I am really in need of some help here.

My lad (12) has since starting at high school last sept, been bullied by this particular lad (also 12).
We have gone into school time and again, and the boy keeps getting excluded, behaves for a week or two and then it all starts again.
This boy always targets my lad when he's "having a bad day".

This time though, it's getting serious.
First of all, the bully's mate bashed my lad's head against a door twice, resulting in him screaming (of course).
Then in the next lesson, it took a teacher and 3 pupils to get this bully off my son, who had him cornered in the classroom with his hands around his neck throttling him. One kid managed to get one of his hands away, but he pulled back and punched my son in the nose resulting in a (slight) nosebleed.
once the lad had been pulled away, he legged it out of the room, and my lad was taken away to another part of the building.
Later, around 6.30, and again at about 8.30 my lad had more nose bleeds, this time a little more serious (but not enough to require medical help). He also has marks on his neck.

I'm not sure whether I'm more annoyed about the school not contacting me about this, or the fact that it's allowed to carry on!

So what should I do? This kid just isn't getting any better. I do worry that next time, it won't be his hands that are his weapons!

Do I insist this kid gets expelled this time, or do I go to the police and have him for assult? What would the police actually do?
I don't want to move my kid - why the hell should I - but what are my options??
please help.

This is horendous (sp) behaviour, there are definately grounds to go to the police as this lad has assaulted your son. To be honest I am surprised the school hasn't called the police. Maybe if the police are contacted about it the school wont try brushing it under the carpet as much and they might actually be made to deal with him properly.

I certainly wouldn't let it drop (I'm not saying you are). These kind of kids need to be dealt with properly otherwise they will get out of hand and a couple of days exclusion here and there for the bullies just isn't enough as most of them think it's clever to be at home or walking the streets when everyone else is at school.
This lad sounds a complete loser and should be punished accordingly so yes I would deffo go to the police and believe me I am not one of those people that think that going to the police can solve everything but on this occasion there doesn't seem much option. (unless you get the lads parents and do double to them what he does to your son!)

I think you have one more option at school - make a formal complaint in writing to the chair of governors to the effect that the staff have not dealt effectively with this bullying, and copy it to the LEA.

If the school won't or can't do anything more, then I think the police is your only hope. The incidents you describe are not trivial.

I've PM'd you

Thank you for all of this.

I've spoken to the police, they're going to take a statement. I'll get a letter organised for the governors and the LEA

I would contact police and complain to the governors, it could be staff but can often be school and LEA systems. It is really difficult to permenetly exclude pupils - you would be suprised how difficult. In these days of inclusion it is hard to get people out especially if there are certain issues that have already been declared to the school eg ADHD, as the appeals and exlusion board can try turning around and saying that the child is behavinly like this because their specific needs are not been met or handled correctly by the school, which is not often the case. Think of it like a legal system where you need cetain evidence to collate to present and defend cases.

The governors and the LEA will be on the board of exclusion meetings and if the bully is excluded and appeals they will also be on the board so deffinately complain to them.

It has gone past verbal bullying and looks like either the school either cant or wont do anything - call the police.

Many thanks, I'll let you know how we get on :D

I actually felt shocked by this. I honestly thought that schools today did not allow such horrific goings on (I'm very naive I suppose)

I think what is more disgusting is the fact the school didn't contact you. IMO this goes against the grain, you entrust your kids to them and rightly or wrongly you assume they will be taken care of.

As others have said, you should follow this up with the police and write to both the school and the LEA (sent recorded delv of course)

i'd agree with all the other posts - it needs to be taken seriously and I'm glad you involved the police. Let us know how it goes!

if it was me I would press charges!! lea and school should be involved in terms of the bullying policy but I would seriously think about pressing charges..

I'd also consider sending your son to a reputable martial arts class - not to learn how to throw his own fists about, but a bit of self defence training gives a heck of a lot of confidence to look a bully in the eye and have them back down instead

Police came, and they said it would be a sort of three strikes and you're out concept....then it'll be down the line of behaviour contracts and asbo's....
They were going to talk with the school's liasion officer, and I'm still waiting to hear from him.
I went to speak to the head on monday, and left one of the letters. They rang me in the afternoon and told me that they were trying a dif tact. They've put the two boys together and got them to talk thru their differences, and so far it seems to have worked....we'll see.
I've sent the letters off to the govenors and the Lea, and awating a response.

