Motorway sign, motorway sign
warns me about stuff when everything’s fine.
It says FOG or CONGESTION or SOME PRAT IN THE WAY
But I get there to find that was yester-bloody-day.
So my cynical mind now asks: Is that so?
and I picture a sedentary, coffee-breathed fatso
typing in messages to cover his back -
a substitute for the senses he thinks I must lack.

DON’T DRIVE TIRED he warned me today
Does he think I should pull for in for a nap on the way?
‘Sorry boss but the sign seems to think that it’s best
if I turn round and go back to bed for a rest.’
And to tell me that now is a little bit late
That sign needs positioning outside my gate.
No - forget that I said that – it’ll give them ideas
That suggestion might fall on government ears.

‘THINK’ – say the messages – they assume that I don’t.
DON’T DRINK, DON’T PHONE – I know that. I won’t.
And its alternative, even more meaningless function
is to tell me how many minutes ‘til I reach the next junction.
And off in his windowless office in Slough
the bored, sweaty fat bloke is mopping his brow.
Striving to justify the time and expense
but lacking in basic good judgement and sense.

And what of the future for these patronising signs
Will they spy on us? issuing on the spot fines?
OY YOU IN THE RENAULT – YOU’RE NOT DOING AS I SAY
THAT’S SIXTY QUID SUNSHINE YOU’LL NOW HAVE TO PAY
AND YOU IN THE ROVER - DID YOU JUST TOSS OUT A FAG?
And there goes another charge into the bag.

There ought to be some sort of right of reply
when the sign says DRIVE CAREFULLY OR YOU MAY DIE
You could text a response to it for public display
And have B*LLOCKS emblazoned over the motorway.

Another good one from Sir Nigel. :hihi::hihi::hihi: