Okay you all will have at some point in your life been involved in a argument of fight. What I would like to know is could any of you give me some advice about dealing with people??
I mean I just usually let them shout they're heads off at me and just ignore them or if they try to challenge me I always back down.
Anyway here are two things that happened to me in the same week. About a month ago actually. I think the first one affected how I reacted in the second incident. . .

Last month I was walking to college one late morning. I had just past a building when two youths ( well about 18 really ) came out of there and started walking behind me.
A few minutes later they started throwing a biro at me. I just ignored it for a while until I saw the biro land beside my foot so I picked it up and threw it in a nearby bush.
I crossed the street to get away from them. Anyway another few minutes past and I noticed that they were throwing stones at me. Again I ignored it until a rock narrowly missed my head. I got angry and turned to them and shouted "Will you leave me alone please??"
They just laughed at me and continued throwing stuff.
I kept crossing the street to avoid them but they just followed me wherever I went. I got quite scared then so I shouted at them again and high tailed it outta there!!
They still followed me but I'm not sure if they had been running. I thought for a bit that I'd lost them until I heard they're voices again. I peeked round the corner and saw them holding big sticks. They saw me and shouted insults and started towards me again so I just ran off again.

The second one is . . .
I was at ( I'll just say college but I wasn't really ) college and had met up with my boyfriend. All day his stupid mate was taking the **** out of me and saying nasty sexual things to me. He upset me but I just tried to ignore him.
After about five hours of it though I got mad. He said something that really upset me ( I don't want to repeat it but it wasn't true because I'm a virgin for crying out loud!! ) :mad: so I told him he was ugly and that I bet that his girlfriend was ugly too in a fit of rage. I didn't swear though. I don't usually swear except for comic effect anyway.
I stormed off. Ten minutes later my boyfriend and one of his other mates came up to me. They said that the nasty boy had a knife on him and was going to get his girlfriend to beat me up!! I just thought he was bluffing and just ignored him. I decided to tell the person in charge about it and he said that I should've not said anything to him. I think that after five hours of sexual harrasment though the person in charge would'nt have been able to bite their tongue!!
I don't know if I would've got beaten up because thankfully my dad picked me up in time. The nasty lad had beaten up my boyfriend and his friends though. I cried all night though.
As for my boyfriend he is now an ex boyfriend after he tried to touch me up.
That lad was just a bully. He and his girlfriend were about 18 and I'm a 16 year old lass. How brave.
Anyway please tell me how you guys would've acted in such a situation. I wanna know for when things like this happen again.

:( ~ Peace ~

Oh my God you poor thing!!! *hugs*

For the first one, I probably wouldn't have been walking alone to start with. Try and walk with friends if at all possible, its much safer. If I had been in that situation, I probably would have turned right back round and gone back to college! There'd be no way I'd put myself in an awkward position. These guys could have followed you home or anything so I certainly wouldn't make it easy for them. I don't know what I would have done if I'd had stones thrown at my head, probably cried, but crying gets you nowhere! It'd probably make you even more of a target!!! But there you go, I don't allow myself to be in such a situation, so I don't prepare myself for it.

The second one is like OMG! How good are they? Two 18 year olds on a 16 year old? Grrr that stuff makes me so mad! They probably wouldn't be alone either, they'd have had their mates ready to "jump in" should you retaliate.

You sound just like me in a way, I wouldn't have a clue what to do if they did it to me, I'd probably do just as you did. To be honest with you, and I don't mean to be stereotypical in any way so no-one take offence!..but that kind of thing happens in colleges all the time, which is part of the reason why I went to a 6th form. I hate to say this, but some people in college know no better than to sort their problems out with their fists, so if you are a sensetive person like me, you'll probably be better off in a 6th form where people deal with things by talking about it!!!

~ Before anyone goes mad and throws major flames at me...please remember that this is all from what I have heard....people don't tell you the good things sometimes, just the bad bits and maybe I have dwelled on these in my post.... I hope I don't offend no-one, because I don't intend to. I'm sure there are loads of lovely, reasonable people that go to college, but unfortunately I have only heard of the unreasonable ones. ~

Scenario One: You should have just screamed "rape" as loud as you can.

Scenario Two: You can do without morons like that as friends. Your "boyfriend" sounded like a right d*ck who didn't deserve you and I sincerely hope something unpleasant happens to him in the near future.

Wow, what a situation to have to be in. In both instances.

I think self defence (especially for women) is vital in this day and age for those situations (that hoepfully never come up).

On the lad at 'college' if I were you I would have reported him to the principle in charge and threatened to bring the law into it as well as the education board if they failed to do anything about it.

Bully's need to be stood up to. When I was 13 i was mugged (to see me know, you would think I was telling porkies).
I never did any self defence classes, and the people who did this were very threatening (one had a knife too). There we around 12-15 of them and 3 of us. They were aged 16-18 at the time.

I contacted the police, identified the people involved and prison sentences were handed out. After that time I indulged in various self defence classes to avoid this situation from happening again.

In the first situation, it's tricky. Depending on where you were it would be advisable to enter a shop or public place within close proximity as these people will want to hurt you when no one is looking. Go into the shop. If they're waiting call the police on your mobile (or ask the shop to do it for you).

I would definately think about some serious self defence classes though just to be on the safe side.

Trouble is DB self defence classes are OK but its a different matter when you faced with the real thing and some people just clam up when they are threatened and the thought of retaliating is worrying in itself in case it makes the bullies worse.
You are right that bullies need to be stood up to but unless you have been in that situation its frightening to do so.

All bullies are cowards in my book and I was bullied at school and eventually stood up to two of the biggest ones and the bullying ended prompto but it was a scarey thing for me to do.
I could have had my block knocked off.

