My stepson is 12, almost 13 & I am really struggling with him during the holidays. He basically holes up in his bedroom & just comes out to forage for food. He isn't interested in doing anything or going out anywhere.

We have been to the council run mutisports a few times & he enjoyed it but has now gone off the idea. I am sure he has friends as he is always talking to them on MSN but despite me offering to run him to their houses/ have them here/ give him money to go swimming etc he flatly refuses. He has a bike but has no interest on going out on it.

I know he doesn't want to do the same as us but today for example there is a fun day in the park, full of activities for all ages, including football & cricket which he loves, so I thought it would be ideal. He doesn't want to come.

I let him stay in on his own but that is driving me mad. Out of boredom he is eating me out of house & home. We have had a fall out this week as I only went out for an hour on Monday & he went on an eating spree worthy of a bulimic (despite having a big lunch). He ate most of the stuff which was supposed to last all week. This isn't the first time & he has been told loads of times about it. As a result I have told him that I don't trust him to be in on his own at the minute.

I am really out of my depth here. Should I just leave him to it & is this normal? My friends daughter is the same age is never in. Most of my other friends have younger kids so its hard to know what to do for the best.

Any suggestions?

hi luybell

i have the same problem, I have three at that stage 2 at 13 and the other at 15, they are all the same, complaining they're board and have nothing to do. my 15 year old is constanley eating and its just boredom why he dose it, but i cant get him out. so i know what you are going through. Its normal

although i understand - it doesnt help - my teenager (13) is currently only interested in anything if he instigates it and would spend all day on the xbox/pc if i let him.

I have a rule 2 hours on 1 hour off (and the hour off has to be outside/something else)

i am fortunate that i have a new pond for him to be interested in and he keeps going and sitting with the fish in the pond and even at night goes out every hour or so to check on them. (its a bit drastic to put a pond in just to get your teenager outside)

i sympathise (if it helps) but you must get him to do something else even if you have to bribe him to do it.

Dear, sweet 13 year old boys! We have one, at least I think we still do... I hear his bedroom door creak now and then and the toilet flushing or fridge door closing, and the occasional mouldy cereal bowl mysteriously appears by the sink...

He would stay on MSN, laptop, PS2 etc all day if he could, and has been recently caught out staying on them most of the night :nono:

On school nights I often remove all his electrics from his room, but in the hols I leave him to it, as he is otherwise a healthy, happy, friendly, snuggly kid with plenty of friends and outdoor interests.

I don't leave him alone in the house any more, as I suspected him of rooting in other people's bedrooms when we left him previously, but at least it gets him out of the house when we go shopping etc as he has to come, or at least play out with friends til we get back.

Because he has the smallest bedroom, I got him a 10 x 8 shed on the back garden 3 years ago. I kitted it out with a couple of chairs, noticeboard, posters, shelf unit, dartboard etc, and he spends ages in there with friends or on his own. He is allowed to graffiti the inside walls, chalk and write on them or spray paint them, and with big sister's help some of the walls are brightly emulsioned. He has camouflage curtains and his own key (I have a copy...!) and it gives him somewhere to go aswell as his small room. It would be a bit drastic to get a shed just to get him out, as lolliew said about the pond, but having a place in the garden is great as he can escape the house without actually going anywhere!

I don't know what to suggest regarding your step-son, but I'm not too worried about mine as I think he just likes to slob out and make the most of not having to work at school! My daughter was always out with friends at that age, but she's a different character, he's more like me; lazy!:rolleyes:

Does he live with you? Do you have any other kids? Is he like this in term-time or just the hols?

This sounds like me when I was 12/13!! You just grow out of it. My mum left me to it, with some guidence, eventually I met new people and starting secondary school made a huge difference on me, now I like to be out and about etc.. I'm 15 now

Thanks for the replies everyone. I least I feel a bit better knowing that this seems 'normal' behaviour. Have given up trying to get him to do anything but we do have a few ground rules & he isn't allowed to stay in the house on his own at the moment (due to an incident last week). Had a lovely walk with the dog yesterday, me, babybell in the pram & a surly teenager walking 30 paces behind staring daggers at me the whole way. At least he got some excercise, lol! School next week thank goodness.

My son is 13 and exactly the same. Holes up in his room, only venturing out for food! He will occasionally come out and go outside and kick a ball about. He is a lovely lad, just not interested in doing a lot. I have tried to bribe him in all kinds of ways to get a hobby or go out somewhere, but he shows no interest, so I just leave him to it.
I think as long as they are healthy, the best thing is to leave em to it. My son is just a bit of a 'room recluse', he is otherwise a pleasure...nice manners, healthy and happy, as far as I can tell!