Hia everyone,

I had a rather interesting communication with someone recently with regards to physical appearence..

The background..

I was contacted by someone via e-mail recently and when I asked them what they looked like and whether they had a photo - I was told that I obviously had little 'human value' as I was more interested in what they looked like than their personality!!

I pointed out that physical attractiveness and personality come hand in hand, that someone may be drop dead gorgeous but their personality may suck, so it would be a no go in a relationship kinda sense, conversly someone may not be particularly physically attractive, but their personality wins, so is seen to be attractive.

Also what is found to be attarctive differs from person to person.

Anyway, I was repeatedly told how shallow I was etc and reminded of my lack of 'human value'!!

So my question is - am I being shallow because I think that being physically attracted to someone I would want a relationship with plays a part?

No.
To form a relationship with someone who you don't find attractive is probably possible, but it's natural and normal to consider the physical attractiveness of a potential mate. To not do so would actually be odd, and anyone who claims not to do so is probably lying, either to themselves or to you.

i find that even if someone is unnattractive at first you can start to feel attracted to them due to personality and stuff, the very first time i saw my babies dad i was like eugh what a minger! but as we got to know each other then he became more attractive to me,

i do not think you are being shallow as you have not met this person and can only guage so much of a personality from emails/chat/phonecalls..

i would probably say this person is a minger though if they are not letting you see them! :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

well i wouldnt say ur shallow, it really does help if u are attracted to the person, then develop on personality i guess

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearance" - Oscar Wilde

Interesting to read!

pmslaughing.

I am guessing that you are not still communicating with person x.

Rather hoping that you....................

If you are serious about this then don't be.

It is completely natural to fancy someones appearance.

This can include posture, mannerisms etc.

It is a vital requirement of courtship.

Internet relationships seem weird and unnatural to start as far as i'm concerned. To get to know sombody's true personality takes more than a few emails yet judging someone by a photo can take mere seconds. Then again what i know about relationships could be written on the back of a stamp.

I wouldn't say you were shallow at all, BruciesBabe.

There are a lot of factors that are relevant as to whether or not you fancy someone, and how they look physically is naturally one of those factors. It may not be the most important factor, or even a major factor, but it's bound to influence you to some extent. So I think it's reasonable to ask someone you're potentially going to have a relationship with for a photo.

Personally, though, I think the most important factor - and what it all comes down to in the end - is whether there's chemistry between you. If there's no chemistry, forget it, however gorgeous or intelligent, etc a person is. And I think the only way to discover whether there's any chemistry is to actually meet someone, face to face.

StarSparkle

First can i just say that i have only just noticed your avatar savbaby and i cannot stop laughing! Loving it!:thumbsup:

I feel that the only reason this person wont send you a photo and is calling you shallow is because he is really ugly! It isn't shallow at all. people who say that they go on personality first then looks are lying! If you went to a bar to pull you can't see someones personality! You could probably tell if someone was shy or gobby just from looking at them but not their actual personality!

Also i wouldn't be able to be with someone who was really gastly to look at because you have to look at this person all the time and do intamate things with them. I know that someone is going to ask, 'what if you were in a car accident and smashed your face up, it would serve you right if everyone else thought the same' but i dont mean a horrible appearance in that way, i just mean naturally ugly.

I am a strong believer in that there is the perfect person for everyone out there so what is unattractive to one person is probably a real hottie to someone else.

in my opinion you're definately not being shallow at all - for me it's looks first then personality

people can become more attractive based on their personality after time of course but it's more a case of fancy them first and their personaility supplements their attraction but doesn't make them attractive in my view -

but what do i know, i'm shallow :thumbsup:

I don't think it's shallow to be attracted to someone for their looks. Going out with someone just for their looks is a bit shallow though.

My ex had a great personality but I was not attracted to him at all. I thought that it wouldn't matter because we got on so well. Obviously I was wrong.

Once I got use to his personality even though we still got on I found it really hard to have a physical relationship with him. Because he fancied me it put a strain on us - having a headache every night was not possible!

I don't think I am shallow I think pyshical attraction is just as important as being attracted to their personality otherwise you may just as well be best friends rather than lovers.

Thanks for all the feed backs guys.

I now feel that I have a tad more 'human value'!

x

Well, slightly tangential here - I 'made friends' with Draggletail on here before christmas, and was beginning to form a picture on my mind as to what this person may present themselves like.

Then I saw his and Longshanks' holiday snaps, and was unnerved that I was completely wrong (people express their personalities by how they choose to have their hair cut/coloured, the clothes they wear, etc.)

We all hooked up for a dog walk just after Christmas, and he and Longshanks turned out to be more like I'd pictured them :)

There are various types of attractiveness. I know certain people that I very fond of but would never be intermate with them and vice versa.

We also wear many different hats and what I may find very attractive one day, hour, or even minute I may not the next.

In my past partners I have found attractiveness as a growing feeling, someone to love and be loved, someone to share and to be alone with.

Some people need to be in control, some need to be controlled, some need power others dont etc.etc.

We all wear various hats, to father, to brother, to be a lover amongst hundreds more.

If I knew what attractiveness was I wouldn't be here typing this, I would be out with some luscious partner.......................

Originally posted by missrabbit

Also i wouldn't be able to be with someone who was really gastly to look at because you have to look at this person all the time and do intamate things with them. I know that someone is going to ask, 'what if you were in a car accident and smashed your face up, it would serve you right if everyone else thought the same' but i dont mean a horrible appearance in that way, i just mean naturally ugly.

What's the difference? Someone who is born ugly can't help the fact any more than someone who has their face smashed up in a car crash... unless you're suggesting that all ugly people ought to promptly sign up for plastic surgery so as to fit in with your idea of what's attractive.

As for the original post, getting to know someone through a few e-mails is pretty dodgy in the first place if you ask me - I certainly wouldn't think about forming any sort of relationship with anyone I hadn't met in real life, in which case you'll find out what they look like then. This could I suppose be one of those cases where your correspondent is a 60 year old bloke (I'm assuming he's not meant to be a 60-year old bloke here), or for that matter a 10 year old girl, or a collection of bored students making it up as they go along, or anything...

Originally posted by savbaby
i find that even if someone is unnattractive at first you can start to feel attracted to them due to personality and stuff, the very first time i saw my babies dad i was like eugh what a minger! but as we got to know each other then he became more attractive to me,

i do not think you are being shallow as you have not met this person and can only guage so much of a personality from emails/chat/phonecalls..

i would probably say this person is a minger though if they are not letting you see them! :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

That's exactly how I felt with my hubby...All the boys I fancied...eventually when I went out with some of them they proved to be...urghh :gag:

also....

Originally posted by missrabbit
First can i just say that i have only just noticed your avatar savbaby and i cannot stop laughing! Loving it!:thumbsup:


Supplied by yours truly...
:thumbsup:

Hey metalman, I wouldn't want to get to know someone through e-mail - i much prefer meeting face to face - far more natural. Also as you said you can be whatever you want to be on e-mail - far more difficult face to face.

This person contacted me, I didn't go looking. I was just taken aback at how nasty and offensive they became when I asked what they looked like.

Hia everyone,

I had a rather interesting communication with someone recently with regards to physical appearence..

The background..

I was contacted by someone via e-mail recently and when I asked them what they looked like and whether they had a photo - I was told that I obviously had little 'human value' as I was more interested in what they looked like than their personality!!

I pointed out that physical attractiveness and personality come hand in hand, that someone may be drop dead gorgeous but their personality may suck, so it would be a no go in a relationship kinda sense, conversly someone may not be particularly physically attractive, but their personality wins, so is seen to be attractive.

Also what is found to be attarctive differs from person to person.

Anyway, I was repeatedly told how shallow I was etc and reminded of my lack of 'human value'!!

So my question is - am I being shallow because I think that being physically attracted to someone I would want a relationship with plays a part?

John Merrick Jnr's positive outlook on internet dating soon waned....;)

Perhaps that tells you something about their personality as well then!

I must say though that I have corresponded with various people through e-mails about a variety of subjects (admittedly nothing to do with relationships etc.) and I've never asked any of them for any sort of photograph; some have offered them or posted links to them anyway, as have I, but I was under the impression that it was one of those on-line etiquette no-nos to ask for one in the first place. Though I could easily be wrong in that.

In real life I look absolutely divine. The problem is I've got a rubbish personality - so I'm best off lurking behind me screen.

Show us a picture?!

:heyhey:

Originally posted by Sheffette
In real life I look absolutely divine. The problem is I've got a rubbish personality - so I'm best off lurking behind me screen.

im opposit to you:gag:

Originally posted by metalman
This could I suppose be one of those cases where your correspondent is a 60 year old bloke (I'm assuming he's not meant to be a 60-year old bloke here), or for that matter a 10 year old girl, or a collection of bored students making it up as they go along, or anything...

I had a 15 year old cousin who's mum found out he was a 30 year old fighter pilot when online :roll:

I had a 15 year old cousin who's mum found out he was a 30 year old fighter pilot when online

Quality! Blokes have been lying about their jobs to impress girls for years.

I've been a set designer at the Liverpool Empire, and a Marine Biologist in my time!

on a slightly related note....what would people think to a forum area being set up where we can paste images. Not necessarily of ourselves, maybe pictures we have taken of Sheffield, or other mages of interest.....

N

That's what www.Photobox.co.uk is for, Liencam ;)

Hi

I am a blonde, 22 year old swedish au pair 34-24-36...

:P

.....but then you would only have to check my forum T-shirt piccy to see that ......i'm not...:blush:

I know there are sites out there for that purpose, but nobody ever seems to mention pictures on here....maybe I've missed them.

I was thinking of the ex-pats etc that visit the site.

I was only joking - I'm not really divine, more bog-standard. The rubbish personality bit's true though!

Hi.

I'm a 6'4" bricklayer from Camden. Blue eyes and muscular physique. GSOH. Age 28. Drive an MR2.

:D

Originally posted by Strix
Hi.
I'm a 6'4" bricklayer from Camden. Blue eyes and muscular physique. GSOH. Age 28. Drive an MR2.
:D

does the grin mean you don't drive an MR2?

:suspect:

Originally posted by Strix
Hi.

I'm a 6'4" bricklayer from Camden. Blue eyes and muscular physique. GSOH. Age 28. Drive an MR2.

:D

What's the difference between a MR2 and a hedgehog?


The pr**cks are on the outside of a hedgehog.:D

Originally posted by rubydazzler
does the grin mean you don't drive an MR2?

:suspect:

If you read what went before..... about my cousin and what Siesh posted, you'll conclude that none of what I typed there was true ;)

Originally posted by drolnhoj
What's the difference between a MR2 and a hedgehog?


The pr**cks are on the outside of a hedgehog.:D
Good job I drive a Zafira then! :hihi:

Strix, I am male but need a bricky.........oh get me!!!!!!!!!! pm me if interested.



lol

Originally posted by BoppinBruce
Strix, I am male but need a bricky.........oh get me!!!!!!!!!! pm me if interested.



lol

:confused: I think I've just been out blagged :suspect: