Im sorry if this seems like im moaning but i would like to get the opinions of other mothers/fathers on here.

I have a 2.5 yr old son and am 28 wks pregnant. Recently my son has become a nightmare, (more than normal) and im finding it hard to deal with. My husband works all the hours god sends to provide for us and i am eternally greatful, having not worked properly since having my first i feel guilty. i have done things like ann summers, avon even worked in a nightclub until the bump came along and cos i suffer from SPD was unable to carry on as cant stand or walk for long.
It seems that my son will now not go to bed for me, no matter what i do i cannot get him to settle without a fight, tears and 1-2 hours wasted time, yet my husband is down with in 15 mins. we take him up tell him a story and sit in his room for 10 mins to settle, like i said he does this no problem for my other half, but for me hes up and down every 10 mins crying and screaming at me, i use thesuper nanny technique talk nice, tell ignore sort of thing, you can gaurentoo that when i do bed (which now is only when my oh is working late) i end up tearing my hair out crying cos ive failed again.

Then theres the other end of the day, having still not slept through the night, he still wakes up between half 5 - 6, now on my mornings he wont settle back down, ive tried sitting with him, getting in his bed to cuddle, turing him over and leaving him but nothing works, i end up getting up in fear of him waking oh, then when its my ohs turn he can get him right back to sleep till half 7 - 8. sometimes by sitting in his room and sometimes by getting in bed with him. Thing is in the night when he gets up, i can put him back in his bed and hes sorted.

Its wearing me down slowly but surely, and my body physically cant take it anymore, i am in constant pain, tired and snappy, i dont know how many times ive told my oh its over in the last few weks for silly things like leaving his socks on the floor.

My LO used to stay at my moms one night a week to try to allow us both a decent night, however due to personal problems between us, this isnt happening, he constantly asks for nanie and if i have to tell him off he goes to the front doorcrying saying hes going to nanies which makes me feel even worse, its like he doesnt want to be with me.
When my husband shouts at him, he knows about it, yet he will gladly spend all the time he can with his dad, yet, i try my hardest to keep him happy and occupied and spend all day with him, yet it seems he hates me and does everything in his power to defy me.

Im scared that when my daughter is born and oh goes back to work im going to fail them both.

I think im looking for reassurance from others in the same/similar position, as much as my oh thinks i exagerate, hes not here all day everyday, he only sees him when hes in bed and one and half days a week realistically, he tries to blame the hormones, but i know its not, im scared that its affecting my pregnancy cos im so stressed and upset all the time. is there anyone who knows what im going through??? I have no friends as they all ditched me when i got pregnant 1st time and got married cos i was too young so i have noone to turn to.

Im sorry if this seems like a lot of waffle i really am.

have you read Bonny's thread from about a week ago?

you really are not alone in this

kids just know who they can push buttons with, and your emotional responses you mentioned show that you have buttons that do push ;)

have a read of Bonny's thread - it's quite similar, and lots of people have posted with similar experiences (plus there's lots of advice in there :) )

Oh dear, you have my sympathy.

This is really tough, but quite common. You are dealing with the 'terrible twos', an age when your little one is getting an idea of 'self' and seeing how far he can push it.

He probably tries it on with you rather than your OH because your OH is more of an unknown quantity whereas you are comfortably familiar (and dare I say it?) react more. It's nothing personal, he hasn't got it in for you, but it can be infuriating especially if your OH has a tendency towards the smug side...

He may also know that change is on the way (the bump) and that is worrying him, so lots of reassurance is needed.

Continue to be firm. If he is warm, clean, comfortable and fed with a bedtime story routine he will eventually get the idea that he must settle to sleep because no matter how loud he yells he will not be getting anymore visits from mum or dad. And stick to it, - if you give in you will have to keep going back to square one.

Seems harsh, but you owe it to yourself to keep well and rested so that you can take care of your family.

If he goes to bed early (7.0 ish) he will probably want to be up fairly early, so be prepared and get as much rest as you can when you can.

The good news is that he will grow out of the terrible two's (and into something else....) This is the easy bit, wait till he's a teenager...

Good luck.

Im sorry if this seems like im moaning but i would like to get the opinions of other mothers/fathers on here.