A 16 year old girl would not be advised to confront those yobs and if she had a mobile she could have rang the police who would have dealt with them had they still been around or taken her away to safety.
Maybe carry a security alarm, they are effective when pressed.
Its just best not to retaliate unless you are confident of coming out best.

I am an ex Boxer and i can still handle myself but common sense must prevail i,m still only 5'3" and a good big un will always beat a good little un.

Oh New Age what awful things to happen to you.

The first instance sounds dreadful and so frightening. I don't know where you were but I know a few times I have been followed and I have always walked into the nearest shop or safe place and just said outright "Someone is following me can I stay in here until he has gone please". The staff wherever that has been (one time at the young people's centre which used to be by the Peace Gardens, one time the train station ticket office, one time a local post office) have all been brilliant and offered to call the police, look out for me, walk me to the bus stop etc. I think people are generally quite sensitive to this kind of situation.

However I don't know if you were near any shops or offices or anything at the time.

As for the second one, I'm *glad* you've got rid of your boyfriend if he touched you up. Noone has the right to touch anyone unless it is agreed by both people.

And the people who threatened you, it's just disgusting. I think telling the person in charge was a good idea.

Stay safe love,
Pippa x

Thanks for all your hints guys. :) Thankfully that stuff doesn't happen to me alot!!
I'm currently working with the college to catch the two lads who were throwing rocks. Apparantly there have been quite a few complaints around that particular area. So I should get it sorted out soon!! :D
The other one I just left. I don't think that the person in charge who I told actually did anything. It dosen't matter though because I just think that him and his girlfriend must be very sad people to take pleasure in other people's fear.
I'll just wait for the Wheel Of Karma to get those guys!! :D
Dabouncer I'm sorry to hear that you were mugged!! Thats digusting!! At such a young age it must have affected you more than my stuff affected me!! :mad:
Maybe I should do Jujitsu again but I think your right guys that in a fight everything seems worse and more scary. Well until then I'll just keep running!! :P

Also I forgot to say that they is alot of nice people in college too. Its just the bad things that you always seem to remember though.

It's good to remember Karma - eventually bullies pick on the 'wrong' person and get what's coming to them!

I had a long-running situation in my village when I was about 15, where the local glue-sniffing reprobates used to use my head for target practice with large pieces of tarmac pulled out of the car park near the bus stop. They even used to spit in my face if I got too close. I never worked out why at all, but they eventually made a mistake - they were arrested for trying to mug me and my ex-gf in a nieghbouring village (presumably thought I wouldn't recognise them or something?!)

It's best to try not to react to any of their taunts/stones/etc... as that is what they are looking for. Hopefully they will get bored and go and pick on someone else, whilst you can go and find help!

It's true CR that it is inadvisable to confront these pr**ks even when martial art trained. Unless you are very confident.

There are classes out there that will put you in 'semi-serious' confrontation circumstances to help you gain confidence to know what to do.

Learning pressure point (on a guy I'm sure you know where the main one is)! But learning self defence for that situation that we all hope NEVER happens to us (i'm not just referring to mugging... thats small fry... I'm talking when you actually being attacked or worse). It's better to know something and not need it than need it and not know it.

I've studied Thai Boxing, Ju-Jitsu, Taekwondo, Aikido and Capoeira. The forum member Jay_KD is an excellent instructor and teaches a combination of styles. He would be well worth a chat with to learn something you could do.

Yeah the incident what happened to me when I was a kid altered my view on the world and prompted me to get heavily into martial arts and going to the gym.

Talk to jay_kd and he'll give you some gopod advice i'm sure. :thumbsup:

Originally posted by Agent Dan
Hopefully they will get bored and go and pick on someone else, whilst you can go and find help!
Whilst possibly good advice, is it fair to allow someone else to have to put up with this?

I'd always want to take a direct action route and get these poeple sorted. Call the police, that's what they're there for.

Once bullies realise they are getting to you and upsetting you they'll do it even more. Ignore them and they usually go away.

Incident one - very difficult to offer advice here, you did all the right things but they realised that you were getting upset by it so did it more. I'd have gone up someone's path and knocked on the door.

Incident two - the man you reported them to wasn't fully clued up. If your boyfriend had been a boyfriend he wouldn't have stood for that and would have defended you.

I'd never been 16 again if you paid me!

New Age, if you get an reoccurance then try and find out who they are, or what classes they attend or just where they visit and when.

If you do, then let me know and I will be please to solve your problem - I am experienced and skilled at having quiet words in ears.

Originally posted by Zamo
New Age, if you get an reoccurance then try and find out who they are, or what classes they attend or just where they visit and when.

If you do, then let me know and I will be please to solve your problem - I am experienced and skilled at having quiet words in ears.
I'll second that motion and back Zamo up!

I'll third it too, people like that make me sick.

Look after yourself New Age.

I'll fourth that and propose "Sheffield Forum Vigilante Group"!! Should we pettition Phan for a debate??!

Originally posted by Agent Dan
I'll fourth that and propose "Sheffield Forum Vigilante Group"!! Should we pettition Phan for a debate??!
A quiet word... nothing wrong with that is there?!?

I'm not sure that Phan's verbal and debating brilliance will help in a situation like this. In my experience getting a message across to people like this is more about message presentation. If done correctly it is rare that a practical lesson is required.:smile:

hehehe true, true. The best ways are to avoid confrontation entirely... I just don't have the contacts in sheffield yet!!

Thanks DaBouncer I'll have a chat to Jay. I bet he'll know which style would suit me. Also thanks Zamo. I was wondering if they would be any reoccurences with that but seeing as it happened so long ago I don't think that they'll remember me. Also thanks to all you guys for being kind to me. I'm sure that if they do lay a finger on me my parents or my friends would kick the brown stuff out of them. :thumbsup: :D