Choosing between The Empire Bar and Champs which is the best of the two to meet a proper girlfriend (ie, not a one night stand).

What has made you narrow it down to these two out of interest???

You dont just meet someone and they become your girlfriend really do you so does it matter where you meet them i the first place? If you want them to be a long term thing then your going to have to take them somewhere and not just meet them, so really where ever you usually meet ladies.

With an avatar like that, I don't think it will be anyone from the forum.....

didn't you start a thread about this ages ago and the general advice was that you won't ever find a girlfriend by meeting someone in a bar.

Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.

As to why I narrowed it down it is just that those are the two places i have tried in the past to meet girls. I don't have any attachment to those two places. if anybody can sugest anywhere better please do.

Maybe I am wrong but I always assumed that some bars/clubs were more for people looking to pick up a one-night stand and some bars/clubs were not.

I dont think people go places just looking for one night stands and others if they want a relationship! Its more to do with the two people that meet that the place that there in!

Originally posted by speeed
I dont think people go places just looking for one night stands and others if they want a relationship! Its more to do with the two people that meet that the place that there in!

I'd agree. Most bars and clubs are going to have a mixture of girls who are just looking for one night stands and girls who want boyfriends. What is this need for a girlfriend though? What's the hurry? Next time you are out with your mates get chatting to a girl, ask for a number and then leave. Don't sleep with her even if she seems keen. Then leave it a few days and give her a call, have a chat and if you really seem to get on ask her out on a date. If that goes well then go on a few more dates and if you really get on then you can move on to properly being together. But don't try to force things...be confident on your own and you will find a girlfriend when you are least expecting it ;)

there was some good advice when you started this (now rather long) thread (http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7430&highlight=girlfriend)

Originally posted by Lucy_Smith
I'd agree. Most bars and clubs are going to have a mixture of girls who are just looking for one night stands and girls who want boyfriends. What is this need for a girlfriend though? What's the hurry? Next time you are out with your mates get chatting to a girl, ask for a number and then leave. Don't sleep with her even if she seems keen. Then leave it a few days and give her a call, have a chat and if you really seem to get on ask her out on a date. If that goes well then go on a few more dates and if you really get on then you can move on to properly being together. But don't try to force things...be confident on your own and you will find a girlfriend when you are least expecting it ;)

Wow just like your signature suggests you really do have solutions to every problem! :D

when i was single i always went out to have fun and chill, if u want a 'girlfriend' girls love confidence, if u dont feel it, act it.. trust me.. cant go wrong

Someone agrees with me!! I must be having a good day, just hope it lasts for tonight.

u refering to me??

Not you Lucy. see post above

I understand when people say that going to bars is not the best way to meet a girl but to be honest I have tried other ways (speed dating, talking to girls in shops etc) and got nowhere.

I don't just want to rely on meeting girls in bars but neither do i want to discount it, after all it is another string to my bow so to speak.

My own instinct is that of the two I mentioned Champs may be better to meet a long term girlfriend but that is just a hunch. If people can recomend any other venue that might be better than either of them please do.

I've just been reading through the old thread that you posted a while ago. It seems that you've taken a lot of the advice on board and tried a few things, but still no luck.

In this post you ask which of two pubs is best to meet a girl yet your earlier posts show that you haven't much experience of going out in town, so is that really the best place to go to try to meet a girl?

If you're not into going out in town, you could end up meeting a girl who goes down town every week and then what? You've finally met someone but you both like doing different things? Can you really see that relationship lasting?

A man (or woman for that matter) alone in a loud city centre pub is going to be avoided like the plague - people just immediately think the worst I'm afraid.

What if you find a pub/bar where you can quietly sit on your own, and won't look out of place. Go out straight from work, sit and read a paper (but not the Sunday Sport!) and have a pint. You might get a group of girls out for a quiet after work drink who could see you in a totally different light.

Good luck and have a good weekend

Mate, listen to yourself. It's so contrived. There is no certain bar that you are more likely to meet a long term girlfriend in. I have given you this advice before - if you find it hard to meet people join clubs, go to forum meets, do things you enjoy and you may meet someone you have a lot in common with. If you don't enjoy going to bars then you're unlikely to meet your perfect match in a bar.

Dammit my post was too slow!!!

Gawd, don't I waffle!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.


I was going to suggest you go to VIP as there are loads of nice single straight women go there and the competition will be fairly minimal, but I'm not sure you would like it.

Whenever I have been involved with someone, it has been someone I have known to some extent before hand. I don't think I've ever found someone in a bar or club. To be honest the idea just doesn't appeal to me. I go out to enjoy myself with friends. Trying to chat to someone for the first time in a noisy atmosphere is really awkward. As I said, I only get interested when I know the person a bit better. Then again, I'm odd like that. I also don't think that hanging around a bar waiting for someone to pick up looks very good. I think sleazy is the word.

Incidentally Sid, your avatar has now made viewing this forum a bit inappropriate in work for me.

Nicest bird you're likely to find in Champs is a plate full of spicy chicken wings.

And if we are talking about your 'girlfriend', then there ain't no place like home.

Know what I'm saying........,

Mate, don't take this the wrong way but it just never happens like that. Yuo will never find a propper girlfriend in a bar. I always believe that you find a good partner in a gym or through work. Trust me! Also, sometimes, it just happens when you are not looking for one when you are least expecting to find one.:thumbsup: ;)

Slim, theres always amsterdam?

Boots on the High Street is always full of women in the morning, I don't know why this is.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? What's wrong with my avatar? I am hetrosexual you know.

As to why I narrowed it down it is just that those are the two places i have tried in the past to meet girls. I don't have any attachment to those two places. if anybody can sugest anywhere better please do.

Maybe I am wrong but I always assumed that some bars/clubs were more for people looking to pick up a one-night stand and some bars/clubs were not.

Well, it might just be me, and I don't claim to understand women in the slightest, but a potential date might be put off by the fact that you choose to pictorially represent yourself on the forum with a picture of a pin-up's shapely bum. They might feel it was quite a lot to live up to

'As far as internet dating is concerned I share the view that it is risky. Also I have the impression that many of the women who use these services are not what I am looking for in terms of looks. This is backed up by the pictures on their sites and those of adult activites clubs.'

This comment made by you in a previous thread. I know looks can matter but if you are trying to find a soul mate you're going to have to go deeper than looks in which case bars are not the place.

