The Secret millionaire is not really my cup of tea. I think its crass. It really makes my blood boil. imo i find it very condesending.

Here is a script for a new show I have filmed.


By the way, my name is Candy Armstrong, I like this forum, i have been to Sheffield many times in the name of unnatural deeds. if its ok i will hang about after. ta. x




The Secret Tramp


'The Secret Tramp' is a reality television show in which actual homeless filthy tramps are disguised as millionaires. They then go into impoverished communities and agree to give away tens of thousand of pounds. At the end of the programme the 'millionaire' reveals that he is in fact - 'The Secret Tramp'


INT. YOUTH CENTRE. DAY.

TWO MEN STAND WATCHING KIDS PLAY FOOTBALL. GRAHAM THE YOUTH CLUB MANAGER IS WEARING SPORTS CLOTHING. BARNEY THE SECRET TRAMP IS WEARING A VERY DAPPER EXPENSIVE LOOKING SUIT AND CARRIES A BRIEF CASE


VOICE OVER: Barney is a forty-two year-old tramp. He has been living on the streets of London for well over ten years. Today he is meeting local youth club Manager Graham Horris. Graham doesn't know Barney's true identity - The Secret Tramp. He believes he's a millionaire willing to invest in the youth club. (CHUCKLES)

GRAHAM: It's just great to be able to watch the kids kick a ball about and enjoy themselves. While they're in here having fun, they're not causing trouble on the streets. Trouble is though, we just haven't got the money to keep this place operating.

BARNEY: That's where I come in Graham, my old son. I'm a filthy rich millionaire. By the end of this show, I'm going to put a big fat wedge in the back of the net. (NUDGES GRAHAM AND WINKS) Know what I mean?



INT. JEAN'S LIVING ROOM. DAY.


BARNEY IS SITTING ON AN ARMCHAIR DRINKING TEA. HE SITS OPPOSITE LOCAL PENSIONER JEAN WITTY

JEAN: I can't even pay me gas bill

BARNEY: The name's Barney, love.

JEAN: I've had no heating for three days, Bill. My budgie died of frostbite.

BARNEY: I'm Barney – I'm a millionaire

JEAN: I think I'm going barmy as well.

BARNEY SPITS OUT TEA IN DISGUST

BARNEY: Call this tea?!

JEAN: I can't afford tea anymore. I have to make teabags with bits of old tights and fag ash.

JEAN BEGINS TO SOB

BARNEY: Don't you worry old girl. By the end of this show you'll be drinking cups of liquid gold.

JEAN: PG?

BARNEY: You won't need Parental Guidance, old girl - it'll be Earl Grey all the way!



INT. YOUTH CENTRE. DAY.


GRAHAM AND JEAN SIT WAITING FOR BARNEY TO ARRIVE. BARNEY WALKS INTO THE ROOM. INSTEAD OF WEARING A SUIT HE IS WEARING AN OLD TWEED GREEN TRAMP JACKET. HE IS SWIGGING FROM A CHEAP BOTTLE OF CIDER WRAPPED IN A BROWN PAPER BAG.

BARNEY: Morning all. I have a confession to make. (TAKES A SWIG) I told you all I was a millionaire. Well I lied. I'm actually a dirty old tramp and I own jack ****. (LAUGHS)

JEAN: Oh no. That show on the telly - Secret Tramp!

BARNEY: Hah! You've seen the show and you still got fooled! No sympathy for you old girl.

GRAHAM: (A 'POSH' VOICE) Well, I in turn have a confession to make to you, Barney.

BARNEY: (PUZZLED) Eh?

GRAHAM: This isn't the Secret Tramp

JEAN: (HER NORMAL 'ACTRESS' VOICE) It certainly isn't, Barney! (MIMICS BARNEY) Know what I mean, love?

(JEAN AND GRAHAM SMILE AT EACH OTHER)

GRAHAM: You see Barney. This isn't the Secret Tramp programme. You are actually on (BEAT) Secret Cannibals!

JEAN AND GRAHAM MOVE TOWARDS BARNEY, WIELDING KNIVES AND FORKS AND LAUGHING WICKEDLY. BARNEY BACKS AWAY WIDE-EYED AND WHIMPERING.

wont work out mate,the tramp wouldnt have the cash to pay out at the end of the show ,so would end up with a kicking from those who expected some dosh..

............................ i see

wont work out mate,the tramp wouldnt have the cash to pay out at the end of the show ,so would end up with a kicking from those who expected some dosh..That may have been the point...