You don't have to apologise for moaning here. This is the place to come for sympathy and advice, a moan and a laugh. :)

Just a few thoughts on your post, because I really feel for you. feel free to discount any of it, and rest assured that others will doubtless come on and help.
Oh, and this is the thread Strix and AnnaK were referring to:
http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?t=462064


I have a 2.5 yr old son and am 28 wks pregnant. Recently my son has become a nightmare, (more than normal) and im finding it hard to deal with. My husband works all the hours god sends to provide for us and i am eternally greatful, having not worked properly since having my first i feel guilty. i have done things like ann summers, avon even worked in a nightclub until the bump came along and cos i suffer from SPD was unable to carry on as cant stand or walk for long.

What good is feeling guilty doing you? I'll tell you: no good. Let it go. You've done what you could, now you have SPD you have to stop. There's no option. So stop beating yourself up about it. Spend that time thinking about how you can make the time after this child is born work better for you if it wasn't quite right before.
What would you like to do, how could you get to do it, would you need new qualifications? Can you get support for that? Etc. Make yourself a plan of action, it will help, I promise


It seems that my son will now not go to bed for me, no matter what i do i cannot get him to settle without a fight, tears and 1-2 hours wasted time, yet my husband is down with in 15 mins...
I'm with AnnaK on this, you're probably feeling a little guilty and emotional about the new baby (I've been there recently) and it seems doubly hard to be strict on your little love, but now is when you really have to give them boundaries and love together. Don't put up with trouble for 1-2 hours. He must be in bed, you must get some rest. Controlled crying, putting him back in bed...if you need more guidance on this, I'll dig up some posts to help. There's been loads on it in the past.

Then theres the other end of the day, having still not slept through the night, he still wakes up between half 5 - 6, now on my mornings he wont settle back down, ive tried sitting with him, getting in his bed to cuddle, turing him over and leaving him but nothing works, i end up getting up in fear of him waking oh, then when its my ohs turn he can get him right back to sleep till half 7 - 8. sometimes by sitting in his room and sometimes by getting in bed with him. Thing is in the night when he gets up, i can put him back in his bed and hes sorted.
Early mornings are my achilles heel, too, with both children. The older one (3.5) has toys to play with and a light that comes on at 7am and he knows he isn't allowed to bug us until the light comes on. It's a bit hit and miss, but it's a signal even a young child can understand. If I have to get up, I will readily admit to putting cbeebies on, making sure the room is safe, then going to sleep on the sofa while the kid/s amuse themselves.

Its wearing me down slowly but surely, and my body physically cant take it anymore, i am in constant pain, tired and snappy, i dont know how many times ive told my oh its over in the last few weks for silly things like leaving his socks on the floor.
You have to look after yourself. You know this. Do it. Sit down and explain to your OH exactly how you feel. Write it down if you get snappy. See if he can offer any more help, or at least help him to understand why you're behaving the way you are.

My LO used to stay at my moms one night a week to try to allow us both a decent night, however due to personal problems between us, this isnt happening, he constantly asks for nanie and if i have to tell him off he goes to the front doorcrying saying hes going to nanies which makes me feel even worse, its like he doesnt want to be with me.
Can you fix it with your mum? Obviously i have no idea what happened, and it may not be possible or even good for you. But if it's only a matter of pride, perhaps now is not the time to be proud. You'll know best whether it's fixable.

When my husband shouts at him, he knows about it, yet he will gladly spend all the time he can with his dad, yet, i try my hardest to keep him happy and occupied and spend all day with him, yet it seems he hates me and does everything in his power to defy me.
Look at the post people have told you about. A child plays up the most for the person it loves and trusts the most. Always. It doesn't mean he hates you, it means he feels secure enough with you to behave badly.
It also means he knows which buttons to push, like Strix says. Cultivate a poker face!
And he is pushing those boundaries like mad at this age to see if the response is the same every time, or if there is a chink in the armour. Be loving, but be tough, be consistent. There's loads of ideas on here on discipline...and yes, pretend supernanny is looking over your shoulder at every instance of trouble :D

Im scared that when my daughter is born and oh goes back to work im going to fail them both.
I think im looking for reassurance from others in the same/similar position, as much as my oh thinks i exagerate, hes not here all day everyday, he only sees him when hes in bed and one and half days a week realistically, he tries to blame the hormones, but i know its not, im scared that its affecting my pregnancy cos im so stressed and upset all the time. is there anyone who knows what im going through??? I have no friends as they all ditched me when i got pregnant 1st time and got married cos i was too young so i have noone to turn to.

