Time for a rant (cracks knuckles, flexes fingers, gives his chin the Mr MacKay thrust).

I saw a mate from school a couple of days ago, and took him for a drink at the nearest pub. We reminisced, had a good laugh at our former schoolmates expense, and left blood brothers again.

But -

There was something really irritating about the way he talked to me. Throughout the conversation (only whilst I was talking), whenever he was actually in ciggy-in-mouth mode mode, he'd nod his head wisely, utter mm,mm,mm,mm noises (as if to say, "yeah, I'm with you on that, carry on -"), raise his chin a few inches, and give me a squinty eyed better-than-thou, everything-you-say-is-being-judged-by-me-as-I-am-wise-and-your-stupidity-is-being-monitored sort of a look, before puffing out the smoke and giving me his reply.

And it was supremely irritating.

The guy had only been a smoker for the past five years, so I'd never seen it before in him. But to me it just smacked of artificiality. It was as if he'd adopted it as a sophisticated tool (probably the same could be said for him adopting smoking) to be used in intelligent conversation. I've seen it used by smokers in the past - it's the smoker's squinty eye look. It's never used over the brim of a pint glass, it would look stupid. Just when taking a drag in mid-conversation.

But the squinty-eyed look bugs me in general. The number of people that can't seem to hold a conversation without closing their eyes whilst they are talking. They always come across as dismissive.

"How are you, Mrs Spungen?"

Mrs Spungen promptly closes her eyes and tilts her head, "Well, you know, I'm alright, I suppose, not as good as I was, you know".

But the worst ones are the hypnotic Eyelid Flickerers. Same head tilt, but these seem to be more distainful. It seems to be an upper-class trait.

"How are you, Mr Forbes-Farquharr?"

Tilts the head, looks up and to the left, flicker-mode initiated, "I'd be far happier, young man, when this country abandons it's current un-p-p-p-pleasant obsession with Mr B-B-B-Blair".

Ok, the stutter is optional, but I find the 3/50th of a second epilepsy-inducing glimpse of the whites of the eye very spooky indeed (did I mention the eyeballs always look upwards while the flicker is in action?) I'm sure it's an affected habit as this variant in particular is more noticable in certain character types.

Anyway, that's it. I've done. (Thrusts out the Mr MacKay chin, kicks the cat, stomps downstairs for breakfast).

I sympathise Ant - once you notice something then there it is, laughing at you and testing your patience at every turn. My pet conversational bete noir is the repetition of a statement as a question.

Me: "I went to the park yesterday"

Pleb: "Did you? Did you go to the park?"

<Inside my head: "NO! I abducted a donkey from a sanctuary, ritually sacrificed it to our dark lord and danced a jig on its carcass!">

Me: "Yes.

I cannot express my hatred for this particularly sloppy way of conducting a conversation enough. Am I alone in thinking that it just smacks of the mentally lazy having to say something just for the sake of it?

I'm with you all the way on that one Ant, plus for me it's also the wet fish handshake.

With smokers the screwed up eye is to prevent their fumes getting in to their eyes, I believe...:)

I have a weakness in the muscles of one eye caused by measles when I was a kid. The result of this is that when I get tired one eye starts going in it's own direction....:)

It must be most annoying for folks who I'm talking to.

Also, it doesn't go in the 'usual' squint direction, so I was a source of much interest to ophthamologists!

Joe

I think i know why smokers do the squinty thing.... it's to stop the smoke going in their eyes, very off putting i admit but in actual fact not an insult just a necessity?!

It's a bit like girls who wear incredibly short skirts and then spend the rest of the day trying to pull the hem down to their knees.

Spoilsports.

Or more grating, and it's the girls again I'm afraid: those who have their hair cut so it falls over their face, and then when they talk, they're forever pushing it away from their eyes.

My old english sheep dog had a similar prob (he died in 1987 though).

But this Curse of The Squinty Eye is very, very true. As they draw on the cancer-dummy, their eye screws up like a suffering rectum, and focusses-in on you, the head jars and you feel as though your whole BEING is being drawn-in, processed and inevitably, taken the **** out of!

What gets me the most is when it's their turn to speak, but they're in the middle of savouring the smoke. It feels like you're being made to wait before you are honoured with hearing them speak.

Also hate in when the smoke goes in your face and then they start waving their hands in your face and apologising.

Glad I'm not friends with many smokers.

I have a weakness in the muscles of one eye caused by measles when I was a kid. The result of this is that when I get tired one eye starts going in it's own direction....

I wasn't meaning to be un-pc, Joe, honest! It's the affected squinty eyes that bug me, not the biologically truant ones. Marty Feldman is fine in my book. If he closed his eyes when he was talking to me, then I'd have a problem with him. ;) - oo, there you go, I'm at it now. :hihi:

I've come to the conclusion it's a psychological barrier that they put up. It's a mark of utter distain and aloofness. "You're not worth talking to, so I won't even look at you".

Or something.

Whatever. It bugs me.

Originally posted by Ant
I wasn't meaning to be un-pc, Joe, honest! It's the affected squinty eyes that bug me, not the biologically truant ones. Marty Feldman is fine in my book. If he closed his eyes when he was talking to me, then I'd have a problem with him. ;) - oo, there you go, I'm at it now. :hihi:

I've come to the conclusion it's a psychological barrier that they put up. It's a mark of utter distain and aloofness. "You're not worth talking to, so I won't even look at you".

Or something.

Whatever. It bugs me.

hehehehe....I know, that! :)

My own squint annoys me enormously! A side effect is that I get slight double vision!

The smoking thing is bloody annoying - at least I understand where the lines around their eyes come from!

Joe

Another technical fault - see below....

Originally posted by JoePritchard
With smokers the screwed up eye is to prevent their fumes getting in to their eyes, I believe...:)

I have a weakness in the muscles of one eye caused by measles when I was a kid. The result of this is that when I get tired one eye starts going in it's own direction....:)

It must be most annoying for folks who I'm talking to.

Also, it doesn't go in the 'usual' squint direction, so I was a source of much interest to ophthamologists!

Joe

Nah, on seconds thoughts, I'll scrub that.....terrible idea!!!

Thanks for the reply though, JP!

Lord Snooty,

I had a similar experience when I first went to UNiversity. I studied Biochemistry and as there was a fair amount of lab work involved I had to have safety glasses made up to my usual prescription.

Anyway, trotted off to the ophtamology department to get fitted (gave the students some practice) and within minutes was surrounded by lots of students and lecturers saying 'Haven't seen one like that before!'

Before long I was an examination question....:)

I sat in a room with other people with variously dodgy eyes and was poked and prodded by the opticians of tomorrow. By teh time of the examination I knew the full details of the condition, but I wasn't supposed to say a thing!

Joe

You’re not alone, Joe. One of my eyes does its own thing when I’m very tired, too. (I have amblyopia in my left eye, which is considered “functionally blind.” But no one is the wiser…unless I’m sleepy.). I can’t tell when it’s happening, though. Can you? I only know about it because occasionally, it freaks some people out and they tell me to “stop doing that!” :roll:

Originally posted by Bobbi
You’re not alone, Joe. One of my eyes does its own thing when I’m very tired, too. (I have amblyopia in my left eye, which is considered “functionally blind.” But no one is the wiser…unless I’m sleepy.). I can’t tell when it’s happening, though. Can you? I only know about it because occasionally, it freaks some people out and they tell me to “stop doing that!” :roll:

Sounds very much like my left eye. The medics I mentioned above did a lot of work with me, excercising the eye and making me use it - lots of weird stuff involving pages of the daily newspaper, red plastic filters for my good eye and a red felt pen with which I was supposed to fill in the letters a,o,g,p,e,b,d on the newspaper pages. Gave me some stunning headaches but improved the eye a little!

I can tell when mine's going walkies as I start getting a little double vision. The other problem I have is depth perception - I can drive and such without problems or legal issues, but playing ball games is quite hard work - I used to play cricket and badminton and had to learn how to judge the ball purely by relative size and rough guesswork rather than being able to rely on proper steroscopic vision.

Oh, and I can't do those 3d picture thingies! :)

And finally.....ahem.....

I say, I say, I say...why can't I be a teacher?
I don't know Joe, why can't you be a teacher?
Because I can't keep my pupils under control!

I thank you! :D

Joe

I'd leave it out of your next script, if I were you. :rolleyes:

Ant, how wonderfully observant !

Yes I've noticed this too. :D

Why do smokers head for the kitchen in other peoples' houses to light up like
a) this is OK
b) you ever want to eat food again prepared in an ashtray!
:gag: :rant: