Hi!

This is quite a long story to if you manage to stick with it thank you.

My nan has been living on her own in a upstairs 1 bedroomed flat since 1988 and has always been really independant, off out shopping did all her own cleaning, cooking etc.
Well, 3 years ago she was in the city centre when she has a unexplained blackout and fell up some concrete steps breaking her hip. She was admited to hospital where then found a number of problems with her including pulmonary hypertension and heart problems. She got a chest and urine infection and became really confused. She seemed to be in hospital ages but was eventually discharged back to her home with the district nurse visiting and some family.
My nan had always repeated herself when talking to people and we had gotten used to it. Anyway since her fall my nan has become really confused and over the past 3 years it's got worse and worse. She's always got a story which could not possibly be true and last week she thought my dad was dead in the garage next door and that the next door neighbour had hung himself on the garden fence. She can't remember if anybody has been to see her and doesn't know what day it is. She's lost alot of weight and now weighs 5 stone 9lb (which is about 38kg I think). She doesn't eat very well and wont cook for herself, she fails to clean herself properly although she's not incapable of doing this. She has leg ulcers and gets these dressed by a nurse when they are bad. Last week she managed to get herself out of the house to the bin and fell down. She hasn't left the house for a very long time as the stairs are a problem so she's stuck in her flat all day. Everytime someone visits, no matter what time of day, she is in bed. She smokes about 60 a day but lately is not smoking as much as she just wont get out of bed as she says there's no point. At the moment she's drinking fortisips but I don't think she has much more other than jam sandwhiches and drinks of tea. The only family that visit her is my dad, me and my brother. She has a carer once a day who makes her a sandwhich and a cup of tea. Other than that she has no visitors.
At the moment my dad is on holiday so me and my brother are visiting once a day to sort her medication out. I find it really difficult as I have a 7 month old baby.
My dad is really struggling too. He works long hours and can't always get to see her everyday. My dad is tired and (I think) fed up of it all.

My nan is really depressed and the Dr advised antidepressants but my dad wont give them her as they are contraindicated for use with some of the other medication she is taking.

My nan has had social services to visit her in the past but they haven't really helped.
My nan wouldn't go to a psychiatric assessment that they had advised and is terrified of going into a home. My dad always promised her he wouldn't put her into a home.

Anyway (I know this is bad) but I haven't seen her since christmas (like I said I struggle with my son and she smokes alot so I don't want him in there) But my dads away this week so I've been down and I was so shocked to see her. She was in bed asleep with a ciggerette lit. Her nightie was covered in poo and she had a bucket at the side of her bed that she had be using as a toilet. (her toilet is only next door to her bedroom too)
She wouldn't respond when I shouted her and eventually had to wake her by touching her.
She had no teeth in and was scruffy. Her house was dirty and she was confused yet again thinking my dad had moved into a sweet shop. No mental problems have ever been diagnosed. Anyway I'm not going to carry on as I'm sure you get my drift.

I'm really concerned for her but I don't know what to do. I've told my dad by not putting her into a home it's being cruel. She's 85 and surely does't have a lot longer left so surley to spend your last years being looked after, fed and seeing other people would be better.
I think secretly my dad does want her in a home but he wont break his promise. I also think he doesn't know what to do or where to start. The last time the GP came to visit my dad mentioned all this and the GP said well what do you want me to do?? So my dad just left it.
Please advise me, I don't know where to start!

You need to urgently contact social services to get her some help.Call Howden House and someone will come out to do an assessment if it is as bad as that.
Dont hesitate.

You need to urgently contact social services to get her some help.Call Howden House and someone will come out to do an assessment if it is as bad as that. Dont hesitate.
I want to do this more than anything but what do i say to my dad. Hes on holiday and dont want to worry him plus i dont wanna upset him by bein the one to put my nan in care as he made the promise to her. Im really stuck. I know whats best but im just worried. What would be done if i called howden house

I want to do this more than anything but what do i say to my dad. Hes on holiday and dont want to worry him plus i dont wanna upset him by bein the one to put my nan in care as he made the promise to her. Im really stuck. I know whats best but im just worried. What would be done if i called howden house

I think that upsetting your Dad should be the last thing to be concerned at now.Social servcices would just call and do an assessment, or ask them to make the appointment for when your Dad is back if you feel better.I guess that it would not be your decision anyway even if they came out, it would have to be made by your Dad if he is next of kin.

Lots of issues here - but surely the welfare of Gran is at the top of the list.

Family members need to do what's in her best interests, not theirs.

If people can't look after her round the clock, then maybe she needs to be somewhere that can.

Hi yan
PM you earlier, have you any news?
shebba

It does sound as if your nan is no longer able to manage. No matter what your dad promised her, you have to think of what's best for her. It seems very likely from what you've said that she's suffering from some sort of dementia.

My mother in law developed vascular dementia, which was very distressing, and I found the Alzheimer Society's onling chat forum, Talking Point (http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/site/index.php), very helpful.

You can get advice from people who've been through what you're going through, and it really helped me to know that I wasn't alone in what I was going through with my ma in law.

Good luck.

I believe that if your nan wants to stay in her won home then social services could put in more than one visit a day. She could also have a city wide alarm pendent for her to press if she gets into difficulty. Meals on wheels would also be an option if you are concerned about her lack of food, fortisips are horrible things. I know that medication is a tricky one, but we called my nans anti depressant tablets "happy Pills" because of the change we noticed. I think that it must be very difficult for prevously independent person to need support and i imagine that its difficult to ask for it.

speak to social services and arrange fro them to visit your whole family for a meeting.

Good luck

Hi Yan, So sorry to hear about your nan.

Yes the other are right you do need to contact social services ASAP. I would also ring her surgery, and ask for another GP to see your nan - I think she needs referring to a dietician which can only be done via a GP. Is it that she is not hungry or does not feel like getting out of bed to prepare herself something, or is unable to do so? It sounds to me like a mixture of both. If this is the case then meals on wheels are a good option as these are already cooked.

Your nan sounds very lonely and would perhaps benefit from some social interaction from others her age - possibly going a day centre or some one to one support to take her out or even just to chat. A personal assistant can be accessed through A4E (action for employment) but a direct payment needs to be set up first vis social services. Also, an increased home care package needs to be implemented to assist your nan with her personal care needs.

In regards to her mental health - the GP could refer to a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) who would suggest alternatives to anti depressants.

If you need any more help just PM me

H X