Originally posted by Phanerothyme
Well, it might just be me, and I don't claim to understand women in the slightest, but a potential date might be put off by the fact that you choose to pictorially represent yourself on the forum with a picture of a pin-up's shapely bum. They might feel it was quite a lot to live up to

:D I don't think it's just you at all Phan & I'd say you summed it up there.

All women know men appreciate backsides like that but we don't expect you to want us to share that appreciation ;)

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I have tried other ways (...talking to girls in shops etc) and got nowhere.

What, you mean that doesn't work? :o And there was I, just about to head down to Somerfield to pick up a hot date - "So, I see you like pizza too. Wanna be my girlfriend?"
:P


(Mmm, pizza)

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but I think you may be coming across as really desperate, and girls don't like that. The fact that your'e asking for advice on here and trying to pull in the supermarket suggests that you may be being too over-friendly, which doesn't go down well. I have met blokes in clubs and ended up going out with them, but they were just friendly, not coming onto me with bad chat up lines. Try to act like your'e just being friendly and not like you have an agenda and this will go down a lot better. And don't just go out with a view to pulling, go out to have a good time, cos if you look like your'e having fun you'll be more attractive to girls. I think quite a lot of people go to clubs to pull, but many don't use that environment to find a girlfriend.

Try talking to people on buses, just act friendly and you'll make progress!

I agree. You're trying too hard. Chill out. Girls run a mile from anyone who looks like they're too keen - can't take the pressure.

Even your avatar makes you look desperate. And she must be cold in that outfit.

Originally posted by nick2
Boots on the High Street is always full of women in the morning, I don't know why this is.

Possibly for the morning after pill. I suggest not trying to pick these ones up at that particular time... :D

Slim the best advice I can give you if you're serious about finding a long term girlfriend is to stop looking.
I found in the past when I stopped being "on the pull" they usually found me.

Either that or buy a wedding ring and wear it.... since getting married my ring seems to be a magnet for women thinking I'm fair game.
I wonder if it's the fact my wedding ring is a replica "one ring" from Lord of the Rings :D
One ring to rule them all :lol:

Originally posted by pussycat
Possibly for the morning after pill. I suggest not trying to pick these ones up at that particular time... :D

rofl


...but look out for them in Champs next week :hihi: :P

I'll just add to the "not in the bar" comments.
I've never found a girlfriend who I didn't already know socially. The best i've got out of a bar or club is a few snogs (do people still say snog?).
I got together with my SO in a club, but we already knew each other and were going out with the same group of people, totally different ball game then.

I don't think its right to say that you can't meet a serious long term girlfriend in a club, but I don't think you can pinpoint a place where you are likely to.

Okay, you will have a chance of meeting someone who at least likes the same sort of music, and same sort of surroundings, but it really can happen anywhere.

If you split your mindset between when you are after a girlfriend and when you are not then you are not likely to find a soul mate. Don't believe all the rubbish about "opposites attract" the kind of person that you would have as a friend is probably the same kind of person that you would have as a girlfriend, it can't be fireworks all the time you need someone who is a good friend as well as a lover.

I think you can meet your partner in a club but when you're looking it's more difficult to find it.
I met my wife (who I didn't already know) in Uropa some years ago.
She fell on me while in a state on intoixication :D and the rest is history.

I wasn't looking.

Sid,

Stop looking for a girlfriend and start looking for people who you want to make friends with in general. If some of these are female, then great! But stop appearing to be so desperate for female company.

And as for the avatar, well, I'm heterosexual as well but I don't think a half naked woman accurately reflects the central thrust of my personality. :)

Joe

Originally posted by JoePritchard
I don't think a half naked woman accurately reflects the central thrust of my personality. :)

really Joe? :hihi:

I think the first pre requsite to finding someone to care for is to have gone some way towards really knowing and liking yourself and having some self confidence. If you are not confident about yourself and you don't love yourself (not in an arrogant way) then noone else is really going to.

As for the best places to go, you think I'm gonna tell you my secrets!

Slim, you could always try to get to know a few people on http://www.midsummerseve.com/. Some good bargains going on there! ;)

The problem is that the harder you try slimsid, the worse off you're going to be.

My suggestion is to stop looking for a girl friend ... instead ...

Focus your time and energies on developing your own life, your career, your hobbies, making firends, enjoying life, doing as many things that you love as you have free time (and money).

Create a situation where your life is so great that you don't need anyone else ... but be open to the possibility of meeting someone ... just don't be desperate about it.

But really it all boils down to what everyone else is saying ...

STOP LOOKING

Bummer eh !?

:P

I must remember that argument the next time the DSS ask what I have done to 'actively seek work' - "well, I've stopped looking because that way I am likely to just drop upon the right job by accident. So you see, by not actively seeking work I am actually increasing my chances of getting a job".
(Actually I am not currently required to Actively seek work but that is another and rather long story).

As for the avator I have had quite a few over the past few months, each one chosen to reflect a facet of my self. So for example I had a non-smoking sign to represent my dislike of passive smoking and several cat ones as I am a cat lover. Only yesterday I tried to upload one showing Saddam Hussain in prison but it was too big and didn't work. As hetrosexuality is a part of my life (at least in thought if not in deed) I thought my current one appropriate. After all, some of the gay members of this forum are quite open and proud about their sexuality. Still, if it offends people I will change it for something else.

On a positive note, thanks for the advice. I realise that bars are not the only or even the best places to meet a longer term girlfriend but I'm still not quite sure what other options I could try that I haven't already. When you get to nearly 35 and have never even kissed a girl you do get desperate.

Sid I think the avatar thing is not a big issue, but people might think it indicative of some bad personalitly traits, which you probably do not possess. But its all about appearances.

Now I know appearences aren't everything, but it is generally the first thing that people notice, and even if the real you is a really sound and nice perosn (which I'm sure you are but I don't know you) the outer appearence of what people think you are is important.

what you hav to remmeber is that there is no "trick" to meeting women and forming relationships.

Now, depending on what kind of people you like and what kind of place you like going out to, yeah, the bar you go to can improve your chances, but you still have to like yourself as a person and come accross as being the sort of person that other people want to like.

