Hi people,


As some of you will know its my birthday in aweek and I have been waiting for a call from my dad. Well he has just called and he is doing his usual.

he said "Ive lost my job so is it ok if your birthday present it late?" Well Im too nice to say "Yes I mind so I said "no i dont mind"

Well this is the 3rd year in a row where he has lost his job around my birthday and cant get me anything (or forgot)

I am now wishing I said "Yes I mind and Im getting fed up with this"


I just needed to get that off my chest
________
Uhwh warehouse (http://uhwh.com/)

at least he remembered....:thumbsup:

Originally posted by Mainframe
Hi people,


As some of you will know its my birthday in aweek and I have been waiting for a call from my dad. Well he has just called and he is doing his usual.

he said "Ive lost my job so is it ok if your birthday present it late?" Well Im too nice to say "Yes I mind so I said "no i dont mind"

Well this is the 3rd year in a row where he has lost his job around my birthday and cant get me anything (or forgot)

I am now wishing I said "Yes I mind and Im getting fed up with this"


I just needed to get that off my chest

i know what ya mean, been thru the same.. get him told man!! he wont learn if not..

Mainframe - I can understand how you're angry, but like BertieBasset says at least he remembered to ring!

Try to explain calmly that you feel let down and that although he can't help losing his job perhaps he ought to buy you a present earlier in the year when he still has his job! :hihi: then when he loses his job he won't have to feel bad for not buying you a big pressie! ;)

Sorry it's upset you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :clap:

never hate ur dad

Originally posted by BertieBasset
at least he remembered....:thumbsup:

Aye, which is more than can be said for some dads, after scraping his sorry ass though when mum left, then being kicked out 2 months after my 16th birthday so he could move his new girlfriend in, then loaning him £4000 of my own money of which i have never seen a penny back. He hasnt spoken to me since I was 17, This is the first year I havent sent him a birthday card, I've never had one off him since I was a kid. I havent had so much of a peep out of him. I seem to have been forgotton about very quickly.

Thank your lucky stars he still rings you.

Joel

isn't it the thought that counts?

At least he contacted u and he is still around.

Don't hate ya dad, coz one day they won't be there and u'll miss them like crazy.
x

Originally posted by Cyclone
isn't it the thought that counts?

Agreed. He'd probably only buy you a(nother) shirt anyway... no offence to my parents :)

Originally posted by Mainframe
Hi people,


As some of you will know its my birthday in aweek and I have been waiting for a call from my dad. Well he has just called and he is doing his usual.

he said "Ive lost my job so is it ok if your birthday present it late?" Well Im too nice to say "Yes I mind so I said "no i dont mind"

Well this is the 3rd year in a row where he has lost his job around my birthday and cant get me anything (or forgot)

I am now wishing I said "Yes I mind and Im getting fed up with this"


I just needed to get that off my chest

He could be tricking you into believing he isn't going to get you anything and be secretly planning to turn up on your birthday with that pony you've always dreamt of.....

Originally posted by Abdul
Agreed. He'd probably only buy you a(nother) shirt anyway... no offence to my parents :)


Nice one Abdul.

My late father's (even later) parents always bought him the same after shave every single Christmas.

Being the sort not wanting to cause offence, my father would show delight in receiving said gift (it all went in the same bathroom cupboard; it's probably still there) and save the comments for later.

Marbate Man it was called and it smelled a bit like urine and pine disinfectant. Truly awful.

But back to the thread, the very fact he has called you goes way beyond the receipt of a physical gift.

my son is 14 and shares the same birthday as his dad.

for the last few years he has not had an contact with his dad as his dad is a soprry assed good for nothing so and so..

he also has a son aged 13 and ditto.

he has a "new son" aged 2 so hes probably too caught up with him, or maybe since i last saw him beg for mercy by the csa he has moved on to family number 3

thought id get that off my chest.:rant:

I wish my dad was around to say he couldn`t afford a pressie for my birthday, I`d forgivr him anyway

Hate is a pretty strong word to be using for a minor disdemeanor but maybe you don`t mean it !!!
It must be nice to beable to talk to your dad, I don`t have the privlidge no more:(

jan2002

I just dont get people like yourself, presents dont buy love!

If he cant get you a present, he cant get you a present!!

Ive been through the same all my life, but its just a case of getting over it !.

Like posted b4, just been grateful that youve got a Dad, rather than rantering on about the fact that he doesnt buy you everything that you want!

Realistically, i bet you dont bother buying him anything do you!
(No that it has any impact on what im trying to say)

Love is better than any present!

Its the thought that counts!

I'm with u Jan2002, I miss my dad evey single day and wud love to be able to speak to him again.

It's a sorry state when people expect to get a present and get upset/stroppy when they don't.

My Dad forgot my birthday as well last year, I didnt get a card or a phone call, but I dont hate him.

I do feel gutted sometimes at the uninterest he shows towards me and my brother and the lack of effort he makes for us but I'm nearly 30 now and its like water off a ducks back.

My Dad has been like this for years, he is who he is and he isnt going to change not now not ever.

I feel sorry for him in a way because he has missed out on so much especially now with his grandson growing up fast.

I have to face it even though it hurts, some people were never meant to be parents and the ones that are can be really selfish and make their kids feel like a burden.

I am just glad that I havent turned out like him and that I am dedicated to my child and always will be.

My brother sent my Dad a text a few weeks ago giving him a piece of his mind and all my Dad could do was send a really nasty reply some thing like "Learn to spell w*nker" how charming.

I know it hurts Mainframe but try not to let it make you bitter and twisted, deadbeat dads are not worth the tears or the wasted energy.

Have a really fantastic birthday anyway regardless of your Dad.

All the best

Jo

I think it is a little selfish to expect a present everytime it is your birthday...

One Question......Do you buy your dad a present every year for his birthday?

There is a time when people grow up and realise that the presents are less important than actaully having a mom or dad to be able to speak to.

For anyone to say that they hate their dad because of a material object has not been given is pathetic and selfish as all you are thinking about is yourself......

Originally posted by Colonel
never hate ur dad

Why?

Some deserve it.

Mine walked out on my mum when I was 3, leaving my mum to bring up 2 young children (late 60's) - he wasn't even man enough to tell her, just never came home from work....... He obviously doesn't work for the AA:thumbsup:.





Originally posted by Joelc
Aye, which is more than can be said for some dads, after scraping his sorry ass though when mum left, then being kicked out 2 months after my 16th birthday so he could move his new girlfriend in, then loaning him £4000 of my own money of which i have never seen a penny back.

Joel


That sucks!



Originally posted by Joelc
I havent had so much of a peep out of him.

Joel


At least the situation has improved:thumbsup:;).



Originally posted by BruciesBabe
Don't hate ya dad, coz one day they won't be there and u'll miss them like crazy.
x

That's not always the case. I could willingly feed my biological father to a pack of marauding lions (if I could find any, and indeed my father) then go for a meal in the country and feel no remorse whatsoever.

As I say above, "some fathers deserve the hatred of their offspring"!

Originally posted by Delboy3
For anyone to say that they hate their dad because of a material object has not been given is pathetic and selfish as all you are thinking about is yourself......


That makes me not selfish as I hate mine 'cause he's a tw@!

I hate my Dad too which may be difficult for some people to understand unless they have been through what I have.

My Dad threw my mum out when I was two, he kept my brother and just threw me and mum out. We moved back to Sheffield and lived with friends and relatives (often sleeping on their floors) until we managed to secure a house. My mum brought me up on her own without any help from my dad. When I was about 12 I decided I wanted contact with him and made the journey to his house on my own and back every few weeks (which used to take about 1 1/2 hours each way) just so that I could spend time with him. This carried on until I had my son and then I didn't visit quite so much. He never made the effort to come and visit me.

We lost contact for a couple of years.

He made contact with me when my daughter was about two and said that he missed me and loved me etc and that he would come over and visit - he never did. I got a phone call from my mum late one night to tell me that my Dad had called her and asked that she pass on some news to me. Mum was crying as she told me that my Dad had terminal cancer and only weeks to live. I was devasted and kicked myself for not getting in contact with him. At the same time my partner's mum was dying of cancer so emotions were high.

A couple of days later my "Dad" called my mum to say that he made the whole thing up.

My partner's mum died a couple of months later.

I can never forgive my "'Dad" for that little stunt. He is not part of my life or my family's.

Hate is a strong word and not a word that I use lightly.

Sccsux,
That is not a dad, he is your biological father, but anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad.

It is very easy for us with dads that care to say 'don't hate your dad' but we're not in that situation, thankfully.

However, despite thinking people have been a bit unfair on Mainframe I also think that the reason he has given doesn't seem to be one that you can hate a dad for.

At least, as we've all said, he called you. More than many of the dads mentioned here have done.

