i will be havin a baby to a guy who was violent and cheated on me, ive now left him been three months. should i get back with him??
i miss him a lot, what should i do but he betrayed me and wasnt good to me, will he change. someone please help!!! when i go into hospital i see women with their partners n i feel really down n depressed!!!! help me

I have 1 Simple answer for you sweet heart NO!!!!

Poor Ruby_21, what a horrible situation to be in.

But you must'nt get back together with this guy. You deserve much better than someone who cheats on you and abuses you.

Your unborn child also deserves better. You shouldn't bring a baby into the world to watch its mother being abused by a violent father who isn't 100 per cent committed to his family.

Go it alone. I know it must be hard seeing lots of pregnant women with their partners, but you'll make a much better job of parenthood on your own than if you're in a partnership with this man.

I'm sure you'll find the inner strength to make a fantastic job of it, and probably find yourself a nice new man who treats you well somewhere along the line too.

Why not join a single mums group for some extra support. I'm sure your GP or midwife and tell you of one in your area.

Good luck xxx

No dont do it... I know its really hard now but it will get better
I left my first childs father because he tried to strangle me with a lamp flex amongst other things.
Its a part of my life I am so glad to have put behind me. now six years on I have a wonderfull new partner another child and a much better life without worrying about when the next episode of fist of fury would start.
Please I know its hard in the last few months of pregnancy, but you have to find some inner strength and be strong enough to say no to him. Have you any friends and family you can turn to for some help and support ?

I agree with the others. It must be so hard for you, but really try to be strong, you have done so well already getting this far on your own. Don't allow yourself to give in to these feelings of loneliness it won't always be like this.

Don't be afraid to ask people for help, often family and friends don't realise how much help you need, but if you ask them I am sure they will be only to pleased to accompany you for check-ups, and classes etc.

You are doing really well, keep it up, your child will respect you in the future for the strength and courage you have shown.

Feel free to pm me anytime for a chat.

Good luck

Raine

Please do not go back to him. If not for yourself, for your baby - who knows if he'll get bored of taking it out on you and turn on your child.

There's loads of single mother support groups around and plenty of women who have been through the same. You have proved how strong you are by leaving this pathetic excuse for a man and now you have to remember that you are NOT alone and there will always be somebody to support you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Roz xxx

What would you say if a friend asked you the question?? There's the answer.

People who are viloent can often have a hold on somone and that is why you are missing him. Not him alone but the hold on you. (maybe wrong! :D )

Let him go, keep him away and make a life for yourself and the little on. Let him see what he missed. Be with your friends and make new ones! Eventually you'll meet the right guy

My wife has just had a little one so if you need advice or a friendly chat feel free to PM me and i'll put you in contact with her! :D

Does he know your are pregnant? If so, what is his attitude?

Please read yesterday's 'I hate my dad thread' :(

I think by posting this, you know the answer already and need reassuring that getting back with this guy would be the wrong thing to do.

Whether you're pregnant or not, it's always horrible seeing other people all coupled up, making it seem like being with anyone would be better than being alone.

But when you've proved to yourself that you can do it, you will know for the rest of your life that you can always cope on your own and that's a nice feeling. Your next relationship will be because you want to be with someone, not because you need to be with someone.

Good luck, hope all goes well!

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

A few simple words

NO DONT DO IT


There are plenty of nice guys out there, and even ones that don't mind bringing up someone else child.

what they said, hun, ^^^^^ IN BUCKETLOADS!

Drop this guy, like so much toxic waste (which is what he is, let's face it....!)

I went through two violent/abusive relationships, so I am speaking from experience. it doesn't get any better.
I had a knife pulled on me, arson threats to me and my home.... I was beaten black and blue, had a fractured cheekbone, and a dislocated knee, in my time with one of them.

Every time I was hit, he'd swear to me, "Oh, I love you, I'll change, I won't do it again!"

bs!!!!

If you don't feel that you can escape for your own sake, ffs, think of your baby, and the baby's need to be safe. Protect HER!

please, don't give this loser house room.

it is a fact, sadly, that if a child grows up seeing her daddy beating her mummy up, she will see it as "normal" and will likely go for similar blokes herself when she is grown... do you really want your child to have that imprinting on her mind.... to see HER go through the same thing as you have put up with.

get help. get away, there are some domestic abuse helplines, counsellors, women's refuges who can help you.

please contact one of these organisations, (the samaritans have numbers to contact) and get help, to get yourself free of this man and his crap!

