How do the rest of the Forum's parents view sleep-overs.

For me they are just another aspect of American culture that has wormed its way over here and one that we do not need.

Kids as young as 6 have them. A child of 6 should be cosily tucked up in his/her own bed after a story and a cuddle from mum or dad not sleeping under some 'strangers' roof.

It's not just the obvious thing that concerns me but stuff like do they lock up at night when the kids have gone to bed? Do they have smoke alarms? Do the kids have access to tv at hours when there may be unsuitable stuff on? What if they are poorly? What if they have nightmares?

I'd really like to hear from other parents on this as I've heard the kids arguments times many but fail to be swayed.

I totaly agree with you.
I have never let my children stopover at friends houses until they were old enough, and I'm talking 15 - 16.
My 5 year old daughter begs me to let her stay at friends, but its a big responsibility for both the child and the accepting childs parents.
You raise some issues about smoke alarms etc, well I would never forgive myself if I said yes, and then something happened, like wise I would'nt want the responsibility of someone elses child (what if they were ill, what if I could'nt get in touch with the parents etc)
No, in my opinion, and I may be classed as a stick in the mud, a child is its parents responsibilty, and apart from grandparents etc, any unecessary stopovers would be a no no.

Sleepovers depend on the childs age - I think about age 11 or twelve is OK but only if you know the parents well.

One of my kids stops over at her friends and we also regularly have the friend here but this is because I know the parent personally and I have been to her house.

I would not be comfortable allowing it otherwise. My eldest daughter had a friend when she was younger who's father ended up in jail for child abuse against his own step daughter - how bad would I have felt if I had allowed her to stop there!!!

I was concerned once when one of my daughters stayed at another friend who my ex knows very well and found out she'd had a bath while she was there. I questioned her carefully about it to make sure nothing happened but I was still not happy about it as she was only there one night I didn't feel it was necessary for her to have a bath. Apparently she had got filthy and the mother did tell me after so she wasn't trying to keep it from me. This time it was totally innocent - but you can never tell.

How about from a brother's perspective? :P

My sister has had sleepover since about 7 years old and they have increased in how often and how many people!

Once she had 7 girls staying at our house! :o

Now it's pretty much every weekend we have at least one person staying- it's got out of hand! :(

I very rarely have people staying over if anyone is wondering :P

I agree with all thats been said .Its a difficult situation ,fine line between worlds best /worst mum.
My daughter has stayed at her friends house,but only if I know them and where they live,got a telephone number etc.I usually ring about 8ish to check with parents that she is behaving,but also to speak with her too make sure all is well.
She has had friends to stop here,never more than 1 at a time though.
Good luck :smile:

We all used to go round to my mates house and stay in in a tent in his back garden, it was great fun. I was about 10 then.

My daughter has had sleepovers in the past but not that often, an usually for a birthday treat. (her room is usually too untidy for them to sleep on the floor!!). She has on occasions stayed at friends but again, not very often. She prefers to be at home!

My son has never slept over at a friends, but then again he is only 8 and I am not sure that's the kind of thing 8 year old boys do.

I did used to have a friends 3 kids and her brother to stay for the weekend to give her a break and she would have mine by return. We didn't do this all the times and the kids really enjoyed it when we did. Strangely enough, 6 kids were a lot easier to manage than just my own 2.

I am very warey of who my children stop with and it has to be someone I know well and trust.

Originally posted by nick2
We all used to go round to my mates house and stay in in a tent in his back garden, it was great fun. I was about 10 then.

Gawd I used to do that all the time in the summer... Usually ended up giving up about 2 in the morning and going inside. Wasn't very hardy at 10.

Can't really comment on this one but have a mate who has made alternate sleep-over arrangements with friends. Gives each set of parents a bit of time off.

Personally, I don't see any need for girls under the age of certainly 11 or 12, to sleep over at another's house. I'd probably say the same age for boys too.

Whilst I might admit to being concerned merely by what I read in the papers and see on TV, it's simply too much of a risk. Like you've said, who am I to know that this girl's parents don't lock doors, check their fire-alarms, and in any case, what makes ME think I know this person's mum and dad?

No. My two girls are in a for a wait. My eldest girl who's 5 has already asked if she can have a sleep-over! No way! Kids of this age shouldn't be asking to sleep over at their mate's houses IMHO.

Call me old fashioned, but when it comes to one's own kids, well, there's simply no room for error.

A good subject, incidentally.

I used to have sleepovers all the time from about age 12 - 15.

Im a mummy now aswell and my daughter wont be sleeping over at anybodys house until she's atleast 11 or 12. well apart from at her nan-nans to give us sum peace, lol!

Personally i dont see the need for kids to "sleepover" at each others before that.

Originally posted by Fearful
Gawd I used to do that all the time in the summer... Usually ended up giving up about 2 in the morning and going inside. Wasn't very hardy at 10.


We wern't allowed to have a camp fire for "safety" reasons - Pah !

"For me they are just another aspect of American culture that has wormed its way over here and one that we do not need."

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 girls 8, 6, and 2. We live in Germany and it's quite common here to have friends staying over. To be honest I can't see the problem when you know the parents. Admittedly when I was growing up in Sheffield the thought never crossed my mind, but saying that, considering the "friends" I had then it's hardly surprising!

My 2 eldest girls have often stayed over at their buddies house across the road and they in turn have stayed here. Their Mum is a good friend of mine and I know the kids really enjoy it. It doesn't happen all that often so it's extra special when they can stay. I think it gives them alot more self confidence. You can't wrap your kids in cotton wool!

It's the noise factor that worries me. A lot of over-excited kids screaming round the house? er....no thanks.

Originally posted by Ally68
"For me they are just another aspect of American culture that has wormed its way over here and one that we do not need."


You don't like it because it's American or because you think sitting in your room on your own is more fun ?

Is it 2005 ?? or is it me ??? :help:

Originally posted by nick2
You don't like it because it's American or because you think sitting in your room on your own is more fun ?

I was actually quoting Mo but didn't know how to get the quote box up!

Originally posted by Deejay
Is it 2005 ?? or is it me ??? :help:

It's precisely because it IS 2005;)

I have just started to let my son have friends sleep over he will be 16 next week.

Sleep overs...

I'm not as yet a Mother but should i be...

I wouldnt let my Children sleep over at a strangers house... Ok my children may have made friends at school... But i would want to get to know the Parents personally before i allowed my Children to stay over at they're house...

I dont think the problem is with the Children... its really down to the Parents of the Children's friends that are being questioned...

Should i feel safe with my Children's chosen friends family home and Parents i dont see a problem in letting them staying out... from the age of 10 onwards... (Only at weekends not school nights...)

But should i only see the Friends of my Children an not the Parents... then sorry its a definate no! no! :nono:

I think there's just far too much paranoia in society about what 'might' happen. Statistically there's a greater chance of your kid getting knocked over in the street playing football, or tag than there is of dying in a house fire, or getting sexually abused, yet because it's happened for a long time people don't seem to be as worried!

From the age of 5 I stayed over at a friends house - usually at least once a week - she was a girl, and one of my closest friends. My parents knew her parents, and I used to go to her house most nights after school, most days during the weekend and school holidays. She'd stay at mine as well.

There was never any issues about being worried at all, I was just as safe with Sofia as I was at home. Sometimes it was just practical to stay over, other times it was just easier. I spent a lot of time with her until I was about 10, when she moved away from the county (down to the S. Yorkshire area I seem to remember).

From the age of about 13, once I met my best friend at secondary school, we spent a lot of time sleeping at each others houses. Mainly I suppose in my case because we lived so far apart, if we ever stayed up late to do homework, work on projects or watch a movie, I couldn't walk home, and since my parents like a drink - they'd not drive me back! His parents were often out line dancing! That was never a problem - but then once I went to Secondary School I was 'old enough to look after myself' and I had to treat myself like a mature adult. Didn't have a problem with that - and never really abused the priviledge.

More recently in 6th form, it just made more sense for several of my lad mates to stay over if we went out on the town, because otherwise they'd have to pay stupid taxi fares to their out of town houses from the town centre, where all the pubs and clubs are.

