Hello ladies and genitalmen. You know, the other day I was walking down Fargate trying not to make eye contact with any 'street crazies', when I spotted Sheffield's Most Boring Man some way in the distance. Fate threw Sheffield's Most Boring Man and myself together over a decade ago (briefly) and since then I have taken great pains to avoid meeting him. Yet here he was, steaming towards me like an oil tanker of tedium. Thinking quickly, I took up position behind a lampost and, as he approached, gradually altered my position - using the parallax effect - to ensure I remained shielded by the slender silhouette of said lampost (not that I am thin, exactly*; he was some distance over on the other side of Fargate, I was on one side, you see and....oh, for a diagram). I received a few funny looks from passers-by, but it was worth it - I had cheated Sheffield's Most Boring Man out of the opportunity to administer the ear-bashing he would have undoubtedly been so eager to subject me to, had he spotted me - hurrah!

Has anyone else used the parallax effect to save themselves in this, or any other way?

*Er....let me make it clear. I am not fat, exactly, either......

I too have used the Parallax effect to prevent a meeting with someone who I regard as not just Sheffields most boring man but possibly the worlds most boring man. I once saw him on West Street with his mini backpack and his guide to real ale pubs in Sheffield clutched tightly between his tiny pale fingers. I could see his tiny mincers, like 2 sugar puffs, scanning the area around him for a victim.
I adopted the signpost Parallax method to avoid him until he looked like he was about to cross over to my side of the street so I immediately dropped to the floor and crawled on all fours faster than a Shaolin monk into a bookshop in order to prevent a painfully tedious conversation about the joys of Linux and the woes of Microsoft.

I have frequently did u-turns at turbo speed in supermarket aisles to avoid "acquaintances" who would fall into the same category as "Sheffields Most Boring Man".

It's funny how I naively think if I don' t make eye contact then they can't really see me :loopy: It's a bit like wee babbies thinking they are invisible when they hide their eye's behind their hands :blush:

Originally posted by AJ sheffield
I too have used the Parallax effect to prevent a meeting with someone who I regard as not just Sheffields most boring man but possibly the worlds most boring man. I once saw him on West Street with his mini backpack and his guide to real ale pubs in Sheffield clutched tightly between his tiny pale fingers. I could see his tiny mincers, like 2 sugar puffs, scanning the area around him for a victim.
I adopted the signpost Parallax method to avoid him until he looked like he was about to cross over to my side of the street so I immediately dropped to the floor and crawled on all fours faster than a Shaolin monk into a bookshop in order to prevent a painfully tedious conversation about the joys of Linux and the woes of Microsoft.

Thanks AJ - truly hilarious! Perhaps my man isn't quite so boring after all as I haven't yet had to resort to crawling into a shop!

[i]

It's funny how I naively think if I don' t make eye contact then they can't really see me :loopy: It's a bit like wee babbies thinking they are invisible when they hide their eye's behind their hands :blush: [/B]

It's a perfectly reasonable course of action in a crisis. As is faking a heart attack......

Originally posted by AJ sheffield
... mini backpack and his guide to real ale pubs in Sheffield clutched tightly between his tiny pale fingers ...
... a painfully tedious conversation about the joys of Linux and the woes of Microsoft.

Ah yes. I too have perfected the art of facing exactly the opposite way by, say, scanning a shop window right to left as a boring person walks behind me, left to right, so my face is always facing away.

Thing is, know several people who fit this description. Maybe it's just me?

One of the best things you can do if parallax isn't working is to start crying. See their discomfort as they scarper off in the other direction, hiding behind lampposts and scanning shop windows! :o

Adopt the 'Ryerson Technique', as used against Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

Claim to be an insurance sales person, pump their hand vigorously and say that you're SO glad to meet them as you've been studying actuarial tables and you realise that they NEED life insurance urgently. Suggest they sit quietly on a nearby bench until you can return with the necessary papers, then run off.

The stunning effect of being threatened with being sold insurance should do the trick.

Joe :)

I tried to avoid meetimg my exhusband on a crossing by trying to hide behind the traffic light pole. I to slid round it.
As I am not exactly pole shaped I'm not sure it worked so after we had passed on the crossing I nipped into Wilkinsons and hid behind the counters.

hazel

Originally posted by hazel
I tried to avoid meetimg my exhusband on a crossing by trying to hide behind the traffic light pole. I to slid round it.
As I am not exactly pole shaped I'm not sure it worked so after we had passed on the crossing I nipped into Wilkinsons and hid behind the counters.

hazel
I dont see how pole dancing will keep him away, exactly the opposite.
Just curious but what crossings are these and can I come and watch.

This man wasn't a tory supporter by any chance?:suspect:

Originally posted by AJ sheffield
I dont see how pole dancing will keep him away, exactly the opposite.
Just curious but what crossings are these and can I come and watch.

I can see it may have looked like pole dancing and with the practice I had perhaps I could charge for the display, but I don't think I would get much of an audience. The changing lights would be more interesting---shame tho but I think it's a bit late to take it up as a career move.