Husband I feel kinky,do you feel like swapping positions tonight?
Wife. Good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa & fart.

...................................

The man says I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.The woman replies I`ll miss you.

....................................
It is to hot to wear clothes. Chris says as he steps out of the shower,honey,what do you think the neighbours would think if i went and mowed the lawn like this?Probably that i married you for your money.

..........................................
What do you call an intelligent, good looking,sensitive man.

A rumour.
.........................................
Why do men whistle when they are on the toilet/ Because it helps them to remember which end to wipe.
...........................................
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails?
Put them in a folder named "instruction manual"
........................................
After retiring I went to the Social Security office to apply for social security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my drivers license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home.I told her that I would have to go home and fetch it.The woman then said "unbutton your shirt" So I unbuttoned my shirt revealing my curly grey hairs.She said "that grey hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my social security application. When i got home i excitedly told my wife about experience at the social security office.She said " you should have dropped your trousers...you might have gotten disability benefit also.