My OH just made me a sausage sarny.

She cooks them in the oven and slices them lengthways, sticks them on a slice of bread, adds tomatoes, slaps the top slice on, (They say "Round" of bread here, not slice, the wierdos!) cuts it in half, then feeds it to the pig. (Yes, me)

As usual I take a bite and ... cant get my teeth through the sausage. I end up gnawing at it like a rat at a dead mans finger and it takes me ages to eat one sarny.

It doesnt really matter how she cooks the sausages, weather she fries them in a pan, grills them or does them in the oven, I STILL have trouble biting through them.

Now, I have teeth like steak knives, I eat lots of raw steak and I like my liver to be either sloppy and slimy when I eat it, or as tough as a tramps boots, depending on how Im feeling at the time and my teeth slice though that as if its made of marshmallow, yet I can NOT chomp a sausage!

I used to be able to eat sausage without any trouble, but over the past five years or so its become more difficult for me.

Tell me, my little bunny wabbits, am I getting old and feeble? Are the sausage manufacturers making the skins tougher? Am I drinking too much coffee and have too much time on my hands to be able to devote a full 10 minutes to typing garbage about the toughness of sausages?

Please.

Pretty please.

Pretty please with rat poo on.

TELL ME, YOU MARMOSETS OR ILL BITE YA ANKLES OFF!

You need new falsies :)

TELL ME, YOU MARMOSETS OR ILL BITE YA ANKLES OFF!

If ya can't bite through a mere banger you've no chance with my ankles!

I really wanted a sausage sandwich when i started reading this and then i got to the bit about the liver and now i feel a bit ill.....

I really wanted a sausage sandwich when i started reading this and then i got to the bit about the liver and now i feel a bit ill.....

Stop telling me off and eat a sausage! :D

The skin on the sausage from my local butcher can be tough on occassions, I still manage to bite through them though.

Perhaps you could get OH to chop the sausage up into bite-size pieces. wike when you were wikkle.

The skin on the sausage from my local butcher can be tough on occassions, I still manage to bite through them though.

Perhaps you could get OH to chop the sausage up into bite-size pieces. wike when you were wikkle.

No.

I think not.

She would extract the wee-wee for the next ten years, I would never hear the end of it!
As it is, she extracts it because of my age- she bought me a walking stick last year.

Yes, you're getting old and feeble - in other words, your body is now catching up with your brain :hihi:

I'm just a feeble girlie and I can easily bite through a sausage sandwich - and I cook my sausages just this side of cremation, so they're good and hard.

Maybe your OH could cut your sandwiches into bite-sizes pieces for you, to save you the effort of biting? Shouldn't be a problem, after all, we all know who's the boss in your household :hihi:

Yes, you're getting old and feeble - in other words, your body is now catching up with your brain :hihi:

I'm just a feeble girlie and I can easily bite through a sausage sandwich - and I cook my sausages just this side of cremation, so they're good and hard.

Maybe your OH could cut your sandwiches into bite-sizes pieces for you, to save you the effort of biting? Shouldn't be a problem, after all, we all know who's the boss in your household :hihi:

Youre welcome to bite into my sausage any time you like my girl! In fact I`ll----


Damn.. family forum...

I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was in the Army.
When I got back to the Sergeant's Mess after the op I could barely open my mouth, and it was steak on for dinner.
The chef had a new toy and offered to mince the steak up for me.
Got carried away and did the chips and veg too. For days I ate nothing but small piles of different coloured minced stuff.
Maybe the OH could do the same for you?

I see it as a matter of pride that I can bite through anything. (http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/Doppler1/Pic022.jpg) so the thought of having to have my food diced up... frankly scares me.

Plus.. the Oh... she`ll take the wee-wee summink cronik!

Maybe you could get your OH to chew it for you :hihi:

Maybe you could get your OH to chew it for you :hihi:

Kinky!


MARRY ME!

If l remember correctly you have a cat. Ask the cat to chew it first,

If l remember correctly you have a cat. Ask the cat to chew it first,

Yeah like hes gonna spit it out!

The greedy little git never chews- he could swallow a bus whole if it was made of meat!

