In half an hour or so Im off to school to collect my five year old.

As its a nice day Ill sit on the bench in the playground and chat to the tott-- mothers who come to collect their kids.

One of them, Lynne is a very intelligent lady, (she has her tattooes spelled properly and everything) and the last time I chatted to her was yesterday and she soon lost me because I was talking about thighs and bogeys and she changed the subject to things of a "Higher" matter like...

Erm..

Actually I cant remember because as soon as the subject goes off thighs and bogeys I switch off.

Id like to appear intelligent to her though, shes a nice lady and its embarrassing standing there, gaping moronically and saying `Yes, yes, yes indeed` while she waffles on about .. what ever it is she likes to waffle on about.

Tell me, my little nostril hairs, do YOU ever try to appear more intelligent than you actually are?
What do you do to make the more intelligent think youre actually human?

Are YOU intelligent? Can you tell when we cretins are trying to appear as intelligent as you are to impress you? How does that make you feel?

put a heyesey mask on.

In half an hour or so Im off to school to collect my five year old.

As its a nice day Ill sit on the bench in the playground and chat to the tott-- mothers who come to collect their kids.

One of them, Lynne is a very intelligent lady, (she has her tattooes spelled properly and everything) and the last time I chatted to her was yesterday and she soon lost me because I was talking about thighs and bogeys and she changed the subject to things of a "Higher" matter like...

Erm..

Actually I cant remember because as soon as the subject goes off thighs and bogeys I switch off.

Id like to appear intelligent to her though, shes a nice lady and its embarrassing standing there, gaping moronically and saying `Yes, yes, yes indeed` while she waffles on about .. what ever it is she likes to waffle on about.

Tell me, my little nostril hairs, do YOU ever try to appear more intelligent than you actually are?
What do you do to make the more intelligent think youre actually human?

Are YOU intelligent? Can you tell when we cretins are trying to appear as intelligent as you are to impress you? How does that make you feel?
My bold

Actually listening to what she's saying, instead of slathering, dribbling and looking at her boobies might be a good start :hihi:

My bold

Actually listening to what she's saying, instead of slathering, dribbling and looking at her boobies might be a good start :hihi:

But thats what men do isnt it? Thats what saliva glands and boobies are made for!

But thats what men do isnt it? Thats what saliva glands and boobies are made for!

Possibly, but you do have other body parts.... like ears, just to pluck an example at random.....:suspect:

But thats what men do isnt it? Thats what saliva glands and boobies are made for!

I'd call you incorrigible, but you wouldn't understand what it meant :hihi:

oh just say 'I like talking to you, it's a change from one woman here who tries to impress me with her intelligence'

Possibly, but you do have other body parts.... like ears, just to pluck an example at random.....:suspect:

Yes but women have gobs and what comes out of them usually resembles what comes out of bums :D


*Jabbers runs for his worthless life*

Go Hawaiian that should impress her. It would me.:hihi:

I'd call you incorrigible, but you wouldn't understand what it meant :hihi:

I know what incorrigible means!

" Incorrigible metal sheeting" What sheds used to be made out of!

Yes but women have gobs and what comes out of them usually resembles what comes out of bums :D


*Jabbers runs for his worthless life*

Hello jabbers:D


*mojo blocks exits*

Have you tried not saying anything you would post on here?

Hello jabbers:D


*mojo blocks exits*

Have you tried not saying anything you would post on here?

NOT saying what Id--

You means theres MORE???


Id be bloody speechless and NO THAT WOULDNT BE GOOD, BEFORE ANYONE SUGGESTS IT!

I always try to appear more intelligent than I am. Then, after I've lulled my pray into a false sense of security, I waffle on about Big bother and paris stilton :hihi:

As its a nice day Ill sit on the bench in the playground and chat to the tott-- mothers who come to collect their kids.



Hehe, I work in school and stand on the door at hometime chatting to the tott... mums too :hihi:;)

Maybe you have an interesting scar from an operation you could talk about? Or you could always discuss how important it is for one's lippy to match one's peach frock... :thumbsup:

Here's how not to do it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RoJRGibcew

I don't think brain transplants have been perfected yet.:hihi::hihi:

I don't think brain transplants have been perfected yet.:hihi::hihi:

Surely you mean implants:hihi:

Surely you mean implants:hihi:

:hihi::hihi::hihi::hihi:

walk around with the a copy of the times under the arm, grow a beard and eyebrows, wear a tweed jacket with elbow patches and finally sport a monocle.

:hihi:

Well I went and Lynne duly turned up, sat next to me and informed me that it was a lovely day then asked what Id been up to.

`Ive been listening to Choppin` I said.
`Choppin?` She asked? `What? Like choppin down trees?`

I said `No, Choppin, yer know, the musician.`

She said `Ohh you mean the Polish composer and pianist, who In 1822 began studies in harmony and counterpoint with Józef Elsner, dir. of Warsaw Cons. In 1825 his Rondo in C minor, That Chopin?`

I said... ` I had a lovely dump this morning.`

I dont know about you lot, but I think I scraped by there.

Well I went and Lynne duly turned up, sat next to me and informed me that it was a lovely day then asked what Id been up to.

`Ive been listening to Choppin` I said.
`Choppin?` She asked? `What? Like choppin down trees?`

I said `No, Choppin, yer know, the musician.`


Choppin? Isn't then when you go out and buy things?:confused:

I Cant understand why she lost interest when I started mentioning bums and things. Ill never understand girls! They never want to talk about the REALLY important things in life.

I always try to appear more intelligent than I am. Then, after I've lulled my pray into a false sense of security, I waffle on about Big bother and paris stilton...

Paris stilton - love it :hihi::hihi:

How's your memory Jabs? Buy a copy of New Scientist, memorise an article and waffle it to her in short paragraphs. Don't let her interrupt, she might ask a question and you need not to be put on the spot.
Once child arrives, deliver last paragraph, say 'nice talking to you' and run :D

...Buy a copy of New Scientist, memorise an article and waffle it to her in short paragraphs...

Shhhh...don't tell everyone.

How's your memory Jabs? Buy a copy of New Scientist, memorise an article and waffle it to her in short paragraphs. Don't let her interrupt, she might ask a question and you need not to be put on the spot.
Once child arrives, deliver last paragraph, say 'nice talking to you' and run :D

You expect me to read.... BOOKS N STUFF???

Get a fake tattoo and apply it to whatever is your best feature. Flash it to her when you next meet as a sign that you have something in common. She's bound to be impressed plus it's an opportunity to find out if she's any ink in an interesting places and you don't have to concern yourself about the longevity of your new found relationship. :)

Alternatively you could just write Love and Hate in Biro across the back of your knuckles but IMHO she sounds like she's worth the extra effort.

I... I dont think I HAVE a best feature! As for tattoes on my knuckles...I tried that once but they wore away as they scraped along the ground as I walked!

Show her your collection of whelks, that should be guaranteed to impress anybody.:hihi:

Show her your collection of whelks, that should be guaranteed to impress anybody.:hihi:

Shes a woman, she wouldnt understand... besides, its a hot day and theyd go all...smelly...then that would mask the stench of my manly taint!

Or show her what a lovely man you are, who's so in touch with his feminine side and present her with that Whatever happened to Baby Jane err Jabbers in peach glory photo. :hihi:

Or show her what a lovely man you are, who's so in touch with his feminine side and present her with that Whatever happened to Baby Jane err Jabbers in peach glory photo. :hihi:

My feminine side is a sex-starved lesbian!

My feminine side is a sex-starved lesbian!

So is mine:hihi:

So is mine:hihi:

Err and mine. :D