Im in shock....Just found out that my 15yr old daughter is 8weeks pregnant.
She doesnt have a boy friend but intends to keep the baby. I dont agree with her decision but Im here to love & support her. She's in the middle of her GCSE's and was hoping to go to college.
Is there any one else out there thats is or as been in the same situation ?

Im in great need of any help & advice that might be around.

hhmm- i would make sure she has fully thought it through before u decide to support her, good luck whatever she decides!!

awww chocotiger i bet you are in shock to, i have a 16 year old son and he told me his ex girlfriend told him she was pregnant ( i know its very different for you tho ) and i was in total shock,
all we can do is support them no matter what they chose to do, shes lucky to have someone who cares as much as you do alot of them dont and have to go through it alone.

good luck to you all, i hope things work out fine

Litha xx

My very close friend had a baby at school when she was 15, her family were really supportive and her son is now a fabulously bright 10 year old, I'm his godmother too!
There should be some sort of mediator at her school who can give her advice, for when she is attending classes, I think the family planning clinic near arundel gate in town put my friend in touch with her. I also think as long as people are aware that she is pregnant she will be looked after as far as the school is concerned. I'm sure that she will make it to college.. having a baby didn't stop my friend.

Yikes. What a shocker. Well, at least you're being supportive. Girls in that situation are much more likely to make rash or ill-thought out decisions if they're afraid to tell their parents.

When did she find out herself? And has she thought seriously about all her options? And how much a baby with transform her life and totally alter the direction she is heading?

Perhaps you should book her into a Brook Advisory Clinic or similar so that she can chat to a professional about the various options available.

But if she's determinded to keep it, then the best thing you can do is be supportive, so good on you for not flying off the handle. If she's going to be a mum at 15 she'll need all the help she can get. And your new grandchild will benefit from a hands on grandmother too, because his or her own mother (your daughter) is still very much a baby herself.

Good luck to you all. And remember, a kid is lifechanging for a teenager, but it's not necessarily the end of the world. She can still get her GCSEs and go on to further education if you help her look after the baby.

Lots of chats, support and time to think.

It's quite an adjustment for anyone at any age but it's not impossible for her to continue with her studies.

Take care.

Originally posted by JBee
ble.

so good on you for not flying off the handle..

I turned in2 the Incredible Hulk. Told her what a stupid slut she is and thanked her for spoiling her own life aswell as mine. It is causing alot of friction between me & my new husband.

Originally posted by chocotiger
I turned in2 the Incredible Hulk. Told her what a stupid slut she is and thanked her for spoiling her own life aswell as mine. It is causing alot of friction between me & my new husband.


How...supportive :confused:

Was she causing friction between you and your new husband before you found out she was pregnant?

Or did you just let her go out and not have a clue what she was doing, as long as she wasn't getting in the way of your new relationship?

I find it so sad that a child is going to come into this world already labelled as 'spoiling' someone elses life...have you thought that maybe you have a little more responsibility here towards your daughters welfare, rather than worrying about your own relationship, you and your partner (i assume) are grown adults and can go on the back burner surely whilst you help your very young mum - to - be daughter.

I wish her all the luck in the world, sounds like she'll need it. :shakes:

Originally posted by chocotiger
I turned in2 the Incredible Hulk. Told her what a stupid slut she is and thanked her for spoiling her own life aswell as mine. It is causing alot of friction between me & my new husband.

Ah. Well..... Better luck next time eh?

I kind of agree with some of the comment made by beansforyou, but at the same time I'm sure you must have been very shocked. And just because you're a parent doesn't mean you cease to be a person in your own right - especially when your daughter is 15. If she's old enough to make the decision to have sex then she's old enough to learn to deal with the consequences.

I think you're both going to have to meet somewhere in the middle. There's a third person in this equasion now - the baby. a grandchild for you, and a firstborne for your daughter. If she's going to keep it then I'm afraid you will be saddled with a lot of the responsibility.

Originally posted by chocotiger
I turned in2 the Incredible Hulk. Told her what a stupid slut she is and thanked her for spoiling her own life aswell as mine. It is causing alot of friction between me & my new husband.

dear god woman, and you call yourself a mother , you should be ashamed of yourself. lets hope your daughter makes a more caring parent than you obvoiusly are. you sounded as if you cared in your first post too. :rant: :rant: :rant:

chocotiger - what a shock... ok so it's not ideal but it's happened.