The problem with your butty is the tomatoes. They soften the bread which slips and caused you to lose your firm manly grip on your sausage. That with the combination of tougher sausage skins causes chaos.
The trick is to prick your sausage in several places along it's length which perforates the skin. This means you can easily tear off a chunk of meat with your gnashers and not lose that firm grip on your bread.:D

I think you must have an inferior sausage Jabs! I only like to gobble the very finest sausage myself.

The problem with your butty is the tomatoes. They soften the bread which slips and caused you loose your firm manly grip on your sausage. That with the combination of tougher sausage skins causes chaos.
The trick is to prick your sausage in several places along it's length which perforates the skin. This means you can easily tear off a chunk of meat with your gnashers and not lose that firm grip on your bread.:D

I must say that my bread DID disintigrate pretty quickly, but I thought that was down to the copious amounts of drool I emit when theres food in the vicinity.
I try not to drink before a meal so my droolage turns into those thick strands- like the ones you see dangling from some doggies jaws, but I didnt know she was making food until I smelled the delicious odour of charcoaled cat wafting through the house.
He tends to climb into the oven, bless him and the OH cant be bothered to turf him out.

Im not sure if she`d be happy pricking sausages, shes rather fond of... well, ANYTHING that looks remotely like a winky and I dont think she`d be happy harming one unduly.

Unless its mine of course, then she`ll happily put the boot in like a good `un.

I cut the sausage lengthways, last longer and easier to digest

I think you must have an inferior sausage Jabs! I only like to gobble the very finest sausage myself.

Dont make me start getting sausage envy!

I cut the sausage lengthways, last longer and easier to digest

Thats what she does. Theyre still like leather though.

Thats what she does. Theyre still like leather though.

I ate one like that with melted cheese and that seemed to soften up the sausage

I ate one like that with melted cheese and that seemed to soften up the sausage

The thought of cheese, melted or otherwise on my sausage apalls me! I like my sausage to be in pristine condition, even the tomato on it makes me shudder a little.
As for brown sauce... I... just... ugh. A sausage should never be saucy!

Closes his eyes and winces in pain: well maybe you could try the veggie sausages, they’re easier to bite, not very meaty though. But at your age you may need to be looking after the little ticker

Closes his eyes and winces in pain: well maybe you could try the veggie sausages, they’re easier to bite, not very meaty though. But at your age you may need to be looking after the little ticker

Veggie--

You expect ME! The mighty Jabberwock, the top predator, the king of carnivores to eat... to eat...
Plants?

Why I---


Hang on a sec- WADDYA MEAN AT MY AGE?!?!?!?

Im only 47 and I have the body of a 21 year old, (in my cellar) I had a complete physical last year and my carcasse is disgustingly fit and healthy!

God, that made me so angry that I almost tripped over my zimmer frame. I mean... skipping rope.
Yeah skipping rope.

I almost tripped over my skipping rope...


sounds plausable to me.

yeahhhh

Do you lift weights with your sausage. There's a man in India that can lift a pile of bricks with his!

Do you lift weights with your sausage. There's a man in India that can lift a pile of bricks with his!

I would venture that the sausage was strong enough to lift quite a considerable mass without bending.

I bet a vegetarians sausage wouldnt be as powerful though.

Nuke the sausage in the microwave first (like I do) then finish it off in the frying pan, but don't forget to toss it first :heyhey:

Get your OH to give your sausage a good beating with a meat tenderiser or even stick it in a blender - won't help your butty problem but you won't care anymore :D

I know it's verging on the impossible with the subject matter at hand, but please at least pretend you're trying to keep it clean.

I know it's verging on the impossible with the subject matter at hand, but please at least pretend you're trying to keep it clean.

Implying that this thread is somehow... bordering on crude!

As if I would have ANYTHING to do with innuendos!!!!!



heh heh

I had to have a sausage sandwich when I got home last night because of this thread! I managed to bite through mine..... I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing though :suspect:

KTHFB what flavour was it, when I lived in England I loved that tomato sausage :love:
Over here they have lots of flavours but not that good old tomato sausage I used to love.