Hello,

Late last month, I submitted a story about an adventure on a late night Gleadless Bus.

My good friends Mantas and Coyleys offered some constructive comments on the story, which I have noted.

Here then is a rework of the story, incorporating, I think, all the suggested changes.

Regards


http://www.communitynet.org.uk/SFStoryArchive/1215796256.doc

Do you know, at the risk of causing great offence all round, I have to say that I actually prefer the first version.

Many of the souped up bits in this amended version are great, especially the description of the drunks getting on the bus and encountering the pole, but the two styles don't really sit together comfortably, in my humble opinion.

The first version, though, is so much more "Falls" - with that lovely laconic, matter-of-fact anecdote-telling style that I've come to associate with your stories. The ridiculous events are for me somehow highlighted more, by virtue of being told in such a straightforward way.

At the end of the day I suppose it's simply a matter of personal taste, and it's a great story either way!