My lad is just about to go for his third belt in karate, yellow. And despite him knowing how to get out of these kind of scrapes, he just never uses it! We had him signed up before he started high school cos we thought he'd be a target (small, skinny, spex). He just says he's too scared of getting into trouble if he tries to defend himself - *sighs*

thanks everyone, you've been great :thumbsup:

my eldest had a spate of similar attacks over the course of 4-5 months with black eyes, torn clothing, stolen property - however the bully always attacked him on the way home from school, going out of his way to follow my son home. The school would do nothing as it wasnt on school property, the police wouldnt do anything as it was a school issue....

one day my son was late home and i knew what to expect and his dad was coming here when i rang him to just detour to see what was happening - sure enough the bully was having a another go at my son. He also threatened to 'torch the house'. To this my husband replied 'dont dare sleep yourself cos if you do the house i will do yours' (not very grown up but you can see his point).

His mother called the police to tell them that he had been threatened and the police were on our doorstep within an hour. After they had gone my husband went to see the bullys mother and told her that she either stopped the bullying happening again or he would and she could call the police as often as she liked because he wasnt bothered.

It did carry on intermittantly(sp) for a while until my son turned on him and literally beat him at his own game.

We followed all the 'correct' proceedures etc and it still only ended when my son struck back.

Good luck in sorting it all out. i hope you have it easier than we did.

I wouldn't recommend teaching your child to hit back. As it could result in your child being excluded. I think I would talk to the LEA (now called LA) and also Governors of the school. They don't seem to be initiating an anti bullying policy which they are obliged to do. I would suggest to them that unless there is consistency in their approach and your son is sure of the schools protection that you will take legal steps against the school. Don't have to do it. Just threaten it. Pupils have sued before and been sucessful so there is precedent.

I also would not encourage you to hit first (however my posting above may look) - however the school has a 'duty of care' towards your child and obviously is not fulfilling it.

Your son can always opt for a 'pre emptive strike' which i am sure he already knows about if he is doing a martial arts class. I would speak to his martial arts instructors and get them to do some self defence in the class - not just moves as this will help out no end as well.

Take it to the LEA and governors and i hope you get it sorted quickly.

I hope nobody takes this wrong way, but what route do people think schools should be going?

I agree fully that something needs to be done against the bullies but am genuinely wondering what and how. As far as I can see from loads of posts on here it is a huge problem and it seems to be very difficult to deal with it effectively. Are schools really not bothered or are their hands tied?

As far as I know excluding children has become very difficult thanks to more and more legislation and schools have to provide so many hours of schooling after a certain amount of exclusions.

I want the school to stop the bullies from having a go at other children.

Either by involving the police and getting charges brought against them.

Or stop persecuting the children that fight back.

Or excluding the offenders.

Or maybe even getting parents in together to sort it out. Maybe if the parents of a bully were dragged into school and made to hear what thier little darlings are actually doing from a teacher/police officer they might take some of thier responsibilities seriously.

Having spoken about the bully to the school on a few occasions, I was given the impression that the family weren't of a supportive nature to their little angel.
I have still not heard anything back as yet, but it's not quite a week yet. I will certainly look further into your suggestion Duckweed, if nothing happens.

My hubby (who also does the karate classes) says that although at the moment they are working through their syllabus (sp) they do normally do sections of the lessons where they takle each other and work on ways to stop someone - he mentions monkey kiss???? I think it's something to do with pinching your armpit :huh:

If the Bully is even having a go in the classroom then the school has not got control of the situation and that is dangerous for all pupils. At the very least the bully should be isolated ie taught in isolation, sent home at dinner times or isolated then too. My daughter had a similar experience with a bully who was frequently tripping her on the stairs and one time kicked her knees black and blue so she couldn't walk home. The worst was when he punched her in the chest (because she has asthma) and she almost stopped breathing. This was the schools fault for 2 reasons. Her inhaler was not to hand as the school insisted on locking them up and because they knew this child was a problem but failed to keep a watch on him. The answer I got was that he had a personality defect which wasn't treatable. I don't think that is an answer. He should have been somewhere that he could have received behaviour modification. I trained as a psychologist and I also knew that his problem stemmed from his mothers behaviour to him. It was not untreatable. Even if that was true why should other innocent and vunerable children be left unprotected.