Help, does anyone have any advice for me? Only constructive advice please.

My son started Taptop school in Spetember 03, the first few weeks were fine then it all went down hill fast.

At first it was just mild name calling, but this soon truned nasty!

He hung in there and i kept telling him that things would get better. Hes a great kid, looks good, great at sports, no physical afflictions, speech impediments.........just a general average kid.

Things got really bad and I went into school to try and sort it out. I was told the classes we "clicky" and was asked for the first of many times "what would you like us to do? "

I was assured that they would deal with it.

Things got worse and i went back to see the head of year, again i was asked "what would you like us to do?"

The bullying became physical, and my son was comming home with bruises and ripped clothes. I demanded to see the head.

After a lot of meaningless chit chat he came out with the classic line " Well i know what you are going through my son was bullied all the way through school". This did not fill me with confidence that the situation was being handled.

When I got the phone call to come and collect my son because he had been involved in an accident (?), I shot straight to school.

I found him sitting alone in the medical room, clearly in shock. Someone, I can not name people although i wish i could, had broken 2 of his fingers and both were at right angles to his hand. Apparently the teacher who had been sat with him went to the playground "yard" to pick up his stuff because it had been thrown all over.

I took him out of Tapton and told him he didn't have to go thru any of this anymore.

After 3 months of missing school due to the go slow pace of the paper trail that is the LEA. he finally got accepted into High Storrs.

Although the whole experiance that was Tapton really affected him, and took some of his confidence away, he was quite looking forward to being in school again.

I put it all down to experience.

After the first week i noticed he was very quiet and withdrawn. something wasnt right.

After 2 weeks he told me that High Storrs was worse than Tapton. Some lessons were disrupted because the teachers had no control over the class and he saw people being bullied a lot.


He kept his head down and tried to fit in a little. Untill one of the resident bullies targeted him. SHE is the nastiest piece of work I have ever seen.

He begged me not to tell the teachers as he had been warned several times that "they dont like snitches in High Storrs".

For the first time in my life I told him just to smack her back. My son is a good kid and he would not hit her because shes a girl.

He finished the year and though the summer holidays I saw my son get some confidence back.

He went back in the Spetember and within weeks he was withdrawn again and quiet. I was worried because he wasn't telling me anything.

He came home one day and had lots of little red holes in the top of his arm. It took a while but he finally told me that the girl had repeatedly stabbed him with a compass. He pleaded with me not to tell the school as it would make things worse. So i didnt.

A week later he came home and was shaking. She had stabbed him in the arm with a pen. Last straw.

I rang the police and the school.

We dropped charges because my son was too scared to face the girl in court. I told him he didnt have to go back there.

The school claim that the teacher saw nothing in the class, but suspended the girl for 3 DAYS!

My son did try to return to school but was greeted by THE GIRL!

Hes been out of school since November last year. He having threapy to help him deal with what has happened to him.

We have been turned down on appeal to get my son into King Edwards where his sister goes, because they say the shool is full. It seems that between my first and application (which was turned down because the school was full) and the 2nd one, 2 kids were addmitted on special grounds. The special grounds were that they had been excluded from there present schools!

This is so wrong on so many levels.

Is anyone else going thru this? It cant be just us?

Sorry I had to post this in sections, but i wanted to get as much info in as i could. If you even take the time to read it, thankyou.

Horrifying experiences for your son to go through.

I feel you are entitled to claim comoensation from the schools for the clothes that have been damaged and that you really ought to talk to your doctor about getting your son some help from counselling sessions. Your son must be suffering terribly but he does need to learn to stand up to these bullies and he also needs to understand it's not his fault and it shouldn't really be his problem.

I haven't a clue what responsibilities or promises the LEA and schools make these days, but you and I pay for these people to work for all of us via our council taxes and our national taxes.

Having been bullied by a psycopathic adult practically since my arrival in Sheffield - well I can now begin to understand why she thought her behaviour was acceptable. It would appear to me it's the only thing that gets taught at schools these days.

Make a huge fuss about it, write to The Star about the issue; get in contact with your local MP and your councillors and tell them what the heads of these schools have said to you. It's election time; you have the power to make heads roll right now.

Good luck

Originally posted by Hypatia
Make a huge fuss about it, write to The Star about the issue; get in contact with your local MP and your councillors and tell them what the heads of these schools have said to you. It's election time; you have the power to make heads roll right now.

Good luck

I agree with Hypatia there, it seems now-a-days u can only get newhere by involving the media. so contact the star and ask them to print your story! You will get a lot more headway doing that!

I was bullied at school but it was no where near as bad as what your son has been through so i cant begin to understand.

Have you thought about home schooling? other than that, if the other schools in your area wont take him i cant think of anything else.

But i reckon if you contact the newspapers n mps n councilors you should be able to get somewhere.

Good luck and i hope your son will be ok :thumbsup:

Thankyou for the support its very welcomed.

My hands are tied. The Star would love this story, but alas all that would do is make my sons name very public, and this would not help him.

I have been informed that we have enough grounds to sue, and leagal aide has just been granted for cases like this. Again tho all this would do is highlight my sons name.

They have us by the short and curlies and they know it. The LEA just represent school and there is no one to represent us.

My son isnt elligable for home tutoring as he he suffering from a mental illness (my 13year old has depression, I cant tell you how bad that makes me feel), and it can only be granted to kids with a physical illness.

sounds like special measures, I'd write a letter to the PM outlining your sons problems. That, and the head of education, and your local MP

Dont make a threat, but point out that you're tempted to take the story to press. That might make them take a look at your case again.

