Do you think that it is right for a female in a none violent relationship to leave her husband and then to stop their child from having any contact whatsoever with him?

I ask this because it is my little sisters fourth birthday and my dad has not seen her since she left. It was her fourth birthday today and he has not had chance to even wish her a happy birthday over the phone.

Do you think this is right?

Fallen

Its hard to say without knowledge of what happened in the relationship.

no...i do not think this is fair.. unless the father was violent or abusive or a threat to kidnap then i do not think the mothers should stop access. a child is entitled to 2 parents and no matter what has happened between the parents it should not affect the child.

Of course it's not right!

When parents split up they should be big enough and mature enough not to let children suffer.

I'm a strong believer in children not being used by parents to 'get back' at the other. Despicable, immature and downright nasty behaviour IMHO

Its not that easy, for anyone to say no its wrong to stop a parent from seeing a child without knowing the facts.

I don't know the circumstances either but if he was a loving father than i think it only fair he should be allowed to see his daughter.

Originally posted by rosie
Its not that easy, for anyone to say no its wrong to stop a parent from seeing a child without knowing the facts.

i am sorry but unless he was a threat to the child he should at least be given a chance. my babies dad done a lot of hurtful things to me but i was set on lettin her have a father.. at least i know in my mind that if he loses her its by HER choice not mine, i have no right to decide that for her

Originally posted by Hels
Of course it's not right!

When parents split up they should be big enough and mature enough not to let children suffer.

I'm a strong believer in children not being used by parents to 'get back' at the other. Despicable, immature and downright nasty behaviour IMHO
On the facts presented so far, I'd have to agree 100% with what Hels just posted.

No FallenAngel, in essence no I don't think children should ever be stopped from seeing their parents after a break up, where that parent is not any kind of risk to them. I don't know anything about the situation. Is this your mother too? Can you talk to her about it? Are you prevented from seeing your wee sister too?

I feel bad for your situation Fallen and I hope it can be resovled for all your sakes. Children should not be used as pawns when adults split up. Indeed the childrens welfare and happiness is what should be most important. Perhaps your wee sisters mother thinks she is acting in her best interests. Whether thats correct or not I do not know. I certainly hope your wee sister is not being deprived of her father simply as a retaliatory tactic.

She is my stepmother. My dad never did anything to harm her or the kids. Me and her never really got on but things were going great, we started getting on better, talking to each other about things her and my dad were getting everything sorted...then she just upped and left, my dad told me before i got home from college.

I dont know how long its been now since i have seen my little sister, probably about 5-6 months, but it feels like ages to me. I allways begged for a little sister and i got one, then i got her snatched away. I dont hate my stepmum for this, i know its weird, but she made my dad happy and she actually cheered me up and was there for me quite alot. and allthough my dad might not believe i actually miss them all i do.
Today i would have normally been happy,
But i wasnt. Cause i missed my little angels fourth birthday, and i dont think my stepmum realises how many promises i made to her, and that have now been broken.

I dont know what to do from here except support my dad and whatever he wants to do.
Thankyou for your comments. I just hope my stepmum reads this.

From Fallen

Families are wierd. Mine is not as complicated as yours FA, but my parents decided to fall out with me after I left home (don't ask - it's just stupid).

I have 2 brothers who are cosiderably younger than me, and I had to make a concious decision not to let my parents ruin my relationship with them - not that easy when they are still primary school age, but they're my brothers.

She's your sister - make sure you look after your relationship with her ;)

A friend of mine lost custody of his daughter after his wife divorced him and has not been able to see his child since she was two. He was too poor to contest the custody case and his Ex’s father, a lawyer, played every dirty trick in the book to stick it to him. It is truly shameful how the legal systems work against the father.

Keep in mind that your current situation will not last forever. When your sister gets older and more rebellious against her mother, as all young ladies do, she will seek you out. From that point on, she will always be a part of your life.

This uncaring mother may have won the battle but she will lose the war…keep the faith!

It's a real shame when a Dad who wants to see kids is not allowed. In my case I have never and would never stop my ex seeing his kids but he doesn't seem all that bothered and has gone from seeing them quite a lot to hardly at all since he re-married. It's very upsetting for the kids.

I wish the so called grown ups in these situations would put their feelings aside and think of their children first. :rant:

Well we still had no phone call from her.

I couldnt sleep at all lastnight. I think i would have felt better if i had seen her or heard from her.

And yes i can wait until shes older but i wanted her to grow up knowing her big sister. I made so many promises to her you see and now i cant keep them, there was me taking her shopping for her fifth birthday next year, and i was planning to throw her a little fourth birthday party.

I guess i feel really really angry underneath all the sadness, i mean i respected my step mum, i thought if she left she wouldnt stop us from seeing the kids.
I guess until she actually softens that heart of hers just a little bit i wont see my sister, i'll just have to rmeember the nice times i had with her. Especially her First christmas. :) :'(

From Fallen

A someone who is a survivor of domestic violence, I am all for protecting kids if the "absent" parent concerned was violent or abusive to the "custodial" parent, and/or the child.

I have heard of a number of cases where the custodial parent has been forced, by courts to pemit access to the child, even when abuse etc has been proven.

That has appalled me. How a judge can send a child back into a situation where theay are in danger, is beyond me!

On the other hand, I also know of situations wherethe custodial parent making malicious and false allegations of abuse, in order to "get back" at the ex partner.

If the ex-partner is violent, or otherwise abusive, then, IMO no, the child should definitely not have to have contact with that parent. I know it is healthier for a child to grow up in a safe environment. the safety of the child and the abused partner should be paramount.

If this is not the case, then all possible measures should be taken to ensure that contact is kept up with the other parent. It's not fair to deprive a child of contact with the non-custodial parent, if it is not in danger.

PT

there was no violence NONE my dad is not like that, he is a nice lving caring man and for the past 16 years he brought me up ON HIS OWN and he has tought me very valuble lessons. HE is a good man and there was no reaosn at all to stop him seeing his daughter AT ALLL

To tell you truthfully i close to exploding with anger and upset and to tell you truthfully i thought better of my stepmum....

Goodbye

no its not right,but at the moment im having a similar problem,my kids dont want to see their mother,ive had her reletives phoning up asking them to go down to her, even trying to bribe them, but they are adamant,they do not want contact with her,ive told the inlaws to visit us if they want but no,they want the kids to go to them

the kids know she is there,so its a vicious circle, they are old enough to make up their own minds so im standing by them,if later on they relent then so be it.

Fallen Angel, I feel for you so much hun, you must be pretty low right now.

Lets look at what you can do and try to get something positive out of this.

Do you know where your sister lives?
Do you know which school/nursery she goes to?
Do you have a telephone number?
Do you have access to any of her relatives who she still see's?

If yes to any of these, why not send a card or write a short letter just saying hello, etc? Also write a letter to your step mum explaining how you feel and that whatever has gone on between her and your dad, you still love your little sister and would like to be there for her.

Next, get a note book and start writing down your feelings, what you would like to have done for your sisters birthday etc. Everytime you think of something you can write it down and then eventually, when you do get to see her you can show her that even though you've not been in contact, you've been thinking about her.

I really hope things work out, i'm sure they will in time, but stay positive and support your dad too, take care.

it might be worth your dad talking the cpa or taking other legal steps to ensure that he does have contact with his daughter.

Just to respond to the wording of the thread though, I think it's a mistake to consider parents rights regarding children. They don't have rights, they have responsibilities.

Short term this may not be of much help but long term it could be useful for your Dad and you.

A male friend of mine was not able to see his kids due to the ex wife making false allegations and causing huge problems so what he has done for a number of years now is to write letters he has never posted to his kids knowing that they would be destroyed telling him what is going on in his life and to say he is always thinking about them so that one day, when they are old enough to have a mind of their own and hopefully get in touch with him they will know from the letters that he never forgot about them.

Well. There to young to choose, my sisters only 4 and my step brother is 6.

I miss them both dearly. I dont think there is an excuse for what shes done, i just think she cant stoop any lower.

And to your questions there all no. I dont know anything

From fallen

Stories such as this really break my heart .... anyone who knows me and knows my situation will testify!

I have two boys who I fortunately have one night a week overnight plus one evening when we go to footie training and usually one day at the weekend (more so in the football season because we all have United season tickets!).

However, I often get the feeling I am just a baby sitter for the ex where I am asked to drop plans at the last minute for her.

For instance, I normally have them on a Thursday, but this week I got a phone call on Monday asking if I wanted them on Tuesday instead of Thursday because the ex wanted to go out on Tuesday! I initially said no because I had already made arrangements to go out myself, but I relented and rang her back after the comments such as "you never want to see them".

I have them this Sunday and Monday so already we have made big plans (with the eldests 8th birthday on Friday next week this will no doubt involve spending lots of pennies!).

I really do feel for you Angel. I have been able to come to some sort of agreement with my ex, despite the animosity. There are still problems but I just keep mouth shut and more than anything make sure them two boys are ok.

Originally posted by FallenAngel6
Do you think that it is right for a female in a none violent relationship to leave her husband and then to stop their child from having any contact whatsoever with him?

I ask this because it is my little sisters fourth birthday and my dad has not seen her since she left. It was her fourth birthday today and he has not had chance to even wish her a happy birthday over the phone.

Do you think this is right?

Fallen

Speaking from experience where by my son has been withheld from me by my ex for no reason, I would say this is completely wrong! No one should be allowed to do this no matter what the personal feelings of either a mother or father who does this.

No one stops to think about the psychological damage being done to the child or the absent parent!

I could fill you in more on my story but it would take too long to write here now. If you want to know, just ask.

A father should have as much right to see his daughter as the mother (unless there are circumstances which should prevent this-abuse etc)

Angel my love........have you spoken to your Dad about how you feel? I know he will be hurting as well, but I am sure he will also want to know how you feel. You aren't on your own.......your dad wants the same as you do. You haven't broken any promises either.........you have just been prevented from carrying them out...........but that isn't your fault. Somebody suggested keeping a diary and writing letters..........that is a very good idea. Perhaps both you and your Dad can do this together. Has your Dad taken any legal advice? If not then he should seek to at least get a "free half hour" with somebody such as John Howells.
Was he married to your StepMum? If not then he needs to gain what is known as a "parental responsibility order". He can download the necessary forms off the internet and start the process without any legal help. If he was married to your stepmum then he will allready have this order.
There are lots of things that you can do........but at the tender age of 16 I really don't think that you should be trying to do it on your own. You sound like a very lovely person who cares very much about your little sister.......and your step-brother. There is a website that you and your Dad can visit for more information...........www.fnf.org.uk I hope that link works.....if not then do a "search" and type in families need fathers. There is loads of help out there and I wish you very much luck. Your Stepmum might have "dis-appeared" just now........but there are ways and means of finding her.
You are having a rough time of it right now..........but keep your chin up......I am sure that you will be re-united with your little Sis sooner rather than later.
Godbless.........and lots of hugs and encouragement.

Legally, it's the child that has a right to see both parents.

Still waiting for some sign, i thankyou all for your help and im sorry for any of you who are dealing with things like this.

Me and my dad are just trying to keep ourselves together right now. I hope she'll let me talk to her again soon.

And i hope she knows that me and my dad still exsist and we love her sooo so much.

from Fallen