When the sun went down
over Dunfermlin town
and you were a dashing
young fella
in a pub in Rosyth,was a
lassie quite lithe
a stripper called pansy paella

she'd carefully peel,at last to reveal
a bust that was truly
outstanding
but the music she chose
as she took off her clothes,
was for dockers and such,
quite demanding

her selection from Strauss,
would enthrall the house,
while the punters all got pizzicato
she continue her trade
as Tchaikovsky played
and an encore
was quite obligato

she'd rip off her drawers
to thunderous applause,
to some pieces from
Don Giovanni
for a change she'd pick
Brahms for displaying
her charms
from an LP by old Mantovani

A pleasure to see was
her 42 d
for her bra, t'was
ponderous cargo
and night after night
it was brought into sight
to Beethovens or perhaps
Handels largo

But she ran out of luck
and tragedy struck
at a private stag do
in Clackmannan
there came a sharp ping
and she lost her g string
in the middle of
Pachelbels canon

As the string gave a twang
there came a sharp bang
poor pansy just stood there
and cursed
she'd have to retire because
of that wire
her mammery implant had burst

So down in the mouth she
m igrated south
to Grimsby,the land
of the kipper
where she altered
her name, and
gained lots of fame
as Lola the
lop- sided stripper.