Just found this on another site I use and thought I would share it as it made me laugh....

1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem

7. You only need two tools in life - WD- 40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Please feel free to add your own silly hint or tip :D

Love it so funny :)

I think no 4 and 7 are the funniest.

I could just imagine being mousetrapped out of a nice deep sleep and then using the duct tape to repair the alarm clock :hihi:

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

I might just have to use that one on my OH when he's on mornings, he's a swine for rolling over and going back to sleep :hihi:

I might just have to use that one on my OH when he's on mornings, he's a swine for rolling over and going back to sleep :hihi:

Good idea, cos mine is the same snooze snooze snooze, :thumbsup:

2 more...


Avoid arguments with women about leaving the toilet seat up - use the sink instead

Everyone seems normal...until you get to know them

:hihi::hihi::hihi: am supposed to be working and i cant stop laughing brilliant stuff

don't pee up wind,
don't count your money over a grate,
don't eat yellow snow .

With all the will in the world, you cant polish a turd.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

MOTHERS Don't use poisonous shampoos on your children's hair to get rid of headlice. Scare them away using a dinner plate and an anglepoise lamp to cast a terrifying 'Independence Day' shadow over your child's head.


MUMS Make bath nights more fun for the kids by playing 'moth aircraft carrier'. Simply float a shoebox in the bath with a torch attached. Leave a window open for ten minutes, then turn off the bathroom lights and watch as the moths attempt to make their dramatic and dangerous landings


MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea

Wear clean pants in case you are run over by a bus.

ALCOHOLICS Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

During a recent journey on a packed commuter train, I felt the urge to do a big, rip-snorting stinky fart, but I was too embarrassed to let rip, so I fell asleep. When I awoke ten minutes later, the urge to fart had gone! I have since tried this 'falling asleep' method of flatulence cure in the library and the theatre, and it works every time. Don't ask me how, but it does. Amazing or what?

over weight people,

avoid being used as stock footage for britains obesity problem by always wearing a top with the slogan " All newsreaders are ****s "

sad julado ...:loopy: