Ok i'm a total failure at a mum, I can't control my child. I obviouly know so little I can't even give reasonable advice to anyone else.

I love my son more than life itself so why does he behave for everyone else except me???

I was reduced to tears again this morning just trying to get him dressed - it took a one hour battle and I didn't get anywhere near brushing his hair or cleaning his teeth.

Really don't know what else I can do.

He's just pushing your buttons Bonny

He KNOWS your buttons are easy to push, because you love him

It's like when you take the hound from hell to a dog class... and the trainer takes the lead off you and walks said monster up and down the mat in front of the whole class perfectly - demonstrating to the whole wide world it's all your fault :mad:

That trainer has no emotional connections with the dog at all, so the dog has to assess and decide what it can get away with

You're just going to have to play him at his own game and make HIM work for YOUR attention ;) (and yes, I know he's the kind of kid who's less likely to fall for the usual stickers charts and such like)

Bet it has something to do with how many chocolate buttons he didn't share out yesterday either :suspect: :hihi:

I had this problem with my eldest child, the only way I have found he will get dressed is by getting his clothes out and putting them on his toy box in his room, I tell him not to come down until he's ready! Touch wood it's working so far. If he see's your destressed and upset he will 'show off' all the more. Try making teeth cleaning more fun for him, lie him on his bed and play dentists, I know it's more time consuming but it'll be more enjoyable for you both! I sometimes wonder who winds each other up the most me or him?? Try and stay relaxed, I know it's a lot easier said than done!

Ok i'm a total failure at a mum, I can't control my child. I obviouly know so little I can't even give reasonable advice to anyone else.

I love my son more than life itself so why does he behave for everyone else except me???

I was reduced to tears again this morning just trying to get him dressed - it took a one hour battle and I didn't get anywhere near brushing his hair or cleaning his teeth.

Really don't know what else I can do.


Does anyone else feel like faliure?? GOD YES!! but thankfully not all the time :), most days, at some point though!!

Like strix says , he will as probably know what buttons to press. Do you get much help? its amazing what battles and mountains you can face when you have had a couple of hours to yourself.

You are far from being a bad parent i can assure you!! they dont take the time to ask for advice, sweetie!! you are doing a great job, this parenting malarky is just a harder than lots of us thought it would be a times - thats all, you will get there!! keep posting here - it will help to keep you focused when times are trying :).

Strix and the others are right. Hardly a day goes past when I don't reach the point of thinking what a bad mummy I am. Especially with cosycub going through this bizarre 3ft teenager thing and wolfcub ripping his poor wee face off with his perpetually socked hands.
He's your child and he will always behave at his worst with you because he feels secure with you.
As it happens I know him as a sweet, quiet little person who always smiles and says hello and goodbye and tells me about his latest discovery, hardly a monster! So you're doing something right. :)

Perhaps Dr Greens Toddler Taming or similar would help make you feel more in control and give you a few tips. I go back to good old Dr Green and his sense of humour and straightforward ideas regularly. None of us has all the answers all the time.
Hugs xx

Thanks, I'm feeling really low at the moment so everything probably seems worse than it would normally be.

He is a lovely little boy, loves to sing and dance, play with his cars and trains. I know he's very good for others people and they probably wouldn't believe how different he is with me.

I already have help with him because I have ME so I really should be able to manage. I don't work (again because of the ME) so there's really no excuse is there? Other people manage working and looking after more children with little help.

Bonny I have seen you with your Son, albeit not recently, but you are NOT a total failure at all. You try your best, as we all do, but you can only do so much. I'm sure we had a conversation once about my eldest daughter once - total nightmare for me, a gem for all others. Thats how it goes hon.

Hi Bonny How old is your little boy? I only ask because when my daughter got to 18 months I though she had been taken over by aliens ore possesed by crazy demons. She went from this laid back little girl to a pain in the ass. Dont feel so down. We all get it wrong and we can all try harder. There isnt a single mum or dad in the world that does everything right. Everyday I get grumpy thinking I am the worst mum in the world and at my lowest have been convinced anyone is better for them then me. I have sat on the settee and even blubbed uncontrolably to my mum at how rubbish I was and how I couldnt be the mum they needed.

The difference between a bad mum and a good mum I guess is one that tries their best and learns from the times we cock up. If anyone says they dont cock up as a parent they are talking the biggest load of cobblers going.
Dont compare yourself to other families. Whats good for one child isnt always good for your child and nobody knows their child better then their mum. Trust your instincts.