Your daughter needs to contact other young mums. The midwife that your daughter will see should be able to assist. I There is a group in Sheffield for teenage mums. Sorry I have no other details - just saw the poster at Jessops one day.

There are lots of sites for new mums to be on the internet and often have discussion areas so she can find other young mums that way. Have a search. 2 sites I can think of are netmums - this is a good one as does national and local areas, bounty and motherandbaby. Have a look. They will at least be of help to you if not your daughter.

So the good news is there is some help out there to support her. Your support? Suppose you have to take each day at a time at the moment. Hope your new hubby and you work things out and can support her together.

And you turned into the Incredible Hulk for a moment. I think that was to be expected really. Not a big deal if she knows now you are behind her. Natural to be disappointed in her. But she can get her education, go to Uni etc.. it's just that bit harder for her now.

Anyway wait until the baby appears - Grandma!!!

true i think it is very normal for the incredible hulk bit but then to call her a slut and say she has riuned your life, im sorry but you just sound like she is in the way of you and ya new fella.:|

dear god woman, and you call yourself a mother

ARK AT YOU! you don't know the situation, I am not supprised tiger lost it, I don't blame her. That does not make her a bad mother.. once calmed down she may have said sorry and they may be sorting stuff out. I don't know, you don't know.. At least she cares enough to rant about it.

scusey me neeeeek i admit i dont no the situation but to call ya daughter a slut and thank her for riuining your life as well as her own... bloody hell thats awful the lass needs abit of love. i to would go mad but i wouldnt say things like that i would be there if my children got themselves in a mess.

but then again thats just me and my opinion on what it means to be a mother.
ill say sorry for my earlier post , but i dont mean it :|

Originally posted by Litha


ill say sorry for my earlier post , but i dont mean it :|

I think it only human nature for 'mums' to be defensive when it comes to children, yours, mine, theirs, anyones! :)

I think you've got to remember though (and I mean me as well as anybody else) that this might be the only place that tiger has got to let off a bit of steam, and when we're emotionally charged we're often also unfair,

I didn't mean my post earlier as an attack personally at chocotiger, obviously, as I have no idea who she is..it was merely my observation on what she had posted...

I think it is brilliant that although the majority of the Internet has been over-ridden with money-making carp and Porn, that there is little communities like this where people can let off steam, theres a hell of a lot of people out there these days with no-one to talk to, maybe for days on end....sites like this are a sanctuary.

I hope I didn't put tiger off posting :)

ooops beansforyou what you said is very true and i feel guilty now if indeed this is the case. I am awful when it comes to children and animals my gob runs away with me.

tiger wait till you are cuddling your new little grandchild im sure all the heart ache will have been worth it, just dont fall out with your daughter she really needs you right now. if your new husband is a decent man he will understand you have got to be there for your daughter

:)

i got pregnant at 16 so know all too well what it feels like. and my mum and her partner probably reacted in pretty much the same way you did! now my little girl is 8 weeks old and they both love her to bits! i would advise your daughter to get in touch with other young mums etc. or other mums at all cause it is difficult keeping up with friends with a baby, or even when pregnant. and although it is difficult, she should be able to keep up school and college etc.. i have just done my AS exams after only being able to attend half of the college year.. am planning on returning in september though as they are very supportive and have great childcare facilities.

wishing you all the best and hope all goes well for your daughter! feel free to pm me if you or your daughter want to chat!!


X

A friend of mine had to get married at 15, when her daughter reached 15 she had to get married too, made my friend a grandmother at 30, all turned out well for everyone,

Heres some useful links...

Young mums to be...

http://www.ymtb.co.uk/

Advice...

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/pregnancyandbaby/parent/parenting/articles/0,,39_187820,00.html

Babyworld have some very good articles and help :)
http://www.babyworld.co.uk/news/Oct04/25.10.04_respect_young_mums.asp

Originally posted by poppins
A friend of mine had to get married at 15, when her daughter reached 15 she had to get married too, made my friend a grandmother at 30, all turned out well for everyone,
I nearly made a booboo, by saying that wasn't possible, but then I realised you are in the US...lol

The legal age before anyone can get married in the England is 16, and then it has to be with parent's/guardian's permission. 18 is the legal age to get married without permission.

I believe that the laws may be different in Scotland.

Originally posted by Ann_x
I nearly made a booboo, by saying that wasn't possible, but then I realised you are in the US...lol

The legal age before anyone can get married in the England is 16, and then it has to be with parent's/guardian's permission. 18 is the legal age to get married without permission.

