I'm talking partner/spouse here.

Is physical attraction that important in making a new relationship?
I suppose that the first thing that we notice about somebody is the way they look, not only facially but also the way they dress tells us something about the type of person they are.

Would you immediately dismiss somebody as a potential partner because they weren't physically attractive or would you get to know them better first.

What happens to a relationship based mostly on physical attraction when the looks/body starts to go as they invariably do to some degree especially after having babies. What happens if your stunningly beautiful girlfriend is disfigured in some way?

Can we honestly put hand on heart and say that looks don't matter?

This was discussed in the chat room about a couple weeks ago - JamieW raised the question after watching the shallow Hal film.

The main thing I go for is personality but there has to be a bit of physical attraction.

I suppose it depends on the circumstances of how you meet etc. When I was younger I'd go and chat to someone based on their looks (club/pub/etc) but now I'm grown up I prefer to get to know someone and have a good chat. Usually I've met someone through my circle of friends which is good as you can keep socialising without it being a "date".

I'm much more interested that someone has a sense of humour and is up for a laugh rather than they look like a catwalk model but have the personality of a lump of tripe ;).

I've been out with a few model types when I was younger and they were incredibly dull and shallow (not saying ALL models are!).

At the end of the day its important that you can have a laugh and have a stimulating conversation with your partner IMO. In long term relationships your partner should be your best friend, you need to be able to share your troubles and experiences.

Rant over :)

You sneaked in there before I got chance to say anything (had to do some work)...
But you pretty much said what I wanted to Xtro - so I shalln't waste my breath.

I spent most of my 'dating' life doing the looks first. Many of my boyfriends were admired by other girls though they were not what I would call sickeningly gorgeous.

They all ended in disaster. Then I met my current hubby over the internet. Didn't see a picture of him before I fell in love with him, and when I did I have to say I was shocked!!
He wasn't my 'normal type' infact completely the opposite, but after the hell I had been through I wondered if that was the point

We are now coming up on our third wedding anniversay so something must be right for me to have married him - and vice versa.

I think looks help, but they are most definately not the defining requirements for a succesful relationship.

Moon

Originally posted by hiyabeing
You sneaked in there before I got chance to say anything (had to do some work)...


You...do some work...? Blimey whatever next? ;)

hiyabeing and xtro are you two an item by any chance?

Looks seem to get people's attention, but personally, I don't think looks are everything. I once went out with a guy named Mark who was a real stunner, but his personality was rubbish! He knew he was good looking, he had the "I'm so good" attitude and everything! Needless to say, we didn't last long!

Intelligence and personality impress me. If a guy can show me that he knows a lot, but can also be very down to earth, he'll get my attention. Only one guy has ever shown me that so far, his name is Chris and we've been together over a year!!!!! :) :)

If someone was to go for me just for my looks they'd be gutted when they see me first thing in a morning!!!!! :D

I have been with married for almost 24 years now i,m 44 and my wifes 42 and she is more attractive now then she was when i met her.
That may sound like i,m saying she was'nt attractive at 17, of course thats not true but i love her more now than ever.
There is of course a fear that your partner may end up looking like her mother but thank god thats not happened in my case.

Originally posted by Mo
hiyabeing and xtro are you two an item by any chance?

LOL - no, just obviously on similar wavelength!!!

I'm actually engaged to Angelina Jolie but it is proving very hard fighting off Kate Beckinsale and Mena Suvari.

Damn women! ;)

its all about the X-factor.

you can be overwhelmingly attracted to someone and find them really sexy and charming without realising they are not conventionally great looking. and on the flip side you can date a really sterotypically good looking person and not fancy them -even if they are intelligent and funny too. its just the way it goes.

I always think that to start with it has to be looks. If there were two people stood next to each other, one good looking one and one minger, you would talk to the good looking one first (good looking to you).

I do think that in the same way you can sometimes see if someone has a 'positive' personality just if they're laughing and joking, because none of us (I hope) has ever been attracted to anyone who just looks a miserable chuff have we?