I know you said you tried most or all of the ideas from the earlier thread sid. But I expect it's trying them with the intention of finding a girlfriend that is the problem.
If you joined some sort of social club, hit on all the women, decided it wasn't going to work and then quit again then i'm not really surprised that you didn't find a girlfriend there.
The key to doing any activity is to be doing it because you enjoy it. If you do something simply because you want to meet women then it's going to put them off, it's unlikely that any of them are there simply to meet men.
The possible exception to that would be something like speeddating.
Going out to a bar alone is a pretty brave thing to do, I know i wouldn't be enjoying myself on my own, so I doubt you are either. This isn't going to attract any girls, and without a friend or two with you you've got no moral support either. You need to a least go with one mate in tow, you'll be more relaxed and not have chatting up women quite so much on your mind, which will probably improve whatever chance you have in a bar.

i think you need to stop trying! try not wanting a girlfriend and it might just happen!

Yep, reverse psychology's great :thumbsup:

This thread has made some good late night reading. I really cant belive there are people out the as pathetic as Slim,listen to yourself man!!

Could this (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/doorhandle/getimg.jpg) be you???????

Mr Craig, thats really harsh and not very nice!!! You wouldn't like it if you were lonely and found it hard to talk to members of the opposite sex!

Anyway, I think that if Sid just tries to be friendly rather then appearing to be desperatly seeking that special someone he'll have a lot more luck!

Personally I can't stand men that are blatently coming onto me, and no-one I know can either! if you just act friendly you'll get a lot further! Good luck!

Originally posted by mr craig
This thread has made some good late night reading. I really cant belive there are people out the as pathetic as Slim,listen to yourself man!!

Could this (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v142/doorhandle/getimg.jpg) be you???????

No that isn't me at all. I am not that popular with women. However I think this (http://xo.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/chav.jpg) may be you.

Thanks to everyone else for the helpful advice.:clap:

slimsid, do you know why ure not popular with the ladies? have u ever asked anyone?

Just wondering, coz if there are any reason inparticular, then you could work on it?

Good question. I have tried to raise the subject but the usual response is that I am wrong and I am well liked really. I suppose this is just tactful but unfortunaely not that helpful.

Would you consider yourself to be attractive? I don't mean to be harsh, but sometimes that can be a reason that you aren't lucky with the ladies?

It is hard to judge. I would say that I am not less attractive than some of the men I have seen with girlfriends. As a rough guide I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

give us the link, I'll give you a honest opinion.

Originally posted by nick2
give us the link, I'll give you a honest opinion.

just been looking through there myself - so let me know.

Originally posted by msbehavin
just been looking through there myself - so let me know too and I will give you my honest opinion, for what it's worth!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
It is hard to judge. I would say that I am not less attractive than some of the men I have seen with girlfriends. As a rough guide I get an average score of between 5 and 6 on Hot or Not.

It may come as a surprise, but not everyone has the same taste. Nor does everyone judge purely on looks.

Originally posted by Andy78
It may come as a surprise, but not everyone has the same taste. Nor does everyone judge purely on looks.

Not that you'd know that by your rating on Hot or Not dear! Woo woo!!! If I could do a wolf whistling smilie then I would :)

:blush:

Thankyou! I did think that the score was a bit generous. Having said that, I appear to be in a freefall nosedive at the moment.

Originally posted by Andy78
:blush:

Thankyou! I did think that the score was a bit generous. Having said that, I appear to be in a freefall nosedive at the moment.

Oh god!! *runs to the window and checks for Andy falling from the sky* STOP READING THIS POST!!...DEPLOY YOUR PARACHUTE!! PULL THE CORD!!!


(Sorry. It is monday :) )

Hey !! ... I've had YET ANOTHER fantastic idea !!

We could do a sheffield forum version of the channel 4 TV show 'would like to meet'.

Slimsid would be the ideal candidate ...

We could have a panel of 'experts' (I'd suggest 2 guys and 2 girls) and coach him on the following:

Grooming and presentation.
Clothes.
Personability (friendlyness and being a smooth cat).
Flirting.
Engaging in charming conversation.

The above can be run as a workshop.

Then some of us could hit the town ... giving him the chance the use his new found skills.

We could also do some mok dates.

What does everyone think !?

ps: can I be the second the 'candidate'

What a good idea!!

Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???

Whooo hhooooooo!!!:D

Well I met my B/f in the Deep End at hillsboro n weve bin toghether a year now!

Originally posted by msbehavin
What a good idea!!

Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???

Whooo hhooooooo!!!:D

Course you can my dear ...

I think it's a fab idea too ... should be a complete giggle if nothing else ... much better to do something about your problems rather than winge about them.

Any other 'experts' out there !?

Originally posted by kathythebean
Oh god!! *runs to the window and checks for Andy falling from the sky* STOP READING THIS POST!!...DEPLOY YOUR PARACHUTE!! PULL THE CORD!!!


(Sorry. It is monday :) )

Heehee! I like the idea of freefalling, it sounds like lots of fun. Though, I think I'd prefer to freefall onto a massive trampoline. That would give hours of amusement.

I'm sure there's a thread subject here somewhere. Anyone seen it? :D

Originally posted by Andy78
Heehee! I like the idea of freefalling, it sounds like lots of fun. Though, I think I'd prefer to freefall onto a massive trampoline. That would give hours of amusement.

I'm sure there's a thread subject here somewhere. Anyone seen it? :D

We've got a trampoline.....:D

Originally posted by msbehavin
We've got a trampoline.....:D

I believe so. I can't quite convey how extremely jealous I am.

Is it socially acceptable for a 27 year old male to go wild on a trampoline in this day and age?

I do hope so! The only limit on the trampline is that of maximum weight being 12 stone.

Age has absolutely nothing to do with it!!

PS - which are you on the hot or not thread??? ;)

Ok, so I'm just under 12 stone, though it does vary quite a lot for reasons that are beyond me. I must plan a trip to your trampoline now that I know it's quite acceptable.

Gridlocked1978

I'll confess to being an expert at nothing, well nothing to do with women or dating.
But it's a good idea none the less. I could possibly help with how not to dress (according to my SO), and a course in how to feel awkward in a social situation when you don't know people already :clap:
Oh well, i can watch.

Originally posted by Andy78
Ok, so I'm just under 12 stone, though it does vary quite a lot for reasons that are beyond me. I must plan a trip to your trampoline now that I know it's quite acceptable.

Gridlocked1978

We are thinking of inviting a select group round to Msb's for a 'jump' when we get organised enough - see the trampoline thread for full details. You might have to buy a product from my Virgin Vie catalogue though - would that be a problem??

PS - how much trampolining have you actually done before??

PPS - nice pic. 10 from me lol

Originally posted by speeed
You dont just meet someone and they become your girlfriend really do you so does it matter where you meet them i the first place? If you want them to be a long term thing then your going to have to take them somewhere and not just meet them, so really where ever you usually meet ladies.

I met my EX at Sheffield Midland Railway Station.

Im on the lookout for someone special in my life, however when you get made redundent it put's a big hole in your "Saturday Night Account"

Originally posted by msbehavin
We are thinking of inviting a select group round to Msb's for a 'jump' when we get organised enough - see the trampoline thread for full details. You might have to buy a product from my Virgin Vie catalogue though - would that be a problem??

PS - how much trampolining have you actually done before??

PPS - nice pic. 10 from me lol

Woo! that sounds like a great plan! Erm, what's Virgin Vie?

PS. Not a lot. However, I've been informed that I do bounce a lot. Does that help?

PPS. Thankyou, You're very kind. :blush:

Originally posted by Andy78
Woo! that sounds like a great plan! Erm, what's Virgin Vie?

PS. Not a lot. However, I've been informed that I do bounce a lot. Does that help?

PPS. Thankyou, You're very kind. :blush:

Virgin Vie is skincare that I sell in my other life. Don't worry about it too much - just bring some money when you come and I willsort out what you need for your skin type lol..:thumbsup:

Originally posted by msbehavin
Virgin Vie is skincare that I sell in my other life. Don't worry about it too much - just bring some money when you come and I willsort out what you need for your skin type lol..:thumbsup:

Fair enough, I can't argue with that. Moisturiser is always useful.

Originally posted by msbehavin


Can I be Tracey the sex/fllirting expert???


:wow: I'm an expert? Woohoo! :banana:

Slimsid.... I can't quite grasp how someone of nearly 35 years old has never even kissed a woman, so I'll ask a few frank questions to try to understand and give advice accordingly (obviously you don't have to answer them or can send me a PM if you prefer).

1) Are you seriously overweight?
2) Are you especially ugly?
3) Are you socially inept?
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

both options are pretty awful imo for finding a girlfriend (although I do know lads who have pulled in Champs)

Champs is very loud and a crush and Empire is a bit :gag:

If you like a certain type of music have you tried going to gigs and meeting girls like that?

I cannot think of any really good bar to meet someone (although I always seem to get harassed in Varsity :D ). A late bar would probably be a better bet 9Tripetts, Bar Matrix, Forum etc)

although I've been single for god knows how long so you may want to discount my advise :D )

Originally posted by TracieJC
:wow: I'm an expert? Woohoo! :banana:

:heyhey: :cool: :D

Forget Bars and pubs.
All you need is a good smile like mine, and you will pull owt.

MY SMILE (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/viking99/forums/unitedite.jpg) :thumbsup:

Originally posted by t020
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

You don't realy want a lady who is mainly interested in what you earn/own.

I'd quite happily take a seat on the panel of experts.. I'm good with confidence and dress style!

If you're overweight we'll get you in shape
If you have bad hair, we'll get you sorted with a good funky barber
If you have trouble speaking to girls.. We'll give you some general tips

No particular bar is good to pull, but I've had most luck in:

Matrix
Empire
Varsity
S1
Bedroom

Clubs are best in my opinion!

Originally posted by GazB
No particular bar is good to pull, but I've had most luck in:

Matrix
Empire
Varsity
S1
Bedroom

Clubs are best in my opinion!

Gaz also would never miss an opportunity on the Forum to get in a chat up possibility - would ya Gaz??? ;)

Originally posted by msbehavin
Gaz also would never miss an opportunity on the Forum to get in a chat up possibility - would ya Gaz??? ;)

Eh? I don't chat people up on the forum!

Wind people up.. Maybe!

Originally posted by nick2
You don't realy want a lady who is mainly interested in what you earn/own.

But living with parents at 35 with no job could be a big turn off to about 99% of women. The job question was more about finding out what the problem is, e.g. health.

Originally posted by t020
Slimsid.... I can't quite grasp how someone of nearly 35 years old has never even kissed a woman, so I'll ask a few frank questions to try to understand and give advice accordingly (obviously you don't have to answer them or can send me a PM if you prefer).

1) Are you seriously overweight?
2) Are you especially ugly?
3) Are you socially inept?
4) Do you have your own place?
5) Why are you out of work?

1) No.
2) No
3) Yes
4) No
5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

Originally posted by slimsid2000

5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

How about joining one of the many societies at the university - that's one way to meet people with similar interests to you, and build up your confidence.

Also, there are a lot of union run nights that you might like to go to, in addition to the two bars in your poll.

I tried the speed dating night a few weeks back but didn't get any matches.

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

The good thing about speed dating (and perhaps bars) is they are less of a commitment and it is more likely that the women there are there to meet someone.

Originally posted by slimsid2000

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

Well, you wouldn't be stuck with it as such - if you really don't enjoy what you have chosen to do, you are under no obligation to keep going along to that society. Alternatively, pick a society that deals with one of your existing interests or hobbies.

Just to echo previous posts - I don't think it will help if you go along to a social event purely with the mindset of meeting a girlfriend. Making new friends - male and female - will help build up your social skills and boost your confidence. It's true that you often find someone when you're not really looking :)

Originally posted by TracieJC
Well, you wouldn't be stuck with it as such - if you really don't enjoy what you have chosen to do, you are under no obligation to keep going along to that society. Alternatively, pick a society that deals with one of your existing interests or hobbies.

Just to echo previous posts - I don't think it will help if you go along to a social event purely with the mindset of meeting a girlfriend. Making new friends - male and female - will help build up your social skills and boost your confidence. It's true that you often find someone when you're not really looking :)

this is good advice. I've suggested before that you joined one of the clubs at the uni, try a sports club, but one with female members. It would be best if it's something you enjoy for it's own sake though.

You haven't said what your interests are? You must have some hobbies/ interests. Otherwise you must be really boring and I think I can see what the problem is :P

I seem to recall quite a lot of posts related to you and you getting a girlfriend slimsid over the last year or so (not just this thread) and yet seemingly you've still not made any in-roads ... do you take on board any of the advice people give to you??

You're nearly 35, never kissed a girl, live at home, you say you're not ugly etc etc and you say you're socially inept but yet you've been speed-dating which would suggest you're not totally so - You also goto university so you must be at least relatively articulate and yet you ask the most naive questions - must be something inherently wrong?

This just doesn't add up

Originally posted by slimsid2000
1) No.
2) No
3) Yes
4) No
5) I am a student at Sheffield Uni.

In that case then it seems your biggest problem is being socially inept, although living with your parents at 35 years old won't help. Why not try uploading your photo to the Hot or Not scoreboard and offer a "meet me" option? That way, women on the site might like how you look and will be able to contact you and you'll be able to maybe get to know them a bit over the internet first, which would probably be easier for you, before meeting them face to face on a proper date. You'd have confidence going into the date through knowing that (a) they like how you look and (b) they like the first impressions of your personality through the initial internet interaction enough to bother meeting you.

Originally posted by t020
In that case then it seems your biggest problem is being socially inept, although living with your parents at 35 years old won't help.

As a student, he might be living in a shared house, rather than with his parents? Just a thought.

That said, the comment about not having your own place at the age of 35 does still stand - I imagine most women would find this a little odd.

Theres nothing odd about not owning your own house at the age of 35, im 28 and still live in rented accomadation. the problem most singles have is that while they could afford a mortgage, no banks will lend them the money required to purchase the house in the first place, I know this from personnal experience, I earn a decent wage, but as a single wage its a nightmere. How many single people can really say they own there own house.. that they have bought as a firsat time buyer in the last 5 years

Originally posted by cheet1889
Theres nothing odd about not owning your own house at the age of 35, im 28 and still live in rented accomadation. the problem most singles have is that while they could afford a mortgage, no banks will lend them the money required to purchase the house in the first place, I know this from personnal experience, I earn a decent wage, but as a single wage its a nightmere. How many single people can really say they own there own house.. that they have bought as a firsat time buyer in the last 5 years

I didn't mean owning your own place, I meant more choosing to live with a group of people rather than alone. I live in rented accomodation too, but I don't share with anyone. Sorry I didn't make that very clear.

In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

They probably get a kick out of winding you up slimsid ... it's nothing more than a game to them ... they enjoy having the power over you and you're nothing more than a play thing to them.

Some (not all ... usually its the better looking but not really classy ones) girls are just like that.

dancing with them would be the normal response at that point. If they rapidly leave then they weren't sending a signal. If they stay then they are (or haven't noticed you :D ).
You do seem to be convinced that a bar is the best place to find a girlfriend. And despite the few people who have posted here I do think it's very rare for it to happen.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Choosing between The Empire Bar and Champs which is the best of the two to meet a proper girlfriend (ie, not a one night stand).

try evening classes mate.....well thats what deidre always says

:hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

It sounds to me like, and no disrespect intended you lack self confidence, standing and starring is no way forward, try starting a conversation if you get the cold shoulder then fair enough, but if you don't try then you will never succeed.

As for the comments about bars not been the right place to meet a potential partner, what are your suggestions then ? if work is a no go then social events are really the only opportunity for a single male/female

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

So are you ignoring my suggestion and sticking with the bar tactics that have served you so badly?

You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P
girls like bad boys........forget the flowers and opening car doors etc the nice looking ones always go for rogues.

Originally posted by t020
So are you ignoring my suggestion and sticking with the bar tactics that have served you so badly?

No. i am just keeping all options open. This thread was intended to be just about which were the best bars to meet girls. I never said this was the only way.

Originally posted by cheet1889
It sounds to me like, and no disrespect intended you lack self confidence, standing and starring is no way forward, try starting a conversation if you get the cold shoulder then fair enough, but if you don't try then you will never succeed.

As for the comments about bars not been the right place to meet a potential partner, what are your suggestions then ? if work is a no go then social events are really the only opportunity for a single male/female

The best way to attract poon is to get them drunk then invite them to a ficticious party back at your house, once they're in the house they're all yours

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

This is definately a wind up

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

'Bedhead' said something about a wind up. Do you mean that the girls I described are winding me up or are you implying that I am lying about my own experiences. If it is the latter then I can assure you I am not. As for the former, I would be interested to hear more people's views of it as a 'wind-up' may, sadly, be a possibility.

i think he might mean that ur in a bar on ur own? or that things may be simpler than they seem? bedhead shes some light!!

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.


Do you know many people in Sheffield? If you do, why not try arranging a night out with a group of people, rather than going alone?

If you don't know many people, I think that just reenforces what myself and others have said previously - try and focus on meeting people, making new friends and buiding up your confidence that way. The rest - i.e. finding a girlfriend - will follow naturally.

Your going about it the wrong way, you cant just trawl town on your own hoping to find anything other than a prostitute. I mean maybe early on yeah or a sat afternoon but not fri and sat nights! Also are you setting your standards to high? I mean if youve never even kissed some one theres gotta be something wrong there, no offence but surely either your setting too high standards or there is something wrong with the way you look/act.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

'Bedhead' said something about a wind up. Do you mean that the girls I described are winding me up or are you implying that I am lying about my own experiences. If it is the latter then I can assure you I am not. As for the former, I would be interested to hear more people's views of it as a 'wind-up' may, sadly, be a possibility.

nunchuk - chinese weapon, short sticks linked by a chain.
bowhunting - hunting with a bow (and arrow)
humour - the intent of the nunchuck and bowhunting comment, which you apparently missed.
Girls are not impressed by computer skills, not even 31it3 4ax0r skills.

and yes Bedhead was accusing you of winding us up.

I was going to ask another male from a uni class if he would like to come out for a drink sometime, but unfortunately he wasn't there on the last night and I don't have any contact number/email for him. If I bump into him during the summer and get chatting then I probably will but obvioiuly this is rather hit and miss.

I can't think of any other unatached males I know who would be suitable. i did ask one a few years back if he wanted to go out in town to meet girls but he said he wasn't interested.

To be honest most people I know are either older, in relationships or both.

Are you a member of any groups or anything? Are you a full time student? Would one of your attached friends not come out for a lads only night? They dont have to try and pick anyone up they could just give you moral support.

i dont understand man, how come u cant go out wi someone who in relationship or older?

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I was going to ask another male from a uni class if he would like to come out for a drink sometime, but unfortunately he wasn't there on the last night and I don't have any contact number/email for him. If I bump into him during the summer and get chatting then I probably will but obvioiuly this is rather hit and miss.

I can't think of any other unatached males I know who would be suitable. i did ask one a few years back if he wanted to go out in town to meet girls but he said he wasn't interested.

To be honest most people I know are either older, in relationships or both.

Errmm, don't go out with the intention of picking up girls. Go out because you enjoy it.
I'm not single, but I go out with single and other non-single blokes on an almost weekly basis. Sometimes there are girls there (I mean ones who are attached to someone in the group) othertimes there aren't. As long as these older friends aren't ready for a horlicks and a seat by the fire at 21:00 why does it make a difference?

Yes i am a member of both an amateur drama and a creative writing group.

In both cases most other members are 50+ and in some cases well into their 70s. I just don't think they (or their wives) would fancy the idea of them going out downtown on a fri/sat night 'on the pull' or even helping me. Besides, would it really create a good impression being seen with people old enough to be the girls grandparents in some cases.

I agree if I could be part of a group of young unattached men of about my age or younger (I'm 34) then it may be helpful but I just don't know any suitable males of this age.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact I do live with my parents. Maybe some people find that odd but for me it is the best option. I'm also not sure that is the reason girls aren't interested as they would never know this from what they see of me in a bar. I suspect the fact that I am alone in the bar (rather than with other males) maybe more of a factor here.

It is also a problem that men are always expected to make the first move and to be honest I am not really sure how to act around girls in bars.

For example, there have been several occasions when girls in a bar have been dancing close to me (in a sexy way) and I have wondered if this is a signal that they want me to respond in some way. However, there are several problems:

1) I am never sure if it is a signal or not.
2) If it is are they signaling to me or other men also close by.
3) I am not sure what to say them.
4) The music is loud and makes conversation difficult.

For these reasons nothing ever seems to come of it. I have tried to make eye contact with some of the girls in this situation but they either laugh or look rather disgusted; which suggests they were not sending me a signal after all. (Am I right here?)

Perhaps this is what one contributer meant by 'naive questions' but the reality is that in this area of life I am very naive. Can anyone tell me if what I have deescribed is a case of being sent a signal and if so how best to respond to it.

many thanks.

Look, you really answered your own question here - bars aren't the best place to 'pick up' girls.

you're doing it again.

don't go out on the pull. go out for a drink.

you don't have to go out with single men, people in relationships don't have a big sign floating over them, they are contrary to populat believe allowed to have a drink and enjoy themselves with friends.

Originally posted by Cyclone
you're doing it again.

don't go out on the pull. go out for a drink.

you don't have to go out with single men, people in relationships don't have a big sign floating over them, they are contrary to populat believe allowed to have a drink and enjoy themselves with friends.

Have you thought about the web of relationships that these people who you are writing off as part of your social life have? That 70 year old might have a fantastic granddaughter or daughter perfect for you. In saying "I don't want to be friends with you I just want to go on the pull" your entire social life is inhibited. What if you let your realtionships develop with people whose company you enjoy then they may introduce you to people who may introduce yuo to people, and who knows who you might meet.

You have received advice of this type a million times but it seems like you are obsessed with the idea of going 'on the pull'. Look it ain't going to happen, you're obviously not the pulling sort, but that doesn't mean that you won't meet any one if you stop inhibiting your general social life and devote time to getting to know people rather than just seeing girls and trying to pull them.

You really need to develop wider relationships with people and women, man. Everything you say says "I see girls..." well, women are more than just a visual image you know, and you won't egt anywhere if the only way you get to know women is by looking at them in a bar.

The sooner that you get into your head that going on the pull isn't going to help you the better off you will be. You might even be relieved that you don't have to go through with the charade every week anymore.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Yes i am a member of both an amateur drama and a creative writing group.

In both cases most other members are 50+ and in some cases well into their 70s. I just don't think they (or their wives) would fancy the idea of them going out downtown on a fri/sat night 'on the pull' or even helping me. Besides, would it really create a good impression being seen with people old enough to be the girls grandparents in some cases.

I agree if I could be part of a group of young unattached men of about my age or younger (I'm 34) then it may be helpful but I just don't know any suitable males of this age.

Stop thinking about image and what they look like and what you look like and get to KNOW people (men and women)! And by the way a group of unattched men in their 30's out on the pull is very unappealing indeed.

The best way to meet girls is to get introduced to them by someone they already know - and the only way you're going to do this is to widen your circle of friends!

Join more clubs! There must be dozens of drama groups in sheffield. Try some of the other university clubs - its perfect, you get to try something new, meet some new people and if you dont like it (or them) just drop it like a hot potato and try something else.

Also, don't mean to be rude, but your desperation to find a girlfriend is probably rather creepy to the female forummers reading this thread - they're almost certainly avoiding champs and empire now just in case.

Its a numbers game mate - thats all! You have to spread yourself about a bit to stand a chance of meeting someone special.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I tried the speed dating night a few weeks back but didn't get any matches.

I suppose I am reluctant to take up a new interest just on the off-chance of meeting someone and then be stuck with a hobbie that I wasn't that bothered about in the first place.

The good thing about speed dating (and perhaps bars) is they are less of a commitment and it is more likely that the women there are there to meet someone.

OK third post in a row. Only really just found this thread and read it with interest.

1/ what are you actually interested in, yourself? What stokes your passion? What do YOU like doing?

2/ Are you really that lazy? Less commitment? It sounds like throughout this thread that you just can't ACTUALLY be arsed to do anything other than sit in a bar (getting drunk?) by yourself and hoping something lands in your lap. Well, life takes effort and so far I see very little from you. OK you went speed dating once, but gave up because you didn't get any matches. Did you enjoy it? Why not go again?

3/ If you really can't be arsed to put the effort in, you might as well just get a mail order bride in and hey at least you can order one that looks pretty. That is fairly analogous to your approach 'on the pull'.

/pep talk over

(wonders of that was the right tone or not, but to be honest you seem to be rather persistent in ignoring 99% of the advice in this thread, so there you go)

Originally posted by Edd
The best way to meet girls is to get introduced to them by someone they already know - and the only way you're going to do this is to widen your circle of friends!



this looks like the best advice man.. worked 4 me ages ago, also depends what sorta relationship ur after?

Originally posted by theflyingfish
And by the way a group of unattched men in their 30's out on the pull is very unappealing indeed.

Why? Could you explain please.

I don't want to give the impression that I only have one aim in life which is to get a girlfriend. I do socialise with people on a more general basis already and have done for some time - although I have never found that this has been a way to get a girlfriend. I don't do it for that reason though - I do it because I like it for its own sake.

I have taken an interest in girls in the drama group but they haven't been interested in me. In fact some seem positively repulsed by me, including a girl who is very friendly and kind to everyone else).

I will try speed dating again but the next event at Uni (there could be others elsewhere) isn't until autumn.

The fact is I do already have hobbies and interets and to just go from one to the other in the hope of meeting a girl seems a rather costly and silly thing to do. It would be different if I wanted to take up a new hobby for its own sake but I already have one.

I do welcome any advice but I get the impression from reading between the lines that some people are saying forget about girls and throw yourself into various activities instead. The fact is I want a girlfriend (not an unreasonable desire I feel) and substituting this with a new hobby is not what I am wanting to do.

This was never intended to be a thread which said that going to bars was the only way to meet girls; rather a thread which tried to discover if some bars arwe better for this purpose than others.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Why? Could you explain please.

I don't want to give the impression that I only have one aim in life which is to get a girlfriend. I do socialise with people on a more general basis already and have done for some time - although I have never found that this has been a way to get a girlfriend. I don't do it for that reason though - i do it because I like it for its own sake.

This was never intended to be a thread which said that going to bars was the only way to meet girls; rather a thread which tried to discover if some bars arwe better for this purpose than others.

You're kidding? Groups of men out alone usually have a quality of neanderthal hunter gatherers about them, and desparation if they are a little bit older. Even if you aren't all drunk, a group will have pased through earlier that was and was obnoxious with it. You will be tarred with the same brush. It doesn't look good. Few women will approach a huge group of men like this and I guarantee it 99% of the time they go home alone, dpesite all the testostorone fueklled talk.

The answer to your question will be the bar you like best and are happiest in. I for one would HATE both those bars with a passion (I know this without even stepping inside), but quite like trippets for instance. What if someone said that a punk club or classical music concerts or a latin night were bets, would you roll on up regardless of what you though of the atmosphere, music etc?

Originally posted by theflyingfish
You're kidding? Groups of men out alone usually have a quality of neanderthal hunter gatherers about them, and desparation if they are a little bit older. Even if you aren't all drunk, a group will have pased through earlier that was and was obnoxious with it. You will be tarred with the same brush. It doesn't look good. Few women will approach a huge group of men like this and I guarantee it 99% of the time they go home alone, dpesite all the testostorone fueklled talk.

The answer to your question will be the bar you like best and are happiest in. I for one would HATE both those bars with a passion (I know this without even stepping inside), but quite like trippets for instance. What if someone said that a punk club or classical music concerts or a latin night were bets, would you roll on up regardless of what you though of the atmosphere, music etc?

Probably (although I'm not sure about punk). The fact is I go out for the girls not the music.

I know what you mean about gangs of drunken men and that wasn't really what I had in mind. Personally I don't drink but just have a coke. I would prefer to be with just one other (sober) man than a drunken mob.

Talking of Latin American music are Salsa bars good places to meet girls? Are there any in Sheffield?

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

Originally posted by SilentStatic
You need skills - like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
:P

Ugh! Idiot!

;)

At the risk of repeating other posters...

Bars are not the answer. A single male in his mid-thirties, standing by the bar all night, is (rightly or wrongly) automatically viewed as being unapproachable.

I think you need to stop obsessing over and objectifying females so much, because it's obviously doing you no favours. Join some clubs/societies, get interested in meeting people and finding out what they have to say, and do, and just try and make friends with some girls on a non-threatening level.

Just loosen up, relax, enjoy life, enjoy people, and you'll find that they are drawn to you.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
In fact some seem positively repulsed by me, including a girl who is very friendly and kind to everyone else).

Why do you think that is the case? I'm curious. You have some idea at least.

Originally posted by TracieJC
Why do you think that is the case? I'm curious. You have some idea at least.

I'm not sure I do. I have tried to be friendly with her, and not in a sexual way. I don't think of her like that but just notice that she is a generally nice girl but for whatever reason she took a major dislike to me. :confused:

...............................................

Originally posted by sarah_d
(quote)On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls.(quote)

It's this attitude that probably puts girls off - you make them sound like a toy that you want for Christmas,which everyone else has got but you haven't.

exactly, isn't it better to know the person your going out with, rather than just know them from the outside.
Beauty is within after all :)

Originally posted by slimsid2000
I don't know what 'nunchuck' and 'bowhunting' are so it is hard to know whether these 'skills' would be of any use or not. As for computer hacking I believe that is illegal and I can't see any decent girl being impressed by someone who does it.

I was quoting from Napolean Dynamite - fun, quirky little film. Invite a girl round and watch it :P
(Further use of humour, with smiley attached again to indicate that my last comment was tongue in cheek)

On a more serious note, I agree that you'll have more chance of meeting a girlfriend by increasing your number of other mates. I reckon that 'friend of a friend' is the best way of meeting someone.

Sid-

Why not go the forum meets? It seems like a good way of getting out of the house and widening your social circle innit?

Originally posted by slimsid2000

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

Have you thought about counselling to try and work out what your problem really is?

Both universities offer services

Hallam (http://www.shu.ac.uk/services/ssc/counselling/)

University (http://www.shef.ac.uk/counselling/index.html)

My partner has just suggested you forget bars and the whole dating idea and go travelling for a bit. A change of scenery may broaden your horizons and you may meet allsorts of fantastic people.

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Probably (although I'm not sure about punk). The fact is I go out for the girls not the music.

I know what you mean about gangs of drunken men and that wasn't really what I had in mind. Personally I don't drink but just have a coke. I would prefer to be with just one other (sober) man than a drunken mob.

Talking of Latin American music are Salsa bars good places to meet girls? Are there any in Sheffield?

On a final general point (rant) can't people really understand how frustrating and upsetting it is to constantly see good looking girls evrery where and never have one even though you want one very much. Also, the same for constantly seeing males (often much younger than I) with georgous girls. I stopped watching certain TV programmes (soaps etc)long ago for this very reason as I found them increasingly depressing.

The attitude of going out for the girls and not the music is almost certainly contributing to the problem.
Girls are (generally) out for a good time, listen to the music, chat with their friends, have a dance.
They certainly aren't all single, so some of them are not interested in any approach as they have a partner out elsewhere or at home.
The ones that are single aren't there to be stared at, judged, or drooled over.
The single ones might be open to some sort of approach, but it's not going to be some cheesy chat up line or a quick grope.
In terms of guys out in a bar, the most success i've seen has been out as a pair, talking to a pair of girls. I have permission to talk to girls with the aim of helping my single mate out.
I guess two guys are far less threatening than a whole group of them, and two girls are exactly the same and provides a nice match.

