Oh my god, ive gone to my mums for the weekend and she has told me that my 15 year old brother was diagnosed with depression in april, after he was caught self harming himself at school. he was sat crying in the playground and two kids came up to him and asked him what he was doing, he said im doing this and showed them his arm.

he's been going with mum once a week for counselling and mum said he seems a lot better now. he stopped eating too apparently. its all so awful, i dont know what to do, fell like ive neglected him, and i should have known, ive just done all about depression and suicide etc for my university exam and im really scared that he will do something stupid now.

he told the doctor he just wanted it all to be over when he asked him why he'd done it, i feel so sorry for him, he must have felt so alone and i wasnt there. dont know what to do or how to help him.

can anyone relate to this? i know i felt pretty **** at times when i was his age, im twenty now and happier than ever, but i just think he must have felt so low to do it. please help.

hi, ive never had that sort of problem and cant give u much advice on what to do, but dont blame yourself for neglecting him, its not your fault u wasnt there u wasnt to know. all you can do is make sure u r there for him now. he might appreciate u talking to him about stuff. good luck and i hope he gets better :)

Hiya, it's not uncommon for young people to self-harm, don't beat yourself up about not being there, you can't always be there for everyone.

The reasons behind self-harming are complex as you will know, make sure your little bro knows you are there for him and you love him. If you're not around, try ringing him everyday, drop him a card in the post etc, all these little things help re-inforce that you are there for him and you always will be.

Has the Dr prescribed any medication for him? Seroxat is commonly prescribed but isn't always the best medication when someone is self-harming.

Self-harming can be an expression of wanting to feel something, even if it is pain, a way of proving you are still alive. It's also a way of demonstrating to people the pain you are feeling inside without having to say it out loud.

I really hope he gets all the help he needs :thumbsup:

Aw, you sound like such a great older sibling!

I'm not going to say don't worry it's not your fault or don't beat yourself up about it, because you won't take the advice anyway.
I'm an older sister and sometimes you feel like the mother, I worry so much about my little sister, I often feel like I'm her protector!

I can't relate in such the same way, however, my sister has said things that sound almost like a plea for attention, she has said stuff and she has cuts on her arm that are 'from the cat' at first I didn't believe her but I do now.
At one point she kept saying she was blacking out at school but we were so worried because the cuts and bruises she got didn't correlate with falls.

Things seem to have calmed down now, but I was unsure and at one point thought she was being bullied rather than falling and such.

So although, it's not as serious as your little brother, I know what you mean to a certain extent and like I said, there's no point in saying 'don't beat yourself up about it' because however much you know deep down it's not really your fault, you will always have that little feeling of 'what could I have done?' because you're an older sibling.

So I have great sympathy for you and I hope that your brother recovers soon. Perhaps a good idea would be, if you're comfortable enough with him/her go to whoever it is you'd talk to at uni about your course, because if you've been studying, it they might be able to give you some advice on how to deal with a family member who has depression.

Best wishes.
Lottie

I know its not much but it might help a little.

Has your brother tried writing things down, in either a journal or letters to himself or others. Writing is such a good release and he can then burn the letters etc, so no-one else has to read them. Destroying the letters might also hold some therapy in itself.

Just a thought x

Thinking of you both. x

There is also a sort of national self harm support group,

thay are based in Bristol, but you can get in touch with them via phone, and I think (cant be 100% certain) by the net/ email

They have a phone helpline, open in the evenings.

my adopted sister and I both self-harm and they have been great to talk to.

maybe you could get in touch/ get him to get in touch with them?

it helps to talk to someone like them.

hope he can get sorted out soon; the teen years can be horrendous! XXXX
PT

At least he has been diagnosed with depression. Now they know he has a problem he can be treated. Depression in kids has only recently been accepted. I suffered with depression from an early age and was dismissed as a trouble causing, attention seeker, that was about as far from the truth as you could get!

Have you asked him why he wants to be older? I wanted to be older so I could get away from a school that I hated. I wasn't bullied by the other kids, it was the teachers that were the problem! Most of my teachers treated me like dirt - I don't know why, I think maybe it was because I was quiet & shy and easy to pick on.

Teenagers are frustrated because they feel they are old enough to make decisions about their own lives but are told they can't by adults. It is a very traumatic time for some of them.

Don't feel guilty for 'not being there'. If you get the chance the best thing you can do is talk to your brother on an 'adult level' and make him that his opinions and thoughts are important.

You sound like a very caring sibling:clap:

first of all, id like to say its pretty bad about your little brother, obviously something is going wrong somewhere for him to be doing this, but perhaps he wil grow out of it.

secondly..... i have to question your motives for coming on the forum with this? was it so you could find help for yourself? or you just wanted a bit of attentiion.

imagine the scenario, if your brother came on SF and saw this post from you, how happy do you think that would make him feel? like i say, not trying to jibe at you, just ant believe you would come on the forum sharing a story like that.

Just being ther when he needs you will help him more than any other treatment. Dont wait for him to ask you for something, you ask him, show him you care and want to help. These things are better out in the open than hid away now you know, you can help him. Ive had it and its no fun !!

secondly..... i have to question your motives for coming on the forum with this? was it so you could find help for yourself? or you just wanted a bit of attentiion.

[/QUOTE]
you ask what the motives are for bringing this to the forum??
advice is free mate! and it sound like this kid needs it, how can you ask if this is for attention?? what you need is a wake up call mate, but dont ever get depressed, people might think you an attention freak!!!!
help those that need it and dont mock'em!:rant:

ive a bit of knowledge on this thru work but heres a link for those who want to know more.....

http://www.selfharm.org.uk/index.php?section=info&show=Why+do+young+people++harm+themselves%3F

Originally posted by madowl
secondly..... i have to question your motives for coming on the forum with this? was it so you could find help for yourself? or you just wanted a bit of attentiion.


you ask what the motives are for bringing this to the forum??
advice is free mate! and it sound like this kid needs it, how can you ask if this is for attention?? what you need is a wake up call mate, but dont ever get depressed, people might think you an attention freak!!!!
help those that need it and dont mock'em!:rant: [/QUOTE]

ok, don't wanna carry this on..... sothis will be my last coment regards this.

imyself have been through depression before, and its not something you want to go shouting about.... so seems just a tad strange someone would be on a very public forum (even advertised in urinals round sheffield now did you know) talking about it for debate. like i stated, what if her brother reads the post?

:roll: :sad: whats the harm in asking? if you have had depression yourself you should know how low you can feel and what the difference support from loved ones can make... someone is worried about a family member... and dont know where to turn for advice and support.... id have thought the forum would have been a great place to ask for advice, after all, its for the people by the people aint it?:roll:

I have experience of working with people suffering with depression and anxiety.

I offer patient counselling, holistic massage & stress management. I find talking as well as relaxing and learning to calm and relax yourself is a great way to better manage and cope.

It is a huge topic and different with each individual person.

I find aromatherapy massage with oils tailored to the client most popular.

I have had and continue to have great results with the above.

As a complementary therapist, I look at the whole person (holistically), therefore I look at past, present, future as well as life style, personality and diet, to mention a few areas. You cannot treat one area but the person, mind, body and soul.


__________________________
Complementary Therapies & Psychotherapy & Counselling
07795387622

when you say you offer counselling.are you qualified. to what level?
__________________________

*wipes eyes*

damn, knew I shouldn't have read this... I've been in this situation myself, except I was in the shoes of your brother...

I have self-harmed on a few occasions, when I was younger... the worst thing about it is when someone finds out, or you tell someone and then everyone who knows gives you disgusted looks as though what you've done is THE worst thing in the world... which to be brutally honest really doesn't help the situation...

before I carry on, heres a poem a wrote a few years back about self harming:

http://www.xafiers-home.com/poems.php?thepoem=Self%20Harm

the reasons why I did it are pretty blurred, it was a combination of quite a few things, I spent my entire junior and secondary school life being bullied, due to either the fact I have ginger hair, and/or the fact I was more intelligent than most other kids...

besides that fact that just kept building up inside me like a balloon... I was feeling extremly lonely because my two best friends had started to slowly not spend time with me except in school, and I was feeling really upset because every girl I liked just laughed in my face...

the first time I self-harmed I was 15 I think... I did it a couple times more whilst at 6th form, then my life perked up a bit when I got a g/f and I slowly started making new friends... then it all went crashing down again when my girlfriend dumped me in a really horrible way... and I ended up self-harming again... ending up with an approx 8 inch scar down my chest... which is still visable to this day :(

I dont think I've done it since that day... it was pretty bad, worse than I'd ever done and I got a new best friend, who eventually became my girlfriend for about 2 years... and during this time I grew up a fair bit, and my mental state improved and I realised that self-harming is counter-productive... the scars bring back memory's which just make things worse...

I'm really not sure what advice I can give to help, I've been through it but how I came out of it was just through time really and getting older... I'm still a pretty depressive person, but I have friends now that don't stab me in the back, I've learnt I don't particulally need a girlfriend (even though it's always nice to have one lol)... and I've learned to love greeting everyone and everything with a smile...

I never have had therapy, and the only time I've been on anti-depressants was when my grandad died, but that was an entirely different matter... mainly because I was so upset I couldn't sleep...

the only thing I can suggest is to find out whats made him do this, although that might be tough... I always found it hard talking to people about my problems, still do really apart from a select few people... but if you can find the problems you can help sort them... maybe he's being bullied? maybe he's feeling really lonely? but tell him that self-harming really isn't the answer, the scars will last for many years if not forever depending on how he did the cuts/burns and how deep... every time I look at the few of mine you can see it makes me regret so badly doing them...

anyways hope maybe something I've said helps? and its an even bigger insight into me for all those that know me :P

[edit]
oh and another poem about being bullied: http://www.xafiers-home.com/poems.php?thepoem=Un-chosen

umm I guess you could say writing poem's was another way I tried to sort my problems...

I would firstly like to say thanks for all the pms and posts from people.

‘RobbieLovin’ I can not believe you have the cheek to actually question my motives for doing this? My whole world has just come crashing down around me; can you imagine finding out that your brother felt so alone and desperate that he would deliberately harm himself? I felt like had completely let him down.

There is no plea for attention; the reason for posting was out of sheer desperation and worry for my brother. I have no idea how to help him, he is obviously at one of the lowest points in his life and he couldn’t turn to me for help.

There is no reason to draw attention to myself, as I don’t ‘know’ anyone from the forum anyway. My brother doesn’t even live in Sheffield, and my signing in name is nothing to do with me, so if he were to see it, which is quite unlikely, then it is again very slim that he would make the connection. If he were to make the connection then what have I to be ashamed of?

All I have tried to do is seek a little bit of advice for one of the most important people in my world. I have nothing to be ashamed of, my ‘motives’ are to try and help and understand.

Thanks for the backup madowl, its very hurtful for someone who I don’t even know to question the reason for the thread. I thought that would have been obvious to anyone, the fact that my brother has taken to harming himself is the biggest cry for help that he has ever made in his whole life, and it has come as a shock to the whole family.

Thanks also to those who have said kind things, I am blaming myself at the moment, as did my mum when she first found out, but that is nothing compared to the pain and suffering that my brother has gone through. Im not saying that I blame myself because I want attention, its because as his older sister I feel like I have totally neglected him at a time when he needed me most.

Why am I even justifying myself to you? You don’t even know me, and so you don’t have any right to judge. I will leave it at that.

Hels, he hasnt been pescribed anything, he told me that the Dr said if he still feels like this in 6 months then he will pescribe him something. Not really sure what to think about this? Surely if he still feels like this in 6 months, things will have got tonnes worse, and i dont want him to have to go downhill before he can be pescribed anything, but then again ive not heard much support or anti depressent medication.

Again, my appreciation to all the pms and posts, this is such a hard thing for us ALL to deal with and concerns are gratefully received.

