My OH just ran to the local shop. Shes due to give birth on the 4th of September.


I told her off for leaving the house without telling me, and when she gleefully informed me that she RAN, I had a fit.

She told me that shes sick of being preggers now and wants to start the labour and running might do it.

She must have looked like an out of control space hopper as she ran down that lane!


Shes also planning, should her half mile jog fail, to eat currys and... Shes going to drag me away from here soon to Google the best way to start herself off "Accidentally" if you get my drift...

So, ladies, any tips?

Have you ever tried to start labour by swallowing frogs or racing buses or eating three hundred pounds of chile beans? Did you have any success?

Exactly how worried should I be right now? Apart from her DISOBEYING me yet again, how dodgy are these so called hints and tips for starting labour off?

You know what you have to do jabbers. Or I have read that ahem orally intaking sperm is the best way to bring on labour. Dont know how impressed she would be with that suggestion though.

You know what you have to do jabbers. Or I have read that ahem orally intaking sperm is the best way to bring on labour. Dont know how impressed she would be with that suggestion though.

Me willies too short and her bellies too big!

Ora... No way! Shes got teeth like steak knives and years of me tormenting her to get revenge on!

Me willies too short and her bellies too big!

Ora... No way! Shes got teeth like steak knives and years of me tormenting her to get revenge on!

You have to twiddle her boobies to make milk come out then. Like tuning a radio. Good luck though, I think I would have slapped if he had tried that when I was pregnant. :hihi:

You have to twiddle her boobies to make milk come out then. Like tuning a radio. Good luck though, I think I would have slapped if he had tried that when I was pregnant. :hihi:

Milking a woman will start labour off?

Theres a dairy farm about a mile from here.... I wonder if theyll....

Milking a woman will start labour off?

Theres a dairy farm about a mile from here.... I wonder if theyll....

Stimulating the boobies does apparently. Do go offering to help other women in the street though :hihi:

oops i meant dont.

oops i meant dont.

Too late Im afraid... Im off to the neighbours later.


Ok so she isnt in labour but.... Im sure a few gin and tonics could persuade her to allow me to get her there.

Eventually,,,

Deep, deep, deep relaxation and loads of nookie x

ENJOY JABBERS

Deep, deep, deep relaxation and loads of nookie x

ENJOY JABBERS

But...

Im off nookie! I dont know if its the thought of a pregnant woman who looks like a dalek with hair (and sounds like one too) or weather I switched my nookie centers off when she started to get bigger and had problems, but Id prefer to look at a nice steamtrain these days.

But...

Im off nookie! I dont know if its the thought of a pregnant woman who looks like a dalek with hair (and sounds like one too) or weather I switched my nookie centers off when she started to get bigger and had problems, but Id prefer to look at a nice steamtrain these days.

Are you a man or a mouse? You should at all times see your OH as a sexy love goddess, even if she is the size of a baby hippo.


A message from my OH "dam it man get it in and get it out". :hihi:

Not that he would have. He was scared of getting squashed. :D

Are you a man or a mouse? You should at all times see your OH as a sexy love goddess, even if she is the size of a baby hippo.


A message from my OH "dam it man get it in and get it out". :hihi:

Im a mouse and bloody proud of it!

Shes scarey! Shes got a huge Rhodesian ridgeback line of hair up her belly! Im fragile, I am! A sensitive flower!

Im affriad all that started my labour off was bloody good nucky!!! Looks like you will have to grin and bear it. after all whats worse 10 mins in the sack or a good 3 weeks of the mrsa nagging and moaning cuz shes sick of being pregnant?? Trust me the last weeks of pregnancy are the worst for you men!!! Get down to business and get that baby out! After all you wont have time for it ones bubs arrives!!! GOOD LUCH :)

Im affriad all that started my labour off was bloody good nucky!!! Looks like you will have to grin and bear it. after all whats worse 10 mins in the sack or a good 3 weeks of the mrsa nagging and moaning cuz shes sick of being pregnant?? Trust me the last weeks of pregnancy are the worst for you men!!! Get down to business and get that baby out! After all you wont have time for it ones bubs arrives!!! GOOD LUCH :)

TEN MINUTES???