As for him not getting dressed, pick your battles. If you dont need to go out and he wants to walk about in his pyjamas all day then let him. If you do need to go out and he wants to go out looking like a bazaar cross between spiderman and batman then let him do that. If you have to go out and have him dressed reasonably let him have a choice of say two t-shirt and two pairs of trousers.

Dont think you cant give advice to others. You will have experienced many things that loads of us wont have. I have 3 children and was the oldest of 4 and still experience things I never knew all the time. Have more confidence in yourself and that people are interested in what you have to say.

Please dont feel you are no good. If your little boy is happy even if he is having a terror phase that is what counts. Maybe a few hours a week spending time doing something you both love will get you enjoying being a mummy again.

Good luck

Other people manage working and looking after more children with little help.

No they dont. Most people get by with the skin of their teeth. I have been seen out and told I am glowing as a mum. (cough balls cough). Other times I quite blatently (infact most of the time) look like a bag of crap that has been sleeping in a bin. Sometimes I am at one with motherhood but the majority of the time I am ripping my hair out. I love my kids. I love being with them and they are amazing but sometimes they get right on my tits and I just want them to just sit down or something just for three bloody seconds. :D We all have bad days and all have bad days nearly everyday one in a while. Besides a crap mum wouldnt care enough to think they were crap. You obviously care a great deal to hold your hands up and say you feel so rubbish.

Do you have friends that could help? Infact not that could help. I would hazard a guess that a sympathetic ear over a cup of tea while you little one plays would help a great deal. Or a mum with equal chaos where your little ones can reak havoc together.


If all else fails watch supernanny. That usually makes me feel a bit better. :hihi::hihi:

Hi Bonny, I don't think we have ever met but I felt I could add a slightly different slant, I have fibromyalgia, the sister condition to ME so I know kind of how you feel.

The conditions we have make everyday life for a single person so difficult and testing and with a child to bring up it just makes it even harder. People who do not suffer from these horrible conditions cannot understand (and I would not wish them to) how hard it can be just getting out of bed.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, we all need it at times and also we need the occasional hour to ourselves. I am sure you are far from being a bad parent, as someone else said, if you were you would not be saying what you have and asking for advice.

Take care and big (gentle) hugs.

I was a horror child. I screamed and threw tantrums so much that mum had child serviced called on her more than onec (mainly, I didn'twant to get out of the bath even when it was cold) Mum was at her whits end for about 15 years. I can't believe all the things I put mum through - bt it wasn't deliberate. Turns out I have a mental illness that made me react certain ways to many situations.

I think my mum was a great mum - if I had a kid like me, I'd drive to the middle of nowhere and leave it there.

There is only so much a mother can do. I was uncontrolable - now, I'm the epitome of normality.

I think th things that got to me the most was when mum would say 'I hate kids - I'm never having any' then changing her name, soit wasn't mum anymore..... its the only thing that made me change my attitude (at least for the rest of the day)

Chin up. I'm sure its not your mothering skills - its probably just a nightmare kid.

My DD has just started with the tantrums, something that she just reserves for me at the moment. I especially enjoyed the tantrum in Sainsburys, where I was trying to put her in the trolley seat as she was not staying by my side, and her boot flew off and just missed a shopper :o. I was mortified.

Keep your voice and emotion as calm as you can, my DD carries on if she thinks she is winning (which is when I raise my voice etc,), but she starts to calm down if I calmly speak to her. Not easy, when you feel like shouting, and I like shouting, it's very hard not to do it.

And yes, I do feel I'm a really bad Mum, but then there are days when I'm on cloud 9 as I feel I'm doing a good job.

I'm sorry you're having a time of it, but in regards to toothbrushing have you considered trying AloeDent Children's Toothpaste (http://www.healthinajiffy.co.uk/aloe-dent-cool-strawberry-childrens-toothpaste-75ml-p-572.html) (you can get it at Wicker Herbal at Tudor Square)? It tastes just like Calpol. Its helped us get our daughter to let us at least get near enough to attempt brushing - she's 15 months.

Thank you so much for your comments (I have to admit some made me laugh) :hihi:

He didn't go to bed until 1am last night (or rather, this morning) but today we got him to sleep about 9.30 woo hoo!

Well there's one thing - we want to encourage him to be confident and outgoing and he seems to be getting there, he loves talking on the telephone ... he hasn't dialled 999 yet thank goodness!