just go out today
To Poundland and say
"I want a pan, preferably new."

Sorry G I have no pickling pan
I gave it to the charity man
My new induction hob
Of some pans did me rob
I will buy a new one , if i can

So Hodgepodge has an induction hob
Does that make her a bit of a snob:huh:
I have to make do
With a gas ring or two
But they seem to do the job:D

Today I'm the chief cook and gofer,
No sitting about on the sofa
I'm up and about
It's wearing me out
Tomorrow I'm also the chauffeur.

Sorry G I have no pickling pan
I gave it to the charity man
My new induction hob
Of some pans did me rob
I will buy a new one , if i can

So you've got a hob with induction
Did you get a course of instruction?
I hope that you did
If you don't use lid
You'll get a nice pickle reduction.

You are in a bit of a stew
The charity man cheated you.
Just go out today
To Poundland and say
"I want a pan, preferably new."

I don't have to buy any new pans
In fact I can cook using empty bean cans
It may not look posh
But still does good nosh
But I do struggle when trying to make Jams

Joan has been giving her all
With rhyming she’s having a ball
If only we knew
She could teach us a thing or two
With her excellent rhyming recall

So now Joan thinks she can write verse
And in rhyming couplets converse
If she gets it wrong
Or writes one too long
The rest of us will just disperse.

The trouble with threads that are culled
We lose posts over which we have mulled.
I had quite a few
Somewhere in part two
But at least, I never had one pulled.

Well I never, look whos here !!!:D

Dear Acorn, a snob I am not,
Its the first new hob I have got,
I first wanted gas
but I gave it a pass
When my pal burned all her hair off whilst looking in the oven and it caught fire in the gas hob and that kinda put me off......quite a lot!

Dear H, I meant no offense
I hope I can recompense
It was a word I could rhyme
With the next line
Sometimes I have no common sense

Well that's told you then Brainless Nut
A virtual kick up the butt
It might just be best
If you don't protest
And next time just keep your mouth shut.:hihi::hihi:

Well that's told you then Brainless Nut
A virtual kick up the butt
It might just be best
If you don't protest
And next time just keep your mouth shut.:hihi::hihi:

Yes, in my mouth I have put
My great big size 10 foot
I deserve a good kicking
For the fun I was picking
And maybe a quick punch in the gut

Dear acorn no offence has been taken
A snob I can be - no mistaking
But my story is true
It could happen to you
So keep your hat on when grilling bacon

So now Joan thinks she can write verse
And in rhyming couplets converse
If she gets it wrong
Or writes one too long
The rest of us will just disperse.

How can I be wrong
If I do say it long.
I say what I feel
but it's no big deal.
I'll stop when I hear the gong........

Dear acorn no offence has been taken
A snob I can be - no mistaking
But my story is true
It could happen to you
So keep your hat on when grilling bacon

H, thanks for the advice
And taking no offense, you’re so nice
I’ll take care when I’m cooking
To watch where I’m looking
And putting my head near the hob, I’ll think twice

Dear acorn no offence has been taken
A snob I can be - no mistaking
But my story is true
It could happen to you
So keep your hat on when grilling bacon

A snob you can be? So can I
I guess I'm just that sort of guy
One looks down one's nose
But that's how it goes
When one's standards are ever so high.:hihi::hihi::hihi:

How can I be wrong
If I do say it long.
I say what I feel
but it's no big deal.
I'll stop when I hear the gong........

You're welcome here anytime Joan:)
It saves me from being alone.:(
I like a good rhyme
It passes the time
(And my name? Of course, Titus Groan.):D:D

Bump up from page 2

Jane is so kind that she
stopped this thread from falling to page three.
With everyone being busy at work,
leaves just one or two here to lurk.
Well, a few of the others and me :hihi:

In a busy day, I now have the time
To sit and compose a rhyme
All jobs are now done
It's time to have fun
And open a bottle of wine

Bit early for that aint it Jane?
I'm glad that it's grape though, not grain
A couple of shots
After washing the pots
Would likely go straight to your brain. :hihi:

Bit early for that aint it Jane?
I'm glad that it's grape though, not grain
A couple of shots
After washing the pots
Would likely go straight to your brain. :hihi:

I'm thrilled you assume that I have one
At times, the little grey cells seem all gone
I don't drink the hard stuff
Or my brain would be like fluff
And I wouldn't keep up with the fun

You must have a brain to be here
So you might be drinking some beer
But don't drink a lot
Or empty your pot
Or you might start feeling real queer.

Just checking out this thread and bumping it up.:roll:

Pattricia will try Easy Rider
Even though it makes you wider
She'll just have a gallon
With her friend called Alan
She should stick to rough scrumpy cider.