I was bullied horribly between the age of 11 and 14. My attendance dropped from 100% to below 70%

This was at King Edwards - I was overweight, and suffered from pretty bad acne. I was also a good 6 inches taller than everyone else my age

that gave everyone a chance to have a crack at me - I was a challenge.

Had my nose broken (outside of school) - that was the final straw for me

I stopped eating, and went on a crazy exersize routine, - took up martial arts, lost 4 stone in 8 weeks, and then, started hitting back

Its a horrible thought, but it is the only way to beat people like this - to sink to their level.

try and get him started on some form of martial art (I can recommend TaeKwonDo for general fitness, but if he wants to knock some heads together look out for Jiu Jitsu, kickboxing, or western boxing) - it will build up his confidence, and make him feel less vulnerable. And believe me, he starts hitting out, the kids will back way off from him, and the school will most probably turn a blind eye (mine did)

I dont like to recommend this, but it seems the only way to get it into these tw*ts heads.

i didnt think you had to be eligable for home schooling???

pleanty of parents teach their kids at home who are perfectly healthy??

Yeah it really does seem that the only way is to lower yourself to their level. I taught my kids right from wrong and I really dont think I really dont think I could live with myself if I condoned him hitting girls.

I really dont know what to do? All I want is my son in a safe school.

As for the home tutoring, you are right I can teach him myself. Im not a qualified teacher and I feel I would be letting him down.

I think untill a place becomes avilable then he sould be entitled to a home tutor. I want to be his mum not his teacher, i would find it very difficult to seperate the 2.


If he had a physical illness then he would be have a tutor.

The only reason I want him in Kind Edwards is that his sister is there and maybe there will be safty in numbers.

I have already written to my MPs........they understand but its an issue that the LEA need to handle. Like I said there is no one to represent us.

Ill tell you a little about King Edwards -

Year 7 to Year 9 was the worst time of my life

but come Year 10 everything changes


the 2 site idea works a dream, for the older kids

the ***** just get laughed at - as most perople have matured by then

The people that cause the most trouble have usually dropped out by the end of year 10

But the teachers genuinely care, - they really tried to help me out but there was nothing they could do. Evenetually one actually said to me that I should just hit them back. Heh...

Senior management is a bit patchy at KES

Try to get in touch with Ms Tunbridge, who I think is head of Key Stage 4. Failing that, Mr Lewis, although a bit intimidating, would be a good person to appeal to in person. Make a fuss, make appointments with staff, badger them until they give in

well it seems to me like ur stuck. without taking things through the courts and press and therefore bringing up your sons name i cant see what else you can do.

have you looked at this (http://www.bullying.co.uk/) website? there may be somthing on there that can help you.

Try some of these links. You don't need permission to educate unless your child has a special educational needs statement. You don't need to be qualified. You are not letting your son down if you teach him at home. If you have any questions feel free to PM me and I will do all I can to help.

Good Luck

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0952170310/qid=1114084448/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-4601302-2731012 This is a book worth reading. If you join Education Otherwise you will get this book free.

http://www.education-otherwise.org/

http://www.heas.org.uk/

http://www.choiceineducation.org.uk
the legal requirements section
http://www.freedom-in-education.co.uk/

http://www.free-range-education.org.uk/

Thankyou for your help, its just nice actually talking about this.

I really dont want to educate my son at home, I want him to be part of a school. Hes really good at sports and misses the school teams so much. I will have to teach him at home ofcourse or they will take me to court.

We need to get back to the "norm" as soon as possible.

I find it suprising that he has been bullied so severely - generally if you're good at sports you're left alone.

Which sports is it that he enjoys? (KES is VERY sports biased, rubgy football or basketball and everyone will love him)

Try some of these links Shudnobeta, and remember you are not alone with this problem, keep being strong and make sure that your son always has your support.

You seem to be making some great decisions so just keep going and eventually you will beat these bullies.

http://www.bullying.co.uk/

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/26738935/

http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/links.htm

Remember that when things get bad, just come back onto here and keep asking for help. No one is going to moan at you.

Originally posted by Carl_Malibu
I find it suprising that he has been bullied so severely - generally if you're good at sports you're left alone.

Which sports is it that he enjoys? (KES is VERY sports biased, rubgy football or basketball and everyone will love him)


Yeah well it seems that isnt the case. He loves football and cross country, as well as all the track events.

Originally posted by owdlad
Try some of these links Shudnobeta, and remember you are not alone with this problem, keep being strong and make sure that your son always has your support.

You seem to be making some great decisions so just keep going and eventually you will beat these bullies.

http://www.bullying.co.uk/

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/26738935/

http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/links.htm

Remember that when things get bad, just come back onto here and keep asking for help. No one is going to moan at you.


Thankyou for your support, I know most of the better bullying sites of by heart, and alas although they are trying they dont really help.

They tell you to make sure you tell someone about the bully.......they dont really say what to do when no one cares that you did.

Im Horrified at what I have read.

I have a 3yr old son and he will undoubtly face bullying when he gets to school as he has a genetic condition which means he will be small probably 5ft or just under.

But I have proactivly already taken steps and will in the next 2 years introduce him to either a martial art but most likely boxing or judo depending on what he takes too I have visited a couple of local gyms and made enquiries all the trainer's I have spoken to have been excellent and given me some good advice.

At this point I think its important to know my belief given to me by my Grandad and one which I will pass on and that is never start a fight but always finish one.

If he is bullied at school I will go to the head of the school and see what he is prepared to if like in this care they do nothing I WILL and I mean this take it to the front door of the bullies parents and confront them head on sometime the parents may not be aware of there childs activities and may be able to deal with it at home. If they are aware then the WILL deal with me to find a resolution.

In this case I would seriously consider legal action as you have a vailid case and legal aid sorted it may be the kick up the arse that the school needs to expell this horrid girl.

Good luck and hope you manage to get it sorted please keep us upto date.

what about this type of thing?

http://www.sunbridge.edu/news/OnlineNews_February2005.pdf

It is available in Sheffield. Pm me for more details.

For thoes of you who are interested this is the statement of what happened to my son on his last day of school at High Storrs, I have changed all the names as it seems that i can be sued!

I was playing a game with John which involved picking up a piece of paper with a number on it and punching each other on the arm.

Sharon came and picked up one of the numbers: No 6.

She said “If this is a number 6 I’m going to punch you in the head”

She knew it was a 6.

She started to punch me in my head so I started moving away and covered my face with my arms. She wouldn’t stop so I shoved her away using my hand on her cheek. It gave me time to get away so I went to the other side of the classroom. She went and sat down, so I went back to my seat.

As soon as I sat down she came behind me with a pen- I didn’t know if it was a fountain pen or a ball point pen. She tried to draw on my face so I covered my face and she drew on my arms. She grabbed my arm, drew on it then stabbed me with the pen. I tried to get away and she drew on my other arm. I ran around the room and she picked up my ruler and started chasing me.

I ran around a few desks shouting, “MISS MISS HELP ME MISS TELL SHARON”.I stood behind the teacher and Sharon went back to her seat.

I tried really hard to get the teachers attention and tapped her on the back and said “MISS MISS HELP ME MISS”. I did this about 10 times.

Whilst I was doing that Sharon picked up something off my desk and put it in the sink to wet it. I couldn’t see what she had taken.

Paul started saying “Miss? Miss? Simon wants you!” several times.

I gave up on trying to tell the teacher because she wasn’t paying attention to me. I was too scared to go back to my own seat because Sharon had really hurt me and my arm was bleeding, so I stood next to the teacher, where I thought Sharon couldn’t get me. I saw her pick up my ruler again and she came and hit me with it loads of times, while I was stood next to the teacher.

She saw that I was bleeding and started taunting me saying “aw poor Simon are you bleeding”

I started to make my way back to my desk because the teacher wasn’t doing anything so I just gave up. I knew that I couldn’t stop her so I just let her hit me while I walked back to my seat. She walked behind me hitting me with a ruler and calling me names.

I started to cry because it hurt so much and I wanted to hit her back but I knew I couldn’t. Then Peter said ”Sharon, Sharon, leave it its not worth it”.

I started to cry louder and the teacher came up to me and said “Simon would you like to go outside for a bit?” I said “yes” and went to wait in the corridor. I could hear Sharon saying “we were only playing a game” over and over as I walked out.

I stood outside in the corridor for about 5 minuets and then the teacher came out and said “ Are you ready to talk? You don’t have to go back inside for the rest of the lesson”
Whilst the teacher was talking to me Sharon came out and carried on taunting me and the teacher sent her back inside.

I find it horrifying that this bullying and the wounding of a child has gone on inside a classroom in the presence of a teacher!

if this is the act of a teacher then i would complain that the teacher involved has not played her part in the care of duty towards your child. Is this not the case when your child goes to school that the school is held responsible?
if you were at home with the child and you did the same things you describe, a social worker would try and get your child taken away from you for child abuse.
makes you laugh when teachers do nothing about bullying, in fact it makes me sick.
As for bullying the worse thing you can do is to tell the teacher, unless the school has an active campagin going then its pointless telling tales, i found by telling it only made matters worse.
goodluck. try writing to hallam fm about your problem i know they did something not long back about a bulling campaign, maybe they could give you some advice

Horrifying. I was bullied too and something does need to happen. I sense that the teachers knew what was happening but were either clueless or fearful.

As for what i'd want the teachers to do, well i'd first demand to see the parents of the bully and keep a detailed log.

This may sound like a daft question but can the police be involved. What happened is assualt in my eyes and i'd try to go down that route.

Although I was also bullied it wasn't to that extreme. I used to pray that some indpendant person or group would come to my rescue and kick the living daylights out of them. I wish i could be that person for your son as i can handle myself now.

I can only sympthaise and recommend that you build the confidence up in your son. Get it sky high if you can as its' a wonderful barrier.

People forget that bullying in childhood affects the rest of your life and feel that children are often the most evil people around.

For me it's up to the parents, i have a baby girl and try to hope she will not be bullied and will not be a bully. Keep us informed

Thanks for your support, i really think that if everyone who had been affected by bullying stood up, then there would be no one left sitting.

We did go to the police, and it was all very intimidating.

I rang them as soon as my son got home from school. They said they would send someone out staight away. The next morning I was still waiting. They turned up at 3pm, almost 24 hours later.

We did press charges and they did bring the girl in for questioning. She denied it all and said my son had slapped her across the face, if you look in his statement above it does say he moved her face with his hand.

To take it to court would mean months and months of waiting for my son. Hes still terrifyed of this girl. The 2 police officers that came to see us did nothing but intimidate my son. They were the ones who pointed out what a long drawn out process it all is.

We dropped charges after school said that the teacher saw nothing. Its a 13 year olds word against a school. Hes the only one who doesnt have anything to lose by telling the truth.

I did pick up a great tip of the panorama programme: take a dictaphone in your pocket and then if it does happen at least you have some back up.

Im now waiting for the LEA to ring and tell me that I will have to educate my son myself at home. NO, he deserves the right to a good education in school like everyone else. He wants to play/run for a school team again.

Guess I better get a solicitor to represent ME as they will be taking me to court next.

This all seems so very wrong on every level, and sometimes it makes you question your self....is it us? Did we do something to deserve this? Is it so stupid to stick to the rules?

