Ive read many articles concerning 'separation anxiety' and they all seem to say that its a healthy phase your child goes through and only proves he/she has a healthy bond with you.

Im worried because my 11 month old is not clingy to me at all. I spend all day with him taking him to the park, play centers, swimming and generally trying my best to keep him entertained and stimulated. When I leave him with his grandparents it seems as if he doesnt care whether Im there or not. In fact he cries and struggles against me when I try to take him off his grandad!! He never cries for me when I leave him. Does this mean he doesnt have a 'healthy bond with me'? This is making me feel really insecure.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this!!

Oh, slapdash, I have no doubt your child will show you the real meaning of separation anxiety one of these days. In the meantime, glory in your confident child who's secure in the fact that you will always be there.
They all go through these things at different times...except that some never do. :) As long as all else is fine, don't go torturing yourself with futile comparisons. My child has never really exhibited ongoing separation anxiety, just the odd phase of wanting to be with this person or not that person, not go to nursery, or not come home from nursery. I think we're pretty well bonded...

all my kids have been happy to be left anywhere and they are extremely confident happy children. I actually read the opposite theory to yours, that a secure child will be happy to be left with others because they always know your coming back to them, because they know you love them. Children suffer from seperation anxiety when they lose the ability to trust you when you say you'll be back. Never allay a childs fear by telling tham you'll only be gone a minute when really your leaving them at nursery or somewhere for the day. It sounds like your doing a great job. Keep up the good work!

[QUOTE=SlapDash;4005107]Ive read many articles concerning 'separation anxiety' and they all seem to say that its a healthy phase your child goes through and only proves he/she has a healthy bond with you.

Im worried because my 11 month old is not clingy to me at all. I spend all day with him taking him to the park, play centers, swimming and generally trying my best to keep him entertained and stimulated. When I leave him with his grandparents it seems as if he doesnt care whether Im there or not. In fact he cries and struggles against me when I try to take him off his grandad!! He never cries for me when I leave him. Does this mean he doesnt have a 'healthy bond with me'? This is making me feel really insecure.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this!![/QUOTE}]

unless he is screaming he hates you I really dont think this is a concern. He probably just thinks his grandad is fun. You have to do the strict side as well as the fun side as well as all the other criteria you need to fill for him. So whereas you also take him everywhere and play with him, his grandad just does the fun stuff. Grandparents tend to be more laid back then they were with their own children aswell. If he is with you all the time enjoying himself and then goes to his grandparents for more fun and cuddles he is probably just the independent type and just very confident that he has his grandad and you wont be long.

It could also be the fact that he doesn't see Grandad everyday so it's someone new for him to play with. I know that Babycamrat is quite clingy with mrscamrat, but when granny and gradadcamrat are around he doesn't want to know us!

My DD is only just starting to show a bit of separation anxiety and she's just turned 2. I think it all depends on the child and I was always happy that she felt able to go and be anywhere without me. Now it's a pain, as I feel guilty leaving her, when she's crying 'MUMMMMMY, MMMMUUMMMMY' at the top of her voice and I feel awful.

My DD used to also seem to show a preference for anyone but me. Usually Granddad and Daddy. But now she's older she's happier to leave them as she understands that she will seem them again.

My son has gone through phases so far. At times he is not bothered.
Now he's getting closer to 3 he has gotten a bit clingy again, which is a nightmare, as I feel such a nasty mum - talk about guilt trip.
Weight Watchers meeting is the only free time I get to myself, so I leave him for his dad to sort out. :) :o
Only time it's worked on me is when he's ill, as he really does need me then.:love:

Baby Alien is like this with his Dad and my Dad. My partner works long hours when he's away from home, and often has to segregate himself in his office for long periods when home (he runs his own business and it's only him and sometimes me too). So when Baby Alien sees Daddy he rushes over for cuddles and kisses and "Don't you dare let me go!" He screams for several minutes when Daddy disappears again. This is despite my partner giving him his bath and putting him to bed most nights.

My parents live 200 miles away and we lived with them until BA was 11 months old. He is therefore very attached to them. He doesn't cry so much when they go out or we leave, but he is very clingy with them. Mostly my Dad because he used to be the best with him when he had colic when he was tiny and they got into a routine of going for walks round the garden/house/street in the evenings with my Dad telling him about everything and signing about what he was seeing to him. Generally his preference is Grandda, Nanna, Daddy, Mummy depending on who is present.

As I'm the main caregiver he knows when I sign 'wait/patient' and tell him I'll be a minute now. He will even wave goodbye to me when I leave the room (or sign to me to bring food when I come back, haha!)! But it wasn't always like that - he went through separation anxiety quite early - about 6ish months onwards and it came and went. There was a time where I had to stick Teletubbies in the DVD, stick him in his walker and creep out of the room whilst he was distracted just so I could get a shower! But he knows I'll always come back now, he's just not learnt that other people will too yet. Has your son gone through clingy phases before? If so that could have been separation anxiety, just earlier than the books say because they're only a guide.

BA also is very confident at groups and when out and about - very sociable and happy to be away from me for long periods, but it wasn't always like that. When he first started crawling he was very wary of going too far away. But now he's fine in just about any situation. In fact last week he got upset at Jellys because he was tired couldn't see me straight away (I wasn't sitting where I usually sit) and he was a little worried. But once Boosmum picked him up and showed him where I was he was his happy little self again and toddled off. You could just have a very happy, contented and independent little one, especially if you're keeping him stimulated - I seem to!

Finally, to make a very long post even longer, I've just revisited my developmental psychology textbooks and the time to worry is if he actively withdraws from you when you return to him. This would demonstrate that he is not forming an attachment to you because he is not sure how to react to you. If he is happy to have cuddles and kisses and playtime with you and is simply not upset when you go then you've probably got very little to worry about and he sounds like he is pretty securely attached to you. I was checking this out for myself only the other week because I wasn't sure about BAs attachments (re. the real distress when Daddy leaves vs. waving me off!) and as long as he is happily interacting with you (BA likes to come and give me kisses and cuddles - but then he has been known to kiss random children in Toys R Us too, haha!) then you've probably not got much to worry about.

Sorry about the length of this - I've been drinking Red Bull, hehe!