Ok, here goes. Sibling and I have never got on and situation continues to deteriorate. They have, along with their partner always always always avowed never to have children, in fact 2 weeks ago sibling would rather have a puppy than a kid. Now it transpires that I am about to become an aunt. Now, whilst I am, of course, happy for them it also leaves me feeling kind of pee'd off (royally). Folk who never want kids get pregnant and I, who would love kids and, according to other family members was born to be a mum am told I cannot have them. Any advice as to how to approach this situation (its not likely I will see much of child - sibling's choice, none of this side of the family will) would be appreciated. Please don't tell me to get over myself, the news has brought a difficult thing for me that I have to deal with all my life back to the forefront of my mind. Thank you for your time.

You sound like you were really desperate to share this with someone. Life's full of things sent to try us as my dear mum used to say. I haven't got any great words of wisdom except that things get easier in time. I have very strained sibling relationships as you do, when I was going through a miscarriage one of my siblings was having their fourth child and said they couldn't understand why I was upset!

I don't have any words of wisdom for you either, other than to say it must feel awful for you :( Any chance things may change between you & your sibling? I do think that having children changes people, and you may find you get to enjoy being an aunt. I hope so. Good luck hun. x

You sound like you were really desperate to share this with someone. Life's full of things sent to try us as my dear mum used to say.

Thanks, I was, the boyfriend said he would ring me on Monday, tried whilst I was busy and has been silent ever since (he already has his family). No one in my family seems to realise how important having my own kids is to me, and how hurtful not being able to have them is also.

I have very strained sibling relationships as you do, when I was going through a miscarriage one of my siblings was having their fourth child and said they couldn't understand why I was upset!

Sounds as caring as my sibling.

Any chance things may change between you & your sibling? I do think that having children changes people, and you may find you get to enjoy being an aunt.

The realationship we share has always been fraught with difficulties, most of which I am told I am the cause off, with no actual confirmation as to what I did/did not do at the time (eons ago). I reached the stage a while ago where I think why do I bother, nothing I do is right, and, if I try I am "creeping" (er, no, not my style at all). I can foresee that "my" side of the family will have very little to do with child, unless said sibling wants something of my father in which case child will be paraded for grandad and mummy and daddy will get whatever they want from grandad - very cynical yes, but also, very very true of how they operate.

Thank you both for replying!!

Sounds like you may be better off without them unfortunately. How sad for you tho :(

I can relate but for slightly different reasons. I'm about to become an auntie after having my own little girl 6 months ago. My sister has always wanted what i have, even when I got my horse for my 21st birthday she wanted to share him (and she is not a horsey person) and she has hit on just about every boyfriend i've ever had... Sure enough, I found out the other day she is now pregnant (with a guy she's known for less than 6 months who already has a son with another girl). I can't help but feel that its wrong to bring a child into the world just for a silly game of "keeping up with the Jones'" (or in this case "keeping up with big sister").

[QUOTE=twibstix;4933726]Any chance things may change between you & your sibling? I do think that having children changes people, and you may find you get to enjoy being an aunt.

Well whoop di doo, the news is now official (family were told on Monday, dad on Sunday). Tues I discovers something I would rather not, making this whole mess a whole heap worse. Without revealling how I found this out, I now know exactly what my sibling and partner think of me (clue, I dont think its very complimentary, it included the word scrubber!!!).

[QUOTE=twibstix;4933726]Any chance things may change between you & your sibling? I do think that having children changes people, and you may find you get to enjoy being an aunt.

Well whoop di doo, the news is now official (family were told on Monday, dad on Sunday). Tues I discovers something I would rather not, making this whole mess a whole heap worse. Without revealling how I found this out, I now know exactly what my sibling and partner think of me (clue, I dont think its very complimentary, it included the word scrubber!!!).

you sound very upset hun, its only a suggestion but maybe it may be a good idea too stay away from your sister for a while? dont even try and get on with her dont make any effort with her at all for a while. maybe she will miss you?

its difficult to give advice in these situations im afraid but i do really hope things work out for you, ive not spoken to my sister now for nearly a year because of her mental health problems she thinks we are all out to get her (her choice) and it breaks my heart that i cant pop over for a cuppa with her and that she doesnt see my kids but there is nothing i can do which wont bring me more heartache so i have bowed out and am leaving her to sort her head out.

[QUOTE=katy1981;5034278][QUOTE=twibstix;5034233]

you sound very upset hun, its only a suggestion but maybe it may be a good idea too stay away from your sister for a while? dont even try and get on with her dont make any effort with her at all for a while. maybe she will miss you?

I am very upset yes, but cannot avoid sibling as I work with it - all of this is made worse by dad being (naturally and I would never even want to take it away from him) very excited about the news and already making plans for his grandson's life (all the while I hasten to add sibling was vocally agreeing with dad then, under their breath saying things like "shut up you F B" and "over my dead body you fat f"). If this was to make any sort of difference to how sibling and partner view me (in "fairness" to partner, they have always, to my face been reasonable - does not alter what I discovered though) then, whilst I would still feel upset about it being them and not me, I would suck it up - but when sibling told mother and she asked if they were ok about the news, a very pointed "I am NOW" came back. Put other things sibling has said to the other person in the office and I know I am not the only person unhappy about the situation which makes it worse as ultimately someone else will suffer. (Sibling is referring to child as it too which ain't nice to hear, if it were me I would be "they" or he/she etc).

I want my dad to make me redundant too so I don't have to be anywhere near, how bad is that????

One more thing, I stopped making any effort with sibling eons ago, nothing I did was right - and now, they have "won" game, set and match.

Don't get me wrong - if my life path means I am never destined to have children (which it does) then that's that and I shall find other ways to enrich my life, I just can't find it in myself to be happy for them at all now, not after finding out the scrubber thing yesterday and not even knowing why.

Thank you for replying in the first place!!!

Oh twibstix what a shame it's turned out as bad as you expected :( You sound as though you'd have a lot of love to give to a child. Isn't life cruel. I don't know if you've gone down the fostering route, but maybe it would be nice to share what love you have.

Oh twibstix what a shame it's turned out as bad as you expected :( You sound as though you'd have a lot of love to give to a child. Isn't life cruel. I don't know if you've gone down the fostering route, but maybe it would be nice to share what love you have.

My cousin told me once I was born to be a mum (I thought at the time that was the nicest and the cruelest thing anyone had ever said to me).

Have made initial enquiries into fostering - would love to adopt (not have to be a baby either) but the local council website is so unclear about the procedure I would not even know where to start.

I have a friend who fosters. Maybe she knows something about the process for adoption also. Do you want me to ask her?

I also found this...
http://www.adoptchild.co.uk/

and this...
http://www.sheffield.gov.uk/safe--sound/fosteringadoption/adoption

Don't know if you've seen those, but both seem quite helpful. Good luck :)