Choosing between The Empire Bar and Champs which is the best of the two to meet a proper girlfriend (ie, not a one night stand).

What has made you narrow it down to these two out of interest???

You dont just meet someone and they become your girlfriend really do you so does it matter where you meet them i the first place? If you want them to be a long term thing then your going to have to take them somewhere and not just meet them, so really where ever you usually meet ladies.

With an avatar like that, I don't think it will be anyone from the forum.....

didn't you start a thread about this ages ago and the general advice was that you won't ever find a girlfriend by meeting someone in a bar.

Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.

As to why I narrowed it down it is just that those are the two places i have tried in the past to meet girls. I don't have any attachment to those two places. if anybody can sugest anywhere better please do.

Maybe I am wrong but I always assumed that some bars/clubs were more for people looking to pick up a one-night stand and some bars/clubs were not.

I dont think people go places just looking for one night stands and others if they want a relationship! Its more to do with the two people that meet that the place that there in!

Originally posted by speeed
I dont think people go places just looking for one night stands and others if they want a relationship! Its more to do with the two people that meet that the place that there in!

I'd agree. Most bars and clubs are going to have a mixture of girls who are just looking for one night stands and girls who want boyfriends. What is this need for a girlfriend though? What's the hurry? Next time you are out with your mates get chatting to a girl, ask for a number and then leave. Don't sleep with her even if she seems keen. Then leave it a few days and give her a call, have a chat and if you really seem to get on ask her out on a date. If that goes well then go on a few more dates and if you really get on then you can move on to properly being together. But don't try to force things...be confident on your own and you will find a girlfriend when you are least expecting it ;)

there was some good advice when you started this (now rather long) thread (http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7430&highlight=girlfriend)

Originally posted by Lucy_Smith
I'd agree. Most bars and clubs are going to have a mixture of girls who are just looking for one night stands and girls who want boyfriends. What is this need for a girlfriend though? What's the hurry? Next time you are out with your mates get chatting to a girl, ask for a number and then leave. Don't sleep with her even if she seems keen. Then leave it a few days and give her a call, have a chat and if you really seem to get on ask her out on a date. If that goes well then go on a few more dates and if you really get on then you can move on to properly being together. But don't try to force things...be confident on your own and you will find a girlfriend when you are least expecting it ;)

Wow just like your signature suggests you really do have solutions to every problem! :D

when i was single i always went out to have fun and chill, if u want a 'girlfriend' girls love confidence, if u dont feel it, act it.. trust me.. cant go wrong

Someone agrees with me!! I must be having a good day, just hope it lasts for tonight.

u refering to me??

Not you Lucy. see post above

I understand when people say that going to bars is not the best way to meet a girl but to be honest I have tried other ways (speed dating, talking to girls in shops etc) and got nowhere.

I don't just want to rely on meeting girls in bars but neither do i want to discount it, after all it is another string to my bow so to speak.

My own instinct is that of the two I mentioned Champs may be better to meet a long term girlfriend but that is just a hunch. If people can recomend any other venue that might be better than either of them please do.

I've just been reading through the old thread that you posted a while ago. It seems that you've taken a lot of the advice on board and tried a few things, but still no luck.

In this post you ask which of two pubs is best to meet a girl yet your earlier posts show that you haven't much experience of going out in town, so is that really the best place to go to try to meet a girl?

If you're not into going out in town, you could end up meeting a girl who goes down town every week and then what? You've finally met someone but you both like doing different things? Can you really see that relationship lasting?

A man (or woman for that matter) alone in a loud city centre pub is going to be avoided like the plague - people just immediately think the worst I'm afraid.

What if you find a pub/bar where you can quietly sit on your own, and won't look out of place. Go out straight from work, sit and read a paper (but not the Sunday Sport!) and have a pint. You might get a group of girls out for a quiet after work drink who could see you in a totally different light.

Good luck and have a good weekend

Mate, listen to yourself. It's so contrived. There is no certain bar that you are more likely to meet a long term girlfriend in. I have given you this advice before - if you find it hard to meet people join clubs, go to forum meets, do things you enjoy and you may meet someone you have a lot in common with. If you don't enjoy going to bars then you're unlikely to meet your perfect match in a bar.

Dammit my post was too slow!!!

Gawd, don't I waffle!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.


I was going to suggest you go to VIP as there are loads of nice single straight women go there and the competition will be fairly minimal, but I'm not sure you would like it.

Whenever I have been involved with someone, it has been someone I have known to some extent before hand. I don't think I've ever found someone in a bar or club. To be honest the idea just doesn't appeal to me. I go out to enjoy myself with friends. Trying to chat to someone for the first time in a noisy atmosphere is really awkward. As I said, I only get interested when I know the person a bit better. Then again, I'm odd like that. I also don't think that hanging around a bar waiting for someone to pick up looks very good. I think sleazy is the word.

Incidentally Sid, your avatar has now made viewing this forum a bit inappropriate in work for me.

Nicest bird you're likely to find in Champs is a plate full of spicy chicken wings.

And if we are talking about your 'girlfriend', then there ain't no place like home.

Know what I'm saying........,

Mate, don't take this the wrong way but it just never happens like that. Yuo will never find a propper girlfriend in a bar. I always believe that you find a good partner in a gym or through work. Trust me! Also, sometimes, it just happens when you are not looking for one when you are least expecting to find one.:thumbsup: ;)

Slim, theres always amsterdam?

Boots on the High Street is always full of women in the morning, I don't know why this is.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.

As to why I narrowed it down it is just that those are the two places i have tried in the past to meet girls. I don't have any attachment to those two places. if anybody can sugest anywhere better please do.

Maybe I am wrong but I always assumed that some bars/clubs were more for people looking to pick up a one-night stand and some bars/clubs were not.

Well, it might just be me, and I don't claim to understand women in the slightest, but a potential date might be put off by the fact that you choose to pictorially represent yourself on the forum with a picture of a pin-up's shapely bum. They might feel it was quite a lot to live up to

'As far as internet dating is concerned I share the view that it is risky. Also I have the impression that many of the women who use these services are not what I am looking for in terms of looks. This is backed up by the pictures on their sites and those of adult activites clubs.'

This comment made by you in a previous thread. I know looks can matter but if you are trying to find a soul mate you're going to have to go deeper than looks in which case bars are not the place.

Originally posted by Phanerothyme
Well, it might just be me, and I don't claim to understand women in the slightest, but a potential date might be put off by the fact that you choose to pictorially represent yourself on the forum with a picture of a pin-up's shapely bum. They might feel it was quite a lot to live up to

:D I don't think it's just you at all Phan & I'd say you summed it up there.

All women know men appreciate backsides like that but we don't expect you to want us to share that appreciation ;)

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I have tried other ways (...talking to girls in shops etc) and got nowhere.

What, you mean that doesn't work? :o And there was I, just about to head down to Somerfield to pick up a hot date - "So, I see you like pizza too. Wanna be my girlfriend?"
:P


(Mmm, pizza)

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but I think you may be coming across as really desperate, and girls don't like that. The fact that your'e asking for advice on here and trying to pull in the supermarket suggests that you may be being too over-friendly, which doesn't go down well. I have met blokes in clubs and ended up going out with them, but they were just friendly, not coming onto me with bad chat up lines. Try to act like your'e just being friendly and not like you have an agenda and this will go down a lot better. And don't just go out with a view to pulling, go out to have a good time, cos if you look like your'e having fun you'll be more attractive to girls. I think quite a lot of people go to clubs to pull, but many don't use that environment to find a girlfriend.

Try talking to people on buses, just act friendly and you'll make progress!

I agree. You're trying too hard. Chill out. Girls run a mile from anyone who looks like they're too keen - can't take the pressure.

Even your avatar makes you look desperate. And she must be cold in that outfit.

Originally posted by nick2
Boots on the High Street is always full of women in the morning, I don't know why this is.

Possibly for the morning after pill. I suggest not trying to pick these ones up at that particular time... :D

Slim the best advice I can give you if you're serious about finding a long term girlfriend is to stop looking.
I found in the past when I stopped being "on the pull" they usually found me.

Either that or buy a wedding ring and wear it.... since getting married my ring seems to be a magnet for women thinking I'm fair game.
I wonder if it's the fact my wedding ring is a replica "one ring" from Lord of the Rings :D
One ring to rule them all :lol:

Originally posted by pussycat
Possibly for the morning after pill. I suggest not trying to pick these ones up at that particular time... :D

rofl


...but look out for them in Champs next week :hihi: :P

I'll just add to the "not in the bar" comments.
I've never found a girlfriend who I didn't already know socially. The best i've got out of a bar or club is a few snogs (do people still say snog?).
I got together with my SO in a club, but we already knew each other and were going out with the same group of people, totally different ball game then.

I don't think its right to say that you can't meet a serious long term girlfriend in a club, but I don't think you can pinpoint a place where you are likely to.

Okay, you will have a chance of meeting someone who at least likes the same sort of music, and same sort of surroundings, but it really can happen anywhere.

If you split your mindset between when you are after a girlfriend and when you are not then you are not likely to find a soul mate. Don't believe all the rubbish about "opposites attract" the kind of person that you would have as a friend is probably the same kind of person that you would have as a girlfriend, it can't be fireworks all the time you need someone who is a good friend as well as a lover.

I think you can meet your partner in a club but when you're looking it's more difficult to find it.
I met my wife (who I didn't already know) in Uropa some years ago.
She fell on me while in a state on intoixication :D and the rest is history.

I wasn't looking.

Sid,

Stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for people who you want to make friends with in general. If some of these are female, then great! But stop appearing to be so desperate for female company.

And as for the avatar, well, I'm heterosexual as well but I don't think a half naked woman accurately reflects the central thrust of my personality. :)

Joe

Originally posted by JoePritchard
I don't think a half naked woman accurately reflects the central thrust of my personality. :)

really Joe? :hihi:

I think the first pre requsite to finding someone to care for is to have gone some way towards really knowing and liking yourself and having some self confidence. If you are not confident about yourself and you don't love yourself (not in an arrogant way) then noone else is really going to.

As for the best places to go, you think I'm gonna tell you my secrets!

Slim, you could always try to get to know a few people on http://www.midsummerseve.com/. Some good bargains going on there! ;)

The problem is that the harder you try slimsid, the worse off you're going to be.

My suggestion is to stop looking for a girl friend ... instead ...

Focus your time and energies on developing your own life, your career, your hobbies, making firends, enjoying life, doing as many things that you love as you have free time (and money).

Create a situation where your life is so great that you don't need anyone else ... but be open to the possibility of meeting someone ... just don't be desperate about it.

But really it all boils down to what everyone else is saying ...

STOP LOOKING

Bummer eh !?

:P

I must remember that argument the next time the DSS ask what I have done to 'actively seek work' - "well, I've stopped looking because that way I am likely to just drop upon the right job by accident. So you see, by not actively seeking work I am actually increasing my chances of getting a job".
(Actually I am not currently required to Actively seek work but that is another and rather long story).

As for the avator I have had quite a few over the past few months, each one chosen to reflect a facet of my self. So for example I had a non-smoking sign to represent my dislike of passive smoking and several cat ones as I am a cat lover. Only yesterday I tried to upload one showing Saddam Hussain in prison but it was too big and didn't work. As hetrosexuality is a part of my life (at least in thought if not in deed) I thought my current one appropriate. After all, some of the gay members of this forum are quite open and proud about their sexuality. Still, if it offends people I will change it for something else.

On a positive note, thanks for the advice. I realise that bars are not the only or even the best places to meet a longer term girlfriend but I'm still not quite sure what other options I could try that I haven't already. When you get to nearly 35 and have never even kissed a girl you do get desperate.

Sid I think the avatar thing is not a big issue, but people might think it indicative of some bad personalitly traits, which you probably do not possess. But its all about appearances.

Now I know appearences aren't everything, but it is generally the first thing that people notice, and even if the real you is a really sound and nice perosn (which I'm sure you are but I don't know you) the outer appearence of what people think you are is important.

what you hav to remmeber is that there is no "trick" to meeting women and forming relationships.

Now, depending on what kind of people you like and what kind of place you like going out to, yeah, the bar you go to can improve your chances, but you still have to like yourself as a person and come accross as being the sort of person that other people want to like.

I know you said you tried most or all of the ideas from the earlier thread sid. But I expect it's trying them with the intention of finding a girlfriend that is the problem.
If you joined some sort of social club, hit on all the women, decided it wasn't going to work and then quit again then i'm not really surprised that you didn't find a girlfriend there.
The key to doing any activity is to be doing it because you enjoy it. If you do something simply because you want to meet women then it's going to put them off, it's unlikely that any of them are there simply to meet men.
The possible exception to that would be something like speeddating.
Going out to a bar alone is a pretty brave thing to do, I know i wouldn't be enjoying myself on my own, so I doubt you are either. This isn't going to attract any girls, and without a friend or two with you you've got no moral support either. You need to a least go with one mate in tow, you'll be more relaxed and not have chatting up women quite so much on your mind, which will probably improve whatever chance you have in a bar.

i think you need to stop trying! try not wanting a girlfriend and it might just happen!

Yep, reverse psychology's great :thumbsup:

This thread has made some good late night reading. I really cant belive there are people out the as pathetic as Slim,listen to yourself man!!

Could this (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/doorhandle/getimg.jpg) be you???????

Mr Craig, thats really harsh and not very nice!!! You wouldn't like it if you were lonely and found it hard to talk to members of the opposite sex!

Anyway, I think that if Sid just tries to be friendly rather then appearing to be desperatly seeking that special someone he'll have a lot more luck!

Personally I can't stand men that are blatently coming onto me, and no-one I know can either! if you just act friendly you'll get a lot further! Good luck!

Originally posted by mr craig
This thread has made some good late night reading. I really cant belive there are people out the as pathetic as Slim,listen to yourself man!!

Could this (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/doorhandle/getimg.jpg) be you???????

No that isn't me at all. I am not that popular with women. However I think this (http://xo.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/chav.jpg) may be you.

Thanks to everyone else for the helpful advice.:clap:

slimsid, do you know why ure not popular with the ladies? have u ever asked anyone?

Just wondering, coz if there are any reason inparticular, then you could work on it?

Good question. I have tried to raise the subject but the usual response is that I am wrong and I am well liked really. I suppose this is just tactful but unfortunaely not that helpful.

Would you consider yourself to be attractive? I don't mean to be harsh, but sometimes that can be a reason that you aren't lucky with the ladies?

It is hard to judge. I would say that I am not less attractive than some of the men I have seen with girlfriends. As a rough guide I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

give us the link, I'll give you a honest opinion.

Originally posted by nick2
give us the link, I'll give you a honest opinion.

just been looking through there myself - so let me know.

Originally posted by msbehavin
just been looking through there myself - so let me know too and I will give you my honest opinion, for what it's worth!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
It is hard to judge. I would say that I am not less attractive than some of the men I have seen with girlfriends. As a rough guide I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

It may come as a surprise, but not everyone has the same taste. Nor does everyone judge purely on looks.

Originally posted by Andy78
It may come as a surprise, but not everyone has the same taste. Nor does everyone judge purely on looks.

Not that you'd know that by your rating on Hot or Not dear! Woo woo!!! If I could do a wolf whistling smilie then I would :)

:blush:

Thankyou! I did think that the score was a bit generous. Having said that, I appear to be in a freefall nosedive at the moment.

Originally posted by Andy78
:blush:

Thankyou! I did think that the score was a bit generous. Having said that, I appear to be in a freefall nosedive at the moment.

Oh god!! *runs to the window and checks for Andy falling from the sky* STOP READING THIS POST!!...DEPLOY YOUR PARACHUTE!! PULL THE CORD!!!


(Sorry. It is monday :) )

Hey !! ... I've had YET ANOTHER fantastic idea !!

We could do a sheffield forum version of the channel 4 TV show 'would like to meet'.

Slimsid would be the ideal candidate ...

We could have a panel of 'experts' (I'd suggest 2 guys and 2 girls) and coach him on the following:

Grooming and presentation.
Clothes.
Personability (friendlyness and being a smooth cat).
Flirting.
Engaging in charming conversation.

The above can be run as a workshop.

Then some of us could hit the town ... giving him the chance the use his new found skills.

We could also do some mok dates.

What does everyone think !?

ps: can I be the second the 'candidate'

What a good idea!!

Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???

Whooo hhooooooo!!!:D

Well I met my B/f in the Deep End at hillsboro n weve bin toghether a year now!

Originally posted by msbehavin
What a good idea!!

Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???

Whooo hhooooooo!!!:D

Course you can my dear ...

I think it's a fab idea too ... should be a complete giggle if nothing else ... much better to do something about your problems rather than winge about them.

Any other 'experts' out there !?

Originally posted by kathythebean
Oh god!! *runs to the window and checks for Andy falling from the sky* STOP READING THIS POST!!...DEPLOY YOUR PARACHUTE!! PULL THE CORD!!!


(Sorry. It is monday :) )

Heehee! I like the idea of freefalling, it sounds like lots of fun. Though, I think I'd prefer to freefall onto a massive trampoline. That would give hours of amusement.

I'm sure there's a thread subject here somewhere. Anyone seen it? :D

Originally posted by Andy78
Heehee! I like the idea of freefalling, it sounds like lots of fun. Though, I think I'd prefer to freefall onto a massive trampoline. That would give hours of amusement.

I'm sure there's a thread subject here somewhere. Anyone seen it? :D

We've got a trampoline.....:D

Originally posted by msbehavin
We've got a trampoline.....:D

I believe so. I can't quite convey how extremely jealous I am.

Is it socially acceptable for a 27 year old male to go wild on a trampoline in this day and age?

I do hope so! The only limit on the trampline is that of maximum weight being 12 stone.

Age has absolutely nothing to do with it!!

PS - which are you on the hot or not thread??? ;)

Ok, so I'm just under 12 stone, though it does vary quite a lot for reasons that are beyond me. I must plan a trip to your trampoline now that I know it's quite acceptable.

Gridlocked1978

I'll confess to being an expert at nothing, well nothing to do with women or dating.
But it's a good idea none the less. I could possibly help with how not to dress (according to my SO), and a course in how to feel awkward in a social situation when you don't know people already :clap:
Oh well, i can watch.

Originally posted by Andy78
Ok, so I'm just under 12 stone, though it does vary quite a lot for reasons that are beyond me. I must plan a trip to your trampoline now that I know it's quite acceptable.

Gridlocked1978

We are thinking of inviting a select group round to Msb's for a 'jump' when we get organised enough - see the trampoline thread for full details. You might have to buy a product from my Virgin Vie catalogue though - would that be a problem??

PS - how much trampolining have you actually done before??

PPS - nice pic. 10 from me lol

Originally posted by speeed
You dont just meet someone and they become your girlfriend really do you so does it matter where you meet them i the first place? If you want them to be a long term thing then your going to have to take them somewhere and not just meet them, so really where ever you usually meet ladies.

I met my EX at Sheffield Midland Railway Station.

Im on the lookout for someone special in my life, however when you get made redundent it put's a big hole in your "Saturday Night Account"

Originally posted by msbehavin
We are thinking of inviting a select group round to Msb's for a 'jump' when we get organised enough - see the trampoline thread for full details. You might have to buy a product from my Virgin Vie catalogue though - would that be a problem??

PS - how much trampolining have you actually done before??

PPS - nice pic. 10 from me lol

Woo! that sounds like a great plan! Erm, what's Virgin Vie?

PS. Not a lot. However, I've been informed that I do bounce a lot. Does that help?

PPS. Thankyou, You're very kind. :blush:

Originally posted by Andy78
Woo! that sounds like a great plan! Erm, what's Virgin Vie?

PS. Not a lot. However, I've been informed that I do bounce a lot. Does that help?

PPS. Thankyou, You're very kind. :blush:

Virgin Vie is skincare that I sell in my other life. Don't worry about it too much - just bring some money when you come and I willsort out what you need for your skin type lol..:thumbsup:

Originally posted by msbehavin
Virgin Vie is skincare that I sell in my other life. Don't worry about it too much - just bring some money when you come and I willsort out what you need for your skin type lol..:thumbsup:

Fair enough, I can't argue with that. Moisturiser is always useful.

Originally posted by msbehavin


Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???


:wow: I'm an expert? Woohoo! :banana:

Slimsid.... I can't quite grasp how someone of nearly 35 years old has never even kissed a woman, so I'll ask a few frank questions to try to understand and give advice accordingly (obviously you don't have to answer them or can send me a PM if you prefer).

1) Are you seriously overweight?
2) Are you especially ugly?
3) Are you socially inept?
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

both options are pretty awful imo for finding a girlfriend (although I do know lads who have pulled in Champs)

Champs is very loud and a crush and Empire is a bit :gag:

If you like a certain type of music have you tried going to gigs and meeting girls like that?