Finally, unless you are an incredibly outgoing guy (which i think we can rule out) for godsakes have a drink, it will help you relax, which will be exactly what you need to do.

I think you need to try less.

There is nothing more appelling than someone having a good time (obviously not drunk out of there head though).

If you are just looking round the room, looking for a lass, no one will notice you. If you are having a laugh with a small group, you will probably get noticed more.

If you go out looking to pull, it usually wont happen.

Relax and enjoy yourself :thumbsup:

If you don't drink no wonder you have a bad time in bars - Empire is terrible sober (not that I'd know with the cocktail jugs they do in there).

Take up boozing my man!!

The last three lasses Ive been out with i met a) Leathered at the Leadmill b) Leathered at the Casbah and c) Leathered at a house warming party.

(I did know (b) beforehand cos I worked with her.)

Do you see a pattern Sid? If you wanna get your sen round town a couple of Uri Geller's* will do you proud. Know your limits mind- incoherent ain't sexy :)

*stella artois

Unlike Slim I don't want a girlfriend.

I am in the process of splitting up with my wife, been married 13 years. I can't wait to have some time on my own, do what I want when I want. The last thing on my mind is getting tangled up again.

Genuinely looking forward to being single again.....

Originally posted by BigJ
Unlike Slim I don't want a girlfriend.

I am in the process of splitting up with my wife, been married 13 years. I can't wait to have some time on my own, do what I want when I want. The last thing on my mind is getting tangled up again.

Genuinely looking forward to being single again.....

In that case I practically guarentee you will get a girlfriend before Slim!

In that case I practically guarentee you will get a girlfriend before Slim! [/QUOTE]

I think you might have hit the nail on the head there pal!!!

Unfortunately I can't drink even if I wanted to as I am on long term medication and it clearly states on the packet 'No Alcohol'. I have tried drinking (beer) in the past but couldn't take to the bitter taste of it and so gave up on it. I also like to be fully alert when down town as I feel you need your wits about you for safety as much as anything.

That said, if girls see a man drinking a soft drink would they in general hold this against him or might they be impressed that he is not just another drunken yob? This is a genuine question which I don't know the answer to.

They wouldnt know that its a soft drink for all they know it could have vodka or Jds in it! Do you actually enjoy going to town or do you just go to pick up women?

I doubt they take much interest in what they see someone drinking.
But the depressant effects of alchohol (on your social inhibitions) make you a lot more relaxed and less uptight, which comes through as appearing more confident and probably more approachable.

It probably doesn't help if you are actually worried about your safety as well, you must look really weird out in town in an evening.

I guess you tried drinking bitter? Call me silly, but why didn't you try any other drinks, or just stick with it until you can claim you like the taste (i'm sure that's what most men do, and one day it's actually true).

Originally posted by slimsid2000
Unfortunately I can't drink even if I wanted to as I am on long term medication and it clearly states on the packet 'No Alcohol'. I have tried drinking (beer) in the past but couldn't take to the bitter taste of it and so gave up on it. I also like to be fully alert when down town as I feel you need your wits about you for safety as much as anything.

That said, if girls see a man drinking a soft drink would they in general hold this against him or might they be impressed that he is not just another drunken yob? This is a genuine question which I don't know the answer to.

you need to stop analysing so much, take life as it comes. No point in over reacting about everything, you'll drive your self into an early grave!

sorry but is it just me addicted to this post?

I wouldn't say what you are drinking makes a difference, unless its in a luminous glass or you hold it funny or something....If a lass is gonna go for you, saying "Mines a Tizer" won't put her off.

Its a shame about the boozin though- i suppose what I was getting at is loosen up man!! And a few drinks helps most folk do exactly that. Then you're having a good time, enjoying being out and whether you "pull" or not ... well it don't matter cos it was a laugh.

Oh well, back to the drawing board......... If you don't like smokin either thats my next idea a goner as well.

Safety? I don't keep my wits about me in the slightest and I ain't been beaten to a pulp (yet). I tend not to run my mouth off and go looking for bother (like a good karate-ka) so I don't find any. Don't worry about town matey, it ain't the combat arena some folk would make out it is :)

Its nothing to do with what the bar is...where it is...what it serves....or the sort of people in it. As others suggest it comes down to yourself.....and only you can make things happen. Being in a bar crammed full of girls is no different to being in a dead bar with 1 girl in it if you have no self confidence.......take it from me it doesnt matter where or when or how.....you simply believe in yourself and you can meet girls in any place or situation.

Its all down to how you feel about yourself and believing in your abilities. Some of the best girlfriends I have had I have met in non pub situations such as Tesco's, the Central library local archives, Coffee Revolution, an MOT testing centre..to name but 4. It doesnt follow that you meet the women of your dreams in bars and clubs.......they are just full of members of the opposite sex, and so the odds seem more stacked in your favour....but ONLY if you have the confidence to get their attention and be noticed.......and this does NOT mean walking up to random girls and whipping out the horrible one-liners and chat up routines found on the internet, most of whci hare cringingly terrifying to listen to (Women, agree with me here, most men I am sure still do come out with the most horrible and uninvited chat up lines?)

The golden rule which has always worked for me, in ANY situation at ANY time, is never approach a women unless you get prolonged eye contact and a smile......to do otherwise is usually a mistake. See it all the time in places like Casbah and Flares, men approaching women without any eye contact or body language 'permission' to approach them, coming out with stupid "whats a nice girl like you..." etc and "heaven must be missing an angel and here you are", and to see the girls faces is so funny.....and the guys STILL dont get it when they are rejected. Its a painful lesson chaps......learn it young....women dont care if you are interested in them or not, the ONLY thing that matters to them is if they are interested in YOU (for the first approach I mean)

Goldenfleece,

I think you have summed this whole thread up in one post

I salute you sir

Sid - listen to this the boy knows what he's on about

Slimsid2000 - this is such an addictive thread.....

When you go out to the bars do you go on your own or in a big group or with just a couple of mates?

Asking this because if you are alone then sorry mate but to alot of girls that would seem a little obvious you are on the pull or really desperate - and neither are an attractive option to most of us girls.

If in a big group are you getting lost in the crowd?

Don't try too hard. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who looks like he is having a good time and lots of fun - that does not mean 6 pints of Stella.

Read in the Sheff Telegraph Greens Health Club are having a speed dating night soon, might be worth checking out.