I cant last that long! :D

Unless that includes 9 minutes and 57 seconds of foreplay...

Damn.. there goes my rep!

Haha!!! thats made me smile!!!

I've heard that drinking rasberry flavoured tea helps!

I've heard that drinking rasberry flavoured tea helps!

Ive heared that one too. Might be worth a try.

It may work, however it doesn't sound as fun as the other ideas suggested above!

It may work, however it doesn't sound as fun as the other ideas suggested above!

It depends on whose having the fun! Id prefer to see her drinking the tea than.... UGH, having sex with a grizzly bear in a Dalek suit! :D

I've heard that drinking rasberry flavoured tea helps!

We tried this and nope, it was the nookie.

Seriously though relaxation did help too, if you can't stand the nookie :hihi: give her a light touch massage (just lightly run your fingers over her back and arms)

We'll be thinking of you Jabbs, well not too much :hihi:

Massage....

Massage her back and arms...

Erm...

Then she`d get randy and... Id have to run away then.

Cant I just squeeze her like a tube of toothpaste?

Cant I just squeeze her like a tube of toothpaste?

That too will work :hihi:

To be fair that was what Rich always said. He was just going to jump on my belly and watch the baby pop out, fortunately for me (and him) my littleone was early

That's a shame, there's a certain hormone in your swimmers that is apparently good for preparing the cervix.

Get her some Raspberry Leaf tea (not raspberry tea, raspberry LEAF) from Holland and Barrett - it might not start labour off (depends how much you drink) but it helps tone the uterus and prepare it for all the pushing. I swore by it and at the end of it all it only took me 2 pushes to get baby alien out once I was in the right position.

The other thing to try is Clary Sage oil. I began having contractions on the Tuesday before he was born, very irregular, but once they decided to induce later that week I went into overdrive and always kept a tissue/hanky/cotton ball nearby with some Clary Sage oil on it nearby, took a warm bath every night with it and used it in my oil burner. I don't know if it truly 'brought' on labour but it kept things going enough that when I was examined prior to being given the pessary to get labour started the doctor said I was already 2cms dilated with bulging waters and didn't need the pessary. In the end they just broke my waters to get me going properly (I call that Induction LITE), but I was pretty much set to have him that day or the next anyway.

SEX.

Your good stuff has the same stuff in it that they give for inductions.

COME ON JABBERS BE A MAN

Richard has just told me to remind you that a good old nipple stimulation (he said it with hand signals) helps release oxytocin

Im not gonna stimulate her nip-nips! My hands simply arent big enough!

I wonder if theres a gorilla hire shop in Leicestershire...

That's a shame, there's a certain hormone in your swimmers that is apparently good for preparing the cervix.

Get her some Raspberry Leaf tea (not raspberry tea, raspberry LEAF) from Holland and Barrett - it might not start labour off (depends how much you drink) but it helps tone the uterus and prepare it for all the pushing. I swore by it and at the end of it all it only took me 2 pushes to get baby alien out once I was in the right position.

The other thing to try is Clary Sage oil. I began having contractions on the Tuesday before he was born, very irregular, but once they decided to induce later that week I went into overdrive and always kept a tissue/hanky/cotton ball nearby with some Clary Sage oil on it nearby, took a warm bath every night with it and used it in my oil burner. I don't know if it truly 'brought' on labour but it kept things going enough that when I was examined prior to being given the pessary to get labour started the doctor said I was already 2cms dilated with bulging waters and didn't need the pessary. In the end they just broke my waters to get me going properly (I call that Induction LITE), but I was pretty much set to have him that day or the next anyway.

Shes doing the warm bath thing- It looks as if Im going to be visiting the health shop tomorrow...

I've known many a woman go into instant labour after being let loose round Meadowhall with their hubby's credit card. The more they spend, the quicker the labour. Worth considering. :thumbsup:

I've known many a woman go into instant labour after being let loose round Meadowhall with their hubby's credit card. The more they spend, the quicker the labour. Worth considering. :thumbsup:

And an excellent idea it is too! Id go for it but unfortunately we live too far away from Meadowhall so Im sad to say that I cant let her have my credit card!

Id LOVE to do it too! I REALLY would!


Jesus Id be bankrupt in under an hour! She may be having a baby but Im having kittens just thinking about it!

I've heard that drinking rasberry flavoured tea helps!

Raspberry *leaf* tea!

Jabbers, you are so so funny, your posts always make me smile :D I do wonder if your missus finds you as hilarious as we do tho :hihi:

Reflexology foot massage or a cervical sweep, make of that what you will...

Jabbers, you are so so funny, your posts always make me smile :D I do wonder if your missus finds you as hilarious as we do tho :hihi:

Oh she finds me HILARIOUS!

After six years of me she NEVER tires of my messing about! :D


She found me so funny once that she tried to run me over in a landrover!

Reflexology foot massage or a cervical sweep, make of that what you will...

Cervical sweep? Sweep?

No.. No dont.. dont tell me.... Im not gonna use my toothbrush for that.

And an excellent idea it is too! Id go for it but unfortunately we live too far away from Meadowhall so Im sad to say that I cant let her have my credit card!

Id LOVE to do it too! I REALLY would!


Jesus Id be bankrupt in under an hour! She may be having a baby but Im having kittens just thinking about it!

It has it's drawbacks, I admit, but would you rather Julie go through the strain, or your credit card?

If she goes spending, you have her happy and the creditors squeeze your balls painfully for a short while. If she doesn't go spending, you have her both unhappy and squeezing them for a good 36 hours of labour. Weigh up the options! :)

It has it's drawbacks, I admit, but would you rather Julie go through the strain, or your credit card?

If she goes spending, you have her happy and the creditors squeeze your balls painfully for a short while. If she doesn't go spending, you have her both unhappy and squeezing them for a good 36 hours of labour. Weigh up the options! :)

Women are designed for the pain of childbirth.

Im not designed for the pain of having my wallet removed so she can bloody-well suffer!

Ill keep my back to her at all times while shes in the labour suite too- I always do!

Raspberry *leaf* tea!

So its leaf tea?

Ok, Ill remember that... its worth a try.

So its leaf tea?

Raspberry leaf tea is really really disgusting. You can take it in capsule form which will be much easier for Julie to take.

I'm afraid though that the only way to induce (without medical intervention) with any scientific backing is sex. Now I have been thinking about this (God my life is dull) and there may well be a way around it. You, yourself, don't have to be the one 'doing' the nookie, anyone know if Sean Bean is busy tomorrow?

Raspberry leaf tea is really really disgusting. You can take it in capsule form which will be much easier for Julie to take.

I'm afraid though that the only way to induce (without medical intervention) with any scientific backing is sex. Now I have been thinking about this (God my life is dull) and there may well be a way around it. You, yourself, don't have to be the one 'doing' the nookie, anyone know if Sean Bean is busy tomorrow?

So... if I cant get it in capsule form, which Im CERTAIN I wont be able to... she`ll have to drink that nasty tea...?

Oh dear,

how sad,

Never mind :D

Bad, bad man! :)

You, yourself, don't have to be the one 'doing' the nookie, anyone know if Sean Bean is busy tomorrow?

The perfect answer!

Just don't let obsidian find out... :suspect:

So... if I cant get it in capsule form, which Im CERTAIN I wont be able to... she`ll have to drink that nasty tea...?

Oh dear,

how sad,

Never mind :D

Like I said earlier - Holland and Barrett. They've got raspberry leaf capsules and tea. I personally quite liked the tea and would have everal cups a day (but then I've been known to drink parsley tea to bring on a late period and that tastes like drinking boiled grass!). Also forgot to add - massage with clary sage oil too (easy to get - get some base oil and clary sage in Boots in the alternative remedies section). We did that every night between when my induction was scheduled and the day itself. And we had sex too, because I really went off it (until it was suggested to me by the midwife as a possible method of avoiding the induction) and my partner doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth, hehe!

For a change the OH actually read a thread on SF!

Yes, this one.

She was laughing at the comments (and threatened me with death for mine) and we`re off into town tomorrow and we`ll check out the raspberry leaf caps.

Shes gone off sex too, thank god so at least Im spared THAT trauma!

hey guys good old fashioned castor oil n orange juice they say not to but it worked for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey guys good old fashioned castor oil n orange juice they say not to but it worked for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ill definately try that one.

Castor oil tastes horrible doesnt it?


Oh dear... she`ll hate that....


heh heh

yep its bloody awful tell her to hold her nose n neck it, 1 teaspoon only tho!!!!! or she will av summat comin out n it wont be a baby!!

NO no no don't try castor oil its dangerous!

Please Dont Try Caster Oil Its Dangerouse Like Last Post Says. Its An Old Wives Tale.

it worked for me and i asked a midwife

My oh's mother did it with her son and it wasn't a nice outcome, i'm surprised at your midwife, if i told my midwife i'd took castor oil she'd have a fit!

Well I have all night with nothing to do so I was thinking about hiding behind doors and leaping out on her and yelling BOO! at the top of my voice.

Ill try anything! :D

You could try pineapple too, that's supposed to work, fresh though. Try two approaches at once and serve up some 'special' gammon and pineapple rings. :hihi:

Though I asked the professor at Jessops is Pineapple would work and she said...and I quote..."It might, but it might also just give you the runs." ;)

There are lots of stories of various things working, but one I've heard with almost 70% of the women taking it reported positive results. I don't really wanna post it here just incase, but if you want to know Jabbers I'll pm it to you but it has to be used carefully

You need to eat a stupid amount of fresh pineapple apparently. Try a vindaloo or a Phall instead!

Hehe, now I feel evil!

I...

Think I changed my mind...


Im hankering for a baby thats born on Christmas day, so other than the OH holding her knees together very tightly, .. is there a way to DELAY labour?

I mentioned it to the OH but... and this really hurt but she force fed me three raw pineapples.

Heaven and earth won't keep a baby up there once those contractions start

An industrial sized cork will.... Im gonna try it.

I had to keep my legs crossed for the weekend before baby alien was born - my partner was off working halfway across the country! I even went for a waddle around town to get his watch fixed and enjoyed making people's eyes bulge when they asked how long I had and saying "Well, I'm having contractions now and he'll be here by Monday night at the latest..."

clary sage oil stinks bad and will put anyone off trying too start labour. baby will come when it is ready and not before pateints is a virtue. lol i know its hard but good things come too those who wait so they say lol. good luck charlie x x x

Well, you could say that my labour started naturally........ personally though I blame the earthquake, my mums stuffed peppers and the portion of chips that we bought but never got to eat (we needed those chips after a veggie tea of one stuffed pepper)

I love Jabbers posts, they always make me laugh...... especially when I imagine what Julie is doing to him when she finds out what he has said !!

Well the midwife visited today to give my OH a Cervical sweep to try to start her off.

I wasnt here because I was busy having a fun time with the dentist from hell, but the midwife couldnt do anything.

She said the baby had disengaged and there was so much fluid that if she started the OH off and the unbilical, came out first then the midwife would be liable, so shes made an appointment for the OH to go into hospital next Thursday.

Anyway, sod all that, let me tell you about the HELL I went through at the gob doctors! Giving birth is NOTHING when compared to the nightmare Ive just been through, he gave me five, count `em, FIVE injections for one tooth which he then proceeded to drill merrily away at before the numbness set in!

Then Elton John came on the radio and I had to endure his and his assistants sniggering...

Having babies is NOTHING! Try being poor little me for a while, then youll know the feeling of pain!


Yeahhhhhhhh

OMG those HURT those sweeps do! I feel for poor Mrs J x

OMG those HURT those sweeps do! I feel for poor Mrs J x

She didnt have one in the end, the midwife flatly refused to do it.

Im gonna try later with a wire brush.

I'd still have been rather uncomfy trying to feel the situation

Things are starting to happen, how exciting Jabbers :bigsmile:

I doubt she'll go while next Thursday, listen I had big babies and like Julie I'm not much over 5ft and my babies heads all didn't engage till I was in labour!
So get ready Jabbers:thumbsup:

Things are starting to happen, how exciting Jabbers :bigsmile:

I doubt she'll go while next Thursday, listen I had big babies and like Julie I'm not much over 5ft and my babies heads all didn't engage till I was in labour!
So get ready Jabbers:thumbsup:

I just want to sit and watch telly tonight so if she DARES go into labour theres gonna be trouble! Ill DEMAND that she sucks it back in again!

Poor you :hihi: funny thing is most babies do decide to come after dark :nod:
Don't get too comfortable :D

I just want to sit and watch telly tonight so if she DARES go into labour theres gonna be trouble! Ill DEMAND that she sucks it back in again!

I would PAY to see you tell a labouring woman THAT :hihi::hihi:

I would PAY to see you tell a labouring woman THAT :hihi::hihi:

Do you dare me!

I dare do it you know, Im not scared of her!



Erm... Ill phone her on the mobile and tell her, theres no way would I say it if I was within reach :D

did you manage to get any raspberry leaf tea or caps??

i had the tea and the caps and sex......worked for me!!


DONT try the castor oil, its dangerous. i asked in boots about it and the woman i spoke to said its very dangerous and they arent allowed to see it to pregnant women to bring labour on.

Why is castor oil dangerous ? I've seen a few people say this but not sure why - my midwife advised against it but only because she said it gave you the runs and if you were trying to push the baby out and had runs it wouldnt be a pretty picture.

It was THis morning this week, Dr Chris Steele said "raspberry leaf" was bad for you to take when you are pregnant.

It was THis morning this week, Dr Chris Steele said "raspberry leaf" was bad for you to take when you are pregnant.

i was told not to take it until i was 36 weeks

We havent tried anything yet- she refuses to let me experiment on her, the spoil sport and sex is right out of the question!

My willy is too short and her belly is too big.

Theres nothing at all now, no pains, not much discomfort- Id say this was the most comfortable shes been for months now.

We havent tried anything yet- she refuses to let me experiment on her, the spoil sport and sex is right out of the question!

My willy is too short and her belly is too big.

Theres nothing at all now, no pains, not much discomfort- Id say this was the most comfortable shes been for months now.

oooh this could go on for a while then..:D

oooh this could go on for a while then..:D

Until next Thursday at least. Thats when theyre gonna drag her into hospital and start her off!


I have the camera charged up and ready for the occasion :D

We havent tried anything yet- she refuses to let me experiment on her, the spoil sport and sex is right out of the question!

My willy is too short and her belly is too big.

Theres nothing at all now, no pains, not much discomfort- Id say this was the most comfortable shes been for months now.

he he classic lol

We havent tried anything yet- she refuses to let me experiment on her, the spoil sport and sex is right out of the question!

My willy is too short and her belly is too big.

Theres nothing at all now, no pains, not much discomfort- Id say this was the most comfortable shes been for months now.

Maybe the calm before the storm, sounds like its not going to be long.

Maybe the calm before the storm, sounds like its not going to be long.

It had better be long!

Im not in the mood to go to the hospital today, I just did the kitchen and I stink of bleach and theres something good on telly tonight!

If she goes into labour now Ill KNOW shes doing it for spite!

:hihi: my back garden smells of bleach iv done that and living room up to now plus had a pop at my OH for leaving stuff about while im trying to clean iv just got a urge to do it all i even told him id mop up his xbox 360 if he didnt shift it i wish this baby would come im getting fed up now plus iv 5 days left to my due date :(

:hihi: my back garden smells of bleach iv done that and living room up to now plus had a pop at my OH for leaving stuff about while im trying to clean iv just got a urge to do it all i even told him id mop up his xbox 360 if he didnt shift it i wish this baby would come im getting fed up now plus iv 5 days left to my due date :(

You should be sat with your feet up watching telly while your OH does all the work!

Thats how it works in this house anyway! Having said that, I have a thumb print on my head the size of a saucer.

You should be sat with your feet up watching telly while your OH does all the work!

Thats how it works in this house anyway! Having said that, I have a thumb print on my head the size of a saucer.

