im really really depressed my mum is controlling my life and im sick and tired of it, shes telling "do this"do that i wish she would let me get on with my life otherwise im never gonna learn, shes even telling me how to deal with my baby i know she means well i wish she stop interfering sometimes.what can i do?help?

How old are you?

I'm sure she is just concerned mate and is just really trying to help in her mumsy type way. You just have to be as nice as you can about it and tell her you appreciate her help but you would like to get on with it and learn your own way so to speak.

jon - i am 23

claire - i know what you mean i do tell her all the time i appreicate her helping me me but sometimes shes over doing it.

Did you ever watch Eastenders when Demi's mum was practically taking her baby away from her! It sounds like that. Although your not about 16!!!!

Ummm, is this her first grandchild? You don't want to upset her...but I can understand how bad it must be. I think for mums when their daughter has a child they feel like its their 'time again' and they want to give your baby the same love and care you had and show you how they did things, but, its your baby so you should be bringing it up how you feel right. I don't know, maybe I should leave it for someone with a young child to tell you their experiences and advice!!!

do you still live at home?

Post removed..........................

You need to have a daughter and mother chat over a cuppa and then calmly explain how you are feeling to her and how worried this is spoiling your relationship with her..And if you don't live at your mams tell her until she stops interfering then you are going to stop access for her to see your baby. But she is doing what mams all over the world are doing she is just concerned about you and the baby :thumbsup: bet she loves you to bits :)

i did watch eastenders and when i saw demi's mum taking the baby away from her i thought what a cow but i guess she was 16 and her mum wanted to help her in her kind of way so demi can have her youth. this is my mums first grandaughter and i know she loves jacqueline but maybe too much i think my mum does feel like its her time again but like you said its baby baby i gave birth to her so i woul;d like to get on with it my way.

cyclone- no i live with my boyf my mum always comes round.

jon- yeah she does and i love her

maybe you could start being out more often. After she's wasted a few trips she might try phoning you in advance, then you can always tell her it isn't convenient if you don't feel like it.

Is it a new born? It may wear off (hopefully for you......!)

I think that website gazb suggested would be interesting!!!!

claire- shes 3 weeks old.

THIS MAY NOT BE THE BEST ADVICE BUT YOUR MUM WILL NOT BE THERE FOR EVER YOU SHOULD MAKE THE MOST OF IT WHILE IT IS THERE MY BEST FRIENDS MUM DIED WHEN SHE WAS A YOUNG CHILD AND SHE WOULD LOVE HER MOTHERS GUIDENCE NOW (SHE IS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH) BUT IF IT IS TOO MUCH THEN SIT HER DOWN AND JUST SAY LOOK I NEED MY SPACE SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
GOOD LUCK LUCIE

thanx i will, see what happens.

Sounds like she is just more excited than you are! But I think I will shut up as I don't know much about babies and do not have one!

Good luck mate!

Originally posted by LUCIFER109
THIS MAY NOT BE THE BEST ADVICE BUT YOUR MUM WILL NOT BE THERE FOR EVER YOU SHOULD MAKE THE MOST OF IT WHILE IT IS THERE MY BEST FRIENDS MUM DIED WHEN SHE WAS A YOUNG CHILD AND SHE WOULD LOVE HER MOTHERS GUIDENCE NOW (SHE IS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH) BUT IF IT IS TOO MUCH THEN SIT HER DOWN AND JUST SAY LOOK I NEED MY SPACE SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
GOOD LUCK LUCIE stop shouting :nono:

Originally posted by Jon
stop shouting :nono:

:rolleyes:

As your daughter is very young and your Mums first Grandchild she will be a bit OTT at first. I am sure she will calm down given time. Perhaps you could mention in a lighthearted way how you appreciate her advice because I am sure you may need it now and again but you also would like to try things your way too.

I never had any help from my Mum and she never babysat for me so you are lucky in one sense

I bet your boyfriend feels a bit pushed out too, maybe you could mention that to your Mum saying that you and your partner need time to get to know your baby and settle into a routine with her. If you could have certain days when Nanny comes you will all know where you stand.

Give her time I am sure she will back off. Congratulations to you all by the way. :thumbsup:

im happy that shes excited but i feel like shes too excited.

ilaria - sounds to me like you are going to have to be firm with your mum. She might not realise that she is upsetting you and probably means well.

Times change and what she might advise might not be the best way of doing things - if she tells you how to do something and your not happy say something like "the midwife suggested I do this and it works" or "I've had a chat with the Health Visitor and she says this" - that way she might not be so offended by you basically telling her to butt out!

Babies don't come with a manual us mums do make mistakes but life is a learning curve and you know your child better than anyone else.

Take care and enjoy bringing your baby up how you want to.

xx

My partner is quite upset by the fact that her mum does not appear to show any interest in her or our kids and my parents live too far away for them to see us very often. I am sure it can be difficult if a parent is too overpowering but you may find it upsetting if she didn't show any interest. Just a thought!

dawny- boyf is ok although both our parents are OTT the baby is nearly in her routine she gets up every4 for reeds and nappy change then goes to sleep shes very content.

im glad my mums there for me but she tells my mates on how to hold the baby etc bear in mind that my mates have babies/kids of thier own and now how to handle things they dont need my mum telling thm.

