View Full Version : Are we just Damn Monkeys!!


super_pie
10-07-2005, 10:01
I’ve adapted this from another file you might have seen posted around the net to fit another thread I’ve posted in, and also to fit the general mood of the world as of this moment. What do you think, is it accruate are we just a bunch of violent stupid monkeys? It’s not meant to be as facetious as it might first seem….


Orbiting the sun and about 93 billion miles an hour is a little blue planet, and this planet is run by a bunch of monkeys. Now the monkeys don’t think of themselves as monkeys. They don’t even think of themselves as animals and they love to list all the things that they think separate themselves as animals; opposable thumbs, self awareness, they’ll use words like 'Homo Erectus' and 'Australopithecus Afarensis'.

You tomato I say tomato, they’re animals all right…….. they’re monkeys

Monkeys with high speed broadband technology but monkeys all the same. I mean they’re clever; you’ve got to give them that! The Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, aeroplanes, skyscrapers, the internet. That’s some pretty impressive stuff, for a bunch of monkeys.

Monkeys whose brains have evolved to such an unmanageable size that it’s now pretty much impossible for them to stay happy for any length of time, infact they’re the only animals which think they’re supposed to be happy; all the other animals can just be…..

But it’s not that simple for the monkeys………

You see the monkeys are cursed with consciousness, so the monkeys are afraid, the monkeys worry, the monkeys worry about everything, but mostly the monkeys worry about what all the other monkeys think. Because all the monkeys really want to do is fit in. Which is hard to do, because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other, that’s what really separates them from the other animals, they HATE!!

They hate monkeys who are different colours, monkeys who came from different places, monkeys who have different opinions, monkeys who have more than them.

The reason for this? Well you see the monkeys feel alone………….

ALL 10 Billion of THEM!!

Some monkeys ask other monkeys to listen to their problems. Because the monkeys want answers and the monkeys don’t want to die, so the monkeys make up gods, and worship them. Then the monkeys argue over whose god is better, and then the monkeys really get angry, and that’s when the monkeys decide to start killing each other. So the monkeys start to wage war, so the monkeys invent hydrogen bombs, the monkeys start invading other countries, the monkeys decide to blow up buses full of other monkeys. The monkeys have got the whole damn planet weird up to explode!!!

The monkeys just can’t help it!!

Some monkeys start thread’s on internet message boards, like it means something…

Some of the monkeys think they’ve got it all figured out. Some of the monkeys read and quote Nietzsche, and argue over Nietzsche, without ever realising that Nietzsche was just another monkey!!

The monkeys make plans, the monkeys fall in love, the monkeys F**k and then they make more monkeys!! The monkeys make music and then the monkeys dance. DANCE MONKEYS DANCE!!!

As you can see, these are some messed up monkeys!!!!

These monkeys are at once both the most ugliest and beautiful creatures that have ever existed on this planet. But these monkeys, don’t want to be monkeys, they want to be something else……

But they’re not.

Don_Kiddick
10-07-2005, 10:04
banana anyone? sorry for scratching my shiny red rump

super_pie
10-07-2005, 10:05
Oh, it's based on this (http://www.screenhead.com/funny/dance_monkeys_dance.swf) by the way

Chicago
12-07-2005, 06:22
Does this mean we can fling poo now?:hihi:

Don_Kiddick
12-07-2005, 06:39
Yes, it starts Saturday! :clap:

Swan_Vesta
12-07-2005, 07:45
Originally posted by Don_Kiddick
Yes, it starts Saturday! :clap:

Welcome to the first annual Sheffield Forum poo slinging meet! The winner shall be determined by standing at the top of the moor directly between Debenhams and Mcdonalds and flinging a piece of poo (standard weight) the furthest. Bonus points are awarded for striking any passing pigeons.

Should this not be moved to going out section now? :D

DanSumption
12-07-2005, 08:44
Swan_Vesta: you look like a monkey (..."and you smell like one too". Or should that be "and you live in a zoo")

mojoworking
12-07-2005, 09:10
I don't want to sound like Roy Cropper, but the opening line is wildly inaccurate. The Earth is 93 MILLION (not billion) miles FROM the sun. It's not orbiting the sun at that speed. We are travelling through space at approx 18.5 miles per sec (30 km/sec), which is around 67,000 mph.

Swan_Vesta
12-07-2005, 09:13
Originally posted by DanSumption
Swan_Vesta: you look like a monkey (..."and you smell like one too". Or should that be "and you live in a zoo")

Dan .......oook oook eek ook ook ook ookoook oook ook ook ook oook oook ook ark, ark ook ook ook ook. :hihi:

Translation: Dan ...... from my minimal amount of posts on here you've summed me up well, I'm off to fling some poo :hihi:

DanSumption
12-07-2005, 09:25
Originally posted by mojoworking
I don't want to sound like Roy Cropper, but the opening line is wildly inaccurate. The Earth is 93 MILLION (not billion) miles FROM the sun. It's not orbiting the sun at that speed. We are travelling through space at approx 18.5 miles per sec (30 km/sec), which is around 67,000 mph.
Hang on, aren't those the opening lines from "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"?

spiffymonkey
12-07-2005, 11:10
Originally posted by DanSumption
Hang on, aren't those the opening lines from "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"?

It's the Galaxy Song from Meaning of Life.

*ahem*


Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.


Also reminds me of a bit of H2G2:


Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.


which sums it up nicely, I think ;)

DanSumption
12-07-2005, 11:13
Originally posted by spiffymonkey
It's the Galaxy Song from Meaning of Life.
Doh! That's the one I meant. Thanks for that spiffy, erm, monkey.