We've just had a rsvp from some not-ever-so-close family members, which we are at 6's and 7's about.

Basically, our wedding service is at half 6. Because the venue can only cater for a set number of peopel,we are having a sit down 'weeding breakfast' meal before the wedding. For family and close friends we have invited them to come in the mid afternoon, when we have the registrar coming to oversee the signing of the civil regsiter- (but without a service- just a simple signing) then there;s the meal and then at 6.30 more guests coming for a full ceremony, vows, rings, the works.

This couple, who we invited to the full day mainly because other relatives who we are close to were, and it would have caused a situation if we didnt, have sent a note saying 'Can attend daytime only'

I think it's pretty rude to turn up, eat the very costly meal, and then bog off without actually staying for the wedding. If they cant come, ther are lots of people we'd love to have with us for the meal et al who we have had to only invite in the evening.

Is there any way anyone can think of of letting them know there isn't really an option to 'attend daytime only'!??

oops .lol
can't you just explain the invitation was for the Whole Wedding
and you wanted them there Throughout.!!!
and if they can;t make the whole thing if they don't mind
you would like to invite some relitives to take there place instead
who you didn't invite as not enough room.
hey...... but they might have a great present for you..lol
sorry... but good luck on the day.

Yes I think it is very rude. You definately see some people in a different light when you sending out wedding invitations. I have had people ask if they can bring such and such who I do not even know, so I just said no. Ruthless but I feel loads better for doing it now.

Remember it is your big day and you want to spend it with the people who mean the most to you and have been there for you. May be try snd explain to them it would be very awkward for them if they left before the actual service. Especially when people are arriving and they are leaving.

I would also explain again that you are getting married after the meal. It may be a mistake on their part reading the invitation.

Good luck with it all :)

We had a similar issue with a very close relation - who we knew would bitch and moan throughout the proceedings and potentially spoil it. So coincidentally we've had a fall out and now they aren't coming. Shame.

I'd say honesty is the best way forward-talk to them andexplain how you feel-they may be able to change their existing plans and stay for the whole thing and if they're not bothered about seeing you get married, they shouldn't mind you giving their full invite to someone else.

Have they given any reason - kids to take home - other plans etc? Have they got far to travel? Try and find out and explain that its important for you to have them at the actual wedding.

Thanks for responses so far. They dont have kids, they are coming from just the other side of manchester, so we can understand them not wanting to stay for the reception. but they are always the family members to leave first. if you could choose WHO to invite amongst family we might have invited the others and maybe not invited them to the meal part. but that's against 'the rules'!

I was thinking we could say 'if you're short on time, the best bit to come to would be 6.30-7.30, which is the wedding aftwer all'

Part of the problem is we never speak to them anyway which makes it harder!

I feel a big falling out coming on.
You say that you do not talk to these people anyway, so why invite them at all.
We all have a side of the family that we do not see, even at funerals. Just
accept the fact that this is the case and live with it.
If you upset them who cares you will definitely never see them again.

Barry

we dont speak to them i mean as in they're not close relatives who we call up on the phone we just see them at family gatherings. We dont dislike them or not get on, if you understand me, i just mean that we dont regulalrly chat so it's harder to find an occasion to drop it into the conversation 'hey, by the way, have you got mixed up about the wedding?'

But as to 'who cares' if they are upset, they are part of the family, so we dont want to do anything to make things difficult in the family. And we invites them because we are inviting all the rest of the family- they would be upset if they felt we were excluding people.

Hi
This is a bit off topic but I thought you could only get married up to 6pm?
I'm sure you have looked into this though x

to be honest its your day and if want them to came at the later one
then that is entirely up to you
not them to say or anybody else in your
family to say im sorry to say
i would not spoil my day getting upset about
relatives haveing there say on who should and shoulent
come to the best day of your life so far
you know what they say
''you can chose your freinds but you carnt choose your familey

I feel for you - this sounds really awkward :(
I know what you mean about this 'type' of relative - you don't dislike them so it would be a shame to upset anyone.

The only thing I can think of is sending them a note along the lines of:

"We are finalising numbers and I am a little confused by your response to our wedding invitation. Our wedding ceremony will take place from 6:30pm - x: xxpm with a meal for close friends and family taking place beforehand. By "can attend daytime only" do you mean that you are unable to attend the ceremony itself?"

Then maybe wait for their response and take it from there?

If their response to that is equally kurt and impolite then you will feel less guilty about putting your foot down and saying
"well in that case, if you are too busy to attend our actual wedding ceremony, I would be very grateful if we could offer the space at the meal to one of our good friends who is able to celebrate the whole day with us"

or it could have been a mistake on their part and they actually meant that they wanted to go to the ceremony then leave afterwards??

At the end of the day hunni it's YOUR day not anyone elses, I haven't invited all of my family as some of them i only hear from when they're after something!!

It's very rude of them to only come to the meal & not the wedding as that is the important bit, We're not having a Meal thouh so I got out of that 1!!!

speak to them & tell them how you feel, TBH I wouldn't have bothered in the first place, I have family that are closer to other family members but not to me, I just told them it's only a small ceremony but you're more than welcome to attend the evening do (the venue holds 200) then they don't feel left out!

If they don't like it TUFF you're paying NOT them!
good luck

What did you decide to do craigpugh?

Hello, thanks all, i hadnt checked this thread because it wasnt showing up as having new posts in it for some reason! So sorry to ignore folks!

Well, i think something along the line of 'I;m confused' as suggested in post 12, could work. I have emailed another uncle to see if i can get the email address.

Thanks for all the advice. To be honest if it was on my side i would just say 'dont be cheeky, sod off' but one has to watch ones p's and q's.

Oh, and yes you;re right you can only get married up to 6pm, we are having the registrar do the legals earlier on -just signing the docket or whatever- then the wedding ceremony will be performed by a humanist celebrant, which is just non religious non legal non boring stiff, we get to write our own vows and all that jazz- ... eeek more to do!!!!