Love

PT

I wholly agree with what everyone above has said, but you need to convince yourself that what you are doing is right - for you and your unborn child.

It's very strange how we can sometimes be 'addicted' to someone who abuses us. But be assured, if he hits you and cheats on you he does not love you

Whenever you get the feeling that you should go back to him please just get on the forum and chat/talk to people who can see you through the difficult patch.

Yes it is hard and heartwrenching to see other couples together and especially when you are pregnant. Do you have a friend who could go to hospital/classes with you? It may not take away the feelings but it certainly will help to ease them.

Please take care xxx

i would say dont do it. I got back with my partner who was cheating on me while pregnant and it really is hard work. you will be feeling emotional as it is without the worry of where he is and what/who he is doing. I am on my own now and really have brought my daughter up on my own as have no family down here.
It can be done and although hard work its worth it. for your sake hun dont do it. If he was violent certainly do not do it. I had to go to all my appointmets alone and it did hurt so much but just hold your head high and get through it.. if you need someone to talk to about it pm me as i have has cheating/violent ex's and can tell you how i coped. good luck:thumbsup:

THANKS A LOT FOR EVERYONES SUPPORT AND REPLIES. I FEEL A LOT STRONGER NOW TO SEE THAT NOT GETTIN BACK WITH HIM WIL BE A GOOD THING FOR ME AND MY UNBORN CHILD.

I REALLY DEEP DOWN APPRECIATE MY REPLIES, THEY HAVE HELPED ME THINK STRAIGHT. THANKS A LOT EVERYONE. IT JUST EATS ME UP TO THINK OF HIM BEIN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, EVEN NOW I THINK I NOT SEEN HIM FOR AGES WONDER WHO HES SLEEPIN WITH, IT REALLY EATS ME UP INSIDE.

I JUST THINK IF I GET BACK WITH HIM, AND HE SEES THE BABY WILL HE CHANGE AND STOP THE VIOLENCE AND THE CHEATING?? HE STILL PHONES ME NOW AND THEN, IT REALLY UPSETS ME.

Originally posted by ruby_21
THANKS A LOT FOR EVERYONES SUPPORT AND REPLIES. I FEEL A LOT STRONGER NOW TO SEE THAT NOT GETTIN BACK WITH HIM WIL BE A GOOD THING FOR ME AND MY UNBORN CHILD.

I REALLY DEEP DOWN APPRECIATE MY REPLIES, THEY HAVE HELPED ME THINK STRAIGHT. THANKS A LOT EVERYONE. IT JUST EATS ME UP TO THINK OF HIM BEIN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, EVEN NOW I THINK I NOT SEEN HIM FOR AGES WONDER WHO HES SLEEPIN WITH, IT REALLY EATS ME UP INSIDE.

I JUST THINK IF I GET BACK WITH HIM, AND HE SEES THE BABY WILL HE CHANGE AND STOP THE VIOLENCE AND THE CHEATING?? HE STILL PHONES ME NOW AND THEN, IT REALLY UPSETS ME. NO. The baby won't change his attitude, in fact the baby will probably make him worse. He will get even more aggressive having a crying baby around.He will hurt you over and over again and how would you feel if he hurt the baby? You need to put yourself and the new life you are carrying, first. Change your telephone number and stay as far away from him as possible. Growing up with a violent parent is dreadful - believe me. Good luck to you! xxx

Ruby I can only echo what everyone else has said in this thread, it will take time for you to put this man behind you forever but in years to come you will be thankful that you kept him out of yours and your babies life.

Stay strong, and above all else keep in touch on here because you will get some sound advice from these women (some who have already been through the same situation as you) and they will support you when ever you feel the need.

Ruby-21... a baby will make the situation for you and your partner. Babies are wonderous but put a strain in relationships especially those relationships already struggling. That's natural because it's a big adjustment but in your situation it could have severe consequences so you have to put your baby and yourself first. If he can't support you when pregnant I personally think he'll have problems supporting you and your child when its born. The pregnancy is the easy bit!

Please talk to your Dr and Midwife. They will help you find support and be supportive themselves. They need to know the situation to help you and your baby.

Also do some searching on the internet. There are some fantastic sites for mums to be in all sorts of situations and most of them have a discussion area. Try Netmums and Bounty for starters.

Enjoy your pregnancy - it's magic. :) Things will work out for you and your child in the long run. Might not always be easy but it will be worth it to have a happy child and a happy mummy.