When I have kids (not long off... well gotta do the degree first and start earning money...) if they want to stay over, I'd agree with most of your sentiments that if you know the parents and trust them, then OK. But once my kids hit secondary school they're pretty much old enough to look after themselves, and if they're brought up well enough they should be able to be trusted to make decisions for themselves. I certainly was, and I did a fair good job of it. I wasn't really one of those white lightening kids, drinking on street corners. My best mate's parents knew my parents were ok with 'one beer' and so we always stayed inside, watching a movie, with one beer and safe, not on the streets.

Best way to be imo!

We are in for a rough time as I promised my kids (15 and 9) that when we moved in to our new house that we would either have afarewell sleepover to say Bye to their current freinds, or when we move in ,to welcome their ( hopefully ) new friends.
Sometimes , I do say things that I regret later.I just thought it might help them adjust to the move.
As I like my sleep,the hardest thing for me is when they are still chattering at midnight and I have to give them a stern warning!

Originally posted by Hook
I think there's just far too much paranoia in society about what 'might' happen. Statistically there's a greater chance of your kid getting knocked over in the street playing football, or tag than there is of dying in a house fire, or getting sexually abused, yet because it's happened for a long time people don't seem to be as worried!
!

As I said at the start of the thread, sexual abuse aside there are many other issues to be considered when children stay at the house of someone else.

So far most folk have held the same opinion as me which makes me feel easier about my decision.

Originally posted by Mo
As I said at the start of the thread, sexual abuse aside there are many other issues to be considered when children stay at the house of someone else.

So far most folk have held the same opinion as me which makes me feel easier about my decision.

I feel that it also depends on the child.The first time my daughter stayed a friends down the road,she wanted to come home as one of the other girls was snoring and she couldnt get to sleep.So, her Mum called me and I went to get her.She didnt want a sleepover for a while after that.She now has a friend at school and she has stayed at her house a few times.
Her Mum is a childminder and I know her really well .Again it is only down the Road so if there was a problem , I would just go and get her.
The problem with saying no all the time, I find is that kids eventually rebel against this and feel bitter towards their parents.
It is about getting the balance right.I feel it is important to be fair and also to take the rest of the families needs in to account when considering sleepovers.There is a danger that if they get too much of their own way, you can end up constantly running around ferrying them about all the time and then do not have a life of your own.
I do think it is a learning process and it all contributes to the process of seeing how others live and realising that different people do things differently.
As long as you know the parents really well and are friends with them, I do not worry about it.You can spend all your life worrying and consequently wrap them up in cotton wool

I've never ahd kids and never will.

From a perspective of a former child I see no harm as long as you know and trust the other parents. Its the old "I'm staying at so and so's" and tey go out clubbing that's the problem.

I think sleepovers are a good things for kids to get to know each other.

No probs with my 9 year old lad and his best pal at their house or ours. Could probably enter Mastermind with specialist subjects of Lord of the Rings / Harry Potter / Pokemon / Cartoon Network / Beyblades etc, etc.........

Originally posted by Longcol
No probs with my 9 year old lad and his best pal at their house or ours. Could probably enter Mastermind with specialist subjects of Lord of the Rings / Harry Potter / Pokemon / Cartoon Network / Beyblades etc, etc.........

Hi there,just out of interest, does your son go to Westways?
My daugher will be starting there after May Day bank holiday.Maybe they will meet

"I think sleepovers are a cool idea. We should have more of them"

- Michael Jackson

Seriously, I agree with everything Mo said in her opening post. Here in Australia they slavishly copy everything America does and sleepovers are the norm from an early age.

I'm glad I was born in 1969 not now, I would feel like a prison inmate, except prisoners are let out for exercise.

I used to have sleepovers loads with 2 close friends from the age of about 11. I think its just the term sleepover thats an american import, we just used to call it staying-at-Gemma/Sophies-house-for-the-night. I think in some ways its safer than getting a babysitter, since the kids are with parents who have kids of the same age and know how to look after them, or what health problems to look out for.

If I was a 14/15/16 year old and not able to stay out at a friends I would definitely rebel!

Besides, the media overrepresents crimes like that. "Children have sleepover, all goes well, children safe if a little tired" - not exactly a gripping headline even though it probably goes on in homes up and down the country every night.

I agree with the idea of not being able to wrap your kids up in cotton wool, but then, I don't have children.

I would define a 'sleepover' as a more than about 3 friends all staying at someones house. I remember the first one I went o when I was about 11, and all we did was play games in the garden all afternoon, then watch a video and put each others hair in plaits etc. Nothing wild, and nothing went wrong. My parents knew the parents of the girl who's house i was, which I agree is important. I think the worst thing that happened was that we all ate too many sweets and felt a bit sick.

From about the age of 7, I had two friends who regularly stayed at my house or I went to theirs.

I think it is all part of growing up, and whilst there are clearly a few ground rules to follow, I don't see it as a problem.

And Kathy, I agree, my parents would have been in for a very tough time if they had said no when I was 14/15/16!

I have not got any kids, but when i was young i grew up in america and sleepovers were great! The parents all knew eachother and it was safe. I was about 7years old then. When i moved over to England, i went to a sleepover when i was abit older, about 12 years old, and i hated it. I was scared to death going to sleep in someone elses house, but i think it was because i knew that my mum didn't know the parents all too well and i knew that my mum was always right so i was nervous that she hadn't really met them that well.

I think it's all about balance and common sense. I've got two kids, and they've had friends over to stay, and stayed at other's houses from fairly early ages. I've always taken each decision as it comes - no point havng a blanket " no you just can't do it". IMO we do wrap kids up in cottonwool far too much nowadays.

Originally posted by clogginchris
I think it's all about balance and common sense. I've got two kids, and they've had friends over to stay, and stayed at other's houses from fairly early ages. I've always taken each decision as it comes - no point havng a blanket " no you just can't do it". IMO we do wrap kids up in cottonwool far too much nowadays.

I agree.I was one of those( wrapped in it, I mean!) and I have tried to teach mine how to be independant.
they do say that is the greatest gift you can give to your child,to give them their indeoendence and I am sure that my 15 year old son would agree!!

After my divorce, my kids came to stay weekends with me. I encouraged them to bring their friends, and everyone stayed over from Fri night to Sun evening. This got so popular, we had to devise a rota, as I hadn't room for more than 4 kids at a time. I even took my kid's friends with us on holidays.

Stayovers help build confidence and independence. Try to get to know the parents of your children's friends though, and always have a contact number for them to ring you in an emergency.

Don't like the word sleepover - which is why I use the word stayover instead.

I agree that they encourage independence.
There is a danger that by preventing our kids from learning about others and the reality of life, then we deny them the most important thing, which is the ability to discover things about different people and different ways of life.All children are different and all parents know their own children and how they would cope with staying out at friends.
I must admit that the first time both of my kids did that, there was an emptyness when I went to bed at night and looked at their beds unruffled.
That is such a hard thing to have to do.. it is letting go and overcoming ones fears of what could always happen, even when kids are at scholl , they are not completely safe.
we live ina society where parents have been fed so much media hype which has put the fear of God in to us.but I think it has to be looked at in perspective.
I know of some parents still ferrying their kids to school in Land Rovers at the age of 13. surely they need to know how to catch a bus by that age.They wont always have the luxury of parents taking them everywhere, and no matter what your background is , there will always be occasions when you have to plan a journey on public transport.
I work with some people who have never been encouraged to do this for themselves( a charity supporting people with mental health problems and learning disabilities to find employment) and the consequences of that are apparent.

There certainly seem to be some very paranoid parents on this forum. Whether they are right to be... well, I can't say. We must all make our own decisions as parents after all.

However, staying over at someone's house was always a brilliant experience when I was a kid and I'm not going to deny it to my own children. Clearly, I use my own skill and judgement to decide who I do and do not trust, and I guess there are no safety guarantees in this life, but that applies whether they are going swimming, going on a school trip, spending time with their grandparents or just playing outside.

My 5 year old recently stayed over at his mate's house, and we have had his friend over in return. As for 'not being able to see the need' for it until they're about 16 or whatever... do you not remember the sheer pleasure of giggling in the dark, playing in your jim-jams the next morning, the fun afforded by just playing with someone else's toys and games and staying up later than usual? My feeling is that it's just part of being a kid, and long may it continue.