Some degree of bullying has always gone on , I should think , in most schools but it has obviously got completely out of hand in a lot of schools , over the past 30 years.
However , no-one should be in the least bit surprised.Adolescents are not mature and some of them have no idea how to behave . If they are a bit thick , then they're probably bored at school. If they are unhappy about something , they feel frustrated. All these reasons can lead to bullying. But....whereas in years gone by the bully was curbed and he in turn was probably scared of the teacher , these days bullying is blatant , more vicious and often done in front of the teacher !.Why is this ?
I should have thought that a child of 10 could have given the answer. There are practically no punishments dished out at school that would ever deter the bully. Teachers are frozen with fear and won't take action in case they're accused of assult and suspended or sacked.They have very little moral authority because the kids know their "'uman rights " and they don't need to listen to anybody.
Unfortunately , the human condition is a mixture of good and bad. The "Bleeding Hearts" and Hand -Wringers have refused to recognise this simple truth and picture the child as a pure little spirit , only made sinful by adults. This is utter drivel and we see the results every day. Some of the teachers we had could be brutish but generally they were fair and knew where to draw the line. At least they didn't stab you and nick your dinner money ...etc....
All the bullies have done is fill a vacuum and there is little hope that they'll be dislodged in the foreseeable future. Just to cheer us up even further , some of our old students have just sent the crimes of violence figures soaring again.

I am horrified by what has happened to your son, shudnobeta, and really hope you find a way of stopping it all, bringing the bullies to account, and getting your happy and confident son back.

It worries me that in a few years, my daughter may find herself in a similarly awful position and, like soupy, i'm already thinking of how I will deal with it.

I was bullied myself at school for nothing other than trying to do my schoolwork properly and getting reasonable marks. At school I was desperate and lost all confidence which hung around for years afterwards.

I have already decided that, should my daughter be bullied then I will tackle the problem head on and bully the kids parents. I don't know if it's an approach that might suit you, but my approach would be to go and see the bullys parents and tell them in no uncertain terms that if it doesn't stop immediately then i'll be bullying them only 10 times worse. If this means punching them a number 6 on the head or following them down the street and stabbing them with a compass then fine.

This thread's really got to me and I hope the little tawts get whats coming to em.

Good luck in whatever you do...

Originally posted by mrinvestigat
I am horrified by what has happened to your son, shudnobeta, and really hope you find a way of stopping it all, bringing the bullies to account, and getting your happy and confident son back.

It worries me that in a few years, my daughter may find herself in a similarly awful position and, like soupy, i'm already thinking of how I will deal with it.

I was bullied myself at school for nothing other than trying to do my schoolwork properly and getting reasonable marks. At school I was desperate and lost all confidence which hung around for years afterwards.

I have already decided that, should my daughter be bullied then I will tackle the problem head on and bully the kids parents. I don't know if it's an approach that might suit you, but my approach would be to go and see the bullys parents and tell them in no uncertain terms that if it doesn't stop immediately then i'll be bullying them only 10 times worse. If this means punching them a number 6 on the head or following them down the street and stabbing them with a compass then fine.

This thread's really got to me and I hope the little tawts get whats coming to em.

Good luck in whatever you do...

I hate to be pedantic but retaliating to violent bullies with more violence makes you just as bad as wot they are IMO, granted it's the only language they understand apart from maybe chav-ese but violence does not stop violence.

Thankyou for your support and thankyou for getting mad, I thought it was just me!

I would love nothing better than to go and see the girls' parents, alas I can not be held responsible for my actions. I was one of the kids that was never bullied at school because I have a mean punch.

The bottom line is, how can i teach my kids that violence is wrong and no one has the right to hit/hurt anyone if i go and do that?

Ive always been a do as I do parent and not as I say. To hit a parent infront of a child would not make me or my son better. I would end up with an assult charge and then no one would listen to anything I had to say (not that they do now.)

Its so hard to know what to do for the best.

I do think that all schools should have every instance of bullying included in their annual reports.

I have heard a million excuses for bullies, and at the end of the day my son would have been far better off being a bully rather than the victim of one.

Im glad there is someone else out there that agrees with me and the way I will deal with the problem. I have been told that I am to bolshy sometimes.

I have already decided that, should my daughter be bullied then I will tackle the problem head on and bully the kids parents. I don't know if it's an approach that might suit you, but my approach would be to go and see the bullys parents and tell them in no uncertain terms that if it doesn't stop immediately then i'll be bullying them only 10 times worse. If this means punching them a number 6 on the head or following them down the street and stabbing them with a compass then fine.

This thread's really got to me and I hope the little tawts get whats coming to em.

Good luck in whatever you do...

I think by your very posting on this board that you have sparked off a great debate that hopefully will be noticed by someone in a position to deal with it or offer advice.

Originally posted by shudnobeta


The bottom line is, how can i teach my kids that violence is wrong and no one has the right to hit/hurt anyone if i go and do that?

I think the important lesson they will learn is that everything has a consequence and everyone has to pay for there actions I think you have the backing of everyone on this board if you did confront the parents of the bully.

Originally posted by Rich
I hate to be pedantic but retaliating to violent bullies with more violence makes you just as bad as wot they are IMO, granted it's the only language they understand apart from maybe chav-ese but violence does not stop violence.

Granted it's 'as bad as wot they are' but shudnobeta's experience clearly shows that dealing with bullies following proper channels does not stop the violence either. Personally I believe that in certain cases violence can stop violence.

I am thoroughly horrified by the trauma your poor son has to suffer, while the authorities basically sit back and do nothing!!
Like many of the previous posters, I too suffered bullying at school merely for getting on with my work and getting reasonable marks. Tho' not on the scale of assault that your poor son has had to suffer. And it is assault.
This really makes my blood boil, you're doing all the things you're supposed to do to tackle the bullies and you're still getting nowhere.
My eldest son was bullied too, but only for a short time, I don't condone violence but the day I actually saw one of his bullies take a swipe and smack his head is the day I saw red. As a mother your natural instinct is to protect your child, and the bully who attacked my child in front of me, soon learnt that a mother's wrath is a fearsome thing. Of course, the little S**t thought he could just stand and give me abuse, but I wasn't having any of it, I didn't hit him but I threatened his mother, I gave him the language back that he been giving me, and he didn't like that one bit. Threatened to bring his mother to me, so I lost it then, I actually went round to her house with her son and told her exactly what I would do to her if he so much as looked at my son ever again. Point being, I scared the bullies mother so much, that she "called" her son off.
My son tho' embarrassed that I'd done that was also extremely grateful, the message unfortunately is that sometimes violence does beat violence, cos that's the only thing these morons understand and respect.

At the end of the day I can not change anything that has already happened to my son. Hitting anyone would make me feel better for an instant.

The real villians here are the LEA and the Heads of school. Its the LEA and thier amazing paper trails that are keeping my son out of school, not the girl who bullied him.

I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around and one day the girl will get what she deserves. I dont need to be there to see it.

It really worries me that there are other kids out there going through the same hell as my son. Im a determinded person and very hard to ignore, but what about the kids who have parents who dont have the time to fight like i have?

Its a full time job dealing with the LEA........maybe they could just ring me and stop visiting me at home, and the money saved could go towards a tutor for my son, until he gets a place in school.

My first and most pressing concern is getting him back in the school enviroment. I keep telling him that just because its happened twice it does not mean it will happen again.

So we had the last appeal we can have..........next its me being taken to court because I refuse to send him back into that school whilst that girl is still there.

Any advice, or support is so very very much appreciated. Thankyou.

Hi shudnobeta - my mum told me about this thread earlier and I had a look because I'm currently in Y13 at Tapton, and also a lunchtime supervisor (it means I'd have to deal with this kind of thing if it happened near me when I'm on duty).

Obviously this is of no help, but I've always found myself incredibly impressed by the good behaviour and general friendliness of the younger pupils, expecially when compared to my old school, where there wasn't really such a thing as bullying in thsi sense - some kids just spent their whole time 'bullying' EVERYONE else, so it was just normal practice to be tripped up or spat on in the corridor.

This, then, is a huge shock to me. If this had happened nearby I probably would've lost my temper and started shouting at the bullies involved. I've always noticed quite a tolerance at Tapton for children with disabilities because of the large special needs and visual impairment department.

I also showed a friend of mine who's a 6th former (and a lunchtime supervisor!) at High Storrs who said "if I knew who it was, I'd beat the living ****e out of her" - and he's not really a violent person.

This can't happen, and because in my perception at these kind of schools this level of bullying is unusual, especially, as I said, at Tapton because of the large number of children with varying disabilities, it should be more of a targetable issue for teachers to tackle. If there's any scrawny beggars you'd like me to put in detention for no reason I'd go right ahead and do it for you.

I am horrified by the level and degree of bullying your son & other's children are experiencing in school.

I wonder if the local press could print an article about the bullying as a general article rather than printing you son's name? Though I doubt they would be able to name the school if it was a general article, and as such may not be of any direct help.

It appears your son has experienced more severe bullying than others, but if there are a few parents out there in similar situations it may be beneficial if you could network and take a shared responsibility for teaching all the children at home.

As an aside, does your son participate in sports with any local clubs? That may be a way of ensuring he can still be involved in team sports and help him in mixing with others his same age.

You are a stronger person than I would be in this situation.

Originally posted by shudnobeta
At the end of the day I can not change anything that has already happened to my son. Hitting anyone would make me feel better for an instant.

The real villians here are the LEA and the Heads of school. Its the LEA and thier amazing paper trails that are keeping my son out of school, not the girl who bullied him.

If they want to take you to court over keeping your son away from an obvious source of violence then I would let them then perhaps they will get a dressing down by the courts for the lack of help dealing with this matter.

I'm afraid I can't add anything constructive, but just offer my sympathies. After reading that nearly made me cry. :(
From my experience teachers do very little to help in these situations, and making them more accountable can only happen by changes in the structure and organisation of the whole education system.
Either that or castrate the bullies so they can't breed and raise more bullies (not serious)

I've sat & read every word of every post on this thread.

I've felt all the emotions I experienced at school myself at the hands of bullies in just 20 minutes and, like Antacid, I'm sat with tears in my eyes.

Your son is the victim not just once at the hands of the bully, not just twice at having to move schools & being effectively excluded; but 3 times because you, as a caring loving parent are rendered powerless by faceless buraucrats (*sp) who are there to protect your son and have a professional obligation & duty of care to implement his safety and educational needs.

I wonder if you are in a trade union, as they have free legal advice from qualified soliciters, and bullying is a massive issue in trade unions. They may be able to point you in the direction of an appropriate legal representative who specialises in bullying?

I have myself very vivid recollections of being bullied by a girl in the infants school - she would poke me with pens, pencils, anything pointy really.

I tolerated it for what to little me was forever. I frequently cried at home & didn't want to go to school. My Mum's anguish was great & their advice was to fight back. I daren't of course.

Daren't until one day this girl poked my face with the soggy chewed end of her pencil.
I don't know if it was the revulsion of her saliva, or whether that was just the final straw anyway but I exploded in anger & stuck my pencil in her stomach hard enough to draw blood.