I believe that the laws may be different in Scotland.

Or even in the USA where Poppins is.:)

Originally posted by drolnhoj
Or even in the USA where Poppins is.:)

Maybe they got pregnant at 15 got married at 16, it happend anyhow, also my friens now a GREAT grandmother, but that didn't happen as fast as the other two did, just tells you how old my friends are ????

I feel for you chocotiger. I know when the baby is here you will feel different but sounds to me that you have just got yourself on your feet your children are growing up and you finally see freedom--when the bombshell is dropped and through no fault of your own, it's vanished. You must have felt trapped.
I know who's going to take the brunt of the work and believe me babies are a lot of work. They are a lot of Love too.
Good Luck
hazel

Originally posted by chocotiger
I turned in2 the Incredible Hulk. Told her what a stupid slut she is and thanked her for spoiling her own life aswell as mine. It is causing alot of friction between me & my new husband. if you had the choice of your 15yr old daughter telling you she was pregnant,or got cancer,i am sure you would pick the pregnant,when you pick up that child,you will feel so lucky you have still got a daughter and a beautiful grandaughter.

Originally posted by beansforyou
How...supportive :confused:

Was she causing friction between you and your new husband before you found out she was pregnant?

Or did you just let her go out and not have a clue what she was doing, as long as she wasn't getting in the way of your new relationship?

I find it so sad that a child is going to come into this world already labelled as 'spoiling' someone elses life...have you thought that maybe you have a little more responsibility here towards your daughters welfare, rather than worrying about your own relationship, you and your partner (i assume) are grown adults and can go on the back burner surely whilst you help your very young mum - to - be daughter.

I wish her all the luck in the world, sounds like she'll need it. :shakes:

My relationship is not new, my husband as supported me and my 2 children for the past seven years. He as watched her grow from a sweet child into a selfish teenager but we both love her very much.
I did ring South Yorkshire police worried sick last Sept thinking that she was dead in a gutter when she vanished for 24hrs and her mobile phone was unanswered. She turned up the following day not a care in the world having stopped at a mates house. I put credit on her phone to let me know where she is. She turns her phone off.
I did not just LET her go out. I trusted her. Im afraid I could not chain her in her bedroom & stop her chasing after boys. So I advised her about safe sex and tried to protect her from being hurt. Ive always let her know Im there for her and tried to provide for her the best I can.

I found out she is pregnant by accident. I found a scrap of paper with MIDWIFE written on it. I rang her and asked her to come home so we could talk about it and said NO I wasnt throwing her out. She turned up at home at midnight and went straight to bed acting as if nothing was wrong. I didnt sleep that night and wanted her to know how upset I was & made her phone her dad. Was I suppose to pat her on the back and say "there there"?
The following day we went to Sure Start and booked an home visit. The midwife came to day.

Yes I have a temper. No Im not happy about becoming a granny.
But life goes on and you can not coment on me as a parent as you do not know me

Originally posted by roughy101
if you had the choice of your 15yr old daughter telling you she was pregnant,or got cancer,i am sure you would pick the pregnant,when you pick up that child,you will feel so lucky you have still got a daughter and a beautiful grandaughter.

Funny you saying that , Ive just come off the phone with a mate and we said the same thing. My dad has a bladder cancer op next Thurs (if it doesnt get cancelled again).

If I wasnt already worrying about him may be I would handle teenage pregnancy better.

And there was me thinking it was just new posters that got ripped to shreds. The next thing that will happen is people will start taking the urine out of chocotigers grammar and spelling.
Its nice to see the supporting hand of Sheffield reaching out for someone who just wanted some advice....NOT.
Best of luck Chocotiger :)

Originally posted by hazel
I feel for you chocotiger. I know when the baby is here you will feel different but sounds to me that you have just got yourself on your feet your children are growing up and you finally see freedom--when the bombshell is dropped and through no fault of your own, it's vanished. You must have felt trapped.
I know who's going to take the brunt of the work and believe me babies are a lot of work. They are a lot of Love too.
Good Luck
hazel

Yes Hazel you have got it in one. Yes I do feel like this was goin to be our time. Hubby's going to be a 28yr old step grandad. We were hoping he was going to be a 28yr old dad but after 6 yrs of trying we have given up on having any babies of our own.

Im a bit down in the dumps at the moment and feel no matter how much I try & help and support I get it thrown back in my face.