Our Patty is getting all turned on
By a beer that's recommended by a don
She'll disappear down the cellar
"come here men" she'll bellow
Mercy? I'm sure she'll have none

What is it with Patty and men?
She mentions them always, again
She should go to town
With her best new gown
They would all be after her then.

There was a young :D lady from Eastbourne :wave:
Who's computer was knackered and worn :(
She's had no wham bam :o
She needs a new ram :help:
Then she be back at it till the cows all come home :hihi::hihi::hihi:

I'm not feeling myself today
I look like old Pat so they say
But please don't get worried
I will not be hurried
I'll send her a lovely bouquet.

Well I've been a bit out of sorts,
And please no sarky retorts :nono:
I need someone quirky,
To make me feel perky,
Either that, or some larger and shorts!! :hihi:

Well I've been a bit out of sorts,
And please no sarky retorts :nono:
I need someone quirky,
To make me feel perky,
Either that, or some larger and shorts!! :hihi:

Excellent Limerick Merl.

Merlina confuses quirky with kinky
She just bought a coil, a small one quite dinky
She's a fetish for metal
loves a cast iron kettle
But just lately she cant stop playing with her slinky ( http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/slinky500.jpg)

Merlina confuses quirky with kinky
She just bought a coil, a small one quite dinky
She's a fetish for metal
loves a cast iron kettle
But just lately she cant stop playing with her slinky ( http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/slinky500.jpg)

If Merl used that for a coil
She would soon go off the boil
Bouncing around
Not touching the ground
Her love life it may spoil :hihi:

There was a young lady from Eastbourne
Who's computer was knackered and worn :(
She's had no wham bam :o
She needs a new ram :help:
Then she be back at it till the cows all come home :hihi:

:shocked: :hihi:

Dear Jongo - don't wish cows on me!
Nor sheep, 'cos it's quite plain to see
With dog, hens and kitties
I need everyone's pities!
And a Repair-Man for my broken PC!! :roll: :hihi:

I gather it didn't get mended
Or not as quick as you intended
Take it with a grin
Maybe a small gin
It will be fixed Monday? How splendid

We tried the advice given here,
But nothing would fix it, I fear....
So I've just got to wait,
(Which isn't so great....)
Already it feels like a year! :(

We tried t, but sadly we failed
Your PC has truly been nailed
But Monday'll come soon
And then you can swoon
As the PC repairman is hailed.

We tried t, but sadly we failed
Your PC has truly been nailed
But Monday'll come soon
And then you can swoon
As the PC repairman is hailed.

I'm hoping he knows what to do,
To restore my PC - good as new!
If he can - he's a Hero,
If not - then to zero
Go hopes of re-joining all you..... :(

Our Gorm went to bed about ten
Just after a spell in his den
But all through the night
He couldn't sleep right
So got up again and again.

So, Thursday, the day is now here :banana:
Your comp is back working, great cheer :clap:
You'll be on here all day :roll:
In your own usual way :D
And tonight we can celebrate with beer :partyhat:

I do hope she gets it repaired
Her views will then surely be aired
By having a rest
She'll be at her best
I think we had best be prepared.

Today is Thursday’s repair
A clever man should fix her hardware
Let’s hope she is jumping for joy
And he mends Thursday’s toy
Or we will be hearing cries of despair

If Merl used that for a coil
She would soon go off the boil
Bouncing around
Not touching the ground
Her love life it may spoil :hihi:


This coil is all news to me :huh:,
I haven't got a slinky you see,
So I just walk around,
I don't bounce and bound :mad:,
Like some 'roundabouts' odd Zebedee!!

Today is Thursday’s repair
A clever man should fix her hardware
Let’s hope she is jumping for joy
And he mends Thursday’s toy
Or we will be hearing cries of despair

But your news is better than mine! :)
I dare say I'll get back on line.... :roll:
I can't wait till when
You've got your pet hen, :love:
(Or four....) - just think how your halo will shine! :hihi:

Well, theres no sign of Thursday, is she lost for words?
Has she been let down by her, computer nerds?
Could they not fix it?
Or did she say...stuff it?
And gone out to sit with her clucking old birds? :D

Did she get her comp fixed ?:huh:

Well, theres no sign of Thursday, is she lost for words?
Has she been let down by her, computer nerds?
Could they not fix it?
Or did she say...stuff it?
And gone out to sit with her clucking old birds? :D

Well, yes, it has been quite a day!
The Computer-Man came and did say
"I can sort it all out:
It will take me about
An hour, then I'll be on my way!" :thumbsup:

And he did what he said he would do:
The computer now runs good as new!
But the rest of the day
Was spent clearing away,
'Cos tomorrow the Heating-Man's due!! :roll:

( glad your comps fixed thursday :thumbsup:)

Did you miss me? I didn't think so
You might if this section was slow
Well I'm back
Picking up some slack
But I'll be off again this weekend you know :(:hihi:

Joto's been missing for what seems a long time
We've missed her posts and very daring rhymme
Theyre usually of filth
About her and Wilf
Not like mine, which are always........sublime :D

Poor Thursday is deep in the mire
She cant seem to put on the fire
The heating mans due
To blow out her flue
And give her whatever she desire :D

( glad your comps fixed thursday :thumbsup:)

Did you miss me? I didn't think so
You might if this section was slow
Well I'm back
Picking up some slack
But I'll be off again this weekend you know :(:hihi:

Did we miss you? Why, yes, we sure did! :o
We were wondering where you were hid! :suspect:
We'll need a loud-hailer,
When you're at your trailer!!
I'll look on ebay - and I'll bid! :hihi:

Joto's been missing for what seems a long time
We've missed her posts and very daring rhymme
Theyre usually of filth
About her and Wilf
Not like mine, which are always........sublime :D

I'm shocked :o me filthy! I'm pure and chaste :nod:
It's you that's rude, without much taste
So put away that spoon
You silly loon :P
And get a cloth to wipe that egg off your face :hihi:

Did we miss you? Why, yes, we sure did! :o
We were wondering where you were hid! :suspect:
We'll need a loud-hailer,
When you're at your trailer!!
I'll look on ebay - and I'll bid! :hihi:

Jongo should get some pointers from you
A lady with class, that's true
He's a big torment :nod:
With a mind that's bent
But if he left us we'd be in a stew :D

Dear jongo are your brain cells now dead
No response, instead you went to bed
I'll be waiting
And anticipating
A sarcastic comeback on this thread :razz::hihi:

Dear Joto, I will write this only for you
As Sarcasm is something I very rare do
You are both of such class
I'd end up on my ass
If I tried to pick a fight with you two :D

Dear Joto, I will write this only for you
As Sarcasm is something I very rare do
You are both of such class
I'd end up on my ass
If I tried to pick a fight with you two :D

What a nice surprise, before going to work too
Admit it you tell porkies, but only a few
Just to get me going
Then I'll come on a Boeing
Find you, and give you what's due :hihi:

Ontario's where Joto is
Their song is 'There's No Place Like This'
What I have not seen
'Cos I've never been
Is exactly how big it is.

GG Ontario's mentioned in your rhyme
England would fit in Ontario nine times
I must tell you
Because it's true
And like America we too have dimes :nod::D

So, Joto wants to come, give me some taps
I dont mind that so long as there not slaps
But if she's been baking
I dont want to be taking
Being crushed by her big plump warm baps :D

^^respond to that later;)


Jongo your personality and humour is unique
You also come across as rather mystique
You keep the threads going
While all the time knowing
The reason you're wise is because you're antique :hihi::hihi::hihi:

Last night fun and games were to be had
Over in the QT pad
What were they all drinking
To think what they were thinking
Those posters are really quite mad

Last night fun and games were to be had
Over in the QT pad
What were they all drinking
To think what they were thinking
Those posters are really quite mad

:loopy::loopy::wink::headbang::twisted::razz:

So, Joto wants to come, give me some taps
I dont mind that so long as there not slaps
But if she's been baking
I dont want to be taking
Being crushed by her big plump warm baps :D

To do that jongo you'd have to kneel
I'm not too tall, but my baps are real
They've aged quite well
As hubby will tell
I might serve them with his next meal ;):hihi:

Joto's hubby might be in for a treat
A side order, along with his meat
I'm sure he'll feel full
It seems their lifes not dull
Then he will swoon at her feet.

^^respond to that later;)


Jongo your personality and humour is unique
You also come across as rather mystique
You keep the threads going
While all the time knowing
The reason you're wise is because you're antique :hihi:

To do that jongo you'd have to kneel
I'm not too tall, but my baps are real
They've aged quite well
As hubby will tell
I might serve them with his next meal :hihi:

Joto, you know that I am now in my prime
I've been at this age a very long time
I could call you mammy
or even, my granny
But you'd be over to slap me in no time :hihi::hihi:

Mr. Joto your in for, some treat old bud
Our Joto serving, it up in the, nud :o
Make sure you tuck in
And dont leave no din
Or you'll be going without any, pud :o:D

What is wrong with the TV
More repeats and rubbish to see
But then there's Big Brother
And I suppose no other
So it's a night of boredom for me

Glad to see youre keeping this thread up jane.