I was the one who got in trouble of course and my parents were at the school ranting & addling the toss afterwards.

But the bitch stopped.

With empathy I wish you all the best.

Hi, there is no reason why you can't educate your child at home, theres a large home ed group in Sheffield and they have regular trips and meetings. My boyfriend was home educated and so's his 9 year old sister. If you want to talk to his mum about educating at home please PM me and I'll give you her contact number.

My boyfriend went to Wisewood but was bullied constantly, so he left school half way through year 7 and hasn't been back since! He too had nothing wrong with him, hes tall and athletic, and had been doing jujitsu for a year before he started school. Bullies target anyone, they don't just pick on fatter or smaller people. I was targeted becuase I worked hard, while my boyfriend was bullied for being quiter then everyone else.

I was picked on aswell but the teachers were really great, and one used to let me sit in his office for most of the day if things got really bad! I went to All Saints, and what another forum user said is true- after you get to Y10 people start to leave you alone and by that time you start to realise that its them with the problem, not you.

Looking back its also comforting to know that most of the bullies are now in dead end jobs, pregnant or in prison while those who were picked on or less popular have a better life.

I cried when I read your post how can the school and education department ignore this problem, yes bulling has been around fro many years and will be for many years to come but it is about time that schools, parents and the community stood up to these bullies. :rant:

I was only bullied once at school so cannot imagine what you and your son are going through.

Not to sure if you have gone down this route but the people I would contact is the Governors of the school you want your son to go to, you should be able to get their name from the local education department, the actual people that run schools in Sheffield is the GOVERNORS they hold a hell of a lot of influence if you can get them on your side, you could bombarded the GOVERNORS with letters stating your reason why you want your son to attend the school and as far as I am aware having a sibling at the school should go in you favour.

Hope you and your son work things out so he can enjoy what should be the best days of his life.

My son once came home with a bite on his shoulder, that had drawn blood. He was scared of the boy who had done it even though he was a lot smaller than him.

I , like you, am oppsosed to violence so went to see the teacher. My husband had told my son to hit him backwhich I didn't agree with.

After speaking to the teacher I told her that he was scared and would never hit back. The teacher was aware of the child and told my son that if he did anything to my son again to face up to him and defend himself appropriatley.

I was quite shocked, but it worked and the boy stopped doing it.

After this event I have changed my opinion slightly and have to remind my son to defend himself and to stand up to bullies at school. He does seem happier knowing that it's OK to defend himself.

He tries other avenues first. To be honest it is rare that anything happens and he handles it well if it does.

I know this doesn't help your situation now as it must be frustrating (after looking at the complaints procedure).

Also home education isn't all bad. It is something i'm considering at the moment. Not due to problems but because I feel the school system isn't all that healthy anymore.

Home educators tend to meet up and do group activites too so your child isn't isolated.

Good Luck

I would just like to say that anyone who is contemplating home education can contact me if they have any questions or would like a chat.

I have been home educated for 5 years.

how sad that your lovely son has had to endure this.
as many before me, i too was bullied both at school and at home, and the damage to your self esteemand confidence is crushing. Despite telling teachers and my parents nothing was ever done, and i only truly came to terms with my childhood when i was in my late 20's.
as i am now the mother to 3 beautiful children, i empathise with how you must be feeling. although my kids are small (4 & 4 & 7) there have already been several incidents of bullying, and i have always gone straight to the head teacher to get it sorted out - insisting on action there and then and refusing to leave until its done!. whilst the kids are little, i think its fairly acceptable to be a bit bolshy and nip this sort of thing in the bud, but when they get to teenagers - well, peer pressure is a tremendous thing, as we probably all are aware of. Have the police explained what the outcomes of a court trial would be? Does your son realise this may finally sort this girl out once and for all - sorry, im sure he does - but perhaps just wading through this last dose of crap may just be worth it for the outcome?
regarding home tutoring, i know of a mum who does this, and she says it works perfectly for her - her daughter is confident and outgoing, and the flexibility means she can take part in activities every night of the week - she certainly doenst miss out! Have you looked at private education? would your son be able to sit the entrance exams and gain a place on scholarship? may be worth looking at?

but good luck to you and your family - there must be some way of sorting this bully out!

:|

shudnobeta, i hope that you get your son into the school with his sister.

however in closing the door with the bully girl could you not request a meeting with the girl and her parents THROUGH the school? ask the head of year/head/or any teacher you feel would facilitate, to set it up?

then you could not do anything you regret and it may close a chapter for your son.

when i was in lower school one girl was having nasty rumours spread so her mother asked the school to instigate meetings about it. the school (headteacher in this case) called a group of possible girls and their mothers in one by one to talk with the girl and her mum.

even tho it wasnt me it shook me up so much that i wouldnt have dared ever try to bully someone even if i had been that way inclined.

it may have the same impact on this girl, who seems to be getting away with it? then she would HAVE to face up to it.

ill be honest, ive not read all of these posts but my advice about bullying would be: get the school governors involved, LEA, Police and Victim Support.
I have heard about schools getting the victim and bullying to work together on a seperate project to try and encourage a friendship or at least pleasantness, think this only works with younger children though.
unfortunately if nothing works, youll prob end up having to move your boy to another school and hope for the best. good luck

There is a documentary to be shown on Channel 5 this week illustrating the lack of control experienced in classrooms.

Classroom Chaos, Five, Wednesday 8pm

It includes filming by a supply teacher and is described in this Telegraph article (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/04/24/nedu24.xml&sSheet=/portal/2005/04/24/ixportal.html) .

... or if you prefer, the Guardian article is here (http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1468996,00.html) .

