anyone got a favourite jasper-trap recipe? we had waves of coordinated attacks during our BBQ at the weekend. they eventually b*ggered off but I want to be prepared with weapons of mass-jasper-destruction next time.

I tried beer with fairy liquid in but they weren't bothered. tried diluted honey with fairy- no good.

Bl**dy Jaspers!

John

que'est que ce une 'jasper'?

"jasper" = black and yellow striped flying b*stard similar in appearance to bee, but deliquent. the skinhead of the insect world.

seem to exist just to annoy and irritate people having picnics and barbeques.

even if you squash one, if there's so much as a sting attached to a leg, it will get you.

you have to obliterate them totally. even then their squashed bodies liberate powerful pheromones that attract others that go into beserker mode and attack.

other non-sheffielders call them wasps..

Ahh evil little critters.. they scare the wits out of me I have an allergy to the stings. They seem to be thriving in the current climate, does anyone else think they seem to be getting much bigger ?

when i was at school we used to gain honour-in-battle by kicking the bins to get angry jaspers out, then using our shirts as whips and fight the jaspers to the death!

wonder if they still do that or considered a bit non-pc

would be difficult to sue M&S saying that their jumpers were unsuitable for unarmed combat with a swarm of jaspers....

Burn some incense I've found it gets rid of most stuff much more effectively than Citronella and doesn't smell like a burning bog-block. Sandlewood or jasmine seems to work best.

I was always under the impression insects didn't like smoke. Certainly I don't get any buzzing me when I'm sucking on a Marlboro light.....

But for all you non-smokers, how about a campfire? Though Nicks suggestion bout incense might be less messing about, now I think about it.