My best mate reminds me what a horror I was to my own mum at 15

May be its pay back time

My 16yr old sister is pregnent. Luckly she is still with the father. Im not looking forward for it to be born at all.

I hate babies
________
Pregnant ebony (http://www.****tube.com/categories/905/ebony/videos/1)

having done an access course prior to university my outlook on young pregnancies altered slightly. this was a positive thing, obvioulsly in an ideal world you would wait until you were older, more financially secure and mature enough to make a decision on the matter. however, as we have seen this is not always the case.

what i would like to add here is something of seeing the positive as apposed to the negative outlook of a ruined life. the young mums on my college course were all aiming to go to university, the majority of them did and have since completed law degrees.

for them they began their course once the child was old enough for day care and as they progressed through there studies the child was growing up and starting to attend school. upon completing their studies their children would be spending more time at school and were better able to begin looking after themselves (where old enough).

at the end of it all they were able to begin a career that they may not wish break for more children, if they do have more children they may have help from the earlier child in looking after them.

obviously, this is not an ideal situation to deal with and it should be discouraged where ever possible but if it does happen, its not all bad!

Originally posted by chocotiger
Im in shock....Just found out that my 15yr old daughter is 8weeks pregnant.
She doesnt have a boy friend but intends to keep the baby. I dont agree with her decision but Im here to love & support her. She's in the middle of her GCSE's and was hoping to go to college.
Is there any one else out there thats is or as been in the same situation ?

Im in great need of any help & advice that might be around.

I'd say this. Whilst its a far way from an ideal siuation she can give that child a better upbringing than a married couple from an affluent background.

Unfortunately society focusses a lot on material things nowardays. I never got as much as my peers (although I was never badly off). If she can bring the child up to be a nice, pleasnat, respectful person then more what can you ask for.

It will be hard on her missing her teen/young 20's time but life is what you make of it.

On the plus side she will get rid (nicely obviously:D ) of the chidl as they go out into the world at a lot younger age than most. Therefore in her early 30's she will have a fairly carefree time whereas her pers will be in the midst of bringing up children.

Originally posted by Litha
bloody hell thats awful the lass needs abit of love.

The lass needs a slap.

If you can't afford to support and raise kids then you should not be having them (abortion or adoption). The welfare state is supposed to be a safety net not a way of life.

Originally posted by robbie
I'd say this. Whilst its a far way from an ideal siuation she can give that child a better upbringing than a married couple from an affluent background.

Unfortunately society focusses a lot on material things nowardays. I never got as much as my peers (although I was never badly off). If she can bring the child up to be a nice, pleasnat, respectful person then more what can you ask for.

It will be hard on her missing her teen/young 20's time but life is what you make of it.

On the plus side she will get rid (nicely obviously:D ) of the chidl as they go out into the world at a lot younger age than most. Therefore in her early 30's she will have a fairly carefree time whereas her pers will be in the midst of bringing up children.

and what's the chances of her doing a good job of bringing up a child when she's not finished being brought up herself?
The only way this child will have a decent chance in life is with the help of it's grandmother, who doesn't get a choice about whether to shoulder that burden or not (not a serious choice).
The chances of her giving the child a 'better' upbringing than your affluent couple are IMO extremely slim, although I won't deny that it's possible.

Originally posted by robbie
If she can bring the child up to be a nice, pleasnat, respectful person then more what can you ask for.


We could ask not to have to pay for it.

Originally posted by chocotiger
Yes Hazel you have got it in one. Yes I do feel like this was goin to be our time. Hubby's going to be a 28yr old step grandad. We were hoping he was going to be a 28yr old dad but after 6 yrs of trying we have given up on having any babies of our own.

Im a bit down in the dumps at the moment and feel no matter how much I try & help and support I get it thrown back in my face.

My best mate reminds me what a horror I was to my own mum at 15

May be its pay back time i have no doubt in nine months time you will be back on here saying what a beautiful grandchild you have,good luck ,you are right to support her but dont let her take advantage,and spoil your relationship with your partner,remember when she has got a husband and family in a few years time you could be on your own

Originally posted by Zamo
The lass needs a slap.

If you can't afford to support and raise kids then you should not be having them (abortion or adoption). The welfare state is supposed to be a safety net not a way of life.

Difficult to argue aginst that :)

Call me old fashioned...
Whatever happened to Shame &self respect?

:roll: the kids today

Originally posted by Zamo
The lass needs a slap.

If you can't afford to support and raise kids then you should not be having them (abortion or adoption). The welfare state is supposed to be a safety net not a way of life.