I've read the first two pages of conflicting advice, and here's my experience:

I have always been short. I got on okay at primary school in Liverpool, but moved to Scotland to start secondary school. Unfortunately, the powers that be thought I came from a rough area and put me in the roughest class!

I was bullied by just about everybody (including a geography teacher who thought I needed keeping in check before I got off first base :confused: ) Things improved when I was moved to a different class, but my old class called me a traitor :confused:

It was wierd. There were kids who caught the same bus as me who would talk to me if they were alone, but mob rule came into play if others were around.

I'm an analytical person and began people watching. What was it that made the popular people popular?

We moved to East Anglia. I had similar problems. I continued people watching, and was beginning to formulate answers.

Unfortunately, before I could put any plan into action, the bane of my life was egging a crowd along in a slagging match directed at me and my hormones got the better of me. I spread his nose across his face with my forehead.

We were both summoned into the head's office. He was given a dressing down for the bullying (which I had not reported) and the mad thing was that he was about to become an outsider himself, as he was moving towns! Loads of people congratulated me for retalliating, and people started being more friendly. Another note for the study.

Continues -

Originally posted by empea
shudnobeta, i hope that you get your son into the school with his sister.

however in closing the door with the bully girl could you not request a meeting with the girl and her parents THROUGH the school? ask the head of year/head/or any teacher you feel would facilitate, to set it up?

then you could not do anything you regret and it may close a chapter for your son.

when i was in lower school one girl was having nasty rumours spread so her mother asked the school to instigate meetings about it. the school (headteacher in this case) called a group of possible girls and their mothers in one by one to talk with the girl and her mum.

even tho it wasnt me it shook me up so much that i wouldnt have dared ever try to bully someone even if i had been that way inclined.

it may have the same impact on this girl, who seems to be getting away with it? then she would HAVE to face up to it. .,nicknames not nemo by any chance is it ?

We soon moved to Yorkshire. It was half way through the first year of 'o' levels. I was spending weekends in East Anglia, so fitting in was going to be difficult as I couldn't really socialise much.

I put my people watching notes into practice!

Hold your head up high and walk with confidence (most important). As an outsider/new face, attention was bound to come my way coz everybody else was part of the furniture already, so smile - look like the sort of person people would want to be friends with.

Never harp on about yourself, or complain about things that are different from other places - ask about how other people are and take an interest in their woes and joys (even if their unrequited-love story is driving you nuts ;) )

So this seemed to be working, when 3 tall, mature, young ladies began barging into me in corridors :confused: I ignored them and it escalated. They began following me round to bump into me. Another attack of hormones brought about a collision between a deck of french books, and one girl's head following one such barging incident. This seemed to do the trick. We actually got on quite well after they realised I wasn't a push over.

In 6th form I began Tae Kwon Do. I've never had a need to use it on anybody, but I firmly believe it's the confidence it gives you that helps. And a new set of friends of course :thumbsup:

Choose your club carefully though. I went to one club in Sheffield where bullying between grades was positively encouraged :mad:

My brother was expelled from school with no qualifications at all, he is now a university professor of some standing, So you can get educated after you leave the system, sometimes it works better that way.

Also my sprogg number 2 was actually bullied by adults at primary school because he was dyslexic and failed to make the right sort of eye-contact and facial expressions. They thought he was just being naughty and in the end someone actually picked him up and shook him. He was out of school for some time and the LEA were almost completely useless and rarely sympathetic. They told me he was odd because I went to university at one point! (Action was taken of some sort, I know not what).

Its sad and scarey but its life. Just keep trying, do what you think is best. You can teach them at home, but you'll find it hard to cover all the core subjects to GCSE level, so at some point kids need to go back to school or wait and do college when they are older if they want qualifications (think its possible for year 10 and 11 non attenders to go straight into college on a special programme). Its not actually illegal to keep them at home, but you do need to show you can adequately teach them or make some arrangement to have someone else do it. I'm a graduate so I was able to keep mine home without much argument.

Dont feel too alone, there are lots of others in the same boat, just sorry we cant do much to help. My sprogs have both completed school, and Im proud but exhausted. I would have preferred it some times if they had just given up and stayed home. but they didnt. Dont let yours get injured, dont force him to go and make sure he knows he can opt out with your support if he needs to, for as long as he needs to. You have to be quite aggressive in a polite but scarey way with the LEA as they will just keep passing you round and never deal with it effectively. Go for the solution you want and keep banging away at them. There are also educational lawyers, if you may have a case they will help you (it can be free, I used Howells to threaten them for failing my kids, didnt get far, but it did make them sit up and take notice) (also you can get some info at your local CAB).

Remember your kids are legally entitled to a safe, suitable education which covers the whole national curriculum. If they dont get that you can kick up a big stink. So tell them you know this and demand they put it right. Refuse to discuss details, just insist on the final outcome, the details are their problem not yours. Also dont let them make you feel its your fault or your kids problem. Its not. Keep putting the ball back in their court. Keep on stating your case, keep it simple they will cave in eventually.

Maybe you can let us know what happens. I'd really like to know even if it takes a long time to resolve.

What a sad thread. Have two daughters at one of the schools mentioned and if either of them were being bullied I would let them sort it out in whatever way they felt best and if that failed then I would do it myself and face the consequences.

In my view, if someone starts something with you then they have to be prepared to take what they give. No-one has any right to verbally or physically abuse another and if they do then they should expect it back.

I would be prepared to go to any lengths to protect my kids. A mother's instinct to protect is unwaveringly strong and I feel so much for you in this situation.