:hihi: hes doing the beading round the laminate and carpet in bedroom hes been warned lol i want it all done

:hihi: my back garden smells of bleach iv done that and living room up to now plus had a pop at my OH for leaving stuff about while im trying to clean iv just got a urge to do it all i even told him id mop up his xbox 360 if he didnt shift it i wish this baby would come im getting fed up now plus iv 5 days left to my due date :(

cuteykat I doubt you've 5 days left, women they say have an abundance of energy before going into labour (I never did) and you're suppose to save all that energy to bring your baby into the world. So have have rest up now and see who has it first you or Julie. :thumbsup:

cuteykat I doubt you've 5 days left, women they say have an abundance of energy before going into labour (I never did) and you're suppose to save all that energy to bring your baby into the world. So have have rest up now and see who has it first you or Julie. :thumbsup:

i no that im always late i was with my other 2 and i ment i have 5 days left till my due date and my friend had a burst of energy and had her baby a few days after so it can happen and iv also been resting

My sister told me this when I was a week overdue:

Hot Food, Hot Bath, Hot Sex (like on top - as enthusiastic as you can - it's gotta last him a while anyways...)

I went into labour within 12 hours of completing the triathalon with just a 6 hour labour for first baby - could be a coincidence, but it's gotta be worth a try hasn't it?!?

Best of luck all! xx Rach xx

Well the OH started making horrible noises and threatened to tear my arms and legs off and make me eat them at 3pm today.

By 5 we were at the hospital and by 9, this LITTLE horror (http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/Doppler1/n564318848_1332349_4018.jpg)made his appearance!


Weighing in at 7 lb 13 oz, he imediately pooed on me, weed on me, demanded food then puked on me.

I think hes setting a trend for the future.

Well the OH started making horrible noises and threatened to tear my arms and legs off and make me eat them at 3pm today.

By 5 we were at the hospital and by 9, this LITTLE horror (http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/Doppler1/n564318848_1332349_4018.jpg)made his appearance!


Weighing in at 7 lb 13 oz, he imediately pooed on me, weed on me, demanded food then puked on me.

I think hes setting a trend for the future.

CONGRATULATIONS JABBERS

He's loverly. :banana::banana::clap::clap::banana::banana:

:) :) CONGRATULATIONS!! :) :)

:)Wonderful News, Jabbers - he looks just like you! :)

Love to you both!

Ahh he's lovely!! Congratulations. I'm thinking he must look like his mum?? :hihi::hihi:

Congratulations to all the family,He is beautiful....:love:
Well done.x

(Glad you have put the nice photo on her Jabber!)

Awww... congratulations! His reaction to entering the world sounds just like Baby Alien's. Enjoy him! ;)

woohoo! :banana: congrats!

I did wonder why I wasn't poked yesterday :hihi:

Ok, that sounds rude :|

congratulations :D

congratulations jabbers and OH :banana:!!!
He's gorgeous!!!!! And obviously v v intelligent :D

Awww he's a beauty, Jabbers. Tell Julie well done from me!

congratulations to you both!

Congratulations Jabbers and family,welcome to the world little one,love to you all from myself and Littleboo.

what a sweetie pie! well done Julie and congrats to you both xx

Ah big congrats Mr & Mrs Jabbers :clap::clap::banana::banana:

congrats jabber an julie bet them midwifes have phoned in sick today so they dnt have to deal with you again lmao only kidding .do we have a name or is he just junior jabber for now

fantastic news, am so pleased its all over for you, well done Julie, he is gorgous.

Oh he's gorgeous!!!!! Well done Julie! And Jabs of course.....

Congratulations - he's a cutie :)

Well the OH started making horrible noises and threatened to tear my arms and legs off and make me eat them at 3pm today.

By 5 we were at the hospital and by 9, this LITTLE horror (http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/Doppler1/n564318848_1332349_4018.jpg)made his appearance!


Weighing in at 7 lb 13 oz, he imediately pooed on me, weed on me, demanded food then puked on me.

I think hes setting a trend for the future.

All together girls AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh !:clap:

aww congratulations to you both hes beautiful my turn next i hope my due date today :hihi:

Congrats!!! :D

congrats to you both :thumbsup:

congrats he is a beauty!!!

At last, congrats Jabs. :D

Gosh, what's with all these slow September babies?

Congrats, Jabber, and welcome to the world, little Jabber-spawn! :)

FANTASTIC NEWS.

Congratulations Jabbers x

Love to your new son and long suffering wife :) x