You could help us out Pat

Yes! What happened to one rhyme a day?
It's seems they have all gone away!
So make a little time
To think up a rhyme
Or we will not let you out to play! :P

AC is a nut with a duck
If it was a deer it would be a buck
It's name is Gus
It's been known to cuss
Out of his mouth has come muck

So was Jane's Dad once a Redcap?
If so he must be a fine chap
He must be no fool
To go to that school
And if he did, I must say 'snap'. :):)

And if she is just telling lies
I will find out, I have my spies,:suspect::suspect:
He'll get to the truth
Will my super sleuth
And put an end to her pork pies.:hihi:

Oh GG you doubt my honour
You think I could be a conner
The words that I type
Are not full of hype
If I don't speak the truth I'll be a gonner

So come on then when did he go?
To the Brushes, the school we all know
Was it sixties he went?
I have no intent
Of letting this drop till I know.:suspect::suspect::suspect:

Mid to late fifties GG

He's older than me then I fear
But still it was really quite near.
There is a website site
Where people still write
Tell him to look at this here.

http://www.firthparkgrammarschool.co.uk/

Congratulations shaz:thumbsup:

An ode to jongo's old trophy (remember)

Jongo remember that trophy you once had?
Do you still shine it up like mad
Does shaz help too
Give us a clue
Did you hide it, that is so sad :(

Is it a secret, does shaz now know
That you shone it good
And so you should
But more important do you put it on show :o

Do you have it as your centre piece
Or as shaz just got it on lease
May I inquire
Is it admired
Does it sometimes fall off when you snooze :hihi:

Please take it with you when you travel
Or poor shaz will surely unravel
Pack it well
You never can tell
I might come and hit it with my gavel :shocked::hihi:

Had to pop back home for a couple of hours ( aren't you lucky jongo):D

Joto, have you been drinking too much coffee
Or do you have a mouth full of toffee
You would shock at this
But you'd love to kiss
This great big fat shiny old trophy :D

You could help us out Pat

I know but I just aint got it jane.:(

Our Patty says she ain't got it
Though her posts are so full of wit
Writing Limericks she'll avoid
Though she admits she enjoyed
Reading them while still in her pit

While Pattricia's posts are so full of wit
And usually about a man without his kit
It has to be said
Her limericks I've read
Are, well, quite frankly, so full of.............humour :D

Pats computer is talking in tongues to Merls
Next week we have to see what unfurls
What are those two plotting?
A day of man spotting?
They are so naughty, those girls

Nothing exciting jane is there?:hihi:

Nothing exciting jane is there?:hihi:

Don't forget to let me know when there is.:thumbsup:

Don't forget to let me know when there is.:thumbsup:

Okey doki !:D

An errand or two I had to do
Everytime I got wet through
I'm fed up of the rain
It is a pain
I'd have stayed at home, if only I knew

Last night I thought I would lose my mabs
I ended up smoking nearly all of my tabs
The reason for this
Was not cause I was ....drunk
But the nightmare I had getting rid of my crabs :D

Last night I thought I would lose my mabs
I ended up smoking nearly all of my tabs
The reason for this
Was not cause I was ....drunk
But the nightmare I had getting rid of my crabs :D

Ive never had em mate. Im celibate aint I ? :)

Ive never had em mate. Im celibate aint I ? :)

Your celebrating what ? :huh:

Poor jongo has got an intrusion
And to bring this thing to a conclusion
Just boil up some water
And dip them in you oughta
Does that save you any confusion?

Jane youve come on just as Im going haent you ?

Haven't been on Qt Pat cus I'll be going myself in a minute. I've had to have my daughter to the Doctors today.

Haven't been on Qt Pat cus I'll be going myself in a minute. I've had to have my daughter to the Doctors today.

Sorry jane hope its nothing serious.

Has Jongo :huh: been on the beach?
Them crabs' must have a :wow: long reach!
Can't think of owt worse,
than being nipped in the.... erm ..... purse! :hihi:
Well, at least it wasn't a leech! :gag:

Joto, have you been drinking too much coffee
Or do you have a mouth full of toffee
You would shock at this
But you'd love to kiss
This great big fat shiny old trophy :D

It was the fresh air you see
That brought the devil out in me
Because I don't drink
No matter what you think
But I bet you laughed about your OLD trophy :hihi:

I once knew a lady from Norway,
She hanged from her legs in the doorway,
She said '' come over here'',
I'll sort you out,
And then I'll show you one more way.

Sorry, that was a bit rude.