I love my dad to bits (despite him slowly turning into my granddad!) but my dad can't stick his dad and neither can I.
As far as most of the people in our household are concerned, if we never see him again it'll be too soon.

My granddad is a very closed minded person and discriminates at each opportunity.
He never showed my dad any kind of love, he was there which is one thing but he worked 24/7, my dad had never had a hug. My granddad has always believed that women raise the children and work in the kitchen whilst the men work.
The sad thing is, he's only 60 now and he's always been like it, my mum's mum on the other hand is 72 and the most modern gal I know!
My dad left home at 16 to join the army so he could get away.

He then married my mum and they had me, they left the army and went to stay with my dad's parents. All my granddad did was criticise my mum about the way she looked after me, my dad would come home and bath me, but only because he wanted to, but no, to my granddad that wasn't right. He would pick fights whenever possible so my mum and decided that she would move back to Sheffield with me, whilst my dad finished his contract in Devon (not very long left).
That wasn't good enough either and for that my mum was called a stuck up bitch who could never bring a child up right. And basically, a terrible mother all round.
Despite this, my sister and I went to see them every year until we were old enough to think for ourselves when we said we didn't want to anymore because we weren't entitled to our own opinions while we were in his house.

He never phones but will tell my dad's brother that my dad hasn't phoned. We do phone but have stopped recently since then.
Then my granddad started emailing me constantly and asked me to get my sister to email him, I gave him her email address and told him to email her. He didn't. I'm disabled and my granddad has a thing about looking good and giving to charity and it made me feel like another of his charity cases. He started sending presents and cards in the post for me, but nothing for my younger sister, I told him that I didn't want all the presents he was sending me and the cards and the emails unless he was seen to be making some effort with my sister thinking that at least he'd email her.
I haven't heard from him since. My granny sent me a cheque for my birthday but we haven't heard from him.

My dad makes out he doesn't care but he does. I can tell.

My dad and I always had a stormy relationship resulting in me leaving home at 16.

When I had my daughter I really thought i'd hear from him, but didn't. He didn't meet my daughter - his first grandchild - until she was 3 years old, after a family tragedy got him talking to me again. But then without warning, he stopped talking to me a few years later. I've been married twice and he didn't come to either of them, hence I was never 'given away' by my father.

I've done alsorts over the years to try to get him to talk to me and i'd finally given up. But, when I heard a close friend of his had passed away I felt I should make one last effort. I went to Spain to find him. All I had was the name of a bar he went in. After 3 days of searching I found the bar and via the staff there, found my dad. It took another two days befoe he spoke to me, but we've got on ever since. I tread carefully so not to upset him, but I am happy we've made up.

Being let down by your parents is really hard. It's hard to understand and it hurts in a way that no-one else can hurt you.

Why not call your dad on your birthday? Tell him that the best present he can give you is his love and not to worry about an 'actual' present. He doesn't sound the greatest dad in the world and I know that must be difficult to come to terms with, but try to make the most of what you have with him because in the end, it is you that ends up feeling bad and you are worth more than that.

Take care x

I dont 'hate' my dad, to hate someone you have to know them, and I dont know my dad. Havent seen him since I was about 5, and I dont want to see him either.

I once wrote "I hate my dad" in brown crayon on my bedroom wall when I was about 7.




:| It still stands.

If you were 8 years old, I could understand your dilemma. However, you are 18! What's the problem?

I don't think it's just a simple case of another birthday present not got I think it's a series of let downs from his Dad over a long period of time.

Mainframe - you know my daughters situation she gets promised all sorts and never gets them so her expectations are built up all the time only to be let down time and time again. The best thing to do is never expect anything, then if you do get something it will be a nice surprise - actually the shock would probably kill you!!! :hihi:

Mainframe i seem to be set with the same problem as you seen as i am your sister and my birthday falls 2 weeks after yours. I find it really disappointing that we haven't heard from our dad for nearly a year now and the only reason he has contacted us is to let us know that he has lost his job so therefor cant get us anything for our birthday for the third year running. I could understand if it was just 1 year but its 3 years running now and to say he cant afford a card for us he is doing well to take himself, his wife and other child abroad for 2 weeks. Oh well he will regret it someday he has missed out on our whole childhood and will soon realise just how much he has let us down in the past. :( :(

at least you see your dad... my friend is fighting hard and going through hell to try and get to see his son...

I don't hate my Dad anymore. I just feel nothing for the "man". You feel how you feel I guess and can't scold anyone for that.