Think that's a bit unnecessary Zamo. We all make mistakes when we are teenagers. Some of us smoke a few cigarrettes, some of us cause hell for our parents, some of us stay out too late, and some of us experiment with sex before we can handle the risks involved.

Most of us get away with our teenage experimentation, but a few pay the price.

It's obvious that this young girl has not been brought up in a household where teen pregnancy is acceptable from the way her mum has reacted. It is also obvious that she wanted to go to higher education and may still do that, so will hopefully be albe to pay her way.

Sex is always a gamble, and contraception can fail. The 15-year-old in question may have fallen victim to a split condom, a missed pill, or simply been very unlucky.

I agree with you that we shouldn't have to pay for the increasing number of youngsters who get pregnant almost because it's expected of them and then live comfortably off the state. But we can't tar everybody with the same brush.

There are FAR TOO MANY judgements on chocotiger who is a recent forummer that none of us know.

We don't know what kind of family she has other than the brief bits in her posts.

dont think anyone has mentioned it or not but what about the father of this baby??

does he know about it or not??

50% of the blame lies with him as well as your daughter. Its probably bad enough for her knowing shes going to be bringing the baby up as a single parent without having any other problems on her mind.

in the early stages of pregnancy she doesnt need the stress.

i sympathise with your situation. can you and your daughter possibly sit down and talk about it without shouting the odds at each other?

Originally posted by chocotiger
Met 1st hubby 1983, I was 16 and he was 24.
Married 1985
Aged 21 1st born 1987
Aged 23 2nd born 1989
Divorced 1995
Met Hubby2 1998
Married Hubby2 (11yrs my junior) 2004
Had help from jessops infertility clinic but no more kids YET
May shed some light on the situation at home.

Sounds like somebody may have been looking for the attention she couldn't get at home, somewhere else :(

I wound up with two new brothers when I was a teenager - and my sister and I became 'disposable' (or so it felt at the time). Teenagers have a tough time of finding their place in the world, and arguably need just as much attention as toddlers to help them through it all.

This poor lass has been displaced by a wedding and fertility consultations - just when the world is getting scary for her.
The prospect of mum having a new baby and having even less time for her....... Well. Look at the results. Quite predictable really

Originally posted by Strix
May shed some light on the situation at home.

Sounds like somebody may have been looking for the attention she couldn't get at home, somewhere else :(

I wound up with two new brothers when I was a teenager - and my sister and I became 'disposable' (or so it felt at the time). Teenagers have a tough time of finding their place in the world, and arguably need just as much attention as toddlers to help them through it all.

This poor lass has been displaced by a wedding and fertility consultations - just when the world is getting scary for her.
The prospect of mum having a new baby and having even less time for her....... Well. Look at the results. Quite predictable really

My daughter has two loving parents & two loving step parents. I have the support of my ex husband who as never been just a weekend dad.
I was a single parent for 3 years and only introduced my kids to my now husband when I knew he wanted to be part of our FAMILY unit. I sat down & asked if they thought I should get married after knowing my partner for 6 yrs and they both said YES. My son gave me away & my daughter was my only brides maid. They adore him and have enjoyed a better life with him around.
Our fertility problems have never been a issue with my children as we dont go on about it and always said what will be will be. We have been to Jessops & looked in to the options that might be available for us but decided not to bother & let nature take its course. It would be nice for my husband to have a child of his own but its not the be all and end all so I dont know how this could effect my daughter.
My daughter has a lot of older friends with babies and often baby sits while they are off out spending benefits down town on new clothes & clubbing.

I have all the time in the world for both my kids, its them that dont seem to want to spend boring time stuck in the house watchin telly with us. I see my daughter every morning when I give her breakfast in bed & 2mins before she jumps back in bed at midnight. Sometimes if Im lucky I get to spend an afternoon shopping or at the hairdressers with her but that is usually when she knows Ive just got paid.

Im walkin on egg shells all the time because if I nag or ask questions Im frightened she will leave home & Ill not know where she is.

All I know about the father of the baby is that he is 18 unemployed and is not a boyfriend. If I ask any more I get my head bitten off. I do have this boys phone number though and may phone him to see what his ideas and suggestions are about the up keep and care of his child

Originally posted by Zamo
The lass needs a slap.

If you can't afford to support and raise kids then you should not be having them (abortion or adoption). The welfare state is supposed to be a safety net not a way of life.

That's very hard to argue with......

My sister is 14 and if she got pregnant I would have to admit I would disown her. I would be incredibly angry with her and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from finding the bast*** that did it to her.

Originally posted by IanMitchell
That's very hard to argue with......

My sister is 14 and if she got pregnant I would have to admit I would disown her. I would be incredibly angry with her and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from finding the bast*** that did it to her.

and do what to him? Would you visit the same consequence on your sister, it takes two you know.

Originally posted by IanMitchell
That's very hard to argue with......

My sister is 14 and if she got pregnant I would have to admit I would disown her. I would be incredibly angry with her and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from finding the bast*** that did it to her.
so you would disown your own flesh and blood for making a mistake?? instead of sounding like a complete utter moron who would drop family why not make sure your 14 year old sister knows all the information she needs to know so you are never put in that situation?? love and support helps better than nastiness.

Originally posted by chocotiger

All I know about the father of the baby is that he is 18 unemployed and is not a boyfriend. If I ask any more I get my head bitten off. I do have this boys phone number though and may phone him to see what his ideas and suggestions are about the up keep and care of his child

Report him to the police. Sex with children is illegal.

It must be a heck of a shock for choco, not to mention her daughter, who also has to adjust to the idea of being pregnant, and having to face the responsibility of a baby, at such a young age.

I's hard enough to deal with the angst and moods of a teenager, without the added worry of a pregnancy.

however, I am sure it'll work out for the best, eventually.

I felt incredibly worried when my daughter in law was expecting her first. she was only just 17 when the granddaughter arrived.

Over the last five years, I and my ex-partner have done our best to be supportive of her, and our son. We have done everything we possibly could to help them. My grandkids are the centre of my universe; I love them so much. They mean the world to me.

the best advice I can give, is to be there for her, and let her know that you are there for her,whatever the decision she makes. It's not an easy situation, or one that is easily remedied, you can't really undo what's been done.

PT

Originally posted by Zamo
Report him to the police. Sex with children is illegal.

The degree of severity of what the lad would be charged with depends on the age of the girl, and the age of the lad.

If the lad is under about 17/18, then it is not as severe as if he were over 21.

If the girl is 12/13 or under, then, yes, an adult male can be charged with statutory rape, as an under 13 yr old is not considered able to give consent to having sex.

(and, it would seem, that the lad concerned is not in some position of authority over the girl, ie teacher or carer, so again it's a lesser offence)

PT

Originally posted by Strix
May shed some light on the situation at home.

Sounds like somebody may have been looking for the attention she couldn't get at home, somewhere else :(

I wound up with two new brothers when I was a teenager - and my sister and I became 'disposable' (or so it felt at the time). Teenagers have a tough time of finding their place in the world, and arguably need just as much attention as toddlers to help them through it all.

This poor lass has been displaced by a wedding and fertility consultations - just when the world is getting scary for her.
The prospect of mum having a new baby and having even less time for her....... Well. Look at the results. Quite predictable really

Your post appals me. A fellow forummer, clearly caught up in a very distressing worrying situation for her and her family, originally posts Im in great need of any help & advice that might be around and you take it upon yourself to trawl previous posts in an attemtp to make it look like it's her own fault! Very helpful eh!

And no Strix , it is not predictable. It is unfortunate and sad that you and your sister did not get the attention at home you should have and were made to feel 'disposable' as a teenagers but that does not mean every parent behaves like yours. Your making very sweeping judgements on chocotiger based on your own parents failings. My little brother was born when I was 14, I was not left feeling disposable or unwanted, or felt a need to seek attention elsewhere. Sometimes Strix, teenagers just do stupid things.

Chocotiger, I'm sure it will all work out. I wish all the best for you and your family.

Originally posted by cobaltblue
Your post appals me. .....you take it upon yourself to trawl previous posts in an attemtp to make it look like it's her own fault!

Your making very sweeping judgements on chocotiger based on your own parents failings.

No - based on other postings by Chocotiger :roll:

Originally posted by cobaltblue
My little brother was born when I was 14, I was not left feeling disposable or unwanted, or felt a need to seek attention elsewhere.

That's nice. The relevence is what?



Further postings form Chocotiger have only served to illustrate the lack of personal relationship between her and her daughter :confused:

I think it must be a very hard job to bring up teenagers and not one that can be commented upon unless it in your field of experience.

All teenagers are different, so only somebody who knows the teenager themselves is really in a position to speculate.

I have only suggested that there is more than one angle to this tale - something some people are missing :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Strix
All teenagers are different, so only somebody who knows the teenager themselves is really in a position to speculate.


I wasn't addressing you personally, but you make a good point.

There IS only one person on here that knows the teenager in question, and is therefore in a position to speculate. Not that I'm saying that people on an open forum don't have the right to their opinions, but the reality is that a baby IS going to affect Chocotigers life in a big way, and she's entitled to be p*ssed off about the whole thing. That's reality. I'm sure she will calm down and accept her lot, but she's had her choice in the matter taken away.

This is where it is time for you to be the adult now and her to be the child. She has broken the law, crossed the line and what ever your decision is, is her decision too.

You have to be very firm with her. If she is one of these, "Chat back your own Mother" type girls, don't take no S***.

She needs to know that keeping the baby will change her life for the worse. No education, no freedom and no life. Just remind her that if she keeps the baby she will have no social life, hardly any fun, and lets face it; A fifteen year old with a baby will steer other lads well away.

She is too young to make the decision herself. You need to be a good mum, and think whats best for her. She may think that she wants to keep it, but you and her know deep down that it will ruin both of you for a long time.

I'm sorry to say such harsh things, but that is the reality of it.

I have had little experience of these situations but, being a fifteen year old lad myself i can just imagine what it would be like.

Hope this has helped...

Originally posted by BoroughGal
I wasn't addressing you personally, but you make a good point.

That's why I didn't 'quote' you ;)

Originally posted by BoroughGal
the reality is that a baby IS going to affect Chocotigers life in a big way, and she's entitled to be p*ssed off about the whole thing.

Interesting though that a baby was wanted in the house prior to this event, so the only thing that's different is the politics.

I could understand the 'you've ruined my life' comment if there was a grand plan for a child-free action-packed see-the-world type of lifestyle when her daughter hit 18, but that wasn't the case.

Originally posted by Colonel
She needs to know that keeping the baby will change her life for the worse. No education, no freedom and no life. Just remind her that if she keeps the baby she will have no social life, hardly any fun, and lets face it; A fifteen year old with a baby will steer other lads well away.

She is too young to make the decision herself. You need to be a good mum, and think whats best for her. She may think that she wants to keep it, but you and her know deep down that it will ruin both of you for a long time.

I'm a great believer in taking the consequences of your actions :mad:

And why should the unborn child be murdered because it's existence is inconvenient :shocked:

Such a lot of you seem to be sitting in judgment.
It doesn't help chocotiger.
She finds herself in a situation where her life is going to pot, her life, not the baby, not the daughter, not the babies father,

but her life as she knows it and she appealed to the forum for a little sympathy for herself and she's going to need it.
She will love and care for the baby when it arrives and she fears for her daughter's future,
but at the time she wrote to us she needed empathy for herself and I don't blame her one bit, and I'm not sure that she got it.

hazel

Sorry, Hazel. I thought she wanted help

I always find it helps alot to see a situation from somebody else's perspective. This allows you to empathise with the person at the source of your problem, and allows you both to move forward.

Originally posted by Strix
I'm a great believer in taking the consequences of your actions :mad:

And why should the unborn child be murdered because it's existence is inconvenient :shocked:

An unborn child is really a cell that has not got the capability to think feel, or move.

How can that be murder

Originally posted by Strix
Interesting though that a baby was wanted in the house prior to this event, so the only thing that's different is the politics.

I think that the politics make all the difference though. It's not Chocotigers child, but yet the responsibility will fall, in part, to her. And it may also make a difference to whether or not she and her husband can afford or cope with a child of their own (fingers crossed for that, btw).

And I hear what you're saying about abortion. Your views are not necessarily the same as my own, but I respect your opinion on it. :)

Can you loosen this lid please, colonel?

I can't seem to get at the worms inside :roll:

Originally posted by Strix
No - based on other postings by Chocotiger :roll:



That's nice. The relevence is what?



Further postings form Chocotiger have only served to illustrate the lack of personal relationship between her and her daughter :confused:

The only relevance is simply to show you that even though you had a crappy time as a teen cos of your little brothers this isn't always the case. You brought up your own experience, I stated mine. :rolleyes:

This really made me Laugh out Loud -
Originally posted by Strix
Sorry, Hazel. I thought she wanted help

I always find it helps alot to see a situation from somebody else's perspective. This allows you to empathise with the person at the source of your problem, and allows you both to move forward.