That's funny Treatment, it wasn't crude at least:hihi:

When Joto comes here, and see's me, she quibbles
Argues like hell, spits, shouts, and dribbles
She's eating non stop
She surely will pop
And she wants us to call her, her new name of Nibbles :D

Well jongo at least I haven't got crabs :o
I've not even lost my mabs
I don't even smoke
And definitely don't toke
So leave me to graze, and stop keeping tabs:rant::hihi:

Well jongo at least I haven't got crabs :o
I've not even lost my mabs
I don't even smoke
And definitely don't toke
So leave me to graze, and stop keeping tabs:rant::hihi:

Joto how are you ? Long time no see.:)

Joto how are you ? Long time no see.:)

Well as you know I spend long weekends at the trailer, coming on QT now:)

Well jongo at least I haven't got crabs :o
I've not even lost my mabs
I don't even smoke
And definitely don't toke
So leave me to graze, and stop keeping tabs:rant::hihi:


Joto comes on when its time for us to go :P
Telling us things that we should oughta know :D
But is it all truth as such :huh:
The lady protesteth too much :o
And I'm sure that I just saw her nose grow and grow :D

Well as you know I spend long weekends at the trailer, coming on QT now:)
Thanks goodness for that,

I found this poem and thought I'd share

A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbours passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbours always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company cloths"
With intricate designs.

The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It also said "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare!

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and grey,
As neighbours carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way...

But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!

I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbours knew each other best
By what hung on the line.

So Joto likes washing on lines
To replace the normal grapevines
When my underwear
Is hangin out there
To me they just look like ensigns.

There once was a lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light
She left for the day
In a relative way
And came back on the previous night

Well she has committed no crime
In fact it sounds really sublime
But what she must know
(Her being a maestro)
Is how to manipulate time.

Whos he going on about ? :huh:

Whos he going on about ? :huh:

An old car:hihi:

The rain went away it did shine
So I hung out my washing in time
A cloud paused over did it pour
Tripped up as I ran to the door
soaked washing in abdance is mine

The rain went away it did shine
So I hung out my washing in time
A cloud paused over did it pour
Tripped up as I ran to the door
soaked washing in abdance is mine

Same thing happened to me TJ. :hihi:

Yesterday it did nothing but rain
In fact its bogged up our whole lane
cars coming past they did fly
mud splashed up and went in my eye
oh I wish it was sunny again

Yesterday it did nothing but rain
In fact its bogged up our whole lane
cars coming past they did fly
mud splashed up and went in my eye
oh I wish it was sunny again

Youre getting very good. Keep it up.! :thumbsup:

I have a sliver tabby called Dill
sits washing his bits on the sill
legs up in the air with no shame
in our neighbourhood he has great fame
as a porn star i think he'd fit the bill

My Grandad he wisely told me
No climbing of trees unsafely
So after some titters
Went up in frilly knickers
Hung on elastic till quater past three

sausages sizzling in the pan
beats any day bread and jam
get them out all lovely n hot
slobber with sauce just a little not a lot
lessons learnt by my good old mam

TJ, youre amazing. Look what youve rolled out for us !:D

Well now I'm asking you, all, and one,
Where has :huh: our sweet Acorn gone,
For a few day's now he's not been here :cry:,
Something's amiss, is my greatest fear,
Unless he's on holiday, taking the sun :thumbsup:

Well now I'm asking you, all, and one,
Where has :huh: our sweet Acorn gone,
For a few day's now he's not been here :cry:,
Something's amiss, is my greatest fear,
Unless he's on holiday, taking the sun :thumbsup:

Im sure he would have told us Merl. I think its his comp.as it was playing up.

Honest I didn't do it ,Mum
was those other boys ,shot the pellet gun
Hit our Lucy clean in the leg
Dropped to the floor ,we thought her dead
Please dont smack me on the bum

Tonight is my hen night
We are dressing up, what a sight
In naughty schoolgirl gear
which is short on the rear
would surely give someone a fright :)

Whitewitch have yourself a fantastic time
Drinking copious amounts of wine :D
Dance the night away
Last chance to play ;)
I'm sure you'll all look fine

Tonight is my hen night
We are dressing up, what a sight
In naughty schoolgirl gear
which is short on the rear
would surely give someone a fright :)

Is it really your hen night tonight ? Dont do anything I wouldnt do .:cool::cool:

Whitewitch have yourself a fantastic time
Drinking copious amounts of wine :D
Dance the night away
Last chance to play ;)
I'm sure you'll all look fine

TJ youre getting to be a star of this thread. :thumbsup:

There was a young lady called Jane
Complained to the doc,she'd a pain
So ,Doc took a look
And found him a hook
Jane never went fishing again

Keep em up TJ.:)

Sorry I'm hijacking your thread arn't I ?

I've time to write limericks as you can see
Cos I've been at home feeling poorly
Next week back to work
My job I can't shirk
Only time then will be after tea

Well now I'm asking you, all, and one,
Where has :huh: our sweet Acorn gone,
For a few day's now he's not been here :cry:,
Something's amiss, is my greatest fear,
Unless he's on holiday, taking the sun :thumbsup:

I wonder where Acorn is these days then
Did he adopt a few battery hens
I bet he's sitting
While feather's spitting
On the hens eggs in their new pen:hihi:

I wonder where Acorn is these days then
Did he adopt a few battery hens
I bet he's sitting
While feather's spitting
On the hens eggs in their new pen:hihi:

He was on th QT last night joto.

Well done TJ Girl:thumbsup:

I'm off to the grandchildren's play now :wave:

He was on th QT last night joto.

Was he, glad he's back :) must go now Pat :wave:

The news tonight is so bad
Football has lost one of the best it had
There's a Tribute to Bobby Robson
He's gone to be Gods son
And Newcastle is feeling so sad

Tonight is my hen night
We are dressing up, what a sight
In naughty schoolgirl gear
which is short on the rear
would surely give someone a fright :)

Whitewitch is so gracious and fair
Who's charm, she wants so to share
She's going out flashin
All next weeks weshin
Just hope her arris is covered and not bare :hihi:

I bet White witch today is nursing her head
Those hen's can be so easily lead
2 tablets today
Till the pain goes away
Then get ya ass outta your bed

There once was a girl duck named Gilly,
Who was sweet and perhaps a bit silly,
For when Gus blinked his eye :wink:
she stopped being shy,
And became quite a frisky young filly! :o

There once was a girl duck named Gilly,
Who was sweet and perhaps a bit silly,
For when Gus blinked his eye :wink:
she stopped being shy,
And became quite a frisky young filly! :o

Are you leading poor Gus astray? :o
Letting Gilly 'invite' him to play? :o
Will they grow, oh so fond
Out there on the pond,
And will Gilly some eggs start to lay? :shocked:

So what' s all this talk of a duck
I thought you had things that went cluck?
I'm wondering whether,
If they stay together,
You will end up just with pot luck? :hihi:

I don't think that "Mavis" or "Dot"
Will ever end up in a pot! :o
They're here now to stay -
Laying eggs every day! :)
Suggest things like that - you'll be shot!!! :(

But Acorn is getting some, too!
He's building their house, all brand new!
He'll rescue some hens
Who'll soon be 'best frens'
With Gus (who's the duck by his shoe!) :hihi:

Do chickens and ducks really mix?
I thought they kept to their own cliques
I do hope they stay
'Good friends' as they say
Or Acorn will be in a fix.:hihi:

Acorn is doing DIY,
To be honest, :huh: I cannot think why,
Ah! :thumbsup: Thought's popped in my head,
He's building a shed,
To keep his chick's nice n dry! :hihi:

Acorn is doing DIY,
To be honest, :huh: I cannot think why,
Ah! :thumbsup: Thought's popped in my head,
He's building a shed,
To keep his chick's nice n dry! :hihi:

Yes, Acorn will be very bizzy!
With hammer and saw till he's dizzy!
He'll be working so hard,
Out there in the yard......
'Cos he izn't here, posting, now izzy? :hihi:

My shower rail's finally done
And now I am going to have one
I did it today
Because, as they say,
Not doing it was no option.

Today out on the bike we did roar
Weaving round corners galore
Reached exhilarating speed
All the cars we did leave
Must admit , my bum is now saddle sore

Today out on the bike we did roar
Weaving round corners galore
Reached exhilarating speed
All the cars we did leave
Must admit , my bum is now saddle sore

I do like your limericks TJ.

To amuse our poster's galore,
There's a new Game Thread in store,
It'll drive you quite mad :loopy:
It's Guess the Catchphrase or Ad,
Then go on and post up one more......... :hihi:

This thread was on page 2 again
I imagine that's down to Mr Benn
Where are all the rhymers
I guess they're old timers
I'm off now to play with the men

This thread was on page 2 again
I imagine that's down to Mr Benn
Where are all the rhymers
I guess they're old timers
I'm off now to play with the men

This is a good Limerick Jane.

There's a big event this weekend you know
In Scotland WW will be marrying her beau :love:
We're all excited
Extremely delighted
To wish them the best of what life can bestow :banana::clap::banana:

There's a big event this weekend you know
In Scotland WW will be marrying her beau :love:
We're all excited
Extremely delighted
To wish them the best of what life can bestow :banana::clap::banana:

I hope WW has seen this.:)

There was a young lad from Dinning-ton, Who didn't realise what, He was sitting on. until he noticed a sign saying wet paint, he thought swine. when he saw the paint lines on his nice clean trousers. sad, but a true story.