Hey, i started reading this post thinking that despite being ugly there may still be a chance of me not being single for the rest of my life...

because none of us (I hope) has ever been attracted to anyone who just looks a miserable chuff have we?
However, as im generally a 'miserable chuff' about being single, it seems that i probably will be single forever. Now thats just more reason to be miserable!

Oh, well, :(

I think we are taught (by society ... adverts etc) ... that looks are a lot more important than they actually are.

It's the feelings you have inside that count ... and apart from anything else ... a lot of good looking people are up their own bums with self importance ... which i think is a real tradgedy.

Jethro dude.

I was listening to some psychologist on the Jo Whiley show a couple of weeks ago and she was talking about body language, she said the people who have the most success with the opposite sex are the ones who are smiling the most!!!

She also mentioned walking into places of social interaction and saying 'hi' to everyone you walk past, any who say 'hi' back has noticed you, which can only be a good thing!!!

yeah man, like that 'would like to meet..' programme on bbc2. that bloke jeremy(?) is reight patronising and mean tho. they always force people to be sociable in places/ways they aren't used to.

I wanted to quote a few of you with ' good looking people being up their own bums' and the 'X-Factor' (which I totally agree with), what a witty lot you all are. :nod:

Just wanna mention caprice's 'If a guy can show me that he knows a lot'.... you mean about life / people? as opposed to 'things'???? I hope so.:thumbsup:

and now i'm sat eating HARD poached eggs instead of yummy runny ones on my toast... becase i'm so slow at checking who said what, when where and how!!!

Have to agree with you about the smiling jayjay03 :bigsmile:

People are like animals / dogs !!.

When dogs are happy and wag their tails and smile (they practically smile with their whole body) ... they get a positive response from other doggies (maybe not from the mean doggies).

Just one thing chaps. If you decide to 'wag your tail' in public, I am not responsible for the concequences OK :shocked:

I'm not interested in what people look like at all.

What makes a person into someone I want to be friends with is who they are, not what physical characteristics they display.

If someone is (according to societal standards) beautiful and then is in a mangling car accident with scars all over their face and no eyes then they are still the same person. If you were in love with them before then surely unless very superficial you will still be in love with them afterwards.

If someone is (again according to the societal standards of the day) ugly then all that means is that the features on their face aren't set out in a standard way. What on earth difference does this make to anything??

I'd love to say it doesn't matter but if someone looks like they've been chasing parked cars then I wouldn't usually go up to them in a club/pub etc. It can be different though if there's a 3rd party involved e.g. a mate of a mate because someone else breaks the ice...

Confidence is the key though (well for men anyway) - as long as you are confident in yourself you'll do great :D

Well I'm a girl and I agree with you.
In fact, when my mates say 'ooohh isn't he good looking' ... i don't undesrtand what they mean'. Someone might not be ugly, but no emotion attached in my head unless got a bit more to base it on!!! (Including how you talk, walk, interact etc etc)

So, what your saying is that there is hope for me!

Thats good at least. :D

Well, apart from me having no confidence. :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Jethro
So, what your saying is that there is hope for me!

Thats good at least. :D

Well, apart from me having no confidence. :rolleyes:


what about a little dutch courage? - have a unit of alcohol before approaching someone?

Alcahol - i dont really drink much.

And even if i did, how would it help?

Besides, i never get out, which is also a problem. :(

Originally posted by Jethro
So, what your saying is that there is hope for me!

Thats good at least. :D

Well, apart from me having no confidence. :rolleyes:

I have friends who have problems talking to women. Fortunately I have no problem talking to women full stop. I'll tell you what I tell them if thats ok...:)

Don't treat women as some mystery object or sex toy. They're just human beings, talk to them as you would anyone. Be polite and friendly and don't think "oh my god its a woman!!111".

Don't go up to someone with the intention of "pulling" (which is something I detest). Just talk! If you like them but its not happening then you've had a good chat and made a new friend. Forget any rubbish about chat up lines or anything like that just be yourself.

I'm lucky, I have a lot of close personal female friends so its probably a lot easier for me.

Anyway I hope I didn't seem patronising or anything like that and this helps. I wasn't singling you out as in need for help by the way LOL, just stating a few personal thoughts out loud :)

Thanks, i need help!