Im sorry if this seems like a lot of waffle i really am.

Have you spoken to your midwife about all of this? There is such a thing as antenatal depression, and it may well be that you have a touch of it. If so, you need plenty of support, and they should be able to offer it to you.

Last but not least, come down to Jellytots on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Let the little one play, and have a break and a moan with some of us in person. Talking to people really will help, and so will wearing your little one out running around with the other kids.
If not Jellys, find a friendly toddler group near you. Getting out will make you feel loads better. :)

hi
i have every sympathy with you, I have a 5 year old who still plays me if we let him, but this is what we did when he was 2/3, and yes i agree with everything everyone says. I also have a 2 yr old that i am going through all this with too.

how i dealt with ms (middle son), was i pregnant with this child, he would be up at 2/3 and stay up till 5 then go off and be awake at 7, he would scream perform wail, be utterly hysterical for bedtime, he would get up in the nights and trash his room, pull all his clothes out etc etc, drove us demented. In the end i got tough, i could absolutely not have this any more, i was exhausted, 6 mths pregnant, with an older lad who was autistic, and oh who i never saw because he worked all the time, i may as well have been single.

I brought out the stairgate and screwed it into his doorway. I took out everything in his bedroom, his wardrobe, his drawers, his paper books, put them all in his very tolerant brothers room - which i imagine would technically be your nursery which may have to be hijacked for a few weeks, i left him with his favourite indistructable toys, i bought a light for the ceiling that was a night light and a day light, that was it.

I would put him to bed after chill out time (see below), put the night light on, close the stairgate, shut the door and leave, he would wail and shriek, i would leave 5 mins, then open the door, not the stairgate and check on him, tell him i loved him but that he was going to bed, and then close the door, i found it fruitless for my son to put him back in bed, as he would leap out as soon as i turned away, so instead of rising to it, i left him with it, then leave it 6 mins, then 7 mins, until eventually, i would find him in a heap asleep on the bed at which point, i would throw a duvet over him and leave him there, not the best i know, but right now, it was more important i got my point across - and to be cruel to be ultimately kind.

at night he would wake, but he had his toys to play with, if he wanted too, and i would check on him make sure he was ok, ask him if he wanted a story tape to listen too then go back to bed, i would find him asleep on the bed in the morning. It took me 1, maybe 2 weeks of this and he got the message, he could carry on all he liked, but he had to go to bed, and eventually this sunk in he got to the point he would grumble once the story stopped, but i would put on a story tape or his super heroes 'relaxation' tape and off he'd go, he couldn't play me anymore, we evened out our boundaries,

i also didnt try and get him back into bed if he woke in the night, i was happy to let him play and then woke him for nursery - one thing i did find that 3 nights of that, by the fourth, he was sleeping through, then from then maybe we would have one or 2 disruptive nights, but then we would have 1 or 2 good ones too.

i also gave up trying to put him to bed at a 'reasonable time' too, my lad was just one of those boys who just didnt need as much sleep as other children, we moved his bedtime to 8.30pm, some may go shock horror, but there is little point in putting him to bed at 7 to fight for 2 hours for him then to be up at 5, ms only really needs 9-10 hrs sleep, and with that he has been consistent. We found that putting him to bed later meant we had a greater chance of a full nights sleep, by moving the bedtime, we had much more chill out time after tea, we always had a bath with lavender oil, we always played some board games/jigsaws etc and we would read for an hr. He was much more settled, responsive and far happier to go to bed as he had been completely indulged,

We are now older and even though he still has sleep issues, if he wakes, he puts on his story tapes, his night light, gets some books and goes back to bed, all without disturbing me, i still wake up, i am just programmed too, and i go and check on him, but he never comes for me = unless hes ill of course but thats different,

it is a compliment actually that he is like this with you, he trusts you to learn his lessons of testing boundaries etc more than anyone. Be firm, be consistent, one or two horrendous weeks can lay the foundation for positive years, don't give in, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,

I apologise to anyone who may have found my methods harsh, but after trying everything in supernanny book, dr spock, the hv, the gp and half the internet, i realised that to get tough with love was the only way to preserve my sanity and ultimately his

good luck!!