Was it you synthman?:) do you think you can make it into a limerick?
Welcome to the forum by the way :wave:

I wonder where Acorn is these days then
Did he adopt a few battery hens
I bet he's sitting
While feather's spitting
On the hens eggs in their new pen:hihi:

Joto, I’ve not got them yet
But I’m excited about getting a new pet
I’ve been collecting some wood
To build them a house, hopefully quite good?!
Or my chickens may get quite upset

Do chickens and ducks really mix?
I thought they kept to their own cliques
I do hope they stay
'Good friends' as they say
Or Acorn will be in a fix.:hihi:

GG, they get on just fine
I’ve seen them together from a friend of mine
A broody hen with a bit of luck
Will happily sit and hatch an egg from a duck
( I can’t think how to end the last line!):huh:

Nice work AC, keep the Limericks up!:D

Oh weekend I see you in sight
Friday i wish for with all my might
Why wont you come quicker ?
I needs me some liquer!
Though the recession makes money quite tite ( boom boom )

''Boom Boom '' reminds me of Basil
With a swish of his tail he did dazzle
Mathew his mate
Never knowing his fate
Red foxy wore him to a frazzle

In days of old
when men were bold
And toilets wern`t invented
they did there load in the middle of the road
which wasn`t really essential

In days of old
when men were bold
And toilets wern`t invented
they did there load in the middle of the road
which wasn`t really essential

This is funny lady! :hihi::hihi:

This is funny lady! :hihi::hihi:

you should read my old mother riley poem and the tale of fredrick twist lol

you should read my old mother riley poem and the tale of fredrick twist lol

Are they on here lady ?:)

Are they on here lady ?:)

noooooooooooooooooo i dare not put them on hey they would send me to the tower but they are funny

mmmmmm wonder if i should just put one up and let you read then delete it ya think they would ban me

mmmmmm wonder if i should just put one up and let you read then delete it ya think they would ban me

Dont risk it lady, just keep putting other limericks on. We like newcommers.:)

ok let me think

There once was a lady of Niger

Who smiled when she rode on a tiger.

They returned from the ride

With the lady inside

And a smile on the face of a tiger

Where has all the water gone?. Did someone take the plug outa river Don. Long time ago.
where has the Moor gone, knocked the shops down everyone.

When will they ever learn, When will they ever learn.

Where has Woolworths gone, I used to shop there, now it's gone,
Why did the hole in the road go, Filled it in and now it's gone, long time ago.

when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn.
Why did Kenny's records, and Flop shut down, Best record shops int town.......

All togetther now 123 ..........

:cool:there was an old lady lived on London road, Who, had a huge wart on end of her nose, Her teeth were rotten, she had rickets and fleas, and when she coughed, she'd spread disease. but i still love her. She's my baby.

There was once a sea capatain from Winkobank, and every ship he set foot in , always sank. so they put him in a submarine, even though, he wasn't keen. up periscope he said,then fell over, and banged his head, so the coriner said. :love:

There was once a sea capatain from Winkobank, and every ship he set foot in , always sank. so they put him in a submarine, even though, he wasn't keen. up periscope he said,then fell over, and banged his head, so the coriner said. :love:

Welcome to this unusual Limerick writer.:)

Well this was well down on page two
And really this just will not do.
I've brought it back here,
But let me be clear,
I'm leaving the rest up to you.

Well this was well down on page two
And really this just will not do.
I've brought it back here,
But let me be clear,
I'm leaving the rest up to you.

Wow! You're bossy now, in your old age! :o
Just because this had slipped down a page! :roll:
Well, let me tell you,
Some-thing not to do - :nono:
Is rattle the bars of my cage!!! :hihi:

My rhyming-streak's gone to the wall!
I cannot think clearly at all.... :(
The builders have gone,
Left me fragile and wan...... :(
I cannot - with rhymes - you enthrall! :mad: :hihi:

Thank goodness for schoolteachers ? :roll: :D

So, Thursday's finally got her old house back :clap:
She just needs to get herself back on track :nod:
Her mind is a boggle
No more can she ogle :nono:
The great manly sight of her big builders crack :lol:

There was a young Lady from Elpasso,
Who used to drive a picasso,
sh'ed ride arand tarn,
with her sun roof darn,
that, young lady from Elpasso. :P

There was a Lad from Dore,
Who married the Lass next door,
They got married in the month of June,
and whent to Dinnington for their Honeymoon,
Like the Beckhams,
they called the Baby, Dinno,
after the place they had bin,
They had a baby later on,
They called Rotherom. LOL .:love:

Oh Patricia, your such a babe,
you beast you,
my hert you enslave,
I'd die a thousand deaths,
just to see you smile,
if, you came over,
to Dinno for a while, :love:

