cressida
25-08-2008, 16:18
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you
don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I
found the number and dialled it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely
said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the
phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I
tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same
guy answered the phone I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his
number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every
couple of weeks when I was paying bills or had a bad day I'd call him up and
yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would
have to stop. So I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID
program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a
black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had been patiently waiting for. I
hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window so I wrote down his phone number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on
the speed dial by now) I thought I had better call the BMW asshole too. I dialled
and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802
West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out
front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a
good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don,
can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up and
added his number to my speed dial too. Now, when I had a problem I had two assholes
to call.
After several months of calling them it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be so I
came up with an idea. I called Asshole 1. "Hello". "You're an asshole!" but I
didn't hang up. "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me,"
he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don
Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a
yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right
now Don and you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm
really scared - asshole."
Then I called asshole 2."Hello?" he said. "Hello Asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I
ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ass," he
exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police saying that I lived at 1802
West 34th Street and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.Then I got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad
cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better!
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you
don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I
found the number and dialled it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely
said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the
phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I
tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same
guy answered the phone I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his
number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every
couple of weeks when I was paying bills or had a bad day I'd call him up and
yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would
have to stop. So I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID
program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a
black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had been patiently waiting for. I
hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window so I wrote down his phone number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on
the speed dial by now) I thought I had better call the BMW asshole too. I dialled
and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802
West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out
front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a
good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don,
can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up and
added his number to my speed dial too. Now, when I had a problem I had two assholes
to call.
After several months of calling them it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be so I
came up with an idea. I called Asshole 1. "Hello". "You're an asshole!" but I
didn't hang up. "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me,"
he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don
Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a
yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right
now Don and you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm
really scared - asshole."
Then I called asshole 2."Hello?" he said. "Hello Asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I
ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ass," he
exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police saying that I lived at 1802
West 34th Street and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.Then I got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad
cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better!