Originally posted by ilaria
im glad my mums there for me but she tells my mates on how to hold the baby etc bear in mind that my mates have babies/kids of thier own and now how to handle things they dont need my mum telling thm.

let your mates stand up for themselves, if they already know they can say so.
First time I held my niece I had no idea how to pick her up, so i'm glad someone told me how too.

they do tell her which sometimes resulits in an arguement between thm and me in the middle mainly jacqueline because its her they are argueing over and it upsets me.

how does she argue with someone who says "i've got a baby of my own, I know how to hold her"?

my mate would hold her cradly way and my mum would say no she doesnt like it like that put her over shoulders my mate would then say its fine i'll hold her this way and would argue over and over again it doesnt matter how they hold her as long as shes comfortable which she is.

i c. Could you not intervene and tell your mum that she looks perfectly comfortable and to stop fussing.

yeah i do do that it works for a bit thn they'll bicker for other things.

I just know the feminists are gonna shout at me for this :roll:
but it sounds like your mum needs a good night out riding the sausage express.

Now am I right fellas?

Too little entertainment too much interfeering :wink: :D

If you're perfectly happy with the way your friends are holding and treating your baby and your mum is still interfering, then I'm afraid if you don't tell her to back off a little bit, then this is going to get worse for you.
She's already annoying you (much as you love her) but this is controlling behaviour which is why even your friends are getting ticked off with her.
If you can't sit down and talk this over with her without her turning it around and making you feel bad, then I'm afraid you're gonna have to be very blunt with her.
Sounds like she's p**ing everyone off with her over the top protectiveness.
Yeah I've been there and no I didn't say anything to my mother. Much as she was annoying me I didn't want to annoy her, but by the time my child was 10, I had taken enough and blew up at her and it caused the biggest family ruckus you've ever seen! We didn't speak for 3 years.
Please talk to her now before it gets that way for you.
You and your partner need space with your OWN child and with a bit of luck she'll realise that her way of helping isn't helping you at all.

Originally posted by sparklesista
:rolleyes: Nice contribution to ilaria's problem :thumbsup: least its another post to your collect :rolleyes:

My opinion is similar to that of cutglass, if you broach the subject pleasantly and deal with it now rather than later, you could save youself years of this.
See it from your Mum's POV, if you keep thanking her, she'll feel she's being useful and she undoubtedly would like to protect you from anything she had to deal with which wasn't ideal.
I think I'd say something about having to learn because it is my daughter, and maybe I'll want more, and I would jokily comment next time she opens her mouth about friends that they do know how to manage a baby.
Keep it light hearted to prevent offence if you can, but do it soon. Worst case scenario, bring out the big guns and tell her you need more space - she'll give it to you because otherwise she'll miss seeing her grand daughter.
Think it through from your Mum's POV and the long term of your ownviewpoint before you do anything though. You know her, we don't. Hope it goes well.

Originally posted by Jon
Originally posted by sparklesista
:rolleyes:
Nice contribution to ilaria's problem :thumbsup: least its another post to your collect :rolleyes:
Not to mention it being against site rules:
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...- Each post add something of value to the thread, so don't just post "haha" for example...

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Congratulations on having a beautiful baby, sorry that this wonderful time is being spoilt by differences of opinion. Mums never stop being mums, and it doesnt matter how old you get, your mum will stillbe trying to do what she thinks is best for you. It is very hard (and I speak from experience) to let go and watch you make mistakes. (not that I'm saying you are making any). I had a fall out with my 22 year ols son for interfering inhis life for all the best reasons, but luckily we talked and sorted it out. I cannot guarrantee I will not put my foot in t again, but I am stillhis mum, and I have never had a 22 year ols son before - so I am still learning how to cope, just as you are learning how to cope with a new baby. There are no manuals on how to be a perfect parent, and I do hope you sort things out. My mum died when I was 10, and I missed her dreadfuly when my kids were small. I cant wait for my first grandchild, so I guess I will be in danger of interfering again! Good luck my dear - enjoy your new baby, they grow too fast. xx

Congraulations on your new baby. I'm a mum and a grandmother, and I have been in both your position and your mothers. As a young mother, I really valued the advice I got from my mum, but at the same time I got really fed up when she interfered. I promised myself that when I had grandchildren I wouldn't stick my nose in but of course I did. I went over the top buying things all the time, I never gave my daughter and son-in-law the chance to provide anything. My husband finally took me to task and explained that my daughter had to do it her way not mine.

Your mum only wants the best for you and your daughter, but you need to gently tell her that you need to do things your way. Do it gently because you don't want her to feel pushed out. Explain that as your daughter grows up you don't want her to sense any kind of conflict between you.

Ask mum's advice on things, you don't always have to act on it, but at least she'll feel needed.