I once new a Acrobat from Dore,
Who joined a circus in Lahore,
one performance, she crashed to the floor,
and couldn't Acrobat no more,
but that didn't get her down,
She decided to be a clown.
when ever the circus came to town,

Thank goodness for schoolteachers ? :roll: :D
Oh Pat, what a sweet girl you are,
I think about you every minute of the hour,
You look and smell just like a Rose,
that wafts beneath my nose,
i could write a synthony for you,
on mi Ukelaly if that will do,
i drift through life in Limbo,
Without the awe, of your beautiful smile,
My world a barren place, not see your lovely face,
so full of joy and Grace,
To see you smile,and face,
would be like seeing the sun again, after a long cold Dark winter, in my lonley place.
Until then, i sail a deep sea of emotion,
waiting, to reach your shores. and be together once more.:love:

Pat I think you have a big fan
I think he loves you Mr synthman
Will you just tease him
Or will you please him
Or will you........better not I might get a ban :hihi:

i was eating a jar of pickeld Gurkins one day,
There I was munchin away,
When suddenly beneath.
I saw floating, a pair of false teeth,
Well as you could imagine,
I was so shocked,
But didn't take em back to shop,
i eat my relish, and drunk the dew,
well what was I supposed to do,
The teeth fitted perfectly too. LOL .:P

Well done synthman :thumbsup::hihi:

Pat I think you have a big fan
I think he loves you Mr synthman
Will you just tease him
Or will you please him
Or will you........better not I might get a ban :hihi: Joto, what do I do, I've fallen head over heels for you,
it was written in the stars in the Sun today,
Please reply with something to say,
i will not sleep or eat till you do,
my life is so empty, without you. LOL x.:love: :love: :love: :love:

Well you soon forgot Pat you creep
You beast, you don't deserve to sleep
Who will you love tomorrow
It'll all end in sorrow
Women like us don't come cheap:hihi:

Eureka, I'm just in the bath and come up with a great invention, In winter we use a hot water bottle, if your single like me, but, but, but, What about, a cold water bottle for hot summers eh?????????, e e e, good eh, why didn't i think about it before, I'll make millions, millions,Ill be able to move to Oglethorpe's,,eh! what about Dragons Den?. whereas pen and paper, Dear Dragons Den........

So I took mi invention to Dragons den,
But I'll never go there again,
They were so rude, and sarcastic to me,
The potential of my invention they couldn't see,
The Scott's dragon broke my bottle in half,
and that tall misreble one Didn'T make me laugh, so I took mi broken bottle away, I was broken hearted that day,
But I'll not give up,
If your an interested investor, look me up. LOL .

Synthman someone invented air conditioning units, I've got it running right now:hihi:

Was it you synthman?:) do you think you can make it into a limerick?
Welcome to the forum by the way :wave: thanks so much for your warm welcome, yes it's me folks,Here to make merryment, and make you laugh,
Do you think theirs something w:love:rong with that ?,
you Know, it's such a pleasure for you to know me,
If I do something wrong,
I hope you'll show me why,
But all I can do is try,
to make you people smile,
And to forget your problems for a while,
To spread mylove, through the Ethere,
With my time. LOL .
:love::confused::love::

Welcome to this unusual Limerick writer.:) Why unusual Kitten?.:love:

Thanks synthman :thumbsup: just one for the road :)

Now I must retire to my bed
Who will keep you company instead
Will you sleep tonight
Or stay and write
If you stay try the invisible thread:thumbsup:

Well you soon forgot Pat you creep
You beast, you don't deserve to sleep
Who will you love tomorrow
It'll all end in sorrow
Women like us don't come cheap:hihi: Is 50p any good to ye?.

Have you seen this today pat? Look at page 2

Have you seen this today pat? Look at page 2

Page 2, Ill have a peek joto.:hihi:

Have you seen this today pat? Look at page 2

Well I dont know what you mean by page two, but syn is very funny isnt he ?:hihi:

I mean he'd just finished writing a romantic message to you, then all of a sudden his love was for me, that's why I wrote that limerick, he's a right romeo :hihi:

I mean he'd just finished writing a romantic message to you, then all of a sudden his love was for me, that's why I wrote that limerick, he's a right romeo :hihi:

Yes, Ive read them joto, but I do think hes very funny dont you ?:hihi:

This wanderer returns to SF -
So fast, I'm now out of breathe!
I'm feeling right quesey,
I must take it easy,
I'm suddenly feeling like death!

To the medicine bottle I go,
Pour onto a spoon, watch it flow,
I take one big slurp,
Then follows a burp!
It was wind, after all, don't you know!