I do hope it is getting better for you. I did like the post from the Y13 at Tapton who offered the detention for the little sh*t. If that were me Id be winging a PM with full names so that they at least started getting a bit of retribution!

Do let us know how you are getting on.

Best of luck

MsB

Well nothing really to report. My son is STILL our of school and everyone seems to be talking a lot but no one is actually doing anything.

I have arranged a big meeting with all the relevant parties, and I hope that maybe we can come up with the next step. It's all taking a lot of sorting so I dont even have a date yet.

I have just been informed that the Head of Tapton has had a police visit today. APPARENTLY he has hit another pupil hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

It also seems that the kitchen staff at High Storrs feared for their safety last week and the hatches were kept closed for a few days.

This is all so crazy?

Was your child safe at school today?

Originally posted by shudnobeta
Well nothing really to report. My son is STILL our of school and everyone seems to be talking a lot but no one is actually doing anything.

I have arranged a big meeting with all the relevant parties, and I hope that maybe we can come up with the next step. It's all taking a lot of sorting so I dont even have a date yet.

I have just been informed that the Head of Tapton has had a police visit today. APPARENTLY he has hit another pupil hard enough to knock the wind out of him.
There was a big ruckus around the heads office at lunchtime today - I now know what was going on.

Originally posted by Rich
I hate to be pedantic but retaliating to violent bullies with more violence makes you just as bad as wot they are IMO, granted it's the only language they understand apart from maybe chav-ese but violence does not stop violence.

RUBBISH CRAP

Anyone touches my kids I will 'bang them out' - watch me.

Don't come all fillosoffical...

IN FACT ANY off these (we know who ye are) touching thee innocent ye better lock ye winduz in thee dark

[Always TALKIN YEE....]

One thing is clear and that is most people have been bullied at one time or other,your son will be feeling down at mo and needs to know that he will survive this.also its the bullies that have the problems that make them so insecure that the only power they get is through making others lives miserable.Dont let the little scrotes win,fight on.

I think it will only get worse! Did anyone see the kids on ITV last night at 10. The new craze is to slap people and other kids as hard as you can whilst recording on your video phone.

I had a hard time at school but i'd hate to be there now as a 14 year old.

Didn't see the thing on ITV but have heard about this happening in a Sheffield school. Really sick.

Maybe there is another angle to this.... How about getting The Star to run a big story about ALL the local schools and getting the Heads to quote their policy on bullying.

This leaves your son's name out.

Then they could run further stories to show the schools up and demand better protection for kids. The schools would then be worried about adverse publicity and maybe the LEA would then be shamed into getting involved and sorting out Sheffield schools as a whole.

In London (we have just relocated to Sheffield) most schools are really hard on bullies (mind you there are some completely useless schools too). Lots of the schools have a zero tolerance attitude and some schools are really great for kids. They also have special counselling for kids who are bullies to try and find the root of the problem - I am not advocating bullies, but some of them have a ****ty home life.

My nephews were being bullied until they started attending karate classes, they became more confident and a session was actually held at the school where they did a demonstration. After that they didn't get much trouble!

I am sorry I cannot give you better advice.... I really feel for you and your son.

Hello, I am not quite sure if this is possible, but.. would it be possible for him to get educated in college? I have herd of children doing this due to bullying in school. It could be a possibility..

As for that girl... confrunting the parents would not do a thing. It is most likly that they are quite aware of her behavour and would not do a thing about it. Society these days has gotten quite bad, and only of recently have things been done to sort it out. The trash known as 'chavs' walk the street, they feel free. They are the ones being protected, not their victims. Those types of people are most likly the ones doing the bullying. I was bullied myself by these types of people. They will only lay off if you beet them back with voilence. But unfortunatly.. as they are the ones protected... you would then get in trouble.

This kind of thing has been going on for quite a few years, its time for somthing to happen. They need to give more flexability to teachers, and stop treating trash like little angles. Human rights people need to be burned along with the chavs they protect. That is not a metaphore either. Let those little ******** burn.

in primary school my little cousin was bullied and as i was a few years ahead of him and he was being bullied by GIRLS it only stopped when i battered the lead girl and done some damage to her.

in secondary school i was bullied, it was awful.. more names and taunting than anything never much physical, the odd tripping here and there but everyone got that! one day the main boy that done it was sat behind me saying everything and i just snapped , i stood up turned round smacked him inhte face and walked out!!! i got into trouble for it and no support... my attendance dropped to below 50% and it was my exams year. you know i passed all my exams with good marks (would have been better if i went to school!) the guy i punched died a few years later with heroin overdose!

there was another lad at my school, his nickname was "bus stop " as he had large ears, now he actually made that name up himself to try be part of the crowd, he got bullied all the time, we used to try help him but as he was few years below us was hard work as we were in seperate floors nevermind classes.. jon "busstop" was that desperate for attention and to be part of a crowd that one year he was out for the day at Loch Lomond, (this is in scoltand were i am from) and kept kidding on he was drowning so someone would rescue him , he craved attention, sadly jon done this one too many times and he drowned, the people in the beach just left him to drown " the boy who cried wolf"

bullies are everywhere and i have also seen them in the workplace.. standing up to them does help but in todays society you have got to think ... are they carrying a knife/weapon????? that boy in london, was is damiloa (S) he was stabbed in the leg with a pen and left to die, so its all very well teaching your kids to stand up and fight but how are they gonna cope being faced with a knife?

I don't know if anyone's ever mentioned this in the rest of the post but Kidscape are worth a try. They're an anti-bullying charity and also practical provide support for pupils and parents. They're well known and are often featured on T.V. when this kind of thing is debated.

Good luck to you both, I hope you manage to get things sorted.

www.kidscape.org.uk