I need all the help i gan get! Im nearly 20 and ive only ever had one girlfriend, and i met her on the internet so it wasnt as if i actually went out to meet people and chatted her up like most normal teenagers. We did however live together for a year, but recently split up which is partly why im lonely and depressed.

Well, i still think im a lost cause.

lol.

Its natural to be down after a break up mate as we all know.

I wish I was nearly 20 again LOL, had a great time at your age ;) Well you've got youth on your side, don't go writing yourself off just yet! If you think you don't get out enough then that's the first thing to change. Gym, evening classes, that kind of thing are good to build your self-confidence up and get out more.

Don't do things with the sole purpose of meeting someone though, do them for YOU and have fun. If you meet someone whilst improving your social life then its a bargain.

As for not drinking, thats a plus in my book. Rather than a pub or club the best way to meet someone worth talking to and holding down a decent conversation is through friends.

I got over my ex by getting down to the gym and taking up karate first, then did a bit of travelling. Improved myself mentally and physically - and all for ME :)

Good luck mate - why don't you come down to the next forum meet by the way? Make some new friends and have a pint (or diet coke ;).

All the best

Well, the problem isnt so much that ive recently broken up, its more the fact that ive none of the normal 'getting out and meeting people' skills that most (well all) people have my the time their my age.

>>I wish I was nearly 20 again LOL, had a great time at your age<<
Thats my point, everyone does, apart form me who is having a crap time!

Anyway, I could come to the next forum meet, but its scary just going somewhere where there are loads of people i dont know - i dont have the courrage to do that!

>>have a pint (or diet coke)<<
Yes, diet coke, as im fat as well as ugly, lol.
Its true actually, but im trying to diet a bit.

:D :( :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Jethro


Anyway, I could come to the next forum meet, but its scary just going somewhere where there are loads of people i dont know - i dont have the courrage to do that!

>>have a pint (or diet coke)<<
Yes, diet coke, as im fat as well as ugly, lol.
Its true actually, but im trying to diet a bit.

:D :( :rolleyes:

well in that case i'll walk in with you so that i look thinner!!! and you will look less facially disfigured and taller. (as i am a scarred shorty) see, being 'different' has its perks.

anyway the forum is a diverse bunch, so no-one will be bothered.

I'm actually being forced to work at the moment (working at work - what a shock lol) so will be brief.

1. I'll be going to the next forum meet and in all likeliness there will be just 1 person there I know. Even though I'm a normally confident bloke its still a new experience and I'll be quiet at first (well...not for long knowing me ;)).

2. You're talking to me here on a forum and we've never met. Swap the forum for a pub and that's the next forum meet. I'll get you a drink.

ttfn :)

It's all about positive thinking - there was a period a few years ago where I lost a lot of my confidence for whatever reason. Once I realised that was the problem I just made sure I took a positive outlook on everything and thought sod what anyone else thinks about me etc. It worked - I'm now back to my happy confident best :D

People always debate looks Vs personality when choosing a partner. Why not have both? They're not mutually exclusive.

>>People always debate looks Vs personality when choosing a partner. Why not have both?<<

Damn, looks and personality - my lifes looking very lonely for a long time to come then.

Maybe i should post a poll on how attractive people think i am - then i would know for sure, :D, lol!

My pic is on the site linked in my profile if anyone wants to try to tell me that im not ugly, :rolleyes: (but if you do, i probably wont beleive you anyway! hehe)

T

I think we are all forgetting the media and societies perception of what is beautiful and how that is drilled into us everywhere we go.

Personally I dont go for convensional 'good looks' I go for the individual. But I do think it helps if there is an attraction - but it doesnt have to be about image!

I met my partner a few times before I even realised I liked her. And this goes against my morals and ethics but I suddenly realised how sexy and gorgeous she was! It was this that made me want to know her even more! GOD! What am I like? A HYPOCRITE most likely!

IT ALL DEPENDS! EVERY SITUATION, PERSON AND MEETING ARE UNIQUE!

(need to breathe :o :( :rolleyes: :confused: :) :thumbsup: )