I cannot think of any really good bar to meet someone (although I always seem to get harassed in Varsity :D ). A late bar would probably be a better bet 9Tripetts, Bar Matrix, Forum etc)

although I've been single for god knows how long so you may want to discount my advise :D )

Originally posted by TracieJC
:wow: I'm an expert? Woohoo! :banana:

:heyhey: :cool: :D

Forget Bars and pubs.
All you need is a good smile like mine, and you will pull owt.

MY SMILE (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/viking99/forums/unitedite.jpg) :thumbsup:

Originally posted by t020
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

You don't realy want a lady who is mainly interested in what you earn/own.

I'd quite happily take a seat on the panel of experts.. I'm good with confidence and dress style!

If you're overweight we'll get you in shape
If you have bad hair, we'll get you sorted with a good funky barber
If you have trouble speaking to girls.. We'll give you some general tips

No particular bar is good to pull, but I've had most luck in:

Matrix
Empire
Varsity
S1
Bedroom

Clubs are best in my opinion!

Originally posted by GazB
No particular bar is good to pull, but I've had most luck in:

Matrix
Empire
Varsity
S1
Bedroom

Clubs are best in my opinion!

Gaz also would never miss an opportunity on the Forum to get in a chat up possibility - would ya Gaz??? ;)

Originally posted by msbehavin
Gaz also would never miss an opportunity on the Forum to get in a chat up possibility - would ya Gaz??? ;)

Eh? I don't chat people up on the forum!

Wind people up.. Maybe!

Originally posted by nick2
You don't realy want a lady who is mainly interested in what you earn/own.

But living with parents at 35 with no job could be a big turn off to about 99% of women. The job question was more about finding out what the problem is, e.g. health.

Originally posted by t020
Slimsid.... I can't quite grasp how someone of nearly 35 years old has never even kissed a woman, so I'll ask a few frank questions to try to understand and give advice accordingly (obviously you don't have to answer them or can send me a PM if you prefer).

1) Are you seriously overweight?
2) Are you especially ugly?
3) Are you socially inept?
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

1) No.
2) No
3) Yes
4) No
5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

Originally posted by slimsid2000

5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

How about joining one of the many societies at the university - that's one way to meet people with similar interests to you, and build up your confidence.

Also, there are a lot of union run nights that you might like to go to, in addition to the two bars in your poll.

I tried the speed dating night a few weeks back but didn't get any matches.

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

The good thing about speed dating (and perhaps bars) is they are less of a commitment and it is more likely that the women there are there to meet someone.

Originally posted by slimsid2000

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

Well, you wouldn't be stuck with it as such - if you really don't enjoy what you have chosen to do, you are under no obligation to keep going along to that society. Alternatively, pick a society that deals with one of your existing interests or hobbies.

Just to echo previous posts - I don't think it will help if you go along to a social event purely with the mindset of meeting a girlfriend. Making new friends - male and female - will help build up your social skills and boost your confidence. It's true that you often find someone when you're not really looking :)

Originally posted by TracieJC
Well, you wouldn't be stuck with it as such - if you really don't enjoy what you have chosen to do, you are under no obligation to keep going along to that society. Alternatively, pick a society that deals with one of your existing interests or hobbies.

Just to echo previous posts - I don't think it will help if you go along to a social event purely with the mindset of meeting a girlfriend. Making new friends - male and female - will help build up your social skills and boost your confidence. It's true that you often find someone when you're not really looking :)

this is good advice. I've suggested before that you joined one of the clubs at the uni, try a sports club, but one with female members. It would be best if it's something you enjoy for it's own sake though.

You haven't said what your interests are? You must have some hobbies/ interests. Otherwise you must be really boring and I think I can see what the problem is :P

I seem to recall quite a lot of posts related to you and you getting a girlfriend slimsid over the last year or so (not just this thread) and yet seemingly you've still not made any in-roads ... do you take on board any of the advice people give to you??

You're nearly 35, never kissed a girl, live at home, you say you're not ugly etc etc and you say you're socially inept but yet you've been speed-dating which would suggest you're not totally so - You also goto university so you must be at least relatively articulate and yet you ask the most naive questions - must be something inherently wrong?

This just doesn't add up

Originally posted by slimsid2000
1) No.
2) No
3) Yes
4) No
5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

In that case then it seems your biggest problem is being socially inept, although living with your parents at 35 years old won't help. Why not try uploading your photo to the Hot or Not scoreboard and offer a "meet me" option? That way, women on the site might like how you look and will be able to contact you and you'll be able to maybe get to know them a bit over the internet first, which would probably be easier for you, before meeting them face to face on a proper date. You'd have confidence going into the date through knowing that (a) they like how you look and (b) they like the first impressions of your personality through the initial internet interaction enough to bother meeting you.

Originally posted by t020
In that case then it seems your biggest problem is being socially inept, although living with your parents at 35 years old won't help.

As a student, he might be living in a shared house, rather than with his parents? Just a thought.

That said, the comment about not having your own place at the age of 35 does still stand - I imagine most women would find this a little odd.

Theres nothing odd about not owning your own house at the age of 35, im 28 and still live in rented accomadation. the problem most singles have is that while they could afford a mortgage, no banks will lend them the money required to purchase the house in the first place, I know this from personnal experience, I earn a decent wage, but as a single wage its a nightmere. How many single people can really say they own there own house.. that they have bought as a firsat time buyer in the last 5 years

Originally posted by cheet1889
Theres nothing odd about not owning your own house at the age of 35, im 28 and still live in rented accomadation. the problem most singles have is that while they could afford a mortgage, no banks will lend them the money required to purchase the house in the first place, I know this from personnal experience, I earn a decent wage, but as a single wage its a nightmere. How many single people can really say they own there own house.. that they have bought as a firsat time buyer in the last 5 years

I didn't mean owning your own place, I meant more choosing to live with a group of people rather than alone. I live in rented accomodation too, but I don't share with anyone. Sorry I didn't make that very clear.

In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

They probably get a kick out of winding you up slimsid ... it's nothing more than a game to them ... they enjoy having the power over you and you're nothing more than a play thing to them.

Some (not all ... usually its the better looking but not really classy ones) girls are just like that.

dancing with them would be the normal response at that point. If they rapidly leave then they weren't sending a signal. If they stay then they are (or haven't noticed you :D ).
You do seem to be convinced that a bar is the best place to find a girlfriend. And despite the few people who have posted here I do think it's very rare for it to happen.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Choosing between The Empire Bar and Champs which is the best of the two to meet a proper girlfriend (ie, not a one night stand).

try evening classes mate.....well thats what deidre always says

:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

It sounds to me like, and no disrespect intended you lack self confidence, standing and starring is no way forward, try starting a conversation if you get the cold shoulder then fair enough, but if you don't try then you will never succeed.

As for the comments about bars not been the right place to meet a potential partner, what are your suggestions then ? if work is a no go then social events are really the only opportunity for a single male/female

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

So are you ignoring my suggestion and sticking with the bar tactics that have served you so badly?

You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P
girls like bad boys........forget the flowers and opening car doors etc the nice looking ones always go for rogues.

Originally posted by t020
So are you ignoring my suggestion and sticking with the bar tactics that have served you so badly?

No. i am just keeping all options open. This thread was intended to be just about which were the best bars to meet girls. I never said this was the only way.

Originally posted by cheet1889
It sounds to me like, and no disrespect intended you lack self confidence, standing and starring is no way forward, try starting a conversation if you get the cold shoulder then fair enough, but if you don't try then you will never succeed.

As for the comments about bars not been the right place to meet a potential partner, what are your suggestions then ? if work is a no go then social events are really the only opportunity for a single male/female

The best way to attract poon is to get them drunk then invite them to a ficticious party back at your house, once they're in the house they're all yours

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

This is definately a wind up

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

'Bedhead' said something about a wind up. Do you mean that the girls I described are winding me up or are you implying that I am lying about my own experiences. If it is the latter then I can assure you I am not. As for the former, I would be interested to hear more people's views of it as a 'wind-up' may, sadly, be a possibility.

i think he might mean that ur in a bar on ur own? or that things may be simpler than they seem? bedhead shes some light!!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.


Do you know many people in Sheffield? If you do, why not try arranging a night out with a group of people, rather than going alone?

If you don't know many people, I think that just reenforces what myself and others have said previously - try and focus on meeting people, making new friends and buiding up your confidence that way. The rest - i.e. finding a girlfriend - will follow naturally.

Your going about it the wrong way, you cant just trawl town on your own hoping to find anything other than a prostitute. I mean maybe early on yeah or a sat afternoon but not fri and sat nights! Also are you setting your standards to high? I mean if youve never even kissed some one theres gotta be something wrong there, no offence but surely either your setting too high standards or there is something wrong with the way you look/act.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

'Bedhead' said something about a wind up. Do you mean that the girls I described are winding me up or are you implying that I am lying about my own experiences. If it is the latter then I can assure you I am not. As for the former, I would be interested to hear more people's views of it as a 'wind-up' may, sadly, be a possibility.

nunchuk - chinese weapon, short sticks linked by a chain.
bowhunting - hunting with a bow (and arrow)
humour - the intent of the nunchuck and bowhunting comment, which you apparently missed.
Girls are not impressed by computer skills, not even 31it3 4ax0r skills.

and yes Bedhead was accusing you of winding us up.

I was going to ask another male from a uni class if he would like to come out for a drink sometime, but unfortunately he wasn't there on the last night and I don't have any contact number/email for him. If I bump into him during the summer and get chatting then I probably will but obvioiuly this is rather hit and miss.

I can't think of any other unatached males I know who would be suitable. i did ask one a few years back if he wanted to go out in town to meet girls but he said he wasn't interested.

To be honest most people I know are either older, in relationships or both.

Are you a member of any groups or anything? Are you a full time student? Would one of your attached friends not come out for a lads only night? They dont have to try and pick anyone up they could just give you moral support.

i dont understand man, how come u cant go out wi someone who in relationship or older?

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I was going to ask another male from a uni class if he would like to come out for a drink sometime, but unfortunately he wasn't there on the last night and I don't have any contact number/email for him. If I bump into him during the summer and get chatting then I probably will but obvioiuly this is rather hit and miss.

I can't think of any other unatached males I know who would be suitable. i did ask one a few years back if he wanted to go out in town to meet girls but he said he wasn't interested.

To be honest most people I know are either older, in relationships or both.

Errmm, don't go out with the intention of picking up girls. Go out because you enjoy it.
I'm not single, but I go out with single and other non-single blokes on an almost weekly basis. Sometimes there are girls there (I mean ones who are attached to someone in the group) othertimes there aren't. As long as these older friends aren't ready for a horlicks and a seat by the fire at 21:00 why does it make a difference?

Yes i am a member of both an amateur drama and a creative writing group.

In both cases most other members are 50+ and in some cases well into their 70s. I just don't think they (or their wives) would fancy the idea of them going out downtown on a fri/sat night 'on the pull' or even helping me. Besides, would it really create a good impression being seen with people old enough to be the girls grandparents in some cases.

I agree if I could be part of a group of young unattached men of about my age or younger (I'm 34) then it may be helpful but I just don't know any suitable males of this age.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

Look, you really answered your own question here - bars aren't the best place to 'pick up' girls.

you're doing it again.

don't go out on the pull. go out for a drink.

you don't have to go out with single men, people in relationships don't have a big sign floating over them, they are contrary to populat believe allowed to have a drink and enjoy themselves with friends.

Originally posted by Cyclone
you're doing it again.

don't go out on the pull. go out for a drink.

you don't have to go out with single men, people in relationships don't have a big sign floating over them, they are contrary to populat believe allowed to have a drink and enjoy themselves with friends.

Have you thought about the web of relationships that these people who you are writing off as part of your social life have? That 70 year old might have a fantastic granddaughter or daughter perfect for you. In saying "I don't want to be friends with you I just want to go on the pull" your entire social life is inhibited. What if you let your realtionships develop with people whose company you enjoy then they may introduce you to people who may introduce yuo to people, and who knows who you might meet.

You have received advice of this type a million times but it seems like you are obsessed with the idea of going 'on the pull'. Look it ain't going to happen, you're obviously not the pulling sort, but that doesn't mean that you won't meet any one if you stop inhibiting your general social life and devote time to getting to know people rather than just seeing girls and trying to pull them.

You really need to develop wider relationships with people and women, man. Everything you say says "I see girls..." well, women are more than just a visual image you know, and you won't egt anywhere if the only way you get to know women is by looking at them in a bar.

The sooner that you get into your head that going on the pull isn't going to help you the better off you will be. You might even be relieved that you don't have to go through with the charade every week anymore.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Yes i am a member of both an amateur drama and a creative writing group.

In both cases most other members are 50+ and in some cases well into their 70s. I just don't think they (or their wives) would fancy the idea of them going out downtown on a fri/sat night 'on the pull' or even helping me. Besides, would it really create a good impression being seen with people old enough to be the girls grandparents in some cases.

I agree if I could be part of a group of young unattached men of about my age or younger (I'm 34) then it may be helpful but I just don't know any suitable males of this age.

Stop thinking about image and what they look like and what you look like and get to KNOW people (men and women)! And by the way a group of unattched men in their 30's out on the pull is very unappealing indeed.

The best way to meet girls is to get introduced to them by someone they already know - and the only way you're going to do this is to widen your circle of friends!

Join more clubs! There must be dozens of drama groups in sheffield. Try some of the other university clubs - its perfect, you get to try something new, meet some new people and if you dont like it (or them) just drop it like a hot potato and try something else.

Also, don't mean to be rude, but your desperation to find a girlfriend is probably rather creepy to the female forummers reading this thread - they're almost certainly avoiding champs and empire now just in case.

Its a numbers game mate - thats all! You have to spread yourself about a bit to stand a chance of meeting someone special.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I tried the speed dating night a few weeks back but didn't get any matches.

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

The good thing about speed dating (and perhaps bars) is they are less of a commitment and it is more likely that the women there are there to meet someone.

OK third post in a row. Only really just found this thread and read it with interest.

1/ what are you actually interested in, yourself? What stokes your passion? What do YOU like doing?

2/ Are you really that lazy? Less commitment? It sounds like throughout this thread that you just can't ACTUALLY be arsed to do anything other than sit in a bar (getting drunk?) by yourself and hoping something lands in your lap. Well, life takes effort and so far I see very little from you. OK you went speed dating once, but gave up because you didn't get any matches. Did you enjoy it? Why not go again?

3/ If you really can't be arsed to put the effort in, you might as well just get a mail order bride in and hey at least you can order one that looks pretty. That is fairly analogous to your approach 'on the pull'.

/pep talk over

(wonders of that was the right tone or not, but to be honest you seem to be rather persistent in ignoring 99% of the advice in this thread, so there you go)

Originally posted by Edd
The best way to meet girls is to get introduced to them by someone they already know - and the only way you're going to do this is to widen your circle of friends!



this looks like the best advice man.. worked 4 me ages ago, also depends what sorta relationship ur after?

Originally posted by theflyingfish
And by the way a group of unattched men in their 30's out on the pull is very unappealing indeed.

Why? Could you explain please.

I don't want to give the impression that I only have one aim in life which is to get a girlfriend. I do socialise with people on a more general basis already and have done for some time - although I have never found that this has been a way to get a girlfriend. I don't do it for that reason though - I do it because I like it for its own sake.

I have taken an interest in girls in the drama group but they haven't been interested in me. In fact some seem positively repulsed by me, including a girl who is very friendly and kind to everyone else).

I will try speed dating again but the next event at Uni (there could be others elsewhere) isn't until autumn.

The fact is I do already have hobbies and interets and to just go from one to the other in the hope of meeting a girl seems a rather costly and silly thing to do. It would be different if I wanted to take up a new hobby for its own sake but I already have one.

I do welcome any advice but I get the impression from reading between the lines that some people are saying forget about girls and throw yourself into various activities instead. The fact is I want a girlfriend (not an unreasonable desire I feel) and substituting this with a new hobby is not what I am wanting to do.

This was never intended to be a thread which said that going to bars was the only way to meet girls; rather a thread which tried to discover if some bars arwe better for this purpose than others.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? Could you explain please.

I don't want to give the impression that I only have one aim in life which is to get a girlfriend. I do socialise with people on a more general basis already and have done for some time - although I have never found that this has been a way to get a girlfriend. I don't do it for that reason though - i do it because I like it for its own sake.

This was never intended to be a thread which said that going to bars was the only way to meet girls; rather a thread which tried to discover if some bars arwe better for this purpose than others.

You're kidding? Groups of men out alone usually have a quality of neanderthal hunter gatherers about them, and desparation if they are a little bit older. Even if you aren't all drunk, a group will have pased through earlier that was and was obnoxious with it. You will be tarred with the same brush. It doesn't look good. Few women will approach a huge group of men like this and I guarantee it 99% of the time they go home alone, dpesite all the testostorone fueklled talk.

The answer to your question will be the bar you like best and are happiest in. I for one would HATE both those bars with a passion (I know this without even stepping inside), but quite like trippets for instance. What if someone said that a punk club or classical music concerts or a latin night were bets, would you roll on up regardless of what you though of the atmosphere, music etc?

Originally posted by theflyingfish
You're kidding? Groups of men out alone usually have a quality of neanderthal hunter gatherers about them, and desparation if they are a little bit older. Even if you aren't all drunk, a group will have pased through earlier that was and was obnoxious with it. You will be tarred with the same brush. It doesn't look good. Few women will approach a huge group of men like this and I guarantee it 99% of the time they go home alone, dpesite all the testostorone fueklled talk.

The answer to your question will be the bar you like best and are happiest in. I for one would HATE both those bars with a passion (I know this without even stepping inside), but quite like trippets for instance. What if someone said that a punk club or classical music concerts or a latin night were bets, would you roll on up regardless of what you though of the atmosphere, music etc?

Probably (although I'm not sure about punk). The fact is I go out for the girls not the music.

I know what you mean about gangs of drunken men and that wasn't really what I had in mind. Personally I don't drink but just have a coke. I would prefer to be with just one other (sober) man than a drunken mob.

Talking of Latin American music are Salsa bars good places to meet girls? Are there any in Sheffield?

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

Ugh! Idiot!

;)

At the risk of repeating other posters...

Bars are not the answer. A single male in his mid-thirties, standing by the bar all night, is (rightly or wrongly) automatically viewed as being unapproachable.

I think you need to stop obsessing over and objectifying females so much, because it's obviously doing you no favours. Join some clubs/societies, get interested in meeting people and finding out what they have to say, and do, and just try and make friends with some girls on a non-threatening level.

Just loosen up, relax, enjoy life, enjoy people, and you'll find that they are drawn to you.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact some seem positively repulsed by me, including a girl who is very friendly and kind to everyone else).

Why do you think that is the case? I'm curious. You have some idea at least.

Originally posted by TracieJC
Why do you think that is the case? I'm curious. You have some idea at least.

I'm not sure I do. I have tried to be friendly with her, and not in a sexual way. I don't think of her like that but just notice that she is a generally nice girl but for whatever reason she took a major dislike to me. :confused:

...............................................

Originally posted by sarah_d
(quote)On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls.(quote)

It's this attitude that probably puts girls off - you make them sound like a toy that you want for Christmas,which everyone else has got but you haven't.

exactly, isn't it better to know the person your going out with, rather than just know them from the outside.
Beauty is within after all :)

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

I was quoting from Napolean Dynamite - fun, quirky little film. Invite a girl round and watch it :P
(Further use of humour, with smiley attached again to indicate that my last comment was tongue in cheek)

On a more serious note, I agree that you'll have more chance of meeting a girlfriend by increasing your number of other mates. I reckon that 'friend of a friend' is the best way of meeting someone.

Sid-

Why not go the forum meets? It seems like a good way of getting out of the house and widening your social circle innit?

Originally posted by slimsid2000

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

Have you thought about counselling to try and work out what your problem really is?

Both universities offer services

Hallam (http://www.shu.ac.uk/services/ssc/counselling/)

University (http://www.shef.ac.uk/counselling/index.html)

My partner has just suggested you forget bars and the whole dating idea and go travelling for a bit. A change of scenery may broaden your horizons and you may meet allsorts of fantastic people.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Probably (although I'm not sure about punk). The fact is I go out for the girls not the music.

I know what you mean about gangs of drunken men and that wasn't really what I had in mind. Personally I don't drink but just have a coke. I would prefer to be with just one other (sober) man than a drunken mob.

Talking of Latin American music are Salsa bars good places to meet girls? Are there any in Sheffield?

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

The attitude of going out for the girls and not the music is almost certainly contributing to the problem.
Girls are (generally) out for a good time, listen to the music, chat with their friends, have a dance.
They certainly aren't all single, so some of them are not interested in any approach as they have a partner out elsewhere or at home.
The ones that are single aren't there to be stared at, judged, or drooled over.
The single ones might be open to some sort of approach, but it's not going to be some cheesy chat up line or a quick grope.
In terms of guys out in a bar, the most success i've seen has been out as a pair, talking to a pair of girls. I have permission to talk to girls with the aim of helping my single mate out.
I guess two guys are far less threatening than a whole group of them, and two girls are exactly the same and provides a nice match.

Finally, unless you are an incredibly outgoing guy (which i think we can rule out) for godsakes have a drink, it will help you relax, which will be exactly what you need to do.

I think you need to try less.

There is nothing more appelling than someone having a good time (obviously not drunk out of there head though).

If you are just looking round the room, looking for a lass, no one will notice you. If you are having a laugh with a small group, you will probably get noticed more.

If you go out looking to pull, it usually wont happen.

Relax and enjoy yourself :thumbsup:

If you don't drink no wonder you have a bad time in bars - Empire is terrible sober (not that I'd know with the cocktail jugs they do in there).

Take up boozing my man!!

The last three lasses Ive been out with i met a) Leathered at the Leadmill b) Leathered at the Casbah and c) Leathered at a house warming party.

(I did know (b) beforehand cos I worked with her.)

Do you see a pattern Sid? If you wanna get your sen round town a couple of Uri Geller's* will do you proud. Know your limits mind- incoherent ain't sexy :)

*stella artois

Unlike Slim I don't want a girlfriend.

I am in the process of splitting up with my wife, been married 13 years. I can't wait to have some time on my own, do what I want when I want. The last thing on my mind is getting tangled up again.

Genuinely looking forward to being single again.....

Originally posted by BigJ
Unlike Slim I don't want a girlfriend.

I am in the process of splitting up with my wife, been married 13 years. I can't wait to have some time on my own, do what I want when I want. The last thing on my mind is getting tangled up again.

Genuinely looking forward to being single again.....

In that case I practically guarentee you will get a girlfriend before Slim!

In that case I practically guarentee you will get a girlfriend before Slim! [/QUOTE]

I think you might have hit the nail on the head there pal!!!

Unfortunately I can't drink even if I wanted to as I am on long term medication and it clearly states on the packet 'No Alcohol'. I have tried drinking (beer) in the past but couldn't take to the bitter taste of it and so gave up on it. I also like to be fully alert when down town as I feel you need your wits about you for safety as much as anything.

That said, if girls see a man drinking a soft drink would they in general hold this against him or might they be impressed that he is not just another drunken yob? This is a genuine question which I don't know the answer to.

They wouldnt know that its a soft drink for all they know it could have vodka or Jds in it! Do you actually enjoy going to town or do you just go to pick up women?

I doubt they take much interest in what they see someone drinking.
But the depressant effects of alchohol (on your social inhibitions) make you a lot more relaxed and less uptight, which comes through as appearing more confident and probably more approachable.

It probably doesn't help if you are actually worried about your safety as well, you must look really weird out in town in an evening.

I guess you tried drinking bitter? Call me silly, but why didn't you try any other drinks, or just stick with it until you can claim you like the taste (i'm sure that's what most men do, and one day it's actually true).

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Unfortunately I can't drink even if I wanted to as I am on long term medication and it clearly states on the packet 'No Alcohol'. I have tried drinking (beer) in the past but couldn't take to the bitter taste of it and so gave up on it. I also like to be fully alert when down town as I feel you need your wits about you for safety as much as anything.

That said, if girls see a man drinking a soft drink would they in general hold this against him or might they be impressed that he is not just another drunken yob? This is a genuine question which I don't know the answer to.

you need to stop analysing so much, take life as it comes. No point in over reacting about everything, you'll drive your self into an early grave!

sorry but is it just me addicted to this post?

I wouldn't say what you are drinking makes a difference, unless its in a luminous glass or you hold it funny or something....If a lass is gonna go for you, saying "Mines a Tizer" won't put her off.

Its a shame about the boozin though- i suppose what I was getting at is loosen up man!! And a few drinks helps most folk do exactly that. Then you're having a good time, enjoying being out and whether you "pull" or not ... well it don't matter cos it was a laugh.

Oh well, back to the drawing board......... If you don't like smokin either thats my next idea a goner as well.

Safety? I don't keep my wits about me in the slightest and I ain't been beaten to a pulp (yet). I tend not to run my mouth off and go looking for bother (like a good karate-ka) so I don't find any. Don't worry about town matey, it ain't the combat arena some folk would make out it is :)

Its nothing to do with what the bar is...where it is...what it serves....or the sort of people in it. As others suggest it comes down to yourself.....and only you can make things happen. Being in a bar crammed full of girls is no different to being in a dead bar with 1 girl in it if you have no self confidence.......take it from me it doesnt matter where or when or how.....you simply believe in yourself and you can meet girls in any place or situation.

Its all down to how you feel about yourself and believing in your abilities. Some of the best girlfriends I have had I have met in non pub situations such as Tesco's, the Central library local archives, Coffee Revolution, an MOT testing centre..to name but 4. It doesnt follow that you meet the women of your dreams in bars and clubs.......they are just full of members of the opposite sex, and so the odds seem more stacked in your favour....but ONLY if you have the confidence to get their attention and be noticed.......and this does NOT mean walking up to random girls and whipping out the horrible one-liners and chat up routines found on the internet, most of whci hare cringingly terrifying to listen to (Women, agree with me here, most men I am sure still do come out with the most horrible and uninvited chat up lines?)

The golden rule which has always worked for me, in ANY situation at ANY time, is never approach a women unless you get prolonged eye contact and a smile......to do otherwise is usually a mistake. See it all the time in places like Casbah and Flares, men approaching women without any eye contact or body language 'permission' to approach them, coming out with stupid "whats a nice girl like you..." etc and "heaven must be missing an angel and here you are", and to see the girls faces is so funny.....and the guys STILL dont get it when they are rejected. Its a painful lesson chaps......learn it young....women dont care if you are interested in them or not, the ONLY thing that matters to them is if they are interested in YOU (for the first approach I mean)

Goldenfleece,

I think you have summed this whole thread up in one post

I salute you sir

Sid - listen to this the boy knows what he's on about

Slimsid2000 - this is such an addictive thread.....

When you go out to the bars do you go on your own or in a big group or with just a couple of mates?

Asking this because if you are alone then sorry mate but to alot of girls that would seem a little obvious you are on the pull or really desperate - and neither are an attractive option to most of us girls.

If in a big group are you getting lost in the crowd?

Don't try too hard. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who looks like he is having a good time and lots of fun - that does not mean 6 pints of Stella.

Read in the Sheff Telegraph Greens Health Club are having a speed dating night soon, might be worth checking out.

Originally posted by slimsid2000

That said, if girls see a man drinking a soft drink would they in general hold this against him or might they be impressed that he is not just another drunken yob? This is a genuine question which I don't know the answer to.

Once again, you are generalising that females are all the same and think in the same way. I can't help but get around the impression that you see women as objects and little else.

You may just see a girlfriend as a way of filling a gap in your life. I know that I would prefer to be lonely than be with someone just for the sake of it. Which is why I'm not spending all of my time looking. I'd prefer to enjoy the other aspects of my life and spend time with friends than waste time looking. Maybe one day I'll find the person that I feel right with, maybe I won't. But, I'm not going to be ignorant to the other things in my life that make me happy. That would be an awful waste of the life that I am so grateful for having.

Originally posted by goldenfleece
Its nothing to do with what the bar is...where it is...what it serves....or the sort of people in it. As others suggest it comes down to yourself.....and only you can make things happen. Being in a bar crammed full of girls is no different to being in a dead bar with 1 girl in it if you have no self confidence.......take it from me it doesnt matter where or when or how.....you simply believe in yourself and you can meet girls in any place or situation.

Its all down to how you feel about yourself and believing in your abilities. Some of the best girlfriends I have had I have met in non pub situations such as Tesco's, the Central library local archives, Coffee Revolution, an MOT testing centre..to name but 4. It doesnt follow that you meet the women of your dreams in bars and clubs.......they are just full of members of the opposite sex, and so the odds seem more stacked in your favour....but ONLY if you have the confidence to get their attention and be noticed.......and this does NOT mean walking up to random girls and whipping out the horrible one-liners and chat up routines found on the internet, most of whci hare cringingly terrifying to listen to (Women, agree with me here, most men I am sure still do come out with the most horrible and uninvited chat up lines?)

The golden rule which has always worked for me, in ANY situation at ANY time, is never approach a women unless you get prolonged eye contact and a smile......to do otherwise is usually a mistake. See it all the time in places like Casbah and Flares, men approaching women without any eye contact or body language 'permission' to approach them, coming out with stupid "whats a nice girl like you..." etc and "heaven must be missing an angel and here you are", and to see the girls faces is so funny.....and the guys STILL dont get it when they are rejected. Its a painful lesson chaps......learn it young....women dont care if you are interested in them or not, the ONLY thing that matters to them is if they are interested in YOU (for the first approach I mean)

I think there is a lot of sense in what you say and as with much of the advice on this thread I will bare it in mind for future reference.

Originally posted by samc
Slimsid2000 - this is such an addictive thread.....

When you go out to the bars do you go on your own or in a big group or with just a couple of mates?

Asking this because if you are alone then sorry mate but to alot of girls that would seem a little obvious you are on the pull or really desperate - and neither are an attractive option to most of us girls.

If in a big group are you getting lost in the crowd?

Don't try too hard. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who looks like he is having a good time and lots of fun - that does not mean 6 pints of Stella.

Read in the Sheff Telegraph Greens Health Club are having a speed dating night soon, might be worth checking out.

6 is just warming up surely?

Also bear in mind if you maybe ain't all that looks and / or style wise.....

Beer goggles works both ways!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

Sid,

I have a feeling that this is a waste of time me typing this, and you won't listen to what I'm saying anyway, but i'll carry on regardless...

Having read (and been fascinated) by both threads, the thing I think is most evident is that you need to gain PEOPLE skills, not just pulling skills.
By people skills, I mean interaction with both men AND women. As has been pointed out a thousand times on this thread, you do seem completely pre-occupied with the whole "having a girlfriend" thing. While I can fully appreciate this is a major thing for you, it is also clearly hampering your future "efforts" to impress the opposite sex.

The reason I say this is because you mentioned you once asked someone on your course at Uni to go out for a drink to "meet girls". I'm sorry, but if someone I didn't really know that much asked me to go out on the pull, I would say no straight away.

I think you also seem to be under the impression that guys who are attached also never want to socialise with single people (judging by your past history that may be a fair assumption for you to make). This could not be further from the truth. I think you need to make friends with members of both sexes to understand how PEOPLE work. When you do that, you would find it easier to make friends with people, and find it easier to interact, and make people want to spend time with you.

Someone earlier in the thread said it was a numbers game. This is the best point on the thread; the more people you know, the more people they know, and the more people you are likely to be introduced to. Do you not see that? You seem to be dismissing the idea of making friends with attached men, simply because they would spoil your chances on a Friday night. This is the most short-sighted thing you could do - think of the long game. People know people who know people etc, etc get my drift?

Don't try too hard. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who looks like he is having a good time and lots of fun - that does not mean 6 pints of Stella. [/B]


TOTALLY AGREE! As someone who likes watching others in various social situations it is ALWAYS the guys who look like they are having fun and might be fun to be with that get female attention. If you just stand there looking hopeful you just vanish into the background and may as well not be there at all. The mating game for humans is pretty much the same as for most animals (not including certain species of fish and the Black Widow spider!!)), those who PARADE themselves and show total self confidence without being 'show-offs'... are the guys who get the girls....every time.

Just watch certain types of men 'at work' in the Casbah/Leadmill/Mingdom... and you will see what i mean.......they know exactly what the rules are and how to play the game of love. Not all of them, some are still stuck with 70's chat up lines and trying to impress girls by drinking 15 pints of Carlsberg.....(WHY????)

but some have got it down to a fine art. Go to the Leadmill and lookat the guys the girls are crowding round or smiling at......there is a reason for it.


And its NOTHING....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with looks!!!! Its purely about emanating a certain type of magnetism and confidence. Maybe I should write a book here.....

Hi Slim,

My first post by the way!

It seems to me as though you go out for just one thing, not sex but to find your "perfect match"...

Trust me, I went through a phase like that when I was in my late teens (first time clubbing and all). This attitude gets you nowhere i'm afraid. If you meet a girl in a bar or club she is'nt going to like someone banging on about how they are lonely or are just very serious...

Usually people in bars/clubs are drunk, or merry.... So try to make a girl laugh when you talk to her. I'm no expert but I get far more success when I make people laugh. Like other people say just be friendly. Its commonly thought of that women are more likely to get attached quickly than a man. Become friends only to start with, keep seeing her and make her laugh again but be serious when she is. Don't just talk about yourself and take interest in what she is saying, if you are very keen try and get interested in things she likes...

I was'nt looking when I met my first serious girlfriend. I was 18 and we was together for 3 years.

So after babling on for god knows how long, apart from falling asleep you should take from me that its best to be friendly and funny. You will usually end up with something at the end of the night, even if its just a friendly kiss and a mobile number.

Good luck mate!

As for your poll, there is'nt such things as best bars. If they were then all the single people would go there all the time!

what's the latest on this then ss2k?

Originally posted by Cyclone
what's the latest on this then ss2k?
latest? there will be a 'latest' but they'll be no developments

Yeah c'mon Sid - how've you been getting on pal?

Originally posted by cheet1889
It sounds to me like, and no disrespect intended you lack self confidence, standing and starring is no way forward, try starting a conversation if you get the cold shoulder then fair enough, but if you don't try then you will never succeed.

As for the comments about bars not been the right place to meet a potential partner, what are your suggestions then ? if work is a no go then social events are really the only opportunity for a single male/female

I think you might find that if you use Rohipnol you might have more success with ladies.

Give it a whirl. I bet she won't be able to say no (that's the idea)

If I were you I would start with the 21 year old german student you seem to have padding around your house!!

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&postid=426002#post426002

Originally posted by sammyBoy
If I were you I would start with the 21 year old german student you seem to have padding around your house!!

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&postid=426002#post426002

:confused: eh? Sid, are you in fact called Maria?

Originally posted by Andy78
:confused: eh? Sid, are you in fact called Maria?

hmmm that's strange....

Originally posted by Bedhead
hmmm that's strange....

This thread is just getting weirder and weirder.

Originally posted by sammyBoy
If I were you I would start with the 21 year old german student you seem to have padding around your house!!

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&postid=426002#post426002

How did that happen. Someone else has been making posts using my name.

I think it must be at Sheffield Uni as all their computers are shared.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
How did that happen. Someone else has been making posts using my name.

I think it must be at Sheffield Uni as all their computers are shared.

Maybe you didnt log out or something...

Originally posted by tim_rutter
Maybe you didnt log out or something...

Either that or you seriously need to see a psychiatrist about your dissociative personality disorder.

Even if you log out it is still possible to get onto Sheffield Forum under someone else's name because it is a shared system. The computers automatically store the last few website addresses and you can just click on it.

It is a loophole in the system. I don't know what can be done about it but I have noticed it before.

Click on 'Logout' before you leave the computer.

<<<<<<<<< it's over here.

Not rocket science, really...

Forget the stray postings for now....

Can we please get back to the point of this post slimsid2000 - what's happening??

Have you discovered any excellent pulling bars or have you decided to take another approach after all the advice everyone has offered you?
:)

Nothing has happened as yet. I only go out to bars once every few weeks anyway.

I think the next time I go out I will perhaps not bother with Empire but maybe go to Champs and perhaps one other on Ecclesall Road and observe. I may try making eye contact with a girl or two and see what happens.

i like the idea someone mentioned about dancing with girls who are dancing sexily near me but this is more for Empire which i will probably try the time after that.

I hope to go to another speed dating event sometime in the autumn.

I will continue to review all other options.

Someone will have probably mentioned this earlier but if dancing is an option you are interested in then what about salsa dancing? There is often a shortage of guys taking part so you should be popular!

I went with some mates to the one at the Forum last year - dunno if it is still going but was a great laugh and everyone hung around at the bar chatting after. Looked like a fun way to meet new people.

ooh just so many options for you! Have fun.

Thanks.

Yes, Salsa dancing is one of the options which I will be considering.

Slimsid,

This is your "to do" list.

1. Go with a prostitute. After 34 years you can't wait any longer. It's an obsticle you need to get over in order for you to "relax" a little around women (although you are not to bring this up in conversation with women).

2. Go and get a trendy haircut.

3. Go and buy some trendy clothes... you know, the sort you don't like.

4. Start drinking. In the unlikely event that you ever do talk to a girl it is unlikely that "I don't drink because I'm on medication and I don't like the taste anyway" will go down well. I don't care that you don't like it... DO IT! I suggest you practice a bit at home before trying it in a "live pulling environment" as excessive dribbling is also a bad thing.

5. Get some mates. A man in a bar on his own, who doesn't like booze or the music and is just "observing" will be viewed as a weirdo. You can go to evening classes etc on your own but going to a bar on your own without looking like a weirdo requires a level of confidence you clearly do not possess.

6. Practice nodding you head in the bar i.e. as if you are enjoying yourself and not there just to nonce.

7. Never, I repeat NEVER, try to pull a girl by dancing with them. You can't dance and neither I nor anyone else on here needs to see it to know it.

8. Nver admit to never having kissed or sh*gged a girl (once you have been with your pro it won't even be a lie).

9. Never go out with a "loaded gun" (see Something About Mary if explanation required) as it makes you more desparate.


Try the above and report back.

Slimsid isn't the only fella in his position. There must be thousands in his position up and down the country, and like him going the wrong way about it (as all of us will have done at some point in our lives). But he shouldn't have to take flak or cruel jibes because of his inability to get a woman, and it can't be a pleasant experience for him to make an instant enemy out of every woman he meets, especially as he's probably a decent fellah at heart, and a damned sight better than many a fellah who pull women like rabbits out of a hat - especially the jack the lads of this world, and one of the unfairnesses of the game of love seems to be the fact that so many women land with a fellah who beats them black and blue - the overflowing battered wives refuges up and down the country are proof of this - and very often one of the Slimsids of this world will have been brushed aside to make way for that sort of thug.

All too often, women seem to think the best men are the loud and aggressive types, and the shyer ones, of which Slimsid is one aren't worth bothering about, or are objects for hurling abuse at. And I notice that Zamo mentioned the clientele who see someone on their own in a bar as a weirdo, but who are the vast majority of the clientele to judge someone else, when they're probably nobodies themselves, and some of those who view others as weirdoes are far from perfect themselves. All too often, I hear people boast about being arrested, appearing in court, fined or being sent to prison, as if they've done something great? Are these sorts seriously better than the Slimsids of this world? Because many people seem to treat them as if they are. And some of these wrongdoing boasters will have the gall to cast judgement on the Slimsids and call them weirdoes, when all they are are criminally-minded scum.

But as for Slimsid, concentrate on your course and your future career ambitions, forget the girls, widen your circle of friends, move away if you have to once graduating (might not be a bad idea because Sheffield doesn't seem to be doing much for you), and I'm sure that with a career behind you, you'll eventually get to know a far better class of girl than the sort you've been used to getting knocked back by.

not to defend the sorts of people you're talking about, but it is a bit odd to go and sit in a bar on your own, especially if you're the shy type.

Just depends when you're in the bar. During the day, maybe no problem, but in the evening there's no way I would want to be in a bar on my own.

Originally posted by firecracker
But as for Slimsid, concentrate on your course and your future career ambitions, forget the girls, widen your circle of friends, move away if you have to once graduating (might not be a bad idea because Sheffield doesn't seem to be doing much for you), and I'm sure that with a career behind you, you'll eventually get to know a far better class of girl than the sort you've been used to getting knocked back by.

Absolutely sparkling advice there ...

Forget the ladies slimsid. Develop yourelf. Your fitness. Your career. Your other interests.

I'd certainly recommend forgetting women altogether and putting all your time and energy in to developing yourself, both professionaly and as a person.

You'll find that in no time, you will be very happy with yourself, have pride in yourself and your achievements, and women will be hunting you down (not the other way around).

In short. Make yourself such a good catch, that women pursue you. Never pursue the woman.

slim post a link to ur pic on hotornot :D

Originally posted by firecracker

And I notice that Zamo mentioned the clientele who see someone on their own in a bar as a weirdo, but who are the vast majority of the clientele to judge someone else, when they're probably nobodies themselves, and some of those who view others as weirdoes are far from perfect themselves.

They are the people that Slim is looking to find a girlfriend from. Therefore, whether you like it or not, their impressions count.

My post might have sounded like a p*ss take but I actually meant every bit of it!

The only other positive bit of advice I could give would be to go for the real porkers. fat birds are always grateful. ;)

You may dismiss this idea completely (and I haven't yet read this entire thread) but have you tried joining some of the online dating sites and finding someone that way? They're not all desperate crazies and you can meet some really nice people online. I met met my current partner online almost exactly a year ago and we're now happily living together.

If you can put across an interesting and friendly conversation and don't start asking her boob size or favourite sexual position then you may find some female friends that way. I've met a few girls online this way and as long as you're pleasant, friendly, have a good sense of humour and don't come on too strong then you should be able to get a few good contacts. If you want info on some decent online dating sites then pm me.

Cheers

P

Originally posted by slimsid2000


On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls..

Its frustrating for most single men.

Seriously,

the best way of meeting girls you want to have a relationship with is to go out in a group. I don't mean a 10 drunken lads group but a small and preferably mixed group. You are at uni. Why not ask everyone if they fancy going for a drink after a class? We used to go out regularly after lectures/classes to the pub. Thats how we got to know wach other and that's how you make the majority of friends.

Your best chances of meeting someone is through friends/socialising. Why do these people you go out with have to be single? The point is you go out with a group of people. You can get talking to girls without the sole intention of pulling them you know

As said before if you go out with the sole intention of pulling you will never have any chance of success and all that could be hoped for would be a very drunk girl.

Are there any good bars that have a slightly older clientel than Empire where I would stand a better chance?

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Are there any good bars that have a slightly older clientel than Empire where I would stand a better chance?

Banus!!!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Are there any good bars that have a slightly older clientel than Empire where I would stand a better chance?

Bar Matrix

You could always try Brannigans at Centertainment. I worked in the Blackpool and the Sheffield one and it always seemed to attract mid 20s to mid 40s. Not too many kids in there from what I remember.

Best of luck

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Are there any good bars that have a slightly older clientel than Empire where I would stand a better chance?

whatever Bar Continental is called now, Yates,

and I here the average age in Trippets seems to rise dramaticly on a Wednesday night :D

:confused: Hmmmmm, best bar to pull?? I'd say Takapuna or Bar One @ student union - LOL. Best bar to meet a girlfriend? I dunno!! Where is Empire?

After reading the whole thread i'm concerned i may be turning into slimsid (sorry pal, no offence!)

Seriously, 6 weeks ago i came out of a 5 year relationship and nothing has happened, where as when i was engaged i always seemed be able to pull, example VERY nice girl comes up to me and starts talking when i'm stood talking to my ex...if only i knew what would happen...

Anyway, since being single i go to corp every saturday...not to pull (though it would be a bonus :bigsmile: ) but just to enjoy myself with the music.

Now i'm no greek god but i'm not ugly...at least that's what my mum says! but now that i'm single everything is a different ball game...not a sniff :confused:

Only been single 6 weeks but what happens if its the same in 6 months :shakes: :help:

My head is becoming more clearer, if you know what i mean and i'm the sort of person that when it happens, it will happen when i least expect it but after everything has been said about bloke on their own in pubs/clubs...will i always fail???? Should i be concerned????

Oh well, time will tell...maybe i should stop wearing slayer t-shirts and something less intense...

Hope everything works out sid, sorry about the long message folks :smile:

Originally posted by RobT

Seriously, 6 weeks ago i came out of a 5 year relationship and nothing has happened, where as when i was engaged i always seemed be able to pull, example VERY nice girl comes up to me and starts talking when i'm stood talking to my ex...if only i knew what would happen...

I think after a 5 year relationship, 6 weeks is really a bit early to be getting worried.

And, yes, most people do find themselves more attractive to the opposite sex (or their chosen preference) when they are attached. You just need to work out how you are behaving that is different (this is a lot easier said than done, there's not many people that can do it)

To be honest it may be more worrying if you were ready to jump straight into another relationship so soon. Give it some time, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you - this kind of stuff is difficult for most people - we are all amatuers at this kind of stuff.

lol, not too worried yet!! nice to have some fun, if you know what i mean but not losing any sleep over being single

one with the best beer..................goggles?

Originally posted by RobT

Only been single 6 weeks but what happens if its the same in 6 months...
Thinking how irritating your post must have been to sid made me laugh :clap:
Don't think you need to worry too much as you've obv had a lot of experience of being in a relationship.

Might be about time someone organised an 'alternative meet' for Saturday nights at Corp - been too long since I've been.

Originally posted by SilentStatic

Might be about time someone organised an 'alternative meet' for Saturday nights at Corp - been too long since I've been.

I second that!!

Where is Banus and Mar Matrix please?

banus is across from kingdom and matrix is next to grosvenor hotel down moor...

"but maybe go to Champs and perhaps one other on Ecclesall Road and observe" & "i like the idea someone mentioned about dancing with girls who are dancing sexily near me"..... PMSL......how creepy, look out girls! :help:


Originally posted by slimsid2000
Nothing has happened as yet. I only go out to bars once every few weeks anyway.

I think the next time I go out I will perhaps not bother with Empire but maybe go to Champs and perhaps one other on Ecclesall Road and observe. I may try making eye contact with a girl or two and see what happens.

i like the idea someone mentioned about dancing with girls who are dancing sexily near me but this is more for Empire which i will probably try the time after that.

I hope to go to another speed dating event sometime in the autumn.

I will continue to review all other options.

perhaps...

fat+ugly+old would increase chance 3 fold.... :heyhey:

Originally posted by Zamo
They are the people that Slim is looking to find a girlfriend from. Therefore, whether you like it or not, their impressions count.

My post might have sounded like a p*ss take but I actually meant every bit of it!

The only other positive bit of advice I could give would be to go for the real porkers. fat birds are always grateful. ;)

There have been occasions in the past of girls coming and sitting near me in bars/clubs but without talking to me. Do people think that in a situation like this it would be a good idea for me to start talking to them?

Views welcome.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
There have been occasions in the past of girls coming and sitting near me in bars/clubs but without talking to me. Do people think that in a situation like this it would be a good idea for me to start talking to them?

Views welcome.

well yeah, deffo, that is if your in the mood of course

Do people feel that by sitting near me the girls are trying to send a signal to me that they may be interesed, or are they just finding somewhere to sit?

All depends on eye contact mate.

No EC "look theres a spare seat"

EC "Lets sit there and see if he says owt"

Option 1) you'll probly get the cold shoulder
Option 2) get in there!!!!

Thanks Safia, that makes it a little clearer.

Ten years ago I was in Uropa early on, when it was almost empty. A couple of girls came and sat near me even though there were plenty of free seats in the club. One of them was wearing a short skirt and sat down with her legs crossed and a lot of thigh exposed.

Neither of them spoke to me or even made that much eye contact but I have often wondered if it could have been a signal for me to start talking to them. I suppose I like to flatter myself that it was but I have never known one way or the other.

Sid

The short skirt etc dont mean owt - loads of lasses go out like that and it means absolutely nothing about there "availabilty" (sorry ladies I couldnt think of a better word there :( ) You gotta stop thinking like that.

I find, like most things in life, its best to err on the side of optimism.

In my experience you are expected to make the first move as a bloke (tho there have been one or two exceptions :D) so if in doubt lean over and say summat daft (though NOT a cheesy chat up line).

I've found this fails more than it works (Brad Pitt i ain't) but relentless cheery optimism always wins in the end :thumbsup:

I have tried this lean over and say something technique many times - I'm normally a witty fella - but when I try to talk to some "bird" in a club I generally blurt out something dreadful that is received with a smirk. I think its an automatic reflex that I will just have to put up with. I have basically given up trying. Some people are born with charm, some are not. :)
I find I have more success by getting out and meeting people!

Slimsid. Do you ever go out and meet people?

In what context do you mean.

I am a member of a drama group for example and also a uni student.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In what context do you mean.

I am a member of a drama group for example and also a uni student.

Exactly that! Have you not met any girls in these places who you like? No good sitting on a stool in a bar, better to go out with people you have met in, say, your drama group and who you know a bit. Then, because you have something in common, starting a conversation is easy.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that almost none of my friends who are in relationships met as a result of chatting someone up in a bar. They all met through situation - whether living in the same halls of residence or being on the same course or just joining the same club.

:help:


Originally posted by slimsid2000
Thanks Safia, that makes it a little clearer.

Ten years ago I was in Uropa early on, when it was almost empty. A couple of girls came and sat near me even though there were plenty of free seats in the club. One of them was wearing a short skirt and sat down with her legs crossed and a lot of thigh exposed.

Neither of them spoke to me or even made that much eye contact but I have often wondered if it could have been a signal for me to start talking to them. I suppose I like to flatter myself that it was but I have never known one way or the other.

Originally posted by BertieBasset
:help:

:hihi:

I do sometimes wonder if this guy is for real...

would be a night of entertainment watching you in action, with your own narration to supplement it....

i'd love to see him trying to pull.... :hihi:

Originally posted by tim_rutter
:hihi:

I do sometimes wonder if this guy is for real...

The more I read, the more scared I get. This is either a great big wind up, or someone with serious issues.

Originally posted by TheWatcher
The more I read, the more scared I get. This is either a great big wind up, or someone with serious issues.

Either way he needs to get out more...:hihi:

I think the girls would feel happier if he stayed in more.... :gag:

Originally posted by tim_rutter
Either way he needs to get out more...:hihi:

We need to amalgamate all these threads into the "Slimsids Love Life Megathread - Discuss it here"

but of course it;s all a wind-up

i mean - '10 years ago i saw a girl who may have showed me a bit of leg', could have been the start of somethng magical oh how i rue that day blahblahblah etcetc

edit: contributors own words to add emphasis :D

if you're 34 Sid, realistically what kind of girls, age, looks, background etc are you after?

Once you know this it would be better to frequent some bars at the expense of others...

Also what do you think are your most appealing aspects to the opposite sex?

I would say a 34 year old bloke will struggle to pull in town as it's generally a younger crowd...best advice may be "set your standards low and be prepared to drop them...." :hihi:

Originally posted by Bedhead
but of course it;s all a wind-up

i mean - '10 years ago i saw a girl who may have showed me a bit of leg', could have been the start of somethng magical oh how i rue that day blahblahblah etcetc

edit: contributors own words to add emphasis :D

I was actually in Champs on Friday. Lots of very nice well done up ladies. However, they were mostly late teens/early 20 and the "you're fit and don't you know it" types.

Maybe another 0 on the salary, a jag and a trendy flat and you'll be well away:D

Originally posted by tim_rutter
Exactly that! Have you not met any girls in these places who you like? No good sitting on a stool in a bar, better to go out with people you have met in, say, your drama group and who you know a bit. Then, because you have something in common, starting a conversation is easy.



I have tried but none of the girls I have met through this group are interested in me (to put it mildly). As for Uni I am classed as a 'mature' student and consequently most of the women on my courses are older than I am really interested in.

I can assure people that it is not a wind up of any sort. I couldn't be mopre serious. I may joke about many things (as other posts will show) but I don't joke about this subject and find it anything but funny.

As for what type of girls I am looking for it is hard to define. Certainly looks are important although not the only factor. I don't have any hang ups about age in terms of being bohtered if a girl is younger than me. Afterall, I am unlikely to get a girl of the age that most males do for their first girlfriend. There are laws against that sort of thing:hihi:

i didn't realise that mature students had their own classes.

haven't we suggested before that you join one of the uni clubs, I even volunteered my jitsu club.

Originally posted by Cyclone
i didn't realise that mature students had their own classes.


I was just about to type the same reply - I didn't realise mature students were taught seperately from other students. They certainly aren't in the chemistry dept.

What age group are you interested in Sid?

Yes this is something I am considering. I am waiting for the next 'Give it a go' leaflet to be published to have a look through that. Also, I hope a speed dating noght will be in it which I hope to attend.

Originally posted by TracieJC
I was just about to type the same reply - I didn't realise mature students were taught seperately from other students. They certainly aren't in the chemistry dept.

What age group are you interested in Sid?

Yes, it is a part time degree which is mostly night classes. You do ocasionally get the odd youger student in a class but none of them have shown any interest in me.

As for what age group I am interested in it is hard to say as I don't really think in those terms. I either like a girl or I don't.

There are some attractive women closer to my own age but also perhaps more are a good bit younger.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Yes this is something I am considering. I am waiting for the next 'Give it a go' leaflet to be published to have a look through that. Also, I hope a speed dating noght will be in it which I hope to attend.

i wouldn't wait for that since it's done at the start of the 2nd and 3rd term. Get yourself to freshers fair in september and have a look at the clubs that are available.

Or just turn up, I doubt any club minds prospective members coming along for a look, we certainly don't.

Sid mate I think you need a reality check.

Somebody with your social skills (no offence like - i couldnt think of a nicer way of putting it), is going to find it nigh on impossible to date girls who are "a good bit younger".

Are you looking for a trophy or a proper girlfriend?? Cos sometimes I wonder......

There are loads of cute, funny, single thirtysomethings knocking about (apprently :blush: )

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I have tried but none of the girls I have met through this group are interested in me (to put it mildly). As for Uni I am classed as a 'mature' student and consequently most of the women on my courses are older than I am really interested in.


Well you gotta just keep trying, there's someone out there for everyone.

Slimsid - I have read many of your posts and replied once or twice

But stopped as I began to doubt how genuine you. I think that was because I thought you were ignoring good advice given e.g golden fleece for one wrote some great stuff. If wanting advice why ignore it after it's been given?

But I do think you are genuine. I personally think you are not being pro-active to make your life happier in the relationship dept. You want advice but don't appear to act on it. That is frustrating to those who offer it in good faith.. It's a case of why bother if it's ignored. But that is just my opinion. Sorry if it's harsh but it gets pointless for people trying to help if you don't it.

You say you are going to wait for speed dating night - why wait? There are lots in Sheffield happening And my mate braved it to one 2 months ago and he's still seeing his chosen girl and having a right laugh together. So it can work.

Join some clubs. Go on a Sheff Forum meet. They sound fun and one day I will go ( or spy through the window).

As others have said before in this and other posts there's lots of lonely people out there but you need to make an effort and help yourself and not put things off.

Sorry to rant but had to say it.

Other than your part time degree Sid what do you do for a living? Could you meet someone through that?

I don't do anything for a living. I just do the deree and also have creative writing.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I don't do anything for a living. I just do the deree and also have creative writing.

ah then this may be merely an excercise in creative writing, a fictitous piece in the working as it were :clap:

There is nothing ficticious about my situation. i only wish it were.

what did you do for a living prior to doing the degree? Reason for asking is that if you give us a bit of potted history about yourself, the advice offered may be much more appropriate rather than general in nature based on what your background is.....

I think sid is genuine. I also think he has deeper issues he needs to resolve by himself (or get help with), before thinking about girls.

I think it may do him good to make friends though, and expand his social network.

Local newspaper job advert.
" Wanted girl friend part time / full time with or without experience..Immidiate start available.Ring xxx for further info . and guarenteed interview..

Empire bar is full of 16 year olds...........WHAEEEEYYY I hear you cry!! ha ha ha

and Champs is full of snobs!!

I was in the Nursery on friday and there was loadsa lovely birds in there, beer was mucho cheapo which is also good!! :D

TBH I have met most long term girlsfriends through other stuff, one from the dogs (ollerton) another from a pub where I worked when a student etc.

just relax and be yourself, well unless your a complete k**b, in which case pretend to be someone else!! ;) :D

Originally posted by robbie
Bar Matrix

Wasn't there a shooting in this bar a while back and a problem with drugs?

Is it now under new managment and what has been done to change the clientel of the bar if it is?

Thanks.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Wasn't there a shooting in this bar a while back and a problem with drugs?

Is it now under new managment and what has been done to change the clientel of the bar if it is?

Thanks.

na man its not that1, its next to it the 1 your thinking about, thatll be poo nana

Thanks Ryan. That pleases me.

i guess u have to hope that if anyone takes a pot shot at someone in Po Na Na they can shoot straight.....

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Thanks Ryan. That pleases me.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Thanks Ryan. That pleases me.

thats ok mate, i guess?

Friends can be a good source of meeting potential Girls as the whole get to no you thing is already done for you! if not i fear that stalking might be the next best thing! LOL but seriously go out with friends (safety in numbers an all that) think that your maybe concentrating a lil bit to hard on this! if you go out in an evening you will have a contorted look of some twisted man baby possesed with one agenda which off the top of my head i dont think that girls might find too inviting!

Hey I've a 33 year old female friend who's a singleton, maybe you could hook up. But then she doesn't seem to have any trouble attracting guys, in fact she has more trouble getting rid of em hehehee.

You should just chill out and relax, and if you have a female friend, go out with her, you'll feel a lot less pressure an damybe even get talking to other women.

Dunno why I'm offering advice as I'm convinced this is a wind up!!!

This thread is getting EXTREMELY long......perhaps a summary would be a good idea...if anyone can do that based on the previous 17 pages or so as things jump about a lot...

The ONLY way to be successful with Women is as follows:

Forget all the rubbish HOW TO GET GIRLS books and stuff on the internet, its ALL rubbish. Forget about trying!!!! Getting the girl is not about trying, its about being relaxed....and NOT looking for a girlfriend....

It always strikes me that whenever you go out specifically looking for a potential date or whatever, you run into problems. Your judgement becomes clouded as you are viewing every one as a potential match, and as such, your perception of yourself can become distorted, leading to rash, impulsive action, or a degree of paranoia.

The easiest way to "find a mate" shall we say is not to be looking for one. That may not make sense to you, as its hardly logical, but believe me, the best relationships come out of when you are not seeking them. Women, for eample, dont usually feel attracted to men who are too eager, too "lost puppy" like, or who appear to be alone and out "on the pull". Now there are exceptions of course, but just think about going out with friends, and too MAKE new friends and to NETWOK with such friends, and see the whole thing as non-urgent, with the only end product of expanding social horizons, rather than getting the girl.

Not very well put perhaps, the above, but I know what I mean. Now I would NEVER try speed dating or anything like that because it smacks of either total desperation, or just people "having a laugh". I dont think it would work for me as I dont function in such a time controlled environment....but perhaps it works for others.

Oh well, just a bit of advice from my perspective....I think people who are single spend too much time wishing they were not single....appreciate it while you can!!! Its the best time of your life....

Originally posted by AlquarUK
just relax and be yourself, well unless your a complete k**b, in which case pretend to be someone else!! ;) :D

Well actually, if you are a complete k**b, I'd say just be yourself (beautiful young girls always seem to go for that kind).

Originally posted by goldenfleece
This thread is getting EXTREMELY long......perhaps a summary would be a good idea...if anyone can do that based on the previous 17 pages or so as things jump about a lot...

The ONLY way to be successful with Women is as follows:

Forget all the rubbish HOW TO GET GIRLS books and stuff on the internet, its ALL rubbish. Forget about trying!!!! Getting the girl is not about trying, its about being relaxed....and NOT looking for a girlfriend....

It always strikes me that whenever you go out specifically looking for a potential date or whatever, you run into problems. Your judgement becomes clouded as you are viewing every one as a potential match, and as such, your perception of yourself can become distorted, leading to rash, impulsive action, or a degree of paranoia.

The easiest way to "find a mate" shall we say is not to be looking for one. That may not make sense to you, as its hardly logical, but believe me, the best relationships come out of when you are not seeking them. Women, for eample, dont usually feel attracted to men who are too eager, too "lost puppy" like, or who appear to be alone and out "on the pull". Now there are exceptions of course, but just think about going out with friends, and too MAKE new friends and to NETWOK with such friends, and see the whole thing as non-urgent, with the only end product of expanding social horizons, rather than getting the girl.

Not very well put perhaps, the above, but I know what I mean. Now I would NEVER try speed dating or anything like that because it smacks of either total desperation, or just people "having a laugh". I dont think it would work for me as I dont function in such a time controlled environment....but perhaps it works for others.

Oh well, just a bit of advice from my perspective....I think people who are single spend too much time wishing they were not single....appreciate it while you can!!! Its the best time of your life....

I have to say it, that was one quality post goldenfleece. I completely agree with eveything you've just said.

I think the thing with not trying, should be expanded to other areas of life too, to your whole attitude and outlook. Let things come to you easy, in their own time. Don't rush it, and enjoy every millisecond of the journey, wherever you are.

Listen to this chap, slimsid, he makes a lot of sense!

:thumbsup:

so what's your next move SlimShady?

Originally posted by robbie

I cannot think of any really good bar to meet someone (although I always seem to get harassed in Varsity :D ). A late bar would probably be a better bet 9Tripetts, Bar Matrix, Forum etc)


Why would a late bar be a better bet please?

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why would a late bar be a better bet please?



what's the difference between a dog and a fox?


























10 pints...... :hihi:

there's your answer!