View Full Version : Ten Things I Don't Like About Men


LordChaverly
27-06-2008, 19:29
1. Most are overgrown boys in their mentalities, regardless of their biological ages (which accounts for the success of Top Gear, which is surely the quintessential boyzone for males of all ages).

2. Brain ‘over-ride’ (even a man with a large amount of brain power can have his intellectual faculties disabled in a nano-second by a rising libido, and when this rises his common sense tends to go into free fall as well).

3. Fickleness. In affairs of the heart (and certainly if affairs of the groin) men are biologically programmed to stray (rather like butterflies, i.e. they are happiest and probably most in tune with their true natures when they are floating from flower to flower). Of course there are various constraints which inhibit their capacity to stray, but if these were removed their polygamous predispositions would quickly assert themselves. It is perhaps not too much of an exaggeration to say that the only time a man really wants to make love to the same woman twice is just before he has made love to her once. For this reason, the prospect of pastures new will always be more appealing than the prospect of endlessly tilling the same field, however initially appealing that field may once have been;

4. A nascent pre-disposition for violence. The male predilection for violent films, and men’s fascination with warfare, is easily explained, i.e. even within the most mild mannered of men there is a vicious primeval chimp struggling to get out. This residual viciousness in males can be chained up and sublimated by means of legal and moral constraints, but can never be entirely extirpated from the male psyche.

5. Destructive tendencies. When a group of girls get together (in between the chatter) they are likely to make things. When a group of boys get together, they are likely to break things. This collectively malevolent tendency, which is probably related to the vicious chimp syndrome referred to above, is usually suppressed in adult hood, but can be re-kindled.

6. Hygiene deficiencies. Very few women in my experience are physically dirty by choice or inclination. Conversely, the standard of personal hygiene in men can often leave much to be desired. I have known a fair number of dirty and noisome males, some of whom have been well-educated professionals. This undesirable and frequently malodorous trait is normally kept in check by female partners, but when men are left on their own for any length of time, their standards of hygiene are likely to soon start to slip (as exemplified by the state of their fridges and sinks etc).

7. Competitiveness. Men are not only naturally competitive, but also often pointlessly and vaingloriously so, i.e. when in situations which are petty, trivial and inconsequential. I think that this trait, which so often descends into petty point-scoring, has to do with the group competition to become the alpha male, or to attain some other point in the social hierarchy. The male tendency to seek to overtake other drivers probably has its origins in this syndrome, i.e. even when there is no point at all or little ground to be gained, they still do it.

8. Physiognomy. Not only do I find men in general physically unappealing, I find many of them to be actually repulsive, particularly the middle-aged, hairy, balding, pot-bellied, pony-tailed, tattooed, baseball-capped, ear-ringed orc-like creatures who congregate at airports, at football matches or outside the offices of A4e. Conversely, I find that even plain women (with obvious exceptions, such as Ann Widdecombe or Lillian from ‘Shameless’) usually have some appealingly redeeming features.

9. Obsession with sports. This is probably related to the competitive instinct mentioned above, but is also a familiar conduit for male bonding (although definitely not in my case).

10. They are not women. My ideal world would be exclusively inhabited by women, with one exception, i.e. me. I would ask them to form an orderly queue as they competed for my carnal favours.

*Wallace*
27-06-2008, 19:33
Good grief.

Tess
27-06-2008, 19:36
11: They watch sports even when they dont like them, in a hope that it will grow on them and they will look less "gay" and more "macho".

12. The way men find farting hillarious and like to waft it towards other men/women to embrace the smell together.

cgksheff
27-06-2008, 19:37
Have you been on a 6-month 'holiday'?

shoeshine
27-06-2008, 19:38
1. My ideal world would be exclusively inhabited by women, with one exception, i.e. me. I would ask them to form an orderly queue as they competed for my carnal favours.

D'yer wanna join my gang, LordChav?

2s 6d and your a lifetime member.

(One-off Subscription includes a badge and the special socks we all wear). ;)

cressida
27-06-2008, 19:40
Welcome back Lord Chaverly and at the risk of sounding forward I am not afraid to say I have missed you, cressida xxxx




(should all the females be wearing chastity belts from now on?)

Greybeard
27-06-2008, 21:09
Welcome back Lord Chaverly and at the risk of sounding forward I am not afraid to say I have missed you, cressida xxxx




(should all the females be wearing chastity belts from now on?)

Probably.....but it sounds like the men are pretty safe :hihi:

fabulous_girl
27-06-2008, 21:15
What about the fact they have no concept of time?
Girl: When shall we get together?
Boy: well i need to write my thesis, walk the dog, have a shower, take a minibreak in tuscany and cure cancer, so in about half an hour?
Girl: are you sure? sounds like you need longer.....
Boy: Half an hour, tops, I'll meet you at the bar
*Girl gets annoyed that boy is late. Girl vents frustation at boy. Boy does it again and again, and repeat.*

purdyamos
27-06-2008, 21:28
He's back! :clap:



:wave:

cressida
27-06-2008, 21:34
Probably.....but it sounds like the men are pretty safe :hihi:


I don't know what you are refering to I'm sure;)

fabulous_girl
27-06-2008, 21:57
and another one....uselessness with shopping
boy: lets go to currys. i want to buy **** xbox game/ *** unnecessary cable
Girl: Ok
*drive to currys. Boy stands staring blankly at merchandise*
girl: are you going to get it then?
boy: no, its probably cheaper online anyway. i just wanted to look. lets go straight home without going anywhere else

fritzthecat
27-06-2008, 22:07
girl goes to first shoe shop...2nd shoe shop...3rd...4th...5th...6th...7th...8th...9th...1 0th...and then goes back to the first after 3 hours going around in circles and buys the first pair she tried on

Man goes into shoe shop, ooohhh i like those, buys them, leaves 5 mins later

Nuff said!!!!

Shall i duck now before all the women throw their shoes at me :hihi::hihi::hihi::hihi:

fabulous_girl
27-06-2008, 22:10
Girl gives boy perfect opportunity to escape the shoe shopping with "do you want to go and look in game/hmv/man shops while i try on lots of boring shoes?" or "i'm going into town, but its not going to be fun, i will be looking at many boring lady things, do you just want to stay at home"
boy says "oh no darling, ill accompany you"
then boy sulks all the way round, following girl like lost puppy and generally getting right on her nerves! girl wonders why he bothered!

fritzthecat
27-06-2008, 22:15
Girl would sulk if boy said no to coming with her and start saying...we never do anything together, don't you love me, and the classic when shopping with a female, does my bum look big in this!!!, no dear, she answers don't lie, or mans other option is to say, yes dear, however this answer does have quite severe drawbacks to the man, and his life s gonna be hell for the next 2- weeks, so either way its a loose/loose answer :-)

fabulous_girl
27-06-2008, 22:18
not me... i love it when i go by myself into town...means i can look at stuff in my own time rather than being rushed. i rarely go shopping though due to constant cash flow problems, so when we do meander into town together i know we will go home emptyhanded because of the aforementioned "itll be cheaper online" thing....current object of fixation is the Rock Band game.

fritzthecat
27-06-2008, 22:23
Why is it that women want to watch a real girly film, spoil your evening watching what you want to watch, then 1 of her mates phones up and she starts talking and completely misses the film, therefore ruining a perfect evenings entertainment :gag::gag:

Suffragette1
27-06-2008, 22:33
girl goes to first shoe shop...2nd shoe shop...3rd...4th...5th...6th...7th...8th...9th...1 0th...and then goes back to the first after 3 hours going around in circles and buys the first pair she tried on

Man goes into shoe shop, ooohhh i like those, buys them, leaves 5 mins later

Nuff said!!!!

Shall i duck now before all the women throw their shoes at me :hihi::hihi::hihi::hihi:

No, I agree with you. My shoes too good to waste on throwing at men!:D

I never ever shoe shop with Mr S. In fact if he had any idea how many shoes and boots I did actually possess then I may get the book thrown at me.

Suffragette1
27-06-2008, 22:34
Why is it that women want to watch a real girly film, spoil your evening watching what you want to watch, then 1 of her mates phones up and she starts talking and completely misses the film, therefore ruining a perfect evenings entertainment :gag::gag:

Get Sky+, then you can pause it. :D

StarSparkle
27-06-2008, 22:39
OMG! You're back! Cressida just mentioned you in a PM to me earlier today - and I was in Whirlow for the first time in ages earlier this evening, and I suddenly thought to myself "LordChaverly lives somewhere round here!" :o Wow! Freaky!

WELCOME BACK - YOU'VE BEEN MISSED SUCH A LOT

Sparkle xx

fritzthecat
27-06-2008, 22:39
Get Sky+, then you can pause it. :D

You mean get the man to pause it as the woman can never be bothered to figure out how to use the "damm thing" :hihi::hihi:, so therefore, his girly evening that he has had to put up with gets extended :loopy::loopy:

Suffragette1
27-06-2008, 22:40
You mean get the man to pause it as the woman can never be bothered to figure out how to use the "damm thing" :hihi::hihi:, so therefore, his girly evening that he has had to put up with gets extended :loopy::loopy:

I had to show Mr S how to use Sky+. So there. With knobs on.

LordChaverly
28-06-2008, 10:02
OMG! You're back! Cressida just mentioned you in a PM to me earlier today - and I was in Whirlow for the first time in ages earlier this evening, and I suddenly thought to myself "LordChaverly lives somewhere round here!" :o Wow! Freaky!

WELCOME BACK - YOU'VE BEEN MISSED SUCH A LOT

Sparkle xx

Thank you Sparkle, for those kind words, which are much appreciated and indeed heartily reciprocated. I would also like to thank others who have also expressed similar sentiments following my ‘return’.

I hope you enjoyed your trip to Whirlow. The Whirlow hood is OK, providing you ignore all of the graffiti, lock and alarm your car, hide your valuables, don’t make eye contact with any of the scary looking locals and leave before dark.