So how would you rate your appearance?
If you had to be honest and frank.
If they took a Looks-ometer and aimed it at you,
where do you think you would rank?

Are you Stunning or Pretty, can you turn a few heads?
Where would you rate on the scale?
Do you long to be up at the Beautiful end
to lure in the prime alpha male?

But you may be just Average, Plain or Not Bad
and appeal to the regular chap.
Or Nothing-to-Write-Home-About or Sort of So-So
but can pass for OK with some slap.

Or are you a serious minger?
Dogs whimper and howl as you pass,
with a complexion to frighten small children away
and a face that can shatter plate glass.

But whatever your rating you shouldn’t despair
for here’s a new product to help:
Buy new Restorinox with added G12
plus jojoba and extracts of kelp.

Just one little jar of this miracle cream
can perk up the homeliest creatures.
Just rub it in nightly for 36 months
and watch for the change in your features.

Do you accept Visa, Sir Nigel?

Can you send 4 jars in plain packaging?

(My wife'll kill me if she reads this post! :o) :hihi:

Seriously though, great post in the tradition of Sir_Nigel on here. :thumbsup:

:hihi:Very good! :D

Sure, Shoeshine - 4 jars - 'for your wife'.

An excellent ditty. :D

A cracking read as always, Sir Nigel, and it gave me a much needed chuckle this morning.

Now, if you could have your man deliver a case of the stuff (unmarked cardboard box), my cheque will be in the post. Have already engaged the services of one of Sheffield's master plasterers, who is on standby as we speak...