[edit]
Read my post above yours that we posted the same time first ;)

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try and stay clear of anti-depressants... they just delay problems they dont solve them...

I've always been a firm believer in always dealing with my problems and solving them myself, occasionally I have allowed people into my little bubble to help me solve my problems, but generally, my problems are mine...

but again, anti-depressants just put you in a state of non-emotion... which is very weird... some people can get hooked on them, they can have side effects... some of which can make depression even worse (go figure!)...

I hope you can get through to him, its tough being depressed... you know you want help, and even when people are offering it you you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Some people NEED anti-depressants! It's a very out dated point of view to say 'stay clear' of them, do what ever works for you. As for having a go at someone for asking for help (RL) - that's totally out of order. Thats why people don't use their real names. The person could be one of a thousand people with a depressed brother:|

Counselling doesn't work for some people but for others, it's the answer.

Everyone is different. There are no easy solutions and all anyone can do is their best! xxx

It sounds like your brothers GP doesn't want to prescribe anti-depressants just yet - but should your brother feel any worse then he/your mum/you need to make sure he goes back to his GP.

Depression is a very individual thing, some people benefit greatly from anti-depressants (i'm one of them) others do not. It really depends on what is the cause of the depression. If someone is in crisis then it may be what they need to get them through a really bad patch.

Something to bear in mind is that anti-depressants can have quite alarming side-effects and finding one that is suitable can be difficult. That is probably one of the reasons the GP is holding off from prescribing straight away.

I was prescribed Seroxat some years ago and self-harming and suicidal actions were significantly increased when i was on them. I have some unwanted side-effects to my current medication but on the whole - it is the medication that keeps me safe and alive so the side-effects are something I have learned to live with.

I know now that I had depression as a child but did not receive any help or support. In that respect, your brother is fortunate because help should be at hand from professionals. It can be a long journey, full of ups and downs, but I really do hope and pray that he will come through this a secure and confident individual.

The forum is a good place to seek anonymous help and advice, people who have been through similar things are usually the best to give you support and information. I hope it helps.

Good luck. And feel free to PM me if you want more info.

Also, some anti depressants are known to make things worse in teenagers. I too was given anti depressant recently that made me feel worse but the second batch I was given are a godsend.

I think if you pm people who have had this problem, it will help. I think you need to be a sufferer to know how dreadful depression can be. Even though it's a very personal experience we all have something in common. xxx

pdrnsf I suggest that you obtain a copy of Sheffield Smooth Guide. You can do so by contacting Sheffield Mind on 258 4489 or e-mail info@smoothguidesheffield.info. The price is the cost of the postage.

Its a softback publication for mental health users, carers and professionals. It is approx 100 pages thick and within those pages is information on self help groups for both your brother and those close to him.

I am sure that there would be a peer group that matches him for you all to attend and understand the problem.

I wish you the best of luck

I offer patient counselling as part of my treatments which is IIHHT (International Institute of Health & Holistic Therapists), certificate of counselling by a therapist. It comes as part of all treatments.


I am also doing a Diploma in Psychotherapy & Counselling with the School of Natural Health Sciences. This is nearly finished. I will let you know when.

Please note that I advertise Psychotherapy & Counselling now to gage interest and demand.

BoppinBruce is that booklet just for details of sheffield support? Thanks for everyone's support.

Have you thought about alternative therapies? We don't say stop the medication. Aromatherapy treats the mind, body and spirit. I have treated someone who self harms sometimes just the physical contact of massage with oils is enough to help. It can be just a hand and arm massage. It is important to find a therapist who is not going to be shocked at scars. The person sometimes lets it all out to someone who is impartial, which can help on the way to recovery.

Hope all goes well for your brother.

Depression and self harming are weird things. And self harming is always a constant reminder and a fear of how people will react when they see your scars. Obviously you don't care or think about that when you do it, well I didn't at the time. Now I hardly wear short sleves and regret doing it.

Heres a poem I wrote ages ago about it all.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/8200218/