Hi all.

At the last Poems & Pints evening we had a few newcomers which was excellent to see.

One of them, however, performed a couple of monologues. They were very like Bob Newhart and were just as funny. As such, it's spurred me in to wanting to write some comedy.

The only problem is, I start out with something that seems funny in my head, but by the time I've written some of it, and I actually see it, it doesn't make me smile at all, which means I get stuck as I don't know what else to write and end up with lots of started projects but nothing complete.

I love comedy and watch it all the time from stand-up to tv programs, films and also listen to as much as I can and reckon I have good influences. I just can't write anything funny.

If there are any writers out there who can write comedy and can give me some hints then please let me know. Also, I'm up for meeting and having some sort of writing session as I seem to be able to be quite funny in the presence of others, it's just when I'm on my own that I struggle.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Cheers

I seem to be able to be quite funny in the presence of others

We think you're 'quite funny' when you walk out of the room too Leviathan :D

Seriously, I know what you mean, a few of my friends are shining wits (That's not a spoonerism :) ) and we bounce surreal ideas and funny comments off each other, the whole thing escalates and before we know it we're laughing our heads off and the landlord is phoning the local lunatic asylum to see if the inmates have escaped.

It's getting it down on paper (once sober) that is the hard bit.

OK, I'm going to give it a go, this is a conversation I had years ago with Paul, we're sat in my car, early for an appointment and I turn the radio on, within seconds we're agog at what we're listening to…

RADIO: "Aye, this is a tunnel under the dam, as yer can see the walls are dripping" (SFX: dripping water)

PAUL: "What the hell are we listening to?"

ME: "Probably the most boring programme ever broadcast on radio 4, I think…"

PAUL: "You're not kidding. Christ it beats the pants off their coverage of their Swedish paint drying competition last week."

ME: "Agreed, (Yawn!) Even the guy from the water board sounds like he's in a coma, what a boring job he must have…"

PAUL: "D'you think if he was in a coma anyone would notice?"

ME: "His employers might, in fact they'd probably promote him if he worked for Yorkshire Water."

RADIO: "Oh aye, we sometimes patrol the dam at night, just in case…"

PAUL: "What the hell for? In case someone tries to nick a glass of water?"

ME: "Hey, it’s a serious business this water protection racket, they have dogs and walkie talkies - no batteries though."

PAUL: (Imitates employee on radio) "Oh Aye, we've got dogs, reservoir dogs yer know."

ME: "We patrol from dusk till dawn…"

PAUL: (Warming to the theme) "Aye, they wear little metal coats to protect themselves, a full metal jacket we call it…"

ME: "No hang on, that can't be right, Quentin Tarantino didn't direct Full metal Jacket."

PAUL: "Who said it has to be Quentin Tarantino films? Can't we use anything from Hollywood?"

ME: "No you can't - I know you, before long you'll introduce childrens TV and suddenly BOING! Bloody zebedee appears from nowhere and spoils everything."

PAUL: (Indignant) "HE DOES NOT! - there's nothing wrong with Zebedee - I called my first car Zebedee."

ME: "You should have called it 'Mr Rusty' - it was a bloody death trap."

PAUL: "Admittedly the brakes were somewhat intermittent, but it had character…"

ME: "It had woodworm! That time the gear-stick came off in your hand…"

PAUL: "I managed to glue it back on."

ME: "How it passed it's MOT I'll never know - who was the examiner? Stevie Wonder?"

RADIO: "…And that concludes our program about the Effingham reservoirs"

PAUL: "And about 'effing time too, c'mon it's two o'clock. Lets go."

Writing comedy does seem to be a good 'team sport' for writers, there have been some good collaborations over the years, for instance Galton & Simpson ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galton_and_Simpson) and Rob Grant & Doug Naylor ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Naylor) (Red Dwarf)

If you like good comedy keep a look out for the little known How not to lead your life. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00d5zz4/) - available on BBC iPlayer - it is a quirky sit-com that has some very funny moments.

Also any episode of Frasier (repeated all the time) has some first class comedy scripts, the best of which are available in paperback:The Frasier Scripts. ( http://www.amazon.co.uk/Frasier-Scripts-David-Angell/dp/1557044031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219879747&sr=8-1) -well worth a read, if you want to borrow my copy send me a PM.

Hope this helps. :)

I think the chief problem with writing comedy is that you're - of necessity - translating from one medium to another. You take an imagined performance from your head (including all the pauses, the emphasis, the nuances of speech) and translate it onto paper, and in doing so, you lose much of the colour and flavour. It's at that point, I think, that any inexperienced comedy writer starts to worry that what they've written isn't funny.

If you read the Frasier scripts, as Mantaspook suggests, or the Blackadder scripts (my recommendation), you'll be doing so with the benefit of hearing the characters' voices, making it so much easier to appreciate. But imagine if you had never heard of, or seen, the Blackadder or Frasier characters, would reading the written script be as funny? I don't think so.

My one suggestion, from the small amount of experience I have of writing some revue scripts and (apparently) humourous speeches (the audience laughed, anyway), is to constantly keep the final performance in mind, and use the scriptwriting process as a tool - a kind of colourless shorthand - and accept its limitations, knowing that you can replace all that lost colour in the performance.

Also any episode of Frasier (repeated all the time) has some first class comedy scripts, the best of which are available in paperback:The Frasier Scripts. ( http://www.amazon.co.uk/Frasier-Scripts-David-Angell/dp/1557044031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219879747&sr=8-1) -well worth a read, if you want to borrow my copy send me a PM.

Hope this helps. :)

I have both books. Frasier has to be my all time fave sitcom as it's witty, intelligent and hilarious and has an amazing array of characters.

Thatnks for the advice and help. Keep it coming though as this is something I need to do to save my sanity.

I'd love to hear from somebody who is a freelance comedy writer. I think I'm ready to "give it a go". Can anybody suggest anything? Is there anybody out there who can help?



My other car is another car!

But imagine if you had never heard of, or seen, the Blackadder or Frasier characters, would reading the written script be as funny? I don't think so.

I once read an interview with Richard Curtis and he made a similar comment, however from Blackadder series 2 onwards Rowan Atkinson really made the part his own which enabled the writers to have a better idea how his the dry, sarcastic humour would sound, so they effectively set up a positive feedback loop from the performers.

A technique that is the trademark of the Blackadder series is something called the extended hyperbole, here's an example:

"Well quite. I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the case of the Bloody Knife. A man was found next to the murdered body. He had a knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim and when the police picked him up he said to them, 'I'm glad I killed the
b-----d.' Messingbird not only got him acquitted he got him knighted in the New years Honour's list and the relatives of the victim had to pay to have the blood washed out of his jacket."

Atkinson delivered the above lines totally deadpan but if you watch the DVD there are small pauses in just the right places that makes the whole convoluted speech even funnier.

One series we've forgotten to mention is the "Fawlty Towers", they are superb comedy scripts simply because John Cleese and Connie Booth honed them to perfection, here is an example from 'The psychiatrists' where Basil overdoes it with the smarm.

Would you care for a little something with us, a little aperitif, cognac, brandy, on us, with us, which we'll pay for, on the house, as it were?"

As Cleese delivered these lines look at his ingratiating body language and the numbed facial expression which all added to the performance.

The ongoing sourness of his marriage to Sybil is delightfully captured by his cheery "Don't drive over any mines, dear." and the magnificent line in which he comments that her laugh is like 'someone machine-gunning a seal."

The best comedy sit coms all work on the same basic principle: the characters are "trapped" - and we watch them rail against the situation.

Whether its Basil trapped in a hotel with irritating guests and a loveless marriage or Blackadder IV trapped in the trenches of world war one, the best humour often comes from adversity.

The best comedy sit coms all work on the same basic principle: the characters are "trapped" - and we watch them rail against the situation.

Whether its Basil trapped in a hotel with irritating guests and a loveless marriage or Blackadder IV trapped in the trenches of world war one, the best humour often comes from adversity.

This is why I love Kevin Smith's films, in particular Clerks 1&2, just for the sheer boredom in the working lives of two shop assistants and the fun they try to inject in their sad lives.

No big bangs or huge special effects, just human interaction and dialogue. This, coupled with the likes of Frasier and Blackadder, is what I'm aiming for. IT'S JUST SO BLOODY DIFFICULT!!!!!!

Are you primarily interested in writing scripts - material that is designed for a performance of some sort?

Hi and thanks for your reply. I am interested in selling gags but I'd like to have a go at anything. I need something to cut my teeth on. I make a living online and I'm getting quite proficient at writing. Ideally i would like to work with another comedy writer to get an idea of the processes involved and to explore various avenues for marketing my ideas. Can you help? Best regards, Martin

It was the case a few years ago that you could contact the BBC comedy department and find out what programmes/shows were in the pipeline that may need sketch/gag input.

Much of that has probably tailed off, but I suspect there are still some programmes (particularly on radio) that may use gags from freelance writers.

Obviously, there's usually little point writing for something that's on now - it will already have been scripted/recorded, so you'd need to find out what was in the planning stage.

You may find something of interest here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newtalent/comedy/advice.shtml

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newtalent/comedy/links.shtml

It was the case a few years ago that you could contact the BBC comedy department and find out what programmes/shows were in the pipeline that may need sketch/gag input.

Much of that has probably tailed off, but I suspect there are still some programmes (particularly on radio) that may use gags from freelance writers.

Obviously, there's usually little point writing for something that's on now - it will already have been scripted/recorded, so you'd need to find out what was in the planning stage.

You may find something of interest here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newtalent/comedy/advice.shtml

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newtalent/comedy/links.shtml

Thanks for the advice Tallyman, but my problem is that I can't even write a full script/sketch in the first place.

Why not start small by writing some short stories, when you have one you like convert that into script.

Maybe get some inspiration too.:)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Anthropology-Hundred-Stories-Dan-Rhodes/dp/1841956147/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220018506&sr=1-4

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Confederacy-Dunces-Penguin-Modern-Classics/dp/0141182865/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220018340&sr=1-3

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Adolf-Hitler-Part-His-Downfall/dp/0140035206/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220018594&sr=1-1

It's tricky to get started, but it can sometimes help to narrow the focus right down to a single situation - just a very short moment from which you might extract a small amount of humour.

I've had a go below as an experiment - this time using a well-established technique: trying a hyped-up parody of a cliched situation (panic while stuck in a lift), but with an unconventional ending. A great example of this was Indiana Jones unexpectedly shooting the man with the sword in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'

Anyway, here's my attempt:

INTERIOR OF A LIFT
Two businessmen step inside, one presses a button and the lift starts moving. A few seconds later it jerks to a stop. MAN ONE starts to look panicky, twitchy.

MAN ONE: Oh God, this is what I've been dreading since I started working here. Dodgy lift, always squeaking, groaning with the effort of it all. (voice rising, trembling)I should have taken the stairs, I know I should have taken the stairs. It's the claustrophobia, you see, small spaces, confined, sweaty, locked in here, air running out, slowly losing consciousness, last words, sinking to the floor, clutching throat, begging for a last breath... (clutches MAN TWO's lapels in desperation)... I'm begging you, is there nothing we can do?

MAN TWO: Well, (reaches for button & presses, doors slide open)I suppose we could always get off at this floor. (Exits lift).

Do any of you fancy getting together and having a discussion about it? You never know, it might generate some ideas.

Just go to the pub for an hour or two and see what happens.

Who's up for a get together?