In honesty i cant see why people dont like it personally the one yesterday really touched me at end of day no matter what these millionaires are millionaires and the work there prepared to do is not always top class fair enough some people will say they get paid for it but still if there a millionaire do they really need the money to be paid?? I think not personally i find it very inspirational and somewhat uplifting if im honest.

the man yesterday only did it for selfish reasons, he gave money and thus felt like he paid his grandad back. When the motives for giving are so selfish the true intention of the programm becomes condesendng and alotgether greedy. imho

the man yesterday only did it for selfish reasons, he gave money and thus felt like he paid his grandad back. When the motives for giving are so selfish the true intention of the programm becomes condesendng and alotgether greedy. imho

Hmmm that isnt what happened in the programme at all. The bloke himself had come from a poverty background and had grown up without a mother. Lost his twin sisters to heroin and wanted to improve the lives to people in similar and difficult situations. He met a family losing there very young son through a brain tumour and it touched him that his children were also a similar age. The bloke in himself seemed very little removed from his upbringing and had worked hard to earn his money. Why does everyone begrudge someone that works to a better life?

Hmmm that isnt what happened in the programme at all. The bloke himself had come from a poverty background and had grown up without a mother. Lost his twin sisters to heroin and wanted to improve the lives to people in similar and difficult situations. He met a family losing there very young son through a brain tumour and it touched him that his children were also a similar age. The bloke in himself seemed very little removed from his upbringing and had worked hard to earn his money. Why does everyone begrudge someone that works to a better life?

i begrudge his crappy effort, a man with 20 million gives 20 thousand. Thats like me having 100 pound and giving 50 pence to a beggar, its hardly sacrifice, these people go on shows for egos, to be seen on telly and it makes a mockery that people need a dumbed down telly show to reward them for things the government should have done already

worst show on telly

imho

So you'd be prepared to give the beggar all £100?

So you'd be prepared to give the beggar all £100?

no but at least 20 p9ound to make the level of sacrifice infact a sacrifice


the show is pony

imo

i begrudge his crappy effort, a man with 20 million gives 20 thousand. Thats like me having 100 pound and giving 50 pence to a beggar, its hardly sacrifice, these people go on shows for egos, to be seen on telly and it makes a mockery that people need a dumbed down telly show to reward them for things the government should have done already

worst show on telly

imho

A man that earns 20 million pounds from working his way up from nothing is not a man that has 20 million in his back pocket. His money is in investements and paying for his own home and children etc. 20 thousand pounds is still a lot of money to just hand over and a lot of the people who have done it go one to do more and give more. I really dont think they do go on the shows for their own egos. I guess some will but from the many that I have watched far from it. We are all guilty of not doing as much as we can do to help others. Whether that be with money, time, compassion or practical help. Its is not only the Rich that have to claim responsibility. Can you afford to donate more then you do?

A man that earns 20 million pounds from working his way up from nothing is not a man that has 20 million in his back pocket. His money is in investements and paying for his own home and children etc. 20 thousand pounds is still a lot of money to just hand over and a lot of the people who have done it go one to do more and give more. I really dont think they do go on the shows for their own egos. I guess some will but from the many that I have watched far from it. We are all guilty of not doing as much as we can do to help others. Whether that be with money, time, compassion or practical help. Its is not only the Rich that have to claim responsibility. Can you afford to donate more then you do?


to be honest i make you right

the orginal intention of this thread was to allow you to critique a real piece of work which is to be viewed on bbc3 next year, its a sketch i wrote

id appreciate some constructive critism

to be honest i make you right

the orginal intention of this thread was to allow you to critique a real piece of work which is to be viewed on bbc3 next year, its a sketch i wrote

id appreciate some constructive critism

Yes I think you should try it. Try channel 5. They show owt. :hihi:

I wouldn't give up the day job if I were you.

You're not the only thing that's been buggered in Sheffield - your script's gone that way too.

i begrudge his crappy effort, a man with 20 million gives 20 thousand. Thats like me having 100 pound and giving 50 pence to a beggar, its hardly sacrifice, these people go on shows for egos, to be seen on telly and it makes a mockery that people need a dumbed down telly show to reward them for things the government should have done already

worst show on telly

imho

I dislike shows like The Apprentice and Dragons Den for the reasons you give. Those with the money smugly make more money.

The Secret Millionaire is giving away cash to projects he likes, for whatever reason. How can that be a bad thing?

20k may not make a big dent in their overall fortune but it's a damn sight more than I imagine a lot of folks in their position do.