Yes, I bet you always find people grateful for your kind of empathy :loopy:

Originally posted by cobaltblue
The only relevance is simply to show you that even though you had a crappy time as a teen cos of your little brothers
Very, VERY wrong. My brothers caused me no problems. Interesting perspective you have there though ;)


Originally posted by cobaltblue
You brought up your own experience, I stated mine. :rolleyes: But you put it across in a fashion which suggests that your experience/situation is more valid than mine :roll:

Originally posted by cobaltblue
Yes, I bet you always find people grateful for your kind of empathy :loopy:
Grateful? They're usually too busy contemplating how they missed the obvious :rant:
(Something that only happens when they are worrying about themselves)



I'm leaving this thread alone now, as I do not wish to be drawn into a scrap that is of no use to the original poster. :thumbsup:

Strange strix..you seem to thrive on being drawn into a scrap that is of no use to the original poster...in fact its almost your trade mark ®

Originally posted by AJ sheffield
Strange strix..you seem to thrive on being drawn into a scrap that is of no use to the original poster...in fact its almost your trade mark ®

I'm inpressed, not at what you said but how did you do that (R) thingie ?

Originally posted by Strix
I'm leaving this thread alone now, as I do not wish to be drawn into a scrap that is of no use to the original poster. :thumbsup:

It's a pity you didn't do that to start with :thumbsup:

MOD: Please let's keep personal messages to the pm system where they belong. Thank you.

Originally posted by max
MOD: Please let's keep personal messages to the pm system where they belong. Thank you.
Does that apply to strix too.

Its ok to judge someone but I had unprotected sex when I was a teenager. Luckily I never got anyone preganant but LUCK is the key word. You don't really think about it when you are that age. You know the statistics but it seems like one of those things that wont happen to you.

So for all those people having a go, hands up if you havre never had unprotected sex (without the intention of having children)?

Originally posted by Strix
That's why I didn't 'quote' you ;)



Interesting though that a baby was wanted in the house prior to this event, so the only thing that's different is the politics.

I could understand the 'you've ruined my life' comment if there was a grand plan for a child-free action-packed see-the-world type of lifestyle when her daughter hit 18, but that wasn't the case.
Whats politics got to do with it???
I am 38 happily married to a man that has no children to prior relationship. He as been a wonderful step dad to my two children so I longed to give him a child of his own but it is not ment to be. So maybe the child free action packed life style was looking attractive, but not by choice.

Daughter is 15 in the middle of her GCSEs and not in any kind of relationship. She gets £40 a month spending money and £70 a month child allowance. She moans she's board & skint NOW so what she going to be like late December when baby arrives?

Ive thought long and hard, chatted to work mates and friends and chilled out.
Im here when my daughter wants me & Im not going to interfere. Life goes on.

Thanks for all your input, help & advice

Originally posted by IanMitchell
My sister is 14 and if she got pregnant I would have to admit I would disown her. I would be incredibly angry with her

Be angry, but you shouldn't disown her. At the end of the day people do stupid things and make mistakes, but you should stand by your family and friends.

Wouldn't she be feeling bad enough being pregnant at 14, without her brother disowning her?

Do you think she'll expect you to take care of the baby (mainly)?

Does she know what's about to hit her?

Perhaps you could suggest that you adopt the baby if you end up being 'mum'?

Those questions are rhetorical BTW ;) I know it's not really any of my business.


I do know a lad who became a father at 16 - a responsible one at that (don't answer that). I suspect the state of his education had more to do with his truancy than the arrival of his daughter, but he is now 20 and is depressingly frustrated at his job situation as he has no qualifications.

He lives in Cambridgeshire though - Sheffield seems better equipped to cope with educating it's teenage parents :thumbsup:

I've recently completed an access course designed to get people into university if they missed the boat the first time round. You only have to be 19 to get on these courses - so all is not lost for your daughter. There were at least 3 mums on my course.

Hope you all manage to work things out between you :thumbsup:

Originally posted by Strix
I do know a lad who became a father at 16 - a responsible one at that (don't answer that).

One of my mates got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 16. Both sets of parents dis-owned their children (the girlfriend was thrown out of home, literally, because she refused to have an abortion).

They ended up in a council flat in one of Sheffield's not so nice areas. My mate got a job in a shop working days, and in petrol station at night. I've not seen them for a few years but I know it was not a happy situation, for either parent or the baby.

I remember feeling so sorry for all three of them - yes, I think they were stupid not to be careful, BUT once the accident had happened